Possibility: Bright, Shiny Future
by Mystic83
Summary: COMPLETE! Bright, shiny futures were overrated in Kara Thrace’s mind. KL, AU Story like always.
1. Chapter 1

Lee Adama did his best to concentrate on the drink in front of him and not on the pretty blonde down at the other end of the bar. He was supposed to be getting some r & r on the _Rising Star_. It was the only place to grab a few moments away from the military life, and that's just what he needed right now. Even if it meant you had to be shoulder to shoulder with a thousand other people, downtime was still a good thing.

What wasn't a good thing was the fact that the blonde was openly staring at him.

Lee wasn't an idiot. He knew that he was an attractive man. Since he was of legal age and even a little before then, he had been going into bars and attracting all kinds of interesting attention. Those were back in the days where he was allowed to give attention back. Now, among other things, he was the last Commander of the only Air Group in the Twelve Colonies. CAGs weren't allowed to have fun like that.

Lee shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Right now, it was the "other things" that were driving him to seek out the bottom of a bottle of ambrosia. His father, the Commander, had just informed him that the number of pilots they had was unacceptable. It seems William Adama had gotten it in his crazy head on top of being the CAG and the best pilot Galactica had, not to mention President Roslin's personal military advisor, Lee was now going to be a certified baby-sitter for the rejects the Fleet never wanted.

Opening his eyes, Lee let out a sigh and motioned to the bartender for another. The burly looking man shook his head and held out a beer for Lee to take. When Lee raised his eyebrows in question, the bartender cocked his head down to the end of the bar the blonde was sitting at. Everything would have been all right if Lee could only have given her a small salute of the bottle as a thank you. Then it would have been over.

Trouble was, the blonde wasn't there anymore. It must have taken the bartender awhile to snap Lee out of his thoughts.

"Looking for someone in particular, flyboy?"

Lee felt himself cringe. He knew her voice would be the husky kind that called for a man's attention. HE would be damned if he was going to let her see him shiver, though. "Some nice woman bought me a drink, and I wanted to thank her," Lee whispered back.

The woman gave him a small shrug and smiled. "I wouldn't thank her too quickly. She might be trying to liquor you up so she can have her way with you later."

Lee chuckled while motioned for the blonde to take a seat. "She wouldn't do that."

"Too bad. Because I sure as frak would." She motioned for the bartender to bring over another round of ambrosia and then turned to him. "Kara Thrace."

Lee narrowed his eyes. He had heard that name before.

"And you are?"

"Lee."

"Got a last name, tiger?"

"Lee Adama," Lee said, still smiling at her even though he knew he shouldn't.

"That name sounds familiar."

"You've probably heard of one of my family members. They're all over this Fleet."

Kara set her drink down with a little too much force. "So, let me lay this out for you. I've been giving you my 'come frak me' eyes for over an hour now. You've noticed, and yet you didn't come over. Are you rejecting me or playing hard to get?"

"I can't get tangled up in something like that," Lee said, matching her bluntness.

"You don't have an hour to spare?"

Lee shook his head, recognizing what he was about to say would not be good while still knowing he was going to say it anyways. "I have a shuttle to catch in three hours, and it would take me at least that long." Kara's eyes went wide, and he saw her struggling to swallow. "Not used to someone being as direct as you?"

"Not used to it being a turn-on," Kara answered, quirking an eyebrow. She looked him over with a steady gaze, her eyes lingering on the dog tags hanging around his neck. "Where the heck did a guy like you come from, flyboy?"

"Galactica. Before that, it was Atlantia. Before Atlantia was Picon for training. Lastly, Caprica."

Kara gave him a small toast before slamming down her glass again. "I can relate." She held up her fingers. "Caprica. Leonis. Geminon. Aerelon. Leonis. Picon. Some shithole of a military outpost. Tauron. Picon. Caprica. I was living on Caprica for about six years before the attacks."

"It must have made you stir crazy to be in one place," Lee observed.

"It was actually a nice change of pace." Kara smiled at him. "Look at us, flyboy. We're actually in a bar having a honest to goodness conversation about something not involving where my room is and how quickly you can get the job done."

"I told you I don't have time for that," Lee teased. "And would you stop calling me flyboy?"

"Is it a derogatory term?"

"Most of the time, yes."

"And this time?"

"This time, it's a turn-on," Lee said, echoing the words she had used only minutes earlier. Someone yelled Kara's name, and Lee took the momentary distraction to look her over. He had been right to think what looked pretty from far away looked downright dangerous close up. From the soft, smooth nape of her neck down to the sinfully low-cut top, she was screaming pure sex. And gods didn't he want to be the one to give it to her.

Lee had been painfully aware of the complete lack of a sex life he had now that he was one of the leaders of the Fleet. The CAG couldn't have a relationship with the pilots under his command, and he didn't have the time to even speak with anyone who wasn't a pilot, let alone think about fraking them.

"If you're really looking for a quick frak, you shouldn't bother with charming me," Lee blurted out as Kara caught him staring.

"Who said I was looking for a quick frak?"

"You did actually."

Kara shook her head. "You assumed, flyboy."

"You said you were trying to get me drunk so you could have your way with me," Lee reminded.

"And I meant it," Kara smirked. "Only I'm not looking for some faceless guy to get me off." She let that sink in before leaning over to whisper, "It's you specifically that I'm looking to frak, Lee."

Lee hated the way his name sounded so right coming off her lips. He also hated the way his body couldn't help but respond to her. He really wished that he was irresponsible enough to give this woman what she wanted. He would drag her by her hair to the nearest hotel room and pound into her like there was no tomorrow if only he didn't have to start training those damn nuggets in the morning.

"Seriously, Kara, I'm not that fun to be around tonight. My brother says I tend to depress people if they spend more than a few minutes with me."

"Five and counting," Kara said, looking at the clock over the bar, "and I am far from being sad that I'm sitting beside you. Hell, if nothing else, the skuzzy old men have stopped hitting on me now that I'm talking with you. It must be all those intimidating muscles you have under that uniform."

Lee could feel himself blush as Kara shamelessly gave his body a once over. They needed a change of topic before the energy between them got even warmer. "So, Kara Thrace, what's a girl like you doing on a ship like this?"

"Ending a chapter in my life and beginning a new one," she said cryptically. "How about you?"

"Drowning the sorrows of taking on yet another responsibility that will probably end up getting people killed."

"Sounds like fun."

"Sounds like we need another round." Lee motioned for the bartender to come over.

"So obviously you're a pilot."

"I fly Vipers on Galactica."

"I heard boys with Vipers are the best of the best. Lots of… stamina."

"Everyone has a skill," Lee whispered.

Later, he would tell himself that he was simply reaching out to order them another round. He didn't mean to stumble off his chair and have to use the bar and Kara's body for support. He didn't mean to moan slightly at the feel of her skin against his. He certainly didn't mean to pull in her close in order to kiss her with a passion he didn't know he still possessed.

It really should have been short and sweet, just a light touch. He only wanted to know what it was like. The second he tasted her lips, though, there was no chance of letting go.

Kara was tense at first, surprised that Lee had made the first move, but soon her mouth fell open with a soft sigh. Without warning, her tongue glided out to taste him, and he could feel a sudden pulsing need to forget that he was the CAG, forget that he was the Commander's son, and just show this woman how exactly he got his call sign. A chuckle escaped his lips as he realized she didn't even know they called him Apollo.

Lee's hands worked up her arms to cup her cheeks. It was a move that was supposed to be help slow things done. Instead it came out fierce and dominating. His strength was the only thing holding her still while he moved over her mouth.

She clung to him desperately as he tilted her head to gain better access. His hands fell from her cheeks as he rotated their bodies up against the bar. He groaned against his lips as he settled himself in between her legs. Only a few layers of clothing separated him from finally finding a release with the most fraking beautiful woman he had seen in years.

"Get off the bar." The bartender's growl made Lee snap back into reality. He practically had Kara on top of the bar, and… oh frak. His hand was definitely up her shirt. That alcohol must have went straight to his brain.

"Frak me," Kara said, letting out a small giggle. Her hand came up to feel her already swollen lips. "I guess you weren't kidding when you said it would take you hours to do that properly."

"I wish I had time for it," Lee said. His eyes glanced down at the folder he had left on the bar seconds earlier. The papers were now spread out and there were a few places that had gotten soaked with alcohol. Good thing these weren't the official copies.

"You brought your work to the bar?" Kara exclaimed. "How cute!"

She made a move to grab the papers, but Lee's hand stopped her. "Those are confidential documents." He thought she'd put up a fight. She seemed like the type of girl who would fight everything you said or did. Much to his surprise, she gave him a nod of understanding and sat back in the chair.

"So how much time do you have left, Lee?" She asked even though she knew the answer was none at all.

Lee was about to speak when someone yelled out Kara's name again. This time, Lee could see the large group of people motioning at her. "That's my cue to pack it up," Kara groaned. "I have to sober up by morning."

"I thought you were on the prowl tonight."

Kara gave him a sly smile. "I was. I caught myself a flyboy." She leaned in and gave him one long, lingering kiss that was as slow as the first one was fast. "Next time you have a full night off, look me up. Most people in this Fleet know my name. It won't be that hard to find me."

Lee watched her walk over to her friends, and for the first time, he noticed the group of people she was with. His heart froze as he suddenly remembered where he had heard her name before. Looking down at his roster of nuggets, it was right there between Louanne Katraine and Conner McCrathy.

Kara Thrace, the most promising nugget his father had lined up for him. She even had a call sign already. Starbuck, whatever the frak that meant.

Lee tried to shake off the alcohol as he looked back at the door in time to see Kara give him a wink before stepping out in the corridor. He was in so much fraking trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara stepped off the Raptor that had shuttled her over from the _Rising Star_, her home of the past couple weeks, and took a good look at her new home. It was as rusty and worn-down as everyone said. She had to admit that was part of the attraction.

She hadn't hesitated to submit her name when the rumor of Galactica's desperate need for pilots reached her ears. Living on that luxury liner while people were out there dying to keep the remnants of humanity safe just didn't seem fair. Plus, Kara had never been the type of girl to just sit back and let others do the dirty work. Anyway, it wasn't like her old job was going to be taking her places anymore.

Kara's eyes landed on a Viper Mark VII and sighed. For the only time in her life, being her mother's daughter had come in handy. She was pretty sure without the basic knowledge she had of these birds and how to fly them, her application wouldn't have been accepted. She glanced over at the two other nuggets who had rode over to the Big Ship with her. They looked like they were starting their first day of primary school. "Don't act like you're scared shitless," Kara hissed, offering them advice they didn't ask for. The two young kids nodded, but their demeanor didn't change. Kara shut her eyes and prayed to the gods that the rest of the new class of pilots wasn't as hopeless.

Her silent devotion was interrupted by a sudden exclamation. "Holy frak!" The words echoed through the busy hangar bay, and Kara looked around to see if something had blown up.

A deckhand, obviously the one who had screamed, stumbled over to her side. "You're fraking Kara Thrace."

"Yeah, I am," Kara said. She should probably be used to this by now. "I'd offer to sign your hand or something, but my autograph isn't worth shit since the world ended."

"You're Kara Thrace," the deckhand repeated.

"Have been for twenty-eight years," Kara smirked.

"The Kara Thrace?"

"Is there another?" The deckhand kept looking at her, and she could feel herself grow uncomfortable. The rest of the hangar bay personnel were starting to stare. "Is there something I can do for you…" Her voice trailed off as she realized she had no fraking clue who this guy was.

"Zak." He thrust his hand into hers and started shaking it vigorously. "Oh frak. I cannot believe I'm talking to the Kara Thrace. You are the best pyramid player to come out of Caprica in over five hundred years."

"That was just some stupid blurb in _Caprican Life_," Kara insisted.

"You scored seven goals in your playoff against Aerelon this year."

"I had a good day. Plus their defense is pure shit."

Zak finally let go of her hand and shook his head. "What the frak are you doing on Galactica?"

"I'm training to be a pilot," Kara informed him. She looked around to see her fellow nuggets had disappeared and sighed. "Would you be so kind as to tell me how I could get the Briefing Room? I think I'm late."

Zak's eyes went wide. Motioning Kara to follow him, he took off in a walking sprint. "My brother is going to kill you if you're late on the first day."

"Your brother?"

"He's the one assigned to teach you how to fly, and he does not like people who are late."

Kara rolled her eyes as she continued to rush after this Zak guy. It sounded like her instructor was going to be some tight ass pilot who wouldn't know the word fun if it bit him on the ass. Maybe she had been wrong to step up and do her part for humanity.

Zak paused at an open hatch and winced. He could already hear Lee lecturing. "Listen, Kara. There's a triad game in one of the break rooms later tonight. Come down to the hangar and find me if you want to join in. Maybe I can help you drown your sorrows from the dressing down you're about to get."

Kara gave him a smile. "Thanks, Zak."

"Anything for Kara Thrace."

Kara rolled her eyes and stepped into the room. She was just noticing that the voice lecturing sounded awfully familiar when the whole room turned to stare at her. "Sorry, I'm late," she said, taking one of the open seats in the front. She wasn't about to offer more explanation than that. "Carry o-"

Her voice cut off as she locked eyes with the man in charge of teaching her how to be a Viper pilot. To his credit, Lee Adama only flinched for a moment. "Glad you could join us, Thrace."

Kara gave him a small nod, which was all she could really manage.

Halfway through Lee's opening lecture, Kara had decided it made sense. She had the bad habit of making a fraking fool out of herself. Going at it with your flight instructor on top of a bar was pretty much her style. Though, to be honest, she was pretty sure every female nugget in the room was thinking about doing the exact same thing. The only problem was she had actually done it in real life, and that was going to make it oh so hard to quit.

Kara was amazed that she had only caught Lee staring at her a few times during his lecture, and even then, a quick wink got him to turn away. It was almost like he had been prepared to see her. She didn't even want to think about the all kinds of wrong their little encounter took on if Lee knew she was going to be one of his students.

They went through most of the basic flight maneuvers, and Kara was shocked that she was the only student in the room who actually knew what they was doing. The rest were still stuck on the four basics of flight. She was surprised that these Academy washouts and frak-ups weren't working harder at their second chance.

"McCrathy and Patchett, you'll report to the hangar tomorrow morning to start your Raptor training. Perry, Katraine, Constanza, Thrace, Fox, Saunders, you're on Vipers."

"Who's going to be teaching us?" the young guy next to Kara asked.

"Who's going to be teaching us, _sir_," Lee corrected. He had to hold back a laugh as Kara rolled her eyes. "That would be me. We don't have simulators on Galactica so tomorrow you all will be flying hot for the first time. If this scares you shitless, you have sixteen hours to get over it. Dismissed."

Kara was picking up her bag in order to get ready to search for her designated bunkroom when she heard Lee call out. "Thrace, hang back. I need to talk with you." She dropped her bag and slouched down into the seat again. This should be good.

As the last nugget in her row pushed past, she leaned over to hiss, "You already made the CAG mad. That has to be some kind of record."

Kara searched her mind until she came up with the name Katraine. If they were on the pyramid pitch, little miss Katraine there would be on a stretcher with a broken nose and two black eyes by now. Kara had been infamous for the issues she had holding on to a pyramid ball when she was angry. She couldn't help it if the loose ball tended to break appendages of the other team. Luckily for Katraine, this was her first day and there were no pyramid balls in sight.

Lee walked to the back of the briefing room and shut the hatch door once all the other nuggets were gone. Kara watched him settle into place in front of the chair she was slouched in and realized he was giving her his '_I mean business'_ face.

He watched her in silence a few more seconds before sighing. "If you're serious about being a pilot, you can't be late like that, Thrace."

Her vision blurred red as his unexpected words cut her to the core. She had expected a lecture on why they could never talk about what happened on the _Rising Star_. She had not expected that. Kara leaped out of the seat, immediately putting herself into his face. "Wait a fraking second! Who ever said I wasn't serious?"

"The Colonial Military is not some little past time for you to pick up because you're bored. We have a structure here that we follow because it keeps people safe. If you're not prepared to commit to that, I can get you a Raptor shuttle right back to where you came from."

Kara narrowed her eyes at him. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

Lee was taken aback by her sudden use of the standard military protocol for a discussion with a superior officer, but he managed a small nod anyway. "Permission granted."

"You're being an asshole." Kara's whole face lit up into a wide grin when she saw Lee's jaw drop open and his eyes go wide in surprise. "I have been on this ship for maybe an hour and a half, and you've already decided that this is just a whim for me. I bet you didn't even think twice about the reason I decided to enlist. You just chose to judge me on the spot, and frak everything else. I understand where you're coming from, but that doesn't mean you have a right to treat me like shit."

Lee clenched his teeth until he felt the anger subside a little. "I am just trying to get you accustomed to the way you have to live now. Things aren't as glamorous and fun as you're probably used to on the _Rising Star_."

"The _Rising Star_ wasn't that great," Kara hissed. "Besides, I'm not some prissy, rich girl that was on a family-paid vacation when the Cylons attacked, and I wasn't sitting around in luxury while we were running for our lives. There were things that needed to be done even if you're not on this ship, basic survival things. The Galactica might protect us, but she does not keep this Fleet running all on her own. So don't start trying to shove me into some little stereotype you've cooked up because I can tell you right now, it won't fraking fit."

"That's an interesting theory, you have," Lee growled.

"It's about as _interesting_ as your little theory that this is all a game to me."

"You've done nothing to prove otherwise."

Kara crossed her arms in front of her body and gave Lee the sweetest smile she could muster. "I've only had ninety minutes, sir. Maybe you should give me a little time before deciding I'm a frak-up that you need to wash out."

"Who's talking about washing you out?" Lee demanded.

"You will be in the next couple days. It's a logical progression. First, you discredit my reasons for being here. Then you attack my flying skills. Finally, you convince everyone that I don't have the chops to be protecting the Fleet. I'm washed out and you have one less problem to deal with."

"Now who's stereotyping?"

They stood in silence, glaring at one another, for a few minutes before Kara recognized she was going about this all wrong. She took a deep breath and tried again. "You know, I could have lived a rather decent life on the _Rising Star_. I could have been comfortable up until the moment we made the wrong move and the Cylons caught up to us." Kara hardened her gaze as she continued to stare Lee down. "I chose not to. I gave up the promise of not having to worry about one fraking thing to come on this ship and take on the burden of all the worries left in this world. I chose to do that not because I had something to prove to myself or to anyone else. I'm here because it's the right thing to do. I was late today, and I apologize for that, but I need you to know that I am committed to doing this. This," she gestured wildly, "is pretty much all I have left."

Lee regarded her for a moment in wonder before shaking his head and taking one of the seats in the front row. He had a feeling he was taking on a handful of trouble that he didn't need right now, but somehow he didn't doubt she was sincere. If this was really what she wanted to do, it was his job to make it happen for her. "So why were you late, anyways?"

"I was talking to a deckhand in the hangar bay." Something Zak said suddenly popped into Kara's head, and she smiled. "I believe he was your brother, sir." The look on Lee's face as he groaned said it all. "I take it Zak is your _younger_ brother?"

"How'd you guess?" Lee said as he rubbed his forehead where a headache was already starting to pop up.

"That was the groan of a man who's had to look after someone for years." Kara slid into the seat next to Lee. "So, tell me, Captain Adama, how did two brothers get stationed on the same ship? I thought that was a big no-no in the military."

"Zak and I weren't members of Galactica before the Cylons attacked. I was stationed on Atlantia, and he was on Solaria."

"So how the frak did you end up here?"

"There was a decommissioning ceremony that we were required to attend."

"I remember hearing about that," Kara said, nodding. "So why were you two given the honor of attending?"

"Well, when your father is the Commander of the ship being retired, it's more a requirement than an honor."

Kara let out a laugh at how dense she was. She knew the Commander's name was William Adama, but she had never put two and two together to wonder if maybe he had some connection to the man she had met at a ritzy bar in the sky. "So you two got pulled into the ceremony because of the Old Man and now you're stuck here? That sucks."

Lee was about to tell her how much it really did suck when he realized how completely inappropriate this conversation was. Kara was one of the nuggets he was in charge of training. She wasn't some girl in a bar who had bought him a couple drinks. He shouldn't be talking about this personal life with her. Clearing his throat, he stood up and walked to the podium. "I think that will be all, Thrace. You're dismissed."

The insult of being abruptly pushed aside without another thought made Kara want to lash out again. Knowing that would not be the best idea, she tightened her fists and stalked over to the hatchway. She was about to open the door when something occurred to her, and she walked over to the podium. "So we're not going to talk about what happened on the _Rising Star_?"

Lee looked up from his reports and shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, it never happened."

Kara narrowed her eyes and looked him over for a moment. "Good."

"Good," he said, returning to his reports.

Kara made it almost to the hatchway before he called out, "Don't forget that you have training runs in the morning." She decided if he told her not to be late, she was definitely going to end up punching him.

Luckily, Lee stayed silent and Kara walked out into the corridor. As she made her way to the general area where the bunkrooms were located, she did her best not to dwell on the fact that she was extremely pissed off at her CAG for brushing her aside like that. She had figured Lee would want to talk about what happened between them the day before, maybe even going as far as to point out all the reasons why it was wrong. She had never expected him to just pretend like it never happened.

She didn't even want to start wondering _why_ it made her so angry. That was not a place she needed to be going, not on her first day.


	3. Chapter 3

"Constanza, straighten out your wings," Lee instructed. He groaned as he watched the young nugget correct his Viper too much and started drifting the opposite way. He wasn't going to coddle them, though, so he let it go. "That was a good attack run except you forgot the most crucial part of the exercise. You left your leader behind in order to get the kill. The glory of doing that will only feel good for the few seconds you have before you die. Nuggets, that is rule number one. Never leave your leader. They are the leader for a reason. They know what's going on at every corner and they know it from every angle. Stick with the leader and you have a good chance of staying alive. Do you understand?"

Lee waited until he heard the majority of his students answer. "Thrace, Katraine, I want you two to try the Hades Ring maneuver we were talking about yesterday. Remember to keep it tight and watch out for the other guy."

Lee heard a chipper confirmation from Kat and an not-so-happy growl from Starbuck as he watched them start the maneuver. He probably would have scolded any of the other nuggets if they had given him such attitude over the comms, but in this situation, he could sympathize. They had been flying for over three hours now with Lee rattling off random flight patterns for them to try in order to get a feel for the cockpit. Most of the nuggets completed them, although it was far from textbook perfect. There were a few light scrapes and even a small moment where he thought he might actually lose one of his students.

Throughout it all, there was one constant. Starbuck flew as if she had been doing it for years. He asked her to do a maneuver. She performed it damn near perfect. He was on the verge of asking her to do more advanced maneuvers with him and probably would have if it didn't leave the rest of the nuggets unprotected.

Kat's voice cut through his thoughts, and Lee realized that they were done with the maneuver. "Anything else you want to throw at us, sir?"

Lee cleared his throat. This was getting a little out of hand. "Can anyone tell me why Kat has no reason to sound so cocky?"

He waited for a moment until Saunders answered. "Because her last turn was a little shaky and she doesn't seem to have a feel for the thrusters yet, sir."

"Very good." Lee glanced over at the Viper flying in perfect sync next to him. He had no fraking clue how she was holding that thing so steady this early in her training. "Thrace, maybe you can shed a little more light onto this topic."

He could practically see her hesitation as Kara tried to think up a nice way to say what he was asking her to. "Sir, you've had me paired up with Kat on all the maneuvers."

"What the frak is that supposed to mean, Starbuck?" Kat demanded. "Did they not teach you the concept of wingmen on that pyramid pitch?"

"Katraine, you would be wise to stay quiet while your wingman is speaking. You might learn something," Apollo scolded. "Now, what were you saying, Thrace?"

"All I meant is I don't think Kat would have done as well if she was paired up with someone else."

Lee could hear Kat growl a low 'frak you' over her comm. "Watch your mouth, Katraine."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know where she gets off saying those things."

"Tomorrow's lesson is going to be on self-evaluation. You could all use the practice," Lee said, already thinking up what he could teach them. "Thrace is right about you, Kat. Your flying has been outstanding for a first run, but it's nowhere near the level it needs to be if you want to be a permanent fixture on Galactica. I'm going to switch up the wingman assignments to see if Thrace's theory is correct."

"Can I volunteer myself to replace Kat?" Constanza asked.

"Someone's got a crush," Perry taunted.

"He just knows he needs the help," Kara interjected.

"I don't need your fraking help," Constanza hissed, instantly on the defensive. "I just thought you might want to fly with a real pilot for once."

"I am going to kick your ass when we get back on the ground," Kat threatened.

"All right, nuggets. Settle down. I want you to do one last run and then we can call it a day. This one involves keeping your nose up off-" Lee's voice cut off as multiple dots suddenly popped up on the screen in front of him. "Frak!" he yelled. "Galactica, we have multiple contacts." He could hear the sounds of the nuggets buzzing in his ear as he desperately figured out what could be done. The alert fighters were probably already mid-launch, but he had taken his students far away from the Fleet to protect it in case there was an accident. They wouldn't have help for at least the next few minutes. "Nuggets, turn it around and head for home. That is an order so do not argue with me."

Lee didn't get any words of confirmation, but he did watch the Vipers around him turn tail and thrust across the sky. "Keep it together and whatever you do, do not let up on the thrust until you feel Galactica underneath your bird." Closing his eyes, he took one last breath before flipping his Viper on its nose. He stared down the eight approaching Raiders. There were seven of the normal variety and one that looked like it was hopped up on stims. He had never seen anything like it before. Lee pushed that thought to the side. There wasn't time to be analyzing the new ship right now. He had to focus on what he knew. He could take out at least half of them before things got too tough. He just hoped the nuggets stayed focused and got themselves back to the ship.

Lee immediately focused in on the ship he had never seen before. As curious as he was to take a closer look, he knew he couldn't let it get out of this battle unscathed. That which you don't know is all the more dangerous.

It wasn't easy, but Lee kept his head in the game and took out the larger Raider and one of the normal-size ones within the first few moments of battle. The element of surprise seemed to be on his side. He had his sites set on a third when it blew up by itself. He looked on in confusion as a Viper buzzed over his cockpit and took on another enemy ship. "What the frak are you doing, Thrace?"

"I'm not letting you commit suicide," she growled as she spun her ship into an attack spiral.

"You need to get back to Galactica before you get yourself killed."

"I need to stay here because you're going to get yourself killed," she corrected, shooting down another Raider. "They're already half gone, Captain."

Lee realized she was right. It had only been about twenty seconds and the enemy force was already cut in half. He had no idea how the frak Kara was piloting her ship in combat. This was supposed to be the first time she had taken one in the air.

"You do realize when we get back, I'm going to have to throw you in hack for disobeying orders." Lee turned his Viper on end and took out two more Raiders.

"Looking forward to it, sir," she yelled.

Lee was about to respond when he watched the seventh Raider explode. A large chunk of its front head winged out to clip Kara's Viper, and smoke filled the air. "Starbuck, report," Apollo shouted. There was no response and he watched her ship slowly glide down toward the moon below. A faint buzzing rang in his ear, giving him enough time to lessen the impact as the last Raider fired on him. His cockpit lights flickered, but Lee ignored them. He had about ten seconds to kill this toaster if he wanted to keep sight of Kara's falling Viper. If he lost her, then there was no way to figure out where she had landed.

It took him three seconds to get a lock and five more to fire the missiles, but the job was done. The sky was clear of everything except Cylon debris.

Lee watched his panel flicker again and realized that his Viper was probably about to shutdown. Groaning at the idea of losing his Mark VII, he spiraled down to pull up parallel to the other falling Viper. "Starbuck, can you hear me?" There was still no answer.

Lee did the only thing he could. He talked her though the landing even though he knew she couldn't respond. There was a small chance that she could still hear him. He watched her Viper make a shaky entrance into the atmosphere and realized this was probably the best landing he had ever seen come out of a damaged bird. He dropped his ship in next to her and let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Galactica, Apollo. Starbuck and I have landed on the surface of the moon." His only response was dead air. "Repeat, we are on the surface of the moon." There was still no response, and Lee wondered if maybe it was _his_ comm that had been damaged.

Lee activated the emergency beacon on his Viper, even though he was pretty sure that was down, too. Sighing, he pushed the cockpit hatch open and slowly lowered himself to the ground, using the Viper wing as support. He was impressed to see Starbuck doing the same. Reaching into the small survival pack he had taken from the cockpit, he pulled out the atmosphere tester.

"Anything good?" Kara asked coming up next to him.

"Absolutely nothing," Lee said, throwing the tube to the ground. He looked down at her air gauge and then at his own. "We both have about an hour oxygen left. We either need to find a way off this planet or hope that my distress beacon somehow makes it through all this dust."

"Couldn't you just fly back up to the big ship and tell them the coordinates of where I am?"

"My Viper's out for the count just like yours," Lee stated. "I took a small hit and it seems to have shorted out most of the basic systems."

"So what the frak do we do now?"

"Now we move."

Lee trudged along the rocky sands of the moon, making sure that Kara was right behind him. He really didn't know where they were going. He just knew it wouldn't be wise to stay in this exact spot which the Cylons could easily track. Small circles around the downed Vipers should give them a feel for the area while keeping them close in case Galactica sent help. They walked in silence for about ten minutes before the quiet got to be too much for Lee to handle. "Why did you disobey my orders, Thrace?"

Kara jogged the few steps to walk side by side with him. "You said not to leave the leader."

"I also said don't disobey orders."

"Can't you just be grateful that I saved your ass?" she asked.

"You did not save my ass!" Lee cried. "If anything, you distracted me even more."

"You cannot tell me you actually thought you could take out eight Raiders all by yourself."

"I've taken out six in the past."

"Six is not eight," Kara pointed out.

Lee was about to keep arguing with her when his eyes caught on something metallic and shiny. He pulled Kara to the ground immediately. "Did you see that?" he said after a moment.

"The big Cylon ship? Yeah, I think so." Kara paused as they both peeked over the ridge of the sand dune. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That we take out whatever's in there that runs the machine and figure out a way to fly it back to the Fleet?"

"I was thinking set it on fire as one really fraking big distress call," Kara admitted, "but I think your plan might be better."

Lee rolled his eyes and started moving forward. "Pray to the gods that the Cylons put in oxygen units on their ship because otherwise we're going to have to get that thing up in the air in under ten minutes."

Kara's heart froze as the reality of the situation finally sunk in. This wasn't a little joyride down to the surface of the moon. They were stranded with no hope of getting home. Home didn't even know where they were. Kara was about to start the lengthy process of full-on panic when Lee started asking her questions about the basics of flight. He claimed he was trying to think up a way they could fly this thing, but she knew he was just doing his job. She was just another nugget about to freak out from the pressure of it all.

"Kara, I asked what the four basic controls were," Lee shouted.

"Power, pitch, yaw, and roll," Kara rattled off as they reached the Raider. It wouldn't hit her until later that Lee had used her first name for the first time since the _Rising Star _incident that never happened.


	4. Chapter 4

With only a small amount of effort, Kara and Lee managed to locate the damage to the Heavy Raider and get themselves sealed into the ship tight enough that not one molecule of oxygen could escape. They were lucky that the Raider hadn't powered itself down upon impact with the moon's surface. Kara unlocked the collar of her flight helmet and slid it off. She couldn't help but take a deep breath of the cool air surrounding her.

"It's going to get hot in here soon."

Lee's voice drew her eyes to where he stood. He was in front of what she guessed were the main controls, looking rather confused. He had already taken off his helmet and pulled his flight suit down onto his hips.

A wave of desire hit her in the pit of her stomach, and Kara had to shake her head to make it go away. She slid the top of her own suit down and walked over to stand beside Lee. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Nope," Lee said, smirking.

"Great. Just fraking great." Kara reached out to tap on a large piece of metal in the ship's wall. The Raider shuttered around them.

Lee's hand came up to push hers away, and he shook his head. "Do not touch anything unless I say you can. You're still a nugget here."

Kara stared at him a moment before punching the same spot in the wall in defiance. This time the ship moved a few inches off the ground before slamming down. Her eyes went wide as she looked over at Lee. "I think I just found yaw."

"Great. Now we just have to punch our way back to the Fleet," Lee teased.

Kara ignored him. "So that's two out of four."

"Let's go for number three." Lee looked over the controls for a moment before pushing on a particular slimy looking part. The whole ship shuddered as a missile was fired.

Kara instinctively flung her arms around her head. She only stopped cowering when Lee's laughter cut through the air. "Something funny, Captain?" she asked.

"I think I just proved why there's a good reason we don't go around poking and prodding foreign enemy ships. I'm not even going to get into what punching could do."

Kara glared at him before kicking the bottom of the panel. The Raider shifted slightly to the left and then the right to correct. "Pitch," she said smugly.

"You've proven your point." Lee pushed her out of the way. "But I don't think your method is going to get us roll."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you've kicked and punched every part of this panel now. Roll isn't there." Lee sighed and leaned down to look underneath the small metal overhang that vaguely resembled a Raptor's control panel. "This could take a while."

"We've already been on this planet for over an hour and a half," Kara said, sitting down and tucking her legs under her body. "The Fleet's not going to wait around forever."

"My father and brother are up there."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"They won't leave me unless there's no other choice."

Kara thought that over for a moment. The implications of having the Commander's son stranded on this moon hadn't even occurred to her. Things like family weren't a normal part of her life so she tended to forget about how strong those kind of ties could be. "It sounds like you have a nice little situation here at the end of the world as we know it."

"Looks can be deceiving," Lee groaned as he tried to pry a metal panel off the underside of the controls.

Kara desperately wanted to ask what that was supposed to mean, but she knew she had no right. It wasn't her right to pry into the personal life of the man trying to make her into a proper pilot. Plus, Lee had already established this insane need to push her out of his life, and she hadn't even asked him to let her in. Figuring thoughts like that weren't going to get her saved, Kara turned her mind to other things and took another look around the ship they were currently in. "This place smells like crap," she hissed.

Lee let out a small chuckle. "At least we can breathe in the crap."

"Your positive outlook kills me." The ship returned to silence for a moment, and Kara suddenly found the whole situation incredibly surreal. Three weeks ago, she was one of the most high-profile pyramid players in the Twelve Colonies and now she was only a lowly nugget stuck on a distant moon with one of the most high-profile military captains in what was left of the Twelve Colonies.

"So, Thrace, tell me how you got to know so much about flying," Lee said as he continued to work.

"What do you mean?"

"You outflew every single one of your classmates and I know you weren't even trying. How the frak did you do that?"

"I listened really well the day before."

Lee rolled out far enough to give her a skeptical look. "Don't make me order you to give away your secrets."

"I was a military brat."

The simple way she said it combined with the innocent way she pushed away the hairs that had fallen from her ponytail made something stir inside Lee. He had honestly thought he could control it. Pushing his physical reaction to the side, Lee's mind shifted to something Kara had said on the night this all began. "You lived on all those colonies."

"My mother was military so I spent a lot of my childhood hanging around the bases. I picked up a few things about how to fly." Lee looked up in time to see a small smile cross her face. "I always had a soft spot for the Vipers. I can't tell you how many nights I would lay in bed unable to sleep. Blueprints of Vipers and breakdowns of maneuvers would run through my head for hours."

"It's more than that," Lee insisted once Kara was done talking.

"What do you mean?"

"You have a natural talent that I really haven't seen before. Flying is in your blood."

Kara didn't know what to say. She barely knew Lee, but she knew that type of compliment wasn't something he bestowed on most people. "I've been doing it for one day, but I already know I love it," she whispered.

Lee paused in his tinkering. "I know the feeling."

Lee wasn't sure what else to say to Kara so he just tried to focus on getting them back to the relative safety of the Fleet. A small amount of swearing from his position underneath the panel was the only noise in the whole ship as uncomfortable silence filled the air between them. He could practically feel roll. It was right on his fingertips.

"There was this mechanic on Tauron who took a liking to me," Kara murmured, lost in the memory of her childhood. "He actually let me sit in the Vipers while he was fixing them. I would practice running all the maneuvers and flight patterns until it was dark out. If Clarry had time, he would even teach me new ones. The best was my sixteenth birthday. He taught me the sequence necessary to do the Athena Roll."

"That's a fairly advanced move," Lee pointed out.

"Clarry had faith in my abilities. He thought I could handle it."

"We'll have to see if that's true."

"What's the supposed to mean?"

Lee was wondering if now was the time to explain when his finger caught on something sharp. "Frak!" His scream echoed through the empty Raider. He pulled himself out from under the controls and began shaking his hand like crazy.

"What did you do?" Kara asked as she scooted over to his side. She pulled his hand in close to take a look. There was a jagged cut along the knuckles and she could see a few bruises already forming. She pulled up the hem of her tanks and pressed it tightly to the wound for a few seconds.

"Ow," Lee hissed as the pressure aggravated the cut.

"Don't be a baby," Kara scolded.

"I'm not," he insisted.

Kara ignored him and peeked underneath the cloth to look at the wound. She swore lightly under her breath. "I still say you shouldn't have been poking around down there."

"You'd prefer to just kick and punch until we either hit the right spot or blow ourselves up?"

"It was working."

"It was a stupid idea."

"Even for a nugget," Kara growled.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's what you weren't saying. I might be a rookie pilot, but I can think through a plan. I've been doing it for six fraking years!"

Lee stared down at his hands as Kara's words cut into him. She was right. He was treating her like shit even after she found them yaw and pitch. He should give her some credit. He chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to figure out a way to apologize without losing the upper hand. She would walk all over him if he didn't do this right.

"Sorry."

As her anger filtered away, Kara pulled the cloth away from Lee's hand again and was happy to see the bleeding had stopped. She moved his fingers into a fist and then back out again and tried to pretend his slight wince didn't give her a tiny bit of pleasure. "I think you're going to live."

"That fraking thing bit me."

"Are you going to cry about it?" Kara asked. She was rewarded with a glare, and for some reason, it made her happy. Happy was never a good thing for Kara. When she was happy, she tended to lose her common sense and do the one thing that could make a situation even worse. This man had served to piss her off more times than she could count in the past few days, and yet here she was, having completely inappropriate thoughts about him. Her team had been right to say she needed to learn some impulse control. Too bad she had never believed them until now. "My father always said that if you kissed the pain, it would go away."

Lee's eyes went wide as Kara traced her finger around the cuts on his knuckles. She couldn't be serious. "You can't be serious."

"It always worked on my scraped knees when I was little." Kara pulled Lee's hand up to her mouth and kissed his knuckles one at a time. She could feel him tense up and begin to shift his weight away from her, but she wasn't about to let him pull back.

Kara really wasn't sure why she did stuff like this. All she knew was Lee was being way too calm about whatever the frak you wanted to call the inferno that was radiating between them. There was something there, and she couldn't just let that go. He thought he could forget about what happened on the _Rising Star_ just because he wanted to? He was wrong.

"Kara…" Lee hissed as she flipped his hand over and kissed the soft skin where his wrist met his palm. There were small scrapes there, but he was pretty sure she didn't even know. Her mind was not on healing his pain right now. She seemed more intent upon giving him even more. He had to fight back the urge to pull her in closer and make her kiss him proper. This was wrong. "I don't think this is what your father meant," he pointed out.

Kara's tongue darted out to heat his skin, and she felt him jolt back against the wall. The ship jerked forward a few yards. Kara dropped Lee's hand and braced herself up against the wall. When the ship had settled back into place, she looked over to see him staring at her in confusion. A smirk lit up her face. "I told you I could get us roll, sir."

Their laughter filled the Heavy Raider as the end of this little training mission gone wrong suddenly came into sight.


	5. Chapter 5

It turned out that near death experiences could nearly double the paperwork needing to be finished. Lee was about fed up with this CAG job and he had only had it sixteen days.

It didn't help that every time he tried to focus on the flight breakdowns or the requests for new materials and equipment, his mind wandered down the wrong path. Instead of gimbals and Viper jocks, he got a soft, wet tongue kissing the pressure point on his wrist and a wicked smile that shook him to the bones.

It was official. His mind was now his worst enemy.

A knock on the open hatch to the senior officers' quarters caused Lee to look up. No one ever knocked. He held his father's eyes for a moment before looking back down at the flight schedule. He didn't have time for this. "What can I do for you, Commander? Was there something I left out in my report?"

"Your report was sufficient, Captain," William Adama started before pausing. Lee had a feeling his dad was trying to figure out how to take the formality out of the conversation.

Lucky for the Old Man, Lee was in a good mood. "What do you need, Dad?"

"You seemed preoccupied in the hangar bay earlier. Is there anything wrong?"

_How about the fact that I want to thoroughly frak the most talented nugget under my command? And not just once either, but over and over again._ "Absolutely nothing's wrong," Lee insisted.

Adama nodded. He looked like, for a moment, he was debating whether to leave it at that and make a graceful exit before Lee's temper started flaring. Obviously, he decided he wasn't finished as his gaze steeled. "So, you never gave me your recommendation on what to do with this unruly pilot who stayed by your side. Colonel Tigh seems to think she belongs in the brig for disobeying direct orders from a superior officer."

Lee set down his pen. "That's about the worst thing you could do. Kara Thrace did exactly what any other veteran pilot would do."

"But she's not a veteran," Adama pointed out.

"No, she's not."

"Well then what do you recommend?"

Lee was conflicted. His mind was telling him that Starbuck did need some sort of reprimand. His heart was telling him he should just give her her wings for being so foolishly brave. Other parts of his anatomy weren't allowed to rule in. "Don't worry, sir. I'll handle it." Lee picked up his pen and started marking the schedule again. It still hurt his hand to write, but this thing had to get done eventually. "Is there anything else you needed from me?"

He heard his father pause before speaking. "No, that will be all for now. I've given the two of you a day's reprieve from work and classes. Try to use it wisely, son."

Lee gave his father a quick nod of acceptance before turning back to the paperwork. Looking it over, he realized he had penciled Boomer in two rotations back-to back. His head really wasn't in this right now. He gathered the papers up into a neat pile and took them over to his locker. The work would keep while he took a small break. There was rumors of a rather interesting triad game happening down in the pilot's break room. Lee knew he wasn't going to play. The pilots tended to get nervous whenever their CAG was around. Still, he would imagine watching the card game might be just as fun and relaxing.

Walking out into the corridor, Lee figured he could just hang around the open hatch and watch his pilots unwind. That was almost as good as being able to do it himself.

* * *

Kara had been surprised to see so few people waiting on the flight deck for her and Lee to step out of the Heavy Raider. Granted, she was new to Galactica so she didn't really expect anybody to be happy to see her alive, but Lee was their CAG. Shouldn't they be grateful that their leader made it back in one piece?

Kara hung around in the background of the hangar as Lee explained what happened to his father and the ship's XO. She caught a look of gratitude on Adama's face when his son explained the part where Kara refused to leave him behind, but the Commander quickly covered it up. She had been wrapped up in trying to figure out what exactly that meant when Zak came up behind her. Kara thanked him for showing her to the briefing room the day before and Zak quickly invited her to the triad game later that night. Kara promised that if she didn't end up in the brig, she would be there this time.

And that was why she was currently determining if the Lieutenant sitting across from her could offer sexual favors as a bet since she had wiped him clean a few minutes earlier. "I'm sorry…" She paused as she tried to remember the Raptor ECO's name through her slight ambrosia buzz.

"Crashdown," Zak supplied.

Kara smiled at him and nodded. "I'm sorry, Crashdown, but I'm feeling pretty satisfied right now. So unless you have something cold and hard to throw down and it's not in your pants, then you are shit out of luck, little boy."

The whole table and the small crowd gathered around it burst out into laughter and applause. Kara felt herself snickering along with them until her eyes caught the man standing in the open hatchway. "Why don't you join us, Captain?" Kara called out, waving Lee over.

Lee shook his head. "I wouldn't want to embarrass you all."

"The CAG doesn't like to associate with the lowly pilots he commands," the woman across from Kara mumbled.

Kara wanted to grab the pilot by the collar and smack some sense into her. The people on Galactica were so dense sometimes. She had been here all of forty-eight hours, and she could already see the problem. "Maybe if you showed him a little respect, he'd want to play."

"What the frak is that supposed to mean?" the woman asked.

Something about how she said it got on Kara's nerves. "Your CAG risked his life earlier today to protect the Fleet. He was ready to take on all those ships by himself just to keep you stupid frakers safe. He figured out the controls to an enemy ship and flew it all the way back to the Fleet with an injured hand just so he could return to his responsibilities. And how do you repay him? Not a single one of you came down to the hangar to welcome him back. To be, that makes you the ones who don't want to associate."

Kara glanced up to see that Lee was still standing in the hatchway. There was no way he had missed her little tirade. She just hoped her big mouth didn't embarrass him that much. "I'm insisting you get your ass over here, Apollo, so I can prove to these guys that even the CAG is powerless to stop my little winning spree." Kara kicked Crashdown under the table. "Make room."

Lee thought it over for a moment before sliding into the vacated seat. "I have to warn you. Triad was my specialty back in War College."

Kara glanced over at Zak to see him holding back a laugh. "You are such a liar," she said, slapping the cards down on the table. "Someone deal so I can earn me a few new cigars."

The game picked up as soon as Lee joined the table. Kara knew almost immediately that she finally found an opponent she would actually have to work to beat. As they played hand after hand, she could slowly see the CAG letting down his walls. Kara had had a feeling he really didn't like being on the outside looking in.

Lee was easily keeping up with Kara as the game got heated, even though she had a small advantage. Zak was sitting next to her, and every once in a while, he would lean over and tell her about one of the signs that his brother was bluffing. Kara felt guilty at first about the insider information, but then she would win the pot and forget about feeling bad.

"You two are cheating," Lee hissed, throwing a handful of cubits into the pot.

"You're just mad because you're getting your ass kicked by a girl," Zak pointed out.

"I'm mad because my baby brother has no concept of family loyalty." Lee glanced over at Kara. "Didn't I tell you that your addiction to blondes was going to get me in trouble one day, Zak?"

"I don't see any trouble," Kara pointed out. She threw a pair of cigars into the center of the table. "I just see an intelligent man who clearly knows a winner when he sees one."

A small blush rose in Zak's cheeks, and Lee had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. His brother was being so transparent right now that Lee wondered if Zak had even listened to all the tips he gave him when they were little on how to get a girl. Zak had been flirting with Kara all night, and she barely even noticed.

Lee leaned back in his chair, pretending to study the cards in hand. In reality, he was studying the woman sitting across from him. He had known Kara Thrace for two days now. Together, they had been to the edge and back , and he still couldn't read her. Really, he had been lucky to make it this far in the game. You didn't win triad unless you found a way to understand your opponent.

Kara suddenly looked up from her hand to smile at him. Lee could feel the embarrassment of being caught staring flare up, but unlike his brother, he kept the blush from his face. "I think you're bluffing me, Captain, and I don't appreciate," Kara whispered seductively.

Lee looked down at his cards. Four on a run might actually win if Kara didn't have full colors, which he was almost positive she didn't. He took a moment to smile at his opponent before asking, "Is that your opinion or did my little brother tell you what to think?"

"I'm flying solo on this one," Kara insisted. She could feel her heart begin to pick up as Lee raised an eyebrow at the double entendre.

"You're scared because you can't read me," Lee pointed out. He leaned back in his chair with confidence. "That's sweet."

"Put it up, flyboy," Kara insisted, tapping the middle of the table, "and we can find out just how sweet I can be."

Without a word, Lee slid his last few cigars and cubits into the middle. Kara met his bet almost immediately, and a small punch of regret hit him in the stomach. She seemed awfully confident. "Lay them down," she said with a smirk.

Lee laid down his cards and was rewarded with a round of applause by the pilots still left in the room. He had known the hand was good the second it was dealt to him.

"I hope you didn't think I was going to spare you just because you're my boss," Kara taunted, laying her cards out on the table to reveal full colors.

Lee let out a laugh and leaned back in his chair, throwing his hands up. There was a million to one chance that she could actually beat him, and the infuriating little fraker had done it. "That's enough of a sign for me. I'm out."

"Of course you're out," Zak said. "You just lost your last cubits."

"Too bad Starbuck ruled out the betting of sexual favors," Crashdown said as he picked up his jacket and started towards the hatch.

"I ruled it out for you," Kara corrected. She looked across the table at Lee and winked. "I might make an exception for the Captain here."

"That's against regs!" Crashdown yelled from out in the corridor.

Kara chuckled. "You know, I'm actually thinking of changing my call sign to Regs. It seems like that's all anyone ever wants to talk to me about. I don't get why everything thinks I'm going to have a problem with it."

The answer came out of Lee's mouth before he could sensor himself. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? I don't think it's _you_ everyone's worried about."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara asked.

Lee focused on gathering up the cards on the table in front of him. He could not believe that just came out of his mouth. "Nothing."

Kara filed that little comment away for torture and teasing at a later date. "All right, Captain. Here's what I don't understand. Everyone on Galactica is so preoccupied with military regulation. Haven't they been told the world is ending? If there's ever a time to forget about stupid rules made up by guys in suits who died hundreds of years earlier, it's now." That earned her a few appreciative laughs from the remaining pilots.

Lee held the cards out for her to take then leaned back in his seat. She shuffled the deck quietly as the last few people filtered out of the room, leaving her alone with the two Adama brothers. It was almost time for shift change, and she was suddenly glad that she had been given a day off from classes because of what she and Lee had gone through. She was probably going to have a wicked hangover in the morning.

Lee noticed his little brother was openly staring at Kara as she played with the triad deck, and he decided he would do the nice thing and try to bring Zak back to the present before he got caught. "Don't you have a shift in a few hours, Zak?"

Zak leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"You're not going to stick around to watch me kick your brother's ass?" Kara asked.

Lee felt himself tense up. She sounded almost sad that Zak was leaving.

"I can't stay. The Chief would kill me if he knew I was drinking so close to my shift, and he has the bad habit of checking up on me when I least expect it."

"What Zak means is he has to go sleep off the ambrosia before he decides to do something stupid like rewire a whole Raptor because it would look cooler if it had flashing lights."

Zak glared at his brother and got to his feet. "Ignore him. He's just a sore loser."

"I can tell," Kara said with a laugh.

Zak smiled down at her. "Thanks for coming to the game."

"It was my pleasure," Kara said distractedly. She was paying less attention to Zak and more attention to piling up her winnings.

Lee watched Zak's shoulders droop in dejection as he walked out of the room, and Lee felt the familiar burn of protectiveness for his little brother. "You can be really cruel sometimes, Thrace," he hissed.

Kara's hands paused in gathering up the cubits, and she looked up at Lee in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It made my brother's night to have you here, and all you could manage was a half-hearted 'no problem'. He's been trying so hard to impress you, and you just shut him out without a thought. You had one thing on your mind and as soon as you got it, it was game over."

Kara rolled her eyes. "You can't honestly think I didn't notice he was flirting with me. Zak isn't the most subtle guy."

"If you knew what he was doing, why the need to brush him away?"

"You guys seemed so damn adamant about your stupid fraternization regs that I didn't want to cross a line."

"Our regs are specific to military pilots. They don't apply to the deck crew or the CIC staff."

Kara raised her eyes in surprise and leaned forward on the table. "Are you encouraging me to start a relationship with your little brother, Captain?"

Lee's eyes went wide as he did his best to retreat. "No, I didn't… I didn't say that. I was simply trying to correct the mistake you made. You're new at this so you don't have a good handle on the regulations we have to follow. That's all I meant. I wasn't telling you to go out and start something with Zak."

Kara laughed. "Relax, flyboy. I was just joking."

Lee rubbed his chin as he realized she was right. He was freaking out over nothing for no real reason. At least, there was no reason he would care to admit to right now. He looked up to realize Kara was still watching him, and he could feel his blood begin to rise. Deciding he needed a distraction, Lee reached across the table to grab the deck of cards out of her hand. "You really need to stop calling me flyboy. I'm your superior officer."

"What do you want me to call you then?"

"Sir or Captain are acceptable," Lee said as he dealt out cards to both of them.

"Those don't work for me."

"Well, they're going to have to. Like I said, I'm your superior officer."

Kara's eyes fell down to her cards. She was never good at keeping eye contact when she knew she was about to do something she shouldn't be doing. "Does that mean you can keep calling me Kara?"

"I didn't realize I was."

"When we were down on the planet," she whispered. "You called me Kara when I was about to freak out and then when I-"

"I remember," Lee interrupted. He did not want her to finish that sentence. On Galactica, someone was always listening and he could get in a lot of trouble if word got out about what he let Kara do to him on that Heavy Raider. "I could call you Kara, but it would probably be better if I stuck with Starbuck."

She smiled at him and shook her head. "But Kara sounds so much better coming out of your lips."

Lee fought back the urge to tell her he probably had better uses for his lips than saying her first name. This whole thing was starting to get out of hand. He shouldn't have this much trouble forgetting about how he first met the wannabe Viper pilot sitting across the table from him. It wasn't like he never encountered old one-night stands in the past. It had always been awkward, but it had never been this hard to get past the embarrassment.

Silence filled the room as Lee did his best to forget about the _Rising Star_ and focus on the cards in front of him. Every few seconds or so, he let himself sneak a glance over at Kara. She was absentmindedly playing with the silver ring on her left thumb. It looked like it was more out of habit than conscious thought. Lee knew better than to ask her what that ring meant. That was a personal question he had no right knowing the answer to, seeing as how he was her teacher and she was his student. "So tell me about yourself, Starbuck."

"Is this the CAG asking or the man I met in a spaceship bar?"

"I thought we agreed not to bring that up again," Lee pointed out.

"You insisted," she corrected. "I never agreed to anything."

"Are you trying to avoid my question?"

"No, I was just making a point." Kara sighed and set down her cards. "Let's see. I'm sure you've probably heard a ton of stuff about the whole pyramid thing."

"What pyramid thing?"

At first, Kara thought Lee was joking. The look on his face was so sincere and earnest, though, that her jaw dropped open. He was being serious. "You told me you were from Caprica originally."

"I am," Lee confirmed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Aren't you a fan of the Bucks?"

"The pyramid team?" Lee shook his head. "I never cared much for the game."

Kara let out a loud laugh, earning herself a strange look from the man sitting across from her. "This is priceless. You are probably the only man in the Twelve Colonies who seriously has no clue who I am."

"What were you their agent or something?"

"Try their star player, flyboy. I was their leading scorer for the past six seasons."

"You're lying," Lee said.

"No, I'm not. Ask anyone. Frak, ask Zak! He has a rather intense case of hero worship going because of my pyramid career."

"That explains a lot," Lee said, nodding his head. His brother always did have a thing for unattainable women. It was even worse than his love of blondes. "So you really played pyramid?"

"I was drafted into the majors straight out of school. You must have been born under a rock if you didn't hear about that one. I was the highest paid rookie in the history of the sport." Kara paused. "You do believe me right?"

"I don't think you could make that up even if you tried," Lee said with a laugh. "I can't believe we have a fraking hotshot pyramid player in the colonial Fleet."

"Believe it."

"There's one thing I don't get about that. If you're here, where's the rest of your team? I swear I would have heard if a whole pyramid team made it through the attacks."

Kara's face fell as the humor in the situation suddenly disappeared. She had not thought far enough in advance to realize volunteering this little bit of information was probably only going to make Lee want to ask more questions that she didn't want to answer. "They were back on Caprica when the attacks happened. The team had high altitude training in the mountains outside Delphi."

Lee let that sink in before asking the first of a million questions running through his head. "Why weren't you with them?"

"I didn't need the training like the rest of the team. I never had problems with fatigue while I'm on the pitch." Kara took a deep breath and shut her eyes as memories of her old teammates started flooding her head. She had spent hours trying to push their faces out of her head. Getting herself to forget again was going to be even harder. "The manager of the Buccaneers gave me an all expenses paid vacation on the _Rising Star_. That's why I was in the right place at the right time when the attacks happened."

"That's a funny way of putting it."

Kara stared at him before shrugging. "I'm just happy to be alive. I can't even imagine what it would have been like on the Colonies. Why? Aren't you grateful to the gods for putting you on Galactica?"

"It's complicated," Lee said abruptly. He looked down at the cards in his hands, and it was apparent to Kara that he wasn't going to say anything else on the topic. She didn't want to press him so she just took another look at her cards. They both knew they weren't really playing the game, but it helped to have something to focus on instead of the truth. They were both here for reasons they weren't allowed to admit.

After awhile, Lee let out a chuckle, breaking the silence. "I get it now." Kara waited patiently for him to explain. "Star-buck. I get it."

"Then you have one up on me." Lee raised his eyebrow in inquiry. "Apollo? Where did _that_ come from?"

Lee gave her a smirk. "If I told you, it'd be cheating." Kara held his eyes for a minute before a yawn took over her whole body. "It's been a long day. You should get some rest."

Kara let out a small laugh. "I haven't even had time to unpack my stuff."

"I wouldn't if I were you." Kara could feel the anger well up inside of her immediately. She thought they had finished with this fight the first time they had it. She was just about to start yelling and cursing when Lee winked. "You're just going to have to pack up your stuff when you get moved to the junior officer's quarters."

Kara had definitely not expected that. "I don't understand."

"You're good, Kara, really good. You're not going to stay a nugget for long."

"I'm going to be a nugget for at least the next month. It takes that long just to get through the basic training."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Lee said. He stared at Kara a moment before continuing, "I meant it when I said you were a natural. Flying is a part of you in a way that I can't even begin to comprehend. It would be stupid to have you sitting idle with the rest of the nuggets. If you're up for it, I want to get you in the air whenever you have a second free time. We can push you through your training and have you flying CAP in a week, wings and all. It would mean giving up some of your free time and maybe even losing a few hours of sleep. You'd be a pilot, though, and that might give you a little more freedom in the end. It would earn you the respect of the rest of the squadron, too."

Kara watched him quietly clean up the mess of glasses and half empty ambrosia bottles. When everything was in order, Lee looked up at her. "So what do you think?"

"I think you don't have time to be doing that."

Lee shook his head. "I don't sleep most nights anyway. All this would mean is instead of pulling extra maintenance shifts, I'd be up in the air, training with you. It would impact you a hell of a lot more than it would me."

Kara could tell he was lying. He already had too many responsibilities on his plate, but for some reason, he didn't care about taking on one more. She wasn't going to lie and say she didn't want to have her wings as soon as possible. One day of being a nugget had already killed her patience. "I think you've overestimating me a little here, Apollo."

"Tell you what. You let me take you up in the air. If you can pull an Athena Roll off without me helping, then we'll both know I was right and we can put this little argument to rest."

Kara laughed and pushed her chair away from the table. They both knew she could pull an Athena Roll without a problem. He wasn't going to let her back out of this one. "It's a deal, flyboy."

"We're both off shift tomorrow so plan for an afternoon run. Don't be late, Kara." His words made her pause at the door, and she turned back to look at him. "What?" he asked.

"I thought you weren't going to call me Kara."

"And I thought you were going to stop calling me flyboy." Lee winked at her, already knowing that it was a huge mistake. It seemed he couldn't control himself when he was around this overly smug new addition to the Fleet.

"I kind of like the way it sounds," she said with a smile.

"It's not really polite to be speaking to your superior officer in such a familiar tone, Kara."

Kara shook her head. "You did it again."

"It slipped out," Lee said, shrugging his shoulders.

Kara watched him for a moment and was surprised to feel a massive way of guilt wash over her. Lee Adama had been trying his best to help her fit into this Fleet. He was trying to shape her into a colonial solider, and all she could do was give him shit for it. He was in one of the most vulnerable positions in the Fleet, an outsider charged with the job of watching out for every pilot on board Galactica. One small misstep on his part and things would snowball out of control in the Fleet. That was why he kept pushing her away, why he kept denying what had gone on down on the _Rising Star_.

And all she could do to help the situation was mess with his mind and his libido.

Kara realized her staring at him wasn't helping matters, but then again he was staring right back. That had to mean something. She didn't know where it came from but the words that came out of her mouth next were an apology. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked without hesitation.

"For that shit I pulled back on the moon."

"Don't be," Lee said, brushing her apology off.

Kara shook her head. "No, it was completely inappropriate of me. I can see why you didn't want me doing it."

Lee met her gaze for a moment before pushing himself to his feet and sauntering over to where she stood in the hatchway. "That wasn't the problem, Kara." The expression on her face didn't change until he paused briefly while pushing past her in order to whisper, "The problem was I wanted you to do it too much."

Kara was left scrambling to figure out what the frak that meant as Lee walked away from her, down the corridor, and out of sight.


	6. Chapter 6

Kara was extremely pissed off. She had turned down a rather exciting triad game and a chance to mock the president's newest aid as he tried to impress that pretty CIC comm officer in order to be on time for this little flying lesson. She was here, ready to go, and the fraking CAG was nowhere to be found.

It had taken her fifteen minutes to get word of a fuel line malfunction. That was only after dealing with Zak's hysterical laughter and the quiet grumblings of the young female deckhand who had to clean up the leftover mess. After Kara spent another five minutes pacing anxiously, the Chief was kind enough to suggest she check the senior officers' quarters.

By the time she made it up the stairs to the right level and through the winding corridors to the right hatch, the concern for what actually happened to Lee had melted into all-out fury. He had stressed punctuality so much in the short time she had known him, and yet he couldn't even keep a simple appointment. How did he expect her to believe his promise of making her a colonial pilot in half the time if he was already missing in action?

She was so mad that she didn't pause to knock on the hatch. Instead, she simply pulled it open and walked in. That was her first mistake.

Her second was not averting her eyes immediately.

"Shut the hatch," Lee said, not even bothering to look to see who had entered the bunkroom.

Kara pushed the hatch shut and leaned her body against it. Her eyes drank in the sight of the CAG in only an impossibly small towel. His skin had the slight paleness of a pilot who hadn't been off ship in quite awhile, but that did nothing to take away from the hard muscle underneath. Kara had always been a rather physical person, but she couldn't believe just how primal she was turning out to be. There was a sudden urge to slam Captain Lee Adama up against his locker and run her lips and tongue over every single fraking inch of him.

Her hands came out to grasp the handle to the hatch. She needed to find a way to physically hold herself back if she didn't want to maul the half-naked man in front of her. He probably wouldn't appreciate that after his numerous outbursts about the military regs.

Considering she couldn't really touch him without breaking a million and a half rules and she definitely wasn't getting any stimulation elsewhere, Kara decided the least she could do was look her fill. She started at his strong thighs working her way up the small of his back to where drops of moisture still clung to his neck. She could see the muscles straining as he reached into the locker to grab underwear. Sliding them on, he dropped the towel on the floor and grabbed a pair of pants. Kara watched the most fraking perfect pair of arms as the muscles tightened to pull the piece of clothing onto his body.

Her eyes roamed over his bare chest, finally resting on where his hands were buttoning the pants into place. What she would give to be able to run her fingertips along the curves of that hard muscle line half hidden by the waistband of his pants. She suddenly understood why the girls in the locker room called it the Adonis Belt.

Kara's stomach bottomed out as a thought occurred to her. "Oh frak," she hissed. "That could have been mine."

Lee turned at the sound of her voice and, for just a small second, Kara saw him smile. Then he retreated back to his normal stoic self. "Starbuck?" he said hesitantly. She wouldn't stop staring at him.

"You're late, flyboy."

"There was an accident with a fuel line on the Raptor I was fixing. I wanted to grab a shower so I didn't have to sit in the cockpit smelling like motor oil."

"I was on time," Kara said, pushing off the hatch wall to stand before him. "You were late."

Lee gave her a sheepish smile and shrugged. "Does saying I'm sorry help?"

"No," Kara whispered. Her eyes were still freely roaming his body. "Are we still on for the lesson?"

"Just let me finish getting dressed." Lee turned to pull a pair of tanks out of his locker, scolding himself. Kara Thrace should be just another girl who can't seem to keep her eyes or her hands to herself. There had been plenty of those in the past. Lee knew how he looked to women. He had fought off one too many of his superior officers' wives to forget it. Still, that didn't explain why he seemed to be so hung up on keeping this particular woman away.

Kara was just a girl he met in a bar. She was pretty, and she made him laugh. There had been hundreds of girls like that in the past. He had pushed each and every one of them away when it got to be too much of a burden. Not only could he not seem to push Kara away, he was actually pulling her closer.

Lee turned back to chance a glance at the woman who was currently plaguing him. He was surprised to see Kara had dropped back to the hatch though she was still openly staring. That infuriating smirk he had begun to associated with her and only her was plastered on her face. "What?"

"Apollo," she said with a laugh. "I get it now."

Lee could feel the smile light up his face as she gave him a wink and stepped out into the corridor, shutting the hatch behind her. Up until two minutes ago, he was having one of the worst days of his life, and now he was grinning like a fraking idiot. This was getting out of hand.

He pulled the tanks over his head before grabbing his flight suit and boots. He had been infuriated when that fuel line broke and spilled oil all over him. Going up in the air with Kara Thrace was the only thing he had been looking forward to all day. It had pissed him off to know that it probably wouldn't be happening. Kara didn't seem like the type of girl who would wait for him to take a shower.

Lee smiled as he zipped up his flight suit. It turned out she _was _that type of girl, at least when it came to this particular instance. It pleased him for a reason he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

He made it to the hangar bay in under five minutes and found her still waiting for him, all suited up and ready to go. "Chief, do you have those two Vipers ready to go?"

"Yeah. I had Cally check them out just like you asked."

Lee nodded and turned to see Kara tense up her whole body. "Is something wrong, Starbuck?"

"Those are Mark VIIs." She turned to look at him wide-eyed. "You want me to fly a Mark VII?"

"You want to do a proper Athena Roll, you need to be in a Mark VII." Lee was surprised to see her looking so scared, and he knew there was no way she could fly with that weight on her mind. It was a good thing he had already figured Kara Thrace out to an extent. There was only one way to get her to focus. "You're not scared, are you?"

Kara's eyes immediately narrowed as she hissed, "No fraking way."

Lee watched her confidently march up the stairs connected to the ship not marked as his own and lower herself into the cockpit.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Apollo." Lee turned to look at the Chief. "Those Mark VIIs are an endangered species these days."

"She won't frak it up," Lee said confidently. He fell into the cockpit seat of his own Viper and snapped his collar into place. The Viper powered up, and Lee was in awe of how easy this big metal machine became a part of him. The second the power kicked on, it became an extension of who he was. "Are you ready to fly for real, Starbuck?" Lee called as the deck crew slammed the cockpit hatch shut. He receive a gleeful laugh as a response. It seemed like she wasn't scared anymore.

"Galactica, Apollo. Requesting permission to launch two Vipers on a training run."

He heard a pause on the other side. "Apollo, Galactica. There isn't anything on my schedule." Dee sounded almost scared. Lee guessed that meant his father was manning the CIC.

"There was an update a few hours ago. I'm going to be running unscheduled training runs for the next few weeks." Lee could see Kara rolling her eyes at him as the crew pushed her Viper over to the launch tubes. He tried to hold back a laugh. "Am I clear, Dee?"

Her voice sounded steady this time. "Apollo, you are cleared to launch."

Their Vipers were in the air, flying side by side, within minutes. Lee casually guided them around in a small circle while Kara got a feel for the air. "So… she sounded scared." Kara's voice came through the ship to ship comms as nothing more than a hesitant whisper.

"Who?" Lee asked, twisting his ship into the next turn.

"That girl on the comms. When she said there was no scheduled take-offs, she seemed scared."

"Dee?" Lee shook his head even though Kara couldn't see him. "She was just thrown off. I don't usually do a lot of things off the book."

"That was not the voice of a thrown off woman. She was concerned." There was a small pause. "Who is she to you?"

"Dee is one of the comm officers. She's the voice I hear every time I launch and land."

"What else?"

"What are you fishing for here, Starbuck?"

"She was concerned. That's all I'm saying."

Lee rolled his eyes. "How about we get this whole flying thing going and stop focusing on the way a voice sounded?"

Kara didn't respond with words. Instead, she flipped her Viper end to end, pointing her nose only inches from Lee's Viper. With a small smile and wink, she began rolling her Viper in line with the sideways drift of Lee's ship. The maneuver only took seconds to execute, but that didn't diminish the accomplishment. It was hard to roll a ship so many times and still stay nose to nose with your partner. The maneuver didn't have a practical purpose, but it was still legendary. You weren't a pilot until you did an Athena Roll.

Lee gave Kara a moment to catch her breath before speaking. "I thought so."

"What's next, flyboy?" Kara purred.

Lee tried to ignore the way the huskiness in her voice stirred his blood. He hoped it had everything to do with the exhilaration of flying and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she had seen him half naked less than an hour earlier. "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that?"

"And I said no," Kara reminded him. "Now, _Captain_, what's next?"

Lee chuckled softly. "I just want you to do that again. Only this time trust your instincts about where you are in space. Don't rely on your visual of my ship."

"I don't understand. Your ship is supposed to be my focus point in order to prevent over-rotation."

"You don't need it."

"Next you're going to be asking me to fly with my eyes closed," Kara grumbled. She set her Viper up to his nose again and prepared for the run.

"Starbuck? One last minute instruction. Whatever you do, commit to it. Do not pull out. Do you hear me?"

"Understood," Kara said, shaking her head. Why was he being so gods-damn melodramatic? He knew she could pull this move off. He had just seen her do it.

Kara could feel something was wrong after the very first roll. In the half second she had to right herself to her surroundings before completing another roll, she realized that Lee's Viper was upside down. The next turn it was right side up. "What the frak is he doing?" she growled. Her hands reached out to pull the stick into another spin.

This time when she pulled out of the roll, Lee's Viper was nowhere to be seen. A small ball of fear punched her in the gut, but the only thing Kara could do was focus on keeping her ship in the pattern she was running and hope to the gods that this was what he had planned.

After the tenth and final rotation, Kara pulled her ship upright. She looked out into space for the other Viper. There was nothing but the stars in front of her. "Where the frak are you, Apollo?"

"I'm right beside you, Starbuck."

Kara turned to look out the side of her cockpit and jumped. Apollo was flying so close to her that their wings almost touched.

"Your precision is phenomenal," Lee said, finally pulling his ship away from hers.

"Tell me what the frak just happened," Kara demanded.

"Have you ever heard of the Blind Athena roll?"

"Yeah, it's when two Vipers do standard Athena rolls for half the maneuver and then one flips on end and they come about inches apart to finish the last five rotations in harmony." Kara's eyes lit up. "Frak me. We just did that, didn't we? That stuff is only talked about in textbooks."

"It's the easiest method to test a pilot's precision. If your flying had been off even a hair, we would have known it immediately."

"Because you would have exploded," Kara screamed.

Lee's body stiffened as he stared down at his controls. She was right. He could have easily wrecked by doing what he had just done. Odd how he hadn't thought about that before starting the run. "Maybe Clarry isn't the only one who has faith in you, Thrace," he whispered before kicking in the thrusters. "Now come on. I want to test your speed levels."

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were enjoying this more than I am," Kara observed.

"I don't think that's possible. Now get your mind off of what I'm doing and get in the game."

Kara answered by kicking in the thrust of her Viper and taking off. Lee quickly followed behind. He tried to focus on observing the flying style of the woman at his side, but his mind couldn't help dwelling on the small shift inside himself. Watching Kara fly was something he had never felt before.

He knew that he should stop thinking of her by that name. They needed some distance in this relationship if he was going to stay sane. He knew that while she was still his student, a small slip up like using her first name in such a familiar way could get him in trouble if the Commander or the XO heard. Frankly, that wasn't what scared him. He could handle them.

What did scare him, what really put him on edge, was the fact he had never felt this way while flying before. Even if he couldn't admit it, he knew it had everything to do with Kara, and that was the real reason why he needed to get some distance between them as soon as possible.


	7. Chapter 7

The young CIC page handed her a piece of paper signed by William Adama without a word. It requested her presence in his office as soon as she finished her mandatory maintenance shift. Kara might be slightly new to this whole military thing, but she wasn't stupid. She knew this couldn't be a good thing.

As she made her way through the halls of Galactica, she tried to think if there was anything she had done wrong. She hadn't opened her mouth at the wrong time. She hadn't forgotten all those stupid military regulations and protocols. She hadn't even been sent to the brig yet. There was absolutely nothing she could have done to deserve this.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked softly on the door, waited a second, and then pushed the hatch open. "Commander Adama, you asked to see me?"

Adama set down the papers in his hands and turned to look at her. "It's Kara, isn't it?"

"Kara Thrace, sir."

He motioned to one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Sit down please."

Kara let out a deep breath and did as he asked. She should not be this scared of an old man. She had done nothing wrong. Well, if you didn't count the fact that she had this irrational lust for his son, _then _she had done nothing wrong.

"I know you probably think I asked you here just so I could met another one of our new pilots, but I have to admit there's more to it than that." Adama stared at her a moment before continuing, "I wanted to meet the woman my son seems to be so enthralled with."

Kara hadn't thought it was physically possible to be even more scared. She was wrong. How had Commander Adama heard about what went on between her and Lee in their little encounter on the _Rising Star_? What the frak was she going to say to explain this when the thought of his son pressing her up against the _Rising Star'_s bar still made her hot as hell? She hated how the memory of that night had laid down the base for this wonderfully fraked up relationship she had with her CAG that was based purely on physical need. That was something she did not need while she was trying to be successful at this new career.

"I just received Apollo's request this morning."

Kara snapped back to the present. "Excuse me?"

"Captain Adama put in a request for the next Viper that becomes free to be assigned to you." Adama's face cracked into a smile for the first time since she stepped into the office. "Can you please explain to me why my son thinks you're a good enough pilot that you don't need the full nugget training?"

Kara could feel the tension leave her body in a wave as she realized the Commander had no idea about the slightly unprofessional relationship she and Lee had almost embarked upon. "I'm no sure what you mean."

"We only assign Vipers to pilots who are ready to take on their fair share of the burden we now carry. If your CAG put in this request, it means that he expects you to be at that level sometime in the next few weeks. You've been a nugget for not even a full week. I was curious what you did to get this far."

For one briefly stupid second, Kara thought about telling the Commander she had openly offered to frak his son. Then she realized not even she was stupid enough to say that out loud. "My mother used to be military, sir. Captain Adama seems to think that gives me an edge over his other students."

Adama looked down at a paper on his desk and nodded. "It says he evaluated your flying techniques as well above what should be expected. I've been in CIC a few times when the CAG had your group up in the air. I don't mean to sound rude, but I saw nothing to prove this."

Kara nodded. "You wouldn't have seen anything extraordinary out of me during those times, sir. Apollo's been evaluating me on our spare time."

"So that's why he made that insane request for extra air time."

"He was nice enough to push me through training so that I wouldn't be wasting anyone's time."

"We need as many pilots in the air as we can," Adama explained. "That's the real reason he's pushing you."

Kara wasn't sure how to take that. He seemed rather determined to make what Lee was doing as unemotional and detached as he could. It was completely at odds with everything Apollo had said to her. Lee had stressed that he was doing this because of how much her flying impressed him. According to him, this was all about her flying ability and nothing about needing more bodies in the cockpits.

"I'm not sure I approve."

Adama's words pulled her back to the present for the second time in only a few minutes. "Of what?"

"My son seems to have an interest in you that I'm not sure is healthy. When I first heard about Apollo's unscheduled cockpit time this morning, I checked the launch logs. He's been taking you out every single day when he's supposed to have rack time."

"I told him it was a bad idea, sir, but he said that it didn't matter. He said he doesn't sleep for more than half the rack time he's given." Kara stared at Adama as the Old Man's face filled with confusion. Could he really have no idea that his son was having trouble sleeping? There was so much riding on Lee's shoulders right now that even a lesser man would be losing sleep over it. How could a father not realize that?

"I'm afraid that it goes beyond losing sleep, Miss Thrace. The XO tells me that you two have been spending a lot of time together."

"Well, we go on the training runs every day, and I guess I do seem him a lot in the pilots' break room and around the corridors. Why? Is that a problem, sir?"

"There are regulations," Adama said shortly.

"I know, sir. I don't believe I'm breaking any of them by seeing the CAG in a social setting such as a triad game or a professional setting such as a training run."

"That's how it is now, but things can change."

Kara shifted in her seat. "Sir, I have been told ad nauseam about the regulations as a part of the CAG's training program. Just because I was a civilian before the Cylons attacked doesn't mean I'm any less aware of the rules the military have to follow. Your son has a job to do, and so do I, sir."

Adama watched her for a moment before nodding. "It's not really you I'm worried about."

Kara waited for him to continue, and when he did, the words took her by surprise. "Did you have someone on the Colonies when we were attacked?" She could feel her heart freeze up along with the rest of her body.

Adama watched the young pilot's face pale and shook his head. "What am I saying? We all lost someone. I know this has been a hard transition for you considering your life was based in the Colonies a lot more than the rest of the personnel on this ship."

"Sir?" Kara said. For the thousandth time in this conversation, she really wasn't sure what point William Adama was trying to get across.

"We've all had to mourn the deaths of those we love. Anne, my wife, was on Picon visiting relatives. My sons' mother was at her home on Caprica. The XO's wife, Ellen, was paying a social call to the Security Director at the Picon capital. Lee lost all his friends on Atlantia, and my youngest son went through the same thing on Solaria. And then there was Gianne."

"Who's Gianne?" Kara asked after a slight hesitation. For some reason, she already knew she didn't want the answer.

"She was the young woman who was almost a member of my family."

Kara thought over all the times she had talked with Zak in the past week. He had never mentioned losing a girlfriend in the attacks. That little fraker had been flirting up a storm around her, and he had been engaged. Somehow, that fact made her furious even though she of all people had no right to be. "I can't believe Zak didn't tell me," she said, doing her best to bite back the anger.

The Commander let out a loud laugh that filled the room. Kara realized with a start that this was the first time Adama had seemed like a father and not a military leader. It was odd that it had taken him this long to let down his guard. It was almost as if he was out of practice.

"What's so funny, sir?' Kara asked.

"The fact that you think Zak's capable of committing to someone on a permanent basis," Adama said, still trying to control the chuckling resonating from deep inside. "I love my youngest son, but he's always been way too much of a free spirit to really settle down. I was actually talking about Lee."

"Lee had a…" Kara's voice cut off. She couldn't say it.

"Fiancée?" Adama finished. "Yes, he did. He was head over heels for Gianne since the moment he met her at War College. I think her death was what hurt him the most after the attacks. He resented not being on Atlantia where he could have at least tried to protect the planet she was on. Lee loved Gianne very much."

Kara nodded. It was all she could really do right now. Her mind was still trying to make sense of what she had just been told.

"That's why I was so worried when I heard about Lee paying such close attention to you. I don't want him to transfer his feelings of guilt. It's unfair to both of you."

"You think Lee is helping me out because of his dead fiancée?"

"Lee was very protective of Gianne, and it sounds close to the way he's been treating you."

"He hasn't been protective of me," Kara insisted. She had to bite her tongue to keep from saying anything else. Somehow telling the Commander that it was probably the other way around wouldn't help the situation. Adama would only start asking questions about why his son needed protection, and then Kara would be forced to point out how oblivious he was to the fact that as much as the pilots accepted Lee as a CAG, they were hesitant to call him one of their own. "He treats me the same as any of his other students."

"Good. Keep it that way."

Kara stood up. She knew when she was being dismissed. If she was being honest, she didn't really want to stick around anyway. There was a lot of information to sort through, and right now she really wasn't sure how she was supposed to take it. She barely looked at the people she passed in the corridors. Right now, she just wanted to lay down on her bunk and not think about the fact that Lee was hopelessly in love with a dead woman when he was halfway to fraking her on top of that bar.

She stopped in the middle of the hall as she saw the very man who was plaguing her every thought engaged in a rather intense conversation. He was with that infamous comms girl who sounded so scared every time she cleared Apollo's Viper for launch. Lee reached out to take the woman's hand in his, and Kara couldn't bring herself to watch anymore. She made a quick right and did her best not to start running. This was all too much.

What hurt the most was she knew she had no right to be reacting like this. She couldn't deny that she had formed some kind of physical connection with Lee. The fact that they wanted to rip each others' clothes off was evident to anyone who was around them for more than two minutes except for maybe the handful of people who didn't want to see. That didn't give her a right to be this jealous or hurt by the life the CAG had lived before the Cylons attacked. She was being ridiculous.

"Hey, Kara! Wait up!"

Zak's voice made her wince, but she quickly pushed it away. She turned to watch the young deckhand jog his way down the corridor, and suddenly she felt impulsive. There was really nothing holding her back from doing this. "Zak, why don't you just cut to the chase and ask me?"

"What?" Zak said.

Kara knew he was playing dumb, and she was pretty sure he knew she knew. "I don't like cowards, Adama. So just ask me."

Zak watched her for a second before nodding. "I have an off-shift tomorrow. Do you want to go to the _Rising Star _with me?"

"Get us a Raptor ride and I'm there," Kara said, giving him a wink before turning to walk down the corridor. She could feel his eyes on her body as she rounded the corner. To her credit, she managed to keep up the cocky façade until she rounded the corner. Only then did she pause to grab the wall as the weight of the past few minutes finally came upon her.

She had always hated her impulsivity.


	8. Chapter 8

Kara looked at her reflection in the mirror and tried to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her head that was telling her something wasn't right. So what if she had chosen to forgo wearing the tight black top she had bought on her last trip to Aerelon in order to wear the red tank that was anything but low cut? Who cares that her hair was back in a low ponytail instead of styled loose on her shoulders like she did for most dates? This _was_ a date, and she was happy to be going on it.

That didn't really explain why she couldn't get the slightly sad look off her face.

"You look nice."

Kara cursed as the sound of his voice hit her somewhere deep inside. Even after all she had learned, the desire wouldn't go the frak away. This was getting out of control. She turned to smirk at Lee. "Thanks."

Lee pushed off where he was leaning on the hatchway and entered the nuggets' bunkroom. "Are you going somewhere special?"

"I was meaning to come find you. I can't go on a training run tonight." She tried to ignore the slight disappointment on Lee's face and the way it matched how she was feeling inside. "I have a date."

"I'm hoping it's not with one of my pilots," Lee said. The good-natured tone of his voice came off as slightly forced to Kara.

"No, one of the deck crew," Kara said, brushing past Lee. She tried to ignore the slight shiver that slid through her as their bodies touched for just a brief second.

Lee shut the hatchway door and jogged to catch up to Kara. "You do look nice, you know."

"You keep saying that," Kara said, glaring at him.

"You want me to stop?"

She didn't answer.

"You know, I was going to show you how to accurately buzz another ship so that they end dealing themselves the kill shot, but if you're too busy, Starbuck…"

Kara winced. This was the lesson she had been waiting for. She lived for those high-risk maneuvers. Lee was playing dirty. "I said I had a date, Apollo."

"Come on," he taunted. "You and I both know you could reschedule. Your nugget schedule isn't that strenuous."

"Is it just me or are you practically begging me to spend time with you?"

Lee gave her a sheepish smile that made her want to do anything and everything he had just suggested. "Sometimes the CAG job can get lonely. It's nice to just fly for flying's sake."

His words resonated with something inside Kara, and she found herself wondering if she really could call off this thing with Zak. Luckily, before she could do anything she would regret, they turned the corner that led to the hangar bay and passed a certain comms officer. As Lee gave Dee a small wave and a smile, Kara suddenly remembered why she had said yes to his brother.

"Excuse me, Lee," she said, pushing past him to enter the hangar bay. "I have a date."

"You keep saying that," Lee yelled as she rushed away from him.

"Only because it doesn't seem to be getting into that thick skull of yours," Kara yelled.

Lee shook his head and started scanning the hangar bay. He really loved being down here when he was off-shift. The pure emotional charge of being so close to the action was the root of the reason why he was a pilot. Plus, the deck crew never really treated him like an outsider. He was just another person who could help them get their birds in the air.

Lee was in the middle of the indescribable euphoria of being in such beautiful chaos when his eyes caught on the Raptor assigned to shuttle the off duty personnel to the _Rising Star_. His brother was currently taking Kara by the hand and leading her onboard. That was the moment her words finally hit home.

_I have a date._

Kara managed to glance over her shoulder just in time to catch sight of Lee one last time. All traces of the good mood he was in before were gone. She let Zak lead her to a seat and slumped down in it. She did her best to focus on the words coming out of Zak's mouth and forget the look of disappointment she had just seen on his brother's face. She had every right to be here.

She gave Zak a brave smile and answered his question about the last pyramid game she had played before the colonies were attacked. She knew to any outsider they looked like a perfectly normal couple, waiting to go on a date, but to her, it just didn't feel right. She couldn't get Lee out of her head.

The memory of Lee's voice whispered inside her. He had warned her not to string Zak along. Hurting him was probably the last thing she wanted to do, but then again, she had never intended to hurt Lee. These kind of things just happened when she was involved.

As they neared the _Rising Star_, a small voice in the back of her head kept insisting that her mother had been right. Kara really knew how to frak up a good thing.

Two hours later, her opinion hadn't changed. Zak was still being wonderful. He had gotten them a table at the rather fancy restaurant on the upper level of the ship. He had asked her the perfect number of questions about herself, making sure not to pry too deep. He smiled at her when she needed reassurance and laughed when she told a stupid joke. He was perfect.

And yet Kara still found herself wishing he was Lee.

She was well and truly fraked.

Taking a sip of the ambrosia in front of her, she smiled at Zak. They needed to move on to a safer topic, something that couldn't be related back to his brother. "So how did you end up a Specialist?"

"Believe it or not, I started out wanting to be a Viper pilot. It was my dream since the second I got old enough to have a dream."

Kara's eyes went wide. "What happened to change that?"

"I flunked out of flight school. Blew my last few test maneuvers and never got my wings." Zak sighed. "I wanted to be like Lee since practically the day I was born. It was hard knowing that I wasn't good at the one thing that made my brother so fraking great in my eyes."

Zak started going into the details about why he could never hack it as a Viper jock, but Kara's thoughts were already drifting back to a not-so-welcome topic. She couldn't figure out what it was about Lee that kept her so preoccupied. He was attractive, but she had been with plenty of men who were just as good-looking. A particular guy she hooked up with after the playoff game with Virgon a few years back came to mind. Kara smirked. That had been one wild night.

"You think it's funny that my flight instructor shot me down?"

Kara snapped back to the conversation. Did Zak just say that his flight instructor tried to shoot down his Viper during his training run? She should really have been listening a little closer. "Um… no?"

Zak looked at her and sighed. "I guess it's my fault. I probably shouldn't be talking about all the times I got shot down when I'm actually on a date with someone who didn't turn me down."

Kara felt relief wash over her. Zak had switched topics away from Vipers. "Men generally try to keep that to a minimum," she agreed.

"So, then I guess I won't get any stories about the wild times you had on the Bucks?"

"No way," Kara insisted. "Whatever happens on or around the pyramid court stays on the pyramid court. It's the unofficial motto of the Bucks." Zak was staring at her rather intently, and Kara could feel herself grow uncomfortable. He wasn't supposed to be getting all serious on her yet. This was just a first date.

"I'm glad you came, Kara."

"It's a nice change of pace," she said, her eyes scanning around the room in a quest to do anything but meet his gaze.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"The military life is a shift. It's like pyramid only completely different," Kara joked. "Did it take you long to get adjusted?"

Zak relaxed back into his easygoing way of rambling, and Kara let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding. She was having fun. Zak was a great guy. Her heart just wasn't in it. It was too soon.

Her thoughts drifted back to Lee and the fact that he wasn't anything special. She had already established that she had met guys who looked as good as him. Kara paused. Well, maybe they had looked _almost_ as good as him. She had no idea that kind of body could be on this plane of existence. Shaking her head, she tried to pull herself away from the dangerous thought pattern that was Lee Adama.

It didn't work.

Guys on the colonies where she had grown up had tried to take her on as a charity case just like Lee seemed to be doing. The only problem was she felt more like she was doing Lee the favor rather than the other way around. He seemed so happy when they were up in the air together. She had thought at first that it was because of the way she seemed to make him laugh. Now she was pretty sure it was only because she took his mind off of Gianne and what he had lost. No wonder she found him trying to drink his sorrows away that night in this very bar.

"What are you thinking about?"

Zak's question caught her off guard which was why Kara didn't have time to sensor her answer. "Your brother."

"Excuse me?"

Her eyes went wide, and she did her best to backpedal. "We were supposed to be going on a training run right now. I had to cancel." Kara put on her bravest fake smile. "The bastard tried to bribe me with the promise of a lesson on buzzing."

"I'm going to have to have a talk with Lee about why he was trying so hard to keep you on ship."

Kara sensed where Zak was going with that thought and shook her head vigorously. "No, Lee didn't know I was going on this date with you at the time." She winced as she realized her words came out wrong.

Zak took a few deep breaths before asking through clenched teeth. "Does he know now?"

The look on Lee's face as she stepped onto the Raptor suddenly appeared in her head. "Yes, he definitely knows now."

He nodded and finished off his glass of ambrosia. "What say you and I hit the dance floor, Kara?"

Kara smiled. "I'd love to."

The rest of the night breezed past as Kara surrendered herself to the beat of the music and the feeling of being in a man's arms again. It had a certain refreshing comfort to it that she had missed. She even managed to keep herself from imagining Lee's face on Zak's body when she shut her eyes during the slow music. Not even she could be that cruel.

When they got back to Galactica, Zak walked her to the hatchway of the nuggets' bunkroom, and Kara indulged him in a quick kiss. It was hardly the kind that would make her stomach do flips, but she didn't usually get that kind of kiss on the first date. She wasn't worried.

Zak was solid. He was someone she could be with and not have the usual kind of drama she had grown accustomed to. He would be good for her. She had actually convinced herself of that as she slipped into a tank and shorts and laid down in her bunk.

Then she shut her eyes and the memory of how Lee had playfully tried to coax her out of this date came to mind. She fell asleep wondering what would have been different if she had been brave enough to tell him yes.


	9. Chapter 9

Her body jolted awake, and it took Kara a second to realize it was less from the ambrosia she had consumed and more from the rather vivid dream she had been having. It hurt to feel the bed beside her and not find his warmth.

Growling, she pulled herself out of bed. She didn't have class until the afternoon, and after that she had some unofficial flight time scheduled in with Lee. That meant she was awake with time to kill.

After a quick change into shorts and her sports bra, she started the trek through the corridors to the gym. It had to be at least three hours from the morning shift change. There would be absolutely no one there, making it the perfect setting for her to beat the damn confusing thoughts right out of her head.

Kara rubbed her eyes as she stumbled down the hall. She was still half asleep. Her feet came to a stop outside the gym hatch when she heard the familiar thwap of glove meeting bag. Some crazy fool actually had the same idea she did.

She knew it was him even before she saw it. There was a tight precision to the punches she was hearing, and no one else on board the Galactica could do that with quite as much anger. Others got sloppy. Lee simply got more efficient. It was one of the first things she learned about her CAG.

"Rough morning?" she called, pushing off the door jamb.

"Is it morning?" Lee said. He didn't stop in his ruthlessly efficient assault.

Kara walked over to the bag and held it steady. "Haven't you slept?"

"I told you that most nights I don't," he spit out, turning to kick the bag with his leg. Kara had to brace herself to keep from falling. "Why are you here?"

"Same reason you are, I guess. I have something I need to work out."

Lee paused in his attack to glance around the gym. "There are plenty of bags."

Kara narrowed her eyes. He wanted her to go away. That was something new. "Sometimes bags aren't good enough for what you need." Lee stared at her without saying a word. She knew he was waiting for her to walk away.

As soon as her back was turned, Lee let out a deep breath. The last thing he needed was Kara here in this gym. He had been doing so well, kicking and punching his demons. He didn't need her randomly showing up to remind him why he let the demons in in the first place.

He was just about to start hitting the bag again when a pair of gloves smacked him in the back of the head. Kara was staring at him expectantly. "Put those on," she commanded.

Lee bent down to pick up the gloves. They were what most of the crew used when they were lifting weights. "I'm not in the mood for spotting," Lee growled.

Kara shook her head. "I'm not in the mood for weights. I need to punch something." She looked him up and down before smirking. "You'll do."

Lee watched Kara slip a pair of similar gloves onto her hand before cracking her knuckles slowly. As she took her time warming up, he let his eyes wander the length of her body. A woman shouldn't look that good this early in the morning.

"I find those stupid boxing gloves to be too constricting," she explained even though he hadn't asked. "The point of this is to let a little pain in. How the frak are you supposed to do that when you have so much padding on?"

Lee could understand where she was coming from, but he wasn't going to tell her that. The last thing they needed was more common ground. He wanted her out of his life. He didn't want to let her in even more. Slipping the gloves on, he pumped his hand until they felt right. He decided Kara was actually on to something. Physical pain might be the way to go.

"Promise me one thing, Apollo," she whispered roughly as she began to circle him.

"What?"

"Don't go easy." She lunged in and made a quick jab at his chin, connecting with ease. He hadn't been ready for that.

Lee shook off the pain of the blow and wondered, not for the first time, if knowing Kara Thrace was going to be the death of him. From practically the moment she came up to him on the _Rising Star_, he could tell those brown eyes were trouble. He was content with just blocking the punches she threw up until he remembered the way those eyes had sparkled as she stepped onto the Raptor shuttle the night before. This was the woman dating his brother, and she was currently trying to kick his ass. Lee lashed out with a vicious right hook and made contact with the side of her face.

"You hit me!" Kara exclaimed, backing off a few steps.

Lee bit back the urge to apologize. He had never hit a girl before, at least not bare handed. It had always been with boxing gloves, playfully sparring with some of his shipmates.

"You're starting to earn my respect, Adama," Kara said, reaching her hand up to wipe the small trail of blood from her bottom lip. She had bit down on the side of her mouth on impact. That was probably going to hurt quite a bit in a few hours.

They traded a few punches, but both Lee and Kara knew they were toying with one another. It had been apparent in the first few seconds that they could really do some damage to each other. As fraked up as they were, Lee knew that they probably wouldn't reach that point… unless she said something to really piss him off.

Lee's mind was preoccupied with that wonderful thought when Kara slipped under his defenses to give him a mildly hard punch to the left cheekbone before kicking his legs out from under him. As he pulled himself up off the ground, he heard her whisper, "I missed fighting with you yesterday."

If it was possible, her words hurt him more than all the blows. He had missed fighting with her, too. Their bickering from the cockpits of the Vipers had become like second nature to him even though they had only been doing it a short while. It was odd going a full night without that annoyingly sexy voice in his ear telling him he was the worst CAG in the history of CAGs.

"We both know that's not true," Lee hissed as his jab hit the empty space she had just been in. He turned to glare at her. "I'm sure you were too busy yesterday to even think of me. How did the date go, by the way?"

"Pretty good considering there wasn't a lot of options," Kara growled, dodging another punch. "It was nice to be back on the _Rising Star_. I've kind of missed it."

Lee's mind immediately went to the last time Kara had been on the luxury liner. He couldn't get rid of the memory of the warmth of her body in his hands.

Kara took advantage of his distraction again and punched him hard in the gut. He doubled over in pain and wondered if she would get him a moment's reprieve while he figured out if breathing was still an option. "I'm glad you took my advice," Lee groaned to the woman hovering over where his body lay on the mat.

"What advice would that be?"

"To stop playing around with my little brother," Lee said, sitting up. Kara offered him a hand and helped him to his feet.

"You really are the stereotypical self-sacrificing older brother, aren't you?" Kara said, shaking her head.

Lee nodded and moved to sweep her feet out from under her. When she tried to counter, their limbs got tangled up, and they both fell to the mat. Lee was already back on his feet before he realized Kara was clutching her knee in pain. "What happened?" he said, the concern evident on his face.

"Old fraking pyramid injury," Kara hissed. "You are such a jackass! Frak, this hurts."

"Really?" Lee said, leaning down even more.

"No!" Kara yelled before winding back to punch him across the face. Her laughter filled the gym as Lee stumbled back in pain. "You stupid frakers always fall for that crap. If I had an old injury, I wouldn't still be playing."

"That was a low blow," Lee hissed, rubbing at his already tender jaw.

"I see a weakness, I play on it, Apollo," she pointed out.

"And what weakness did you just play on?"

"You're too sympathetic, too worried about the pilots you have under your command."

"Usually that's the sign of a good CAG," Lee insisted as they both squared up for another round.

Kara threw a few half-hearted jabs as they began to circle one another. They were toying with one another in this fraked-up seductive version of cat and mouse. She hated how excited that made her. "That standard you're trying to live by to doesn't hold up now that our world has been destroyed. You need to be tough if you want your pilots to be there in the end."

"Who are you to be giving me advice on how to do my job?" Lee growled.

"I was a member of a rather successful pyramid team. I know what it's like to have to lead troops into battle."

The conversation cut off when Lee's fist connected with one of her hands abruptly. She had been trying to throw a nearly identical punch to his. There was a dull thump as they made contact with one another, and Lee saw Kara wince in pain as she tried to shake it off. "I'm not even going to ask if you're okay."

"I see you're learning."

Kara took another swing at his face, and Lee stepped to the side. Her unexpected momentum in addition to the slight push he gave her caused her to collide with the wall. She took a moment to gather herself before pivoting her body to charge at him. Her body roughly pushed his into the mat, and Kara could feel the breath rush out of his chest. She didn't give him time to recover.

Lee was protecting his face as Kara seemed to lose the last bit of control she had. He had no clue where all this anger was coming from. Knowing he needed to stop her, he said the first thing that came to mind. "Did he say you looked beautiful?" He was rewarded when her fists stop mid-air. Rolling, he pinned her body to the ground. "Because you really did look beautiful, Kara."

Kara's face melted for a moment before the tough façade came right back. She kneed him hard in the gut. "It's none of your business what Zak said to me."

Lee pulled himself to his feet despite the pain. A laugh fell from his lips that cut Kara to the bone. "He didn't say it."

"I am not here to go over the details of my night."

"Are you going to see him again?" Lee asked abruptly, earning himself a few close punches.

Kara thought over his question as she wiped another round of blood from her mouth. She hadn't thought about it yet. If she was on Caprica, things would be a lot easier. She would have gone on her date, gotten a good frak from Zak, and then moved on to the next venue. Now, she was in this Fleet, and her mistakes didn't just disappear with the changing scenery.

She broke away from Lee's penetrating gaze and focused on the swelling right below his right eye. That was definitely going to darken up into one hell of a black eye. "I don't know," she spit out as they started trading blows again.

The pace picked up as their words died away, and Kara could feel the rage radiating off of Lee. She had a small idea where all this anger was coming from. The idea of her going on a date with Zak must have reminded him of his girlfriend. Lee half-heartedly threw her up against the wall, and Kara decided she had had enough pain for one day.

Kara rested her hands on her knees for a moment, trying to catch her breath. She lifted her head to see Lee was doing the exact same thing. From the gasping for air to the pained look on the face, they were mirror images of one another. He didn't look like he was ready to stop this fight. "I can't be her for you, Lee," Kara spit out between gasps of air.

Lee's face filled with confusion. "Who?"

"Gianne."

Kara knew the second she said it, she had made a mistake. Lee's face went void of all emotion as his jaw tightened. Suddenly he had no trouble breathing and was as calm as the waters on Picon. "How do you know about Gianne?" He didn't even pause to let her answer. "Let me guess. Zak went into great details about what a horrible frak-up his older brother is while you were on your date, and you couldn't help but rub my nose into it."

"You have it all wrong," Kara growled.

"He needs to learn to keep his mouth shut when it comes to stuff that's none of his business. I never waved his shortcomings around in the air for people to look at. I was too busy being proud of the way he aced his way through mechanical school to be embarrassed by the fact that my brother was a flight school washout. I never once teased him when he brought home a random girl from the Academy and then begged me to help get rid of her the next day. He had no right to tell you about Gianne."

Kara waited until Lee's rant drew to a close before smacking him hard in the arm. It got his attention. "Your brother didn't mention Gianne, Lee."

"Then who did?"

"Your father."

"That makes no sense. My father barely knew her."

"Well, obviously he kept up with what was happening in your life because he was definitely the one who told me about your girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend," Lee corrected.

Kara's face filled with disgust. "That's a horrible way to put it. Lots of people lost loved ones in the attacks. You don't hear them going around talking about their ex-wives or ex-children! You can't abandon the memories of the people you loved just because they're gone. Be a man and honor the love you had with her. She is still your girlfriend until you get over her death."

"What the frak are you talking about?" Lee exclaimed. "The last time I spoke to Gianne was a few months before I got stationed on Atlantia. She hasn't been my girlfriend for over a year now. Frak! For all I know she's out there in the civilian Fleet somewhere."

Kara's eyes went wide. "But your father said…"

"Like I tried to tell you before, my father barely knows me, let alone the women I date." Lee was beginning to put two and two together, and he did not like what it was adding up to. "He must have heard about her from my mom and just assumed I was still with her."

They stood in silence, both digesting the misunderstanding that had just erupted between them. Lee reached out to grab Kara's gloved hands. He slowly pulled the tight black leather off of her, and Kara shivered as he ran his fingers over the bruises and cuts. "I don't think I could ever see you as a replacement, Kara."

She desperately wanted to ask him if that was a good thing, but she knew that was bordering on inappropriate. Lee would just pull away, and that was the last thing she wanted right now. It had been so long since someone had fussed over her. The fact that it was her hands he was examining added a sort of poetic irony to it.

Kara waited a moment before pulling away from him. She did her best to ignore the small whimper that suddenly wanted to get out. Her mind focused on something that had been plaguing her since she stepped onboard that Raptor the night before. She had come to rely on her little private lessons with CAG, and it made her sad to know she had probably seen her last one. She should just grab her things, hit the showers, and wash away the pain Lee had given her. That was the smart thing to do.

Somehow, Kara wasn't surprised when she pushed the smart course of action aside. Like she had said a thousand times before, she really enjoyed the pain. "Do you have an off-shift today?" she asked while quietly gathering her belongings.

Lee watched her for a moment. There was a lot riding on that little question, and there really shouldn't be. He knew her question implied she thought he would stop giving her those flying lessons, but he had no clue why. Her dating Zak didn't make her any less of a pilot so why would he punish her for it? "I can go up after the evening class you have," Lee said, bending down to pick up her discarded pair of gloves. He held them out for her to take. "All right?"

Her face broke out into a large smile. She gave him a small nod before walking out of the gym.

Lee moved to watch her walk down the corridor. He couldn't help but wonder what Kara had gone through to make her think he could swear her off after one little fight. She was the best pilot he had right now, and she wasn't even done with her training. Not to mention she was usually the only bright spot to his normal day of paperwork, flight classes, and endless CAPs.

Kara Thrace had wormed her way into being a part of his life, and for some reason, Lee had a feeling she was there to stay.


	10. Chapter 10

The first time Kara went running with Lee, it was a mistake. The second time, it was a coincidence. The third time, he was waiting for her outside the bunkroom door.

They ran the corridors of Galactica together because they both happened to be running at the same time. It was as simple as that. They had each made that clear on multiple occasions.

In actuality, they knew the reason why they did this had nothing to do with being in the same place at the same time. That had become apparent as soon as they started seeking each other out in the mornings.

As their feet were steadily pounding along the metal grating of the corridors, Kara had to fight the urge to admit that he was the only person she could really talk to. Sure, her fellow pilots and the crew, especially Zak, had embraced her lovably brash self with open arms. That's where it ended. No one could really see past the hotshot pyramid player façade she had learned to put up years before.

For her whole life, she had only let one person in, and even then, it had taken a year. Somehow she knew that if Lee ever got his head out of his ass and said frak you to the stupid regulations, it wouldn't even take half that time. He just seemed to know all the things she should never have to say. To him, she was like an open book.

Kara had come to realize that flying created a kind of closeness between pilots. When you were up in the air, your mind was at one with both the stars and the ship at your side. Lately that ship had held her CAG, and Kara could feel the connection they made in the sky. They flew well together.

The thing that bothered her was the fact this weird companionship had worked its way on board the ship. Kara had always been a rather confrontational person. People had even gone as far as to compare her to a porcupine, quills and all. Somehow she didn't have those defenses when it came to Lee. He had broken her down in the sky, and now he was breaking her down on the ground. Yet she was supposed to keep her distance.

She was so totally and completely fraked.

"Are you fading out on me, Starbuck?" Lee taunted as he began to jog backwards in front of her.

"I can outrun you any day of the week, flyboy," she insisted, picking up her pace. It was odd. Lee hadn't asked her to stop calling him that for days now.

Lee slowed down until Kara caught up with him. He wished he could figure out why a woman he had only know for a week and a half seemed to know more about him than anyone else on this whole ship, including his father and brother. Most people on the ship defined him by the way he flew his missions. Whenever he wasn't in the cockpit, they only saw him as the Commander's son.

It was the same for Zak, only different.

Zak had somehow found a way to prove he had a right to be working alongside the crew of Galactica. Maybe it was because, unlike Lee, he was not following in his father's footsteps. He had chosen his own path even if it was more like the path had chosen him. Everyone assumed Lee had gotten appointed to the CAG position because his father was biased in some way.

That misguided belief kept most of the people on Galactica from interacting with him on any level. They were afraid if they made one wrong move, Lee would go running to tell Daddy on them. No one had taken the time to realize that was the last thing Lee would ever do for multiple reasons. Still, they avoided him like the plague just in case.

Kara was really the only one with the balls not to care about who his father was.

He wished he could thank her, but that would probably be inappropriate. They had enough of that already. He didn't need to add more.

Lee had always been a guy who did things by the book. Contrary to popular belief, that had nothing to do with his father. It was his choice. He liked it when things made sense. Order was the only constant in his life.

And yet he found himself seeking chaos in the form of the blonde spitfire jogging by his side. Every second he spent with her was in direction violation of the rules he had sworn to live by the day he entered War College. A CAG was supposed to be available to his pilots. He was supposed to be social, to play triad, to joke with them within reason. A CAG was not supposed to take a recruit on private training runs. He was not supposed to count down the minutes until their next run. He was not supposed to lay in bed at night imagining how life would be different if the Cylons hadn't attacked and he had randomly met the C-Bucks best player in some Caprican bar. He was not supposed to wake up with tightness in his pants and the image of Kara's naked body on his mind.

The sad thing was he couldn't distance himself from her even if he tried.

Kara cut the corner in front of him, forcing him to switch over to the other side. They split to pass the massive horde of people going through shift change, and she could feel her steps faltering. She hadn't run this hard since before the attacks. Without Lee by her side, setting the pace, it was getting to be a little too much.

Kara was doing her best to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other when Lee came out of nowhere to bump her side. Any hope of balance went out the window as she slammed into the wall. She turned in time to see him wiggle his eyebrows before taking off in an all-out sprint. A second wind hit her as she ran after him.

It took her five corridors to push past him. This was no different than pyramid in a lot of ways. On the pyramid court, she had always thrived on being the underdog. The fact that Lee was the more practiced runner wasn't really a secret. She did have one thing he did not.

She could dodge with the best of them.

Now that she had passed him, Lee decided it was time to stop playing around. He turned up the heat in his run but found every time he reached out to pull her back, she was just out of reach. Every time his fingers would graze her back or arm, he was rewarded with an adorable giggle. It didn't take him long to realize the chase was half the fun.

Lee wasn't the type of man to accept defeat even if he was having a fraking good time losing. As they cut another corner and started down a new corridor, he pushed himself just a little harder and managed to get a hold of her arm. He pulled Kara to slow her down, and then for the thousandth time, she surprised him. Instead of letting herself be pulled back, she simply slipped her body around to the back of his.

He would never be able to understand how exactly it happened, but the next thing he knew her arms were grasping his neck and she was kicking herself off the ground. Lee caught her legs in his crook of his arms and tucked them into his sides before slowing them down to a walk.

"I'm too tired, Lee," Kara panted in his ear from her position plastered against his back.

"And I'm not?"

"You're a big strong man," Kara teased. "You can totally carry me back to the bunkroom with your great man strength."

"You're wearing me out, Thrace," Lee said, bouncing her up a little to get a better grip. He gave a nod in response to the strange looks they were earning from everyone around. "I could get in trouble for this. I am still your teacher after all."

"I will laugh so hard if you get thrown in the brig for inappropriate touching!" Kara exclaimed. She tightened her hold around his neck.

Lee tried not to dwell on how natural it felt to be giving this woman a piggyback ride through the corridors of the last Battlestar left in the world. "Are you really going to make me carry you all the way back to the bunkroom?"

"You made me sprint. This is your punishment."

"I could think of better ways you could punish me," Lee growled.

Kara's mouth dropped open as she gasped. "Captain! Did you just make a dirty innuendo?"

Lee chuckled and tightened his grip on her legs. "I'm only human. If you keep giving me these openings, I'm going to take them."

"You're all talk, Adama." Kara leaned her lips down to his ear and nibbled lightly. She could feel his grip on her body loosen. If her arms weren't holding him so tightly, Lee would have dropped her on her ass. She let out a laugh as his arms came back up to grip her legs. A pink blush was spreading all the way down his neck. "As you can see, I'm more a fan of the action," she teased.

Lee was struggling with the sudden need to get his body under control. "You cannot do stuff like that, Kara. It's bad enough that I'm carrying you through the halls."

"Gods. You need to loosen up, flyboy. It's the end of the world. If you can't have a little fun now, when can you?"

"I'll give you fun," Lee hissed.

Kara had no idea how he pulled it off, but with a drop of his arms and a twist of his body, he suddenly had her pulled over his shoulder. "Put me down," she yelled. Her feet kicked uselessly in the air behind them. She squirmed against his hold for a few seconds as he pulled them to a stop. Her hands were pinned between her body and his shoulder or else she would be punching the frak out of him. "Are you having fun?" she asked.

"Loads. I've been waiting to get you under control since the second you stepped into that briefing room."

"Not before?" Kara asked, turning her head to look at him.

His eyes locked with hers, and she knew they were both remembering all the previous times they had let themselves get this close to one another. "I should probably put you down," Lee stated. He held her gaze for a few seconds before his eyes naturally drifted down to her lips.

Kara's tongue darted out to lick her lips, more out of a pleasant feeling of unease than a conscious attempt to torture him. Regardless, Lee felt himself biting back a groan.

"Kara?"

They both froze at the sound of Zak's voice. Kara turned her head away from Lee to look at where his younger brother stood next to Kat. "Zak. I thought you were on shift."

"I was. The Chief has me running a few papers up to CIC for him, and I ran into Kat on the way there. She was just telling me about the patterns you pulled last night."

Kara could feel a blush come over her face. For some reason, it felt like an invasion of privacy that people were talking about the lessons she had with Lee. Then, there was the guilt. She and Zak had gone on several dates since the first one, thereby making it her responsibility to tell him about what was going on with her lessons with Lee. He shouldn't have to hear it from other people.

"Listen, I have to hit the head. I'll talk with you later, Zak." Kat had obviously picked up on the awkward tension and decided she did not want to be a part of it.

Zak gave her a small nod and waited until she was out of sight before turning back to where his brother still held Kara over his shoulder.

"Anything important?" Kara asked, nodding at the papers in his hand.

"No, just some requests to put some feelers out in the civilian Fleet for spare Viper parts. The Chief's trying to repair those two Vipers you downed now that they're back in the hangar bay. He's pretty sure there won't be any parts available right now, but it doesn't hurt to check."

"We're going to need them eventually," Kara pointed out. "Did you ever think of substitutes you could use to make the parts ourselves?"

"I don't know. The Chief seems to think-" Zak's voice cut off as the absurdity of the situation finally hit him. "Could you fraking put her down, Lee?"

"Sorry," Lee said. He loosened his grip and let Kara slid to the floor. He nervously bit down on his lip as his brother continued to stare him down. He hadn't seen Zak this pissed in a long time. "Listen. I'm going to finish up my last few laps."

"I'll catch up if I can," Kara said, wiping the sweat off her brow.

Zak stood next to her in silence as they watched Lee run off down the corridor. "I didn't know you ran with my brother."

"It's a new development." Kara found she couldn't turn to look Zak in the eye so she just stared down the corridor. "We just happen to run at the same time, and I always seem to bump into him at some point. It's nice to have someone there to force you to keep up the pace."

"You could have run with me if you asked."

Kara winced. She hadn't even known Zak was a runner. He had probably mentioned it at some point, and she hadn't been listening. "I know. Like I said, it wasn't like I planned to run into him."

Zak stared at her intently before suggesting, "Keep me company while I walk to the CIC?"

Kara gave him a small nod and they walked side-by-side down the corridor. She really did enjoy the time she spent with Zak. It was free of the stress of making sure she was being a proper fly girl, following regulations and all the other crap she had to remember 24/7. It was refreshingly different than the time she spent with Lee. That was full of constantly keeping her impulses in check and looking over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching

She couldn't help but notice not one person in the corridors was watching her and Zak.

"So, I think we need to talk about this."

"About what?" Kara asked, shifting to look over at him.

"Kara, about two seconds ago, you were giving my brother your 'come frak me' eyes. Hell, you've been looking at him like that since the day you got to Galactica. I might be slow, but I'm not completely stupid."

Kara stumbled as Zak's blunt words sunk in. That was not what she was expecting him to say.

Zak let out a sigh of frustration. "This is so messed up right now. I mean, I like you, Kara. I really do. You're an amazing woman. In the end, though, it doesn't matter how much I like you, but this isn't going to work. We both know that."

"I thought you were having fun with me?" Kara said. She was so confused. The last thing she had ever expected was for Zak to call off whatever this was. At least she hadn't expected it this early in the game.

"I am. It's been fraking great, being able to spend time with the best pyramid player in the Twelve Colonies."

"That isn't as big of a compliment now that I'm the only one left." Kara meant to be funny, but her words just came off as kind of sad.

"I don't know why you ever pushed me into working up the courage to ask you out, Kara, because your heart has never been in this. I know you thought I wouldn't notice, but I have. I really don't mind. It was nice to have someone to talk to who didn't think less of me because I was an Academy washout."

"Zak, no one thinks less of you," Kara insisted.

"You've only been around for a few weeks. I've been a washout for years now. I think I know a little better than you."

Kara chose to stay silent. It seemed everything she said just pushed her foot deeper into her mouth.

"I don't want you to feel bad about this," Zak insisted. "I just don't want you to waste your time on something that's not going anywhere. Like you always say, it's the end of the world. You shouldn't settle for anything less than what you deserve."

"I don't think I've ever said that."

Zak smiled at her. "Well, I know I left out a frak or two, but that's pretty much the motto you've been preaching since you stepped foot on Galactica."

Kara laughed. "I didn't realize I was that poetic."

"You can be if you censor yourself. You have the mouth of a fraking space pirate, Kara."

"That's what happens when you grow up on military bases."

Zak stopped in his tracks, and a genuine smile lit up his face. "You realize that's the first real piece of information about your life that you've shared with me."

Kara suddenly felt embarrassed. She had been holding a lot back from him. Maybe it was because she knew she was leading him on and she didn't want him to get even more attached. Or maybe it was because she knew she really didn't deserve a good man like Zak Adama.

She knew that having to call things off with her was hurting him even if he wouldn't admit it. They both liked the safety of what they had together. Zak felt like he had something special, something no one else including his brother could have, when he was with Kara. Kara's reasons were more straightforward. Zak was safe simply because he wasn't Lee.

Letting that safety go would be hard. Zak might not be the one for her, but she had really liked being around him. For some reason, the thought of that ending made her sad. She didn't have many friends left in this world, and Zak Adama happened to be one of them. "You're not really going anywhere, are you, Zak?" Kara whispered. She tried to ignore the flood of people walking past them.

"Frak no!" Zak laughed. He pulled her into a hug, and Kara realized that she didn't mind the contact. Usually she hated when people encroached on her personal space without asking. "I know I might not be your true love, but I'm still your friend, Kara. I enjoy talking to you even if you don't really share a lot of who you are. I like to think that someday, if I'm patient, you will."

Kara's hands came up around Zak's back. She had been right to think she didn't deserve a man like Zak Adama. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that."

They stood in the middle of the corridor for a few minutes before Zak pulled away. "I really do need to get these papers to the CIC. The Chief's probably wondering what the frak happened to me."

"Tell him you got lost," Kara suggested. She waited for Zak to walk away now that he had said his piece, and when he just kept staring at her, she began to get uncomfortable. He was giving her the same fraking face that Lee had when he wanted to get serious. That look as one of the few things the two brothers shared. "What is it?' she mumbled, bracing herself for what was to come next.

"Be careful, would you?"

Her head jerked up as confusion washed over her. "What?"

"I've seen the way you look at my brother. It's against regulations, Kara."

Kara tried to laugh it off. "What can I say? I'm a woman. I have needs, and your brother is easy on the eyes."

Zak shook his head, and Kara realized that, just like Lee, he could see right through her. "It's more than just something physical. The way you look at my brother? He looks at you the same way. That's why you have to be careful. My dad has always held Lee up to a higher standard than me. He's not going to like the influence you have on him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara demanded.

Zak simply smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. "Nothing, Kara. It means absolutely nothing." He walked a few paces before turning back and smirking at her. "I mean, it is the end of the world, isn't it?"

Kara leaned up against the corridor wall as he dropped out of view. Her mind was racing from one thought to another. Her life had never been this fraked up on Caprica, and she had been a professional pyramid player then. Her every move was photographed and splayed on the front page of the tabloids. The only part of her life that wasn't public knowledge was the small flat she kept in the bad part of Delphi. That was her safe haven.

She felt herself drifting through the haze of the memories of a life she would never live again and probably would have lost herself in it if Zak's words didn't keep pushing their way to the forefront.

Zak had been right. This thing with Lee had shifted away from being just a physical desire. She had been right to think that Lee would work his way through her defenses in record time. It all went back to the reason why they ran together every day. He was the only one with the courage to see through her brave front and realize she was as lost as the rest of them.

Kara pushed her thoughts to the side and jogged a few corridors over. She timed it just right. As she leaned against the wall outside the head to stretch her legs out, Lee came running around the corner. "I didn't think you would actually catch up to me," he said as he pulled to a stop in front of her.

She shrugged and grabbed his arm, pulling him back into a run. "If I counted correctly, we still have two laps to do."

Lee stared at her a moment before shifting his focus to the run. He didn't know what she and Zak had talked about, but something was off about her now. It was almost like she was scared. "What did Zak do to you?" Lee mumbled.

"He didn't do anything," Kara said quietly as they fell into the steady pace she preferred.

A guilty look crossed Lee's face. He didn't realize he had said that loud enough for her to hear. There was no turning back now, though. "It doesn't look like nothing. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Lee. Stop trying to be my big brother."

Lee laughed at the absurdity of that phrase. He was about as far from Kara's big brother as you could get. The thought of it made him shudder. He reached out and grabbed Kara's arm.

"Frak off, Lee," she said, trying to pull away. "We have to finish our run."

"It can wait. What did he say to you?"

"Is this my concerned CAG asking?" Kara growled.

Lee knew she meant her words to wound him, but he couldn't help feeling sorry for her. It was sad that she had to use anger and sarcasm to keep people at bay. "This is your friend asking."

Kara's face shifted away from the anger into something that Lee couldn't read. "You think we're friends?"

"Aren't we?"

Kara stared at him and then, sighing, took a seat on a nearby storage carton. "I don't know why I'm acting like this. I'm not even that upset."

"What do you have to be upset about?"

"The thing I was starting with Zak kind of fizzled out. I guess I'm just mad because I know I was using him." Kara smiled at Lee and put her hand over his mouth before he could react. "Don't get mad at me because it was for a damn good reason. When I spent time with your brother, it helped keep my mind off of the fact that I'm in way over my head here."

Lee reached up to pull her hand away from his mouth. "You're not in over your head."

"I'm a fraking pyramid player, Lee. The only thing I've ever been good at is throwing a ball through a hoop. I never meant to be a pilot."

"Maybe you should have. You have the chops, Kara. I wouldn't be giving up my rack time if you didn't. You just have to start believing in yourself."

Kara thought that over for a moment and felt a strange sense of calm wash over her. She turned to Lee and gave him probably her first genuine smile in days. "I get it now."

"Get what?"

"Why your father made you the CAG. You're really good at it."

Lee shrugged and got to his feet. He had never been comfortable with compliments. They made him feel like there was an extraordinary amount of pressure on his shoulder. Coming from Kara, a compliment felt even heavier because he knew it was rare.

Sighing, Lee shoved his thoughts to the side and held his hand out for her to take. "What say we put an end to the touchy feely portion of our run and just skip to the part where I kick your ass in a foot race?"

Kara slid her hand into his, and when he went to pull her up, she yanked hard. Lee went flying into the crate she had just vacated. By the time he got back to his feet, she was already halfway down the corridor. "I'm going to kill you, Thrace!" Lee laughed before taking off after her.

Everyone in the corridor was staring at them, but he didn't really care. His mind was focused on one thing, catching his hotshot pilot and winning back a little bit of his pride.


	11. Chapter 11

"Starbuck, Apollo. Would you fraking cut that out?" Lee hissed.

Kara let out a giggle as she pulled her Viper out of the continuous roll she had been flying around Lee's ship. It bugged him to have her be so needlessly risky, and she knew it. "Apollo, Starbuck. Get the stick out of your ass and have a little fun."

"Remind me to throw you in the brig for general insubordination when we get back."

Kara was about to yell something along the lines of 'frak you' back at him when his Viper cut away from hers. It flipped end to end, pausing only when his Viper was flying in tandem with hers, the only difference being Lee's was upside down. He gave her one of the wide, boyish grins she had just started to get used to. It seemed like the CAG was finally loosening up.

"So, these training runs are starting to feel less like training each time we come out here," Kara pointed out as she flipped her bird to fly upside down next to him.

"I'm running out of things to teach you." Lee smiled at her, and Kara decided that looked just as beautiful upside down as right side up. "Maybe it's time to let you graduate."

Lee watched Kara's face fall and wondered what he had said wrong. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kara insisted, forcing the smile back on her face. Her relationship with Lee had gotten a little more honest since he insisted they were friends on their run a few days earlier, but she didn't think they were at the point where she could say anything that was on her mind. Plus, he probably didn't want to hear about how sad the thought of no more training runs made her feel. She had started to depend on these small chunks of time in which it was only her and Lee and a million stars.

She knew that this feeling of peace was probably what all pilots felt when they were on an uneventful CAP, and yet she knew it wouldn't ever be like this again. This feeling of bliss was somehow wrapped up in Lee's presence. She couldn't separate the two.

"So, how's the flight schedule for tomorrow?" Kara asked. She was doing her best to keep the blood flowing in her hand. It wasn't easy holding the ship so stationary, but she figured this was just another test. Lee liked to see how much determination she had. She just hoped he let her off before her whole arm cramped up.

"Not good. I can't seem to figure out how to give Pitfall a shift off."

"Why does that lucky frak get downtime and the rest of us don't?" Kara exclaimed.

"Because Pitfall's wife and children happened to be on one of the colonial shuttles that joined up with the Fleet after the attack. It's his little girl's fifth birthday. The man deserves to spend it with her."

Kara couldn't hold back the smile. It was really rather sweet that Lee was stressing himself out because he couldn't give one of his pilots a little family time. Most CAGs wouldn't be that considerate. "All right. What exactly is the problem?"

Kara listened intently while Lee started laying out the problem. These conversations had been slowly evolving from the first day they were in the air together. She had made one side comment about how fraking annoying it must be to always have to work out the pilots' flight schedules, and Lee had agreed. She quickly found out that Lee often struggled with the delicate balance of keeping the Fleet safe and finding ways to keep up pilot morale. "Why don't you shift Boomer to a double shift but give her a new ECO to break up the monotony? You could easily get Racetrack to volunteer, and I'm sure Crashdown won't mind sharing his Raptor pilot."

"Why would Racetrack volunteer?"

"Because she's been seeing some guy on the _Geminon Traveler_. She's going to want a little time off down the line if this guy plays his cards right."

Lee shook his head. He had no idea how Kara kept up with the gossip on Galactica, but he was grateful. "Okay, that might actually work then."

"Any other problems?"

"None that I can see right now."

"Well, you know where I am if you think of anything."

"Flying upside down in the sky?"

"Exactly." Kara waited a moment before asking, "By the way, I was just wondering if we were ever going to stop this flight maneuver?"

"Why? Is it too much for you?"

"No," Kara lied. "It's just that I know you, Lee. Next, you'll be having us do some complicated maneuver with rolls and flips and spirals. I don't want to be the one who has to tell Galactica her CAG is passed out in an Viper floating in the middle of space. It would be kind of embarrassing."

"Apollo, Galactica." Dee's voice cut through the cockpits, and Lee and Kara righted their ships automatically. "We need you to come back to the ship so your Vipers can go through their maintenance checks."

"Wilco, Galactica. Guess that means playtime is over, Starbuck."

"Only until tomorrow," she reminded him.

"I might be a little late. The President wants to meet me with me about some military policies she doesn't understand. I'll try to get done as soon as possible."

"It's okay," Kara insisted, even though it really wasn't. "It's not like you're beholden to me or anything."

"I know," Lee replied. "I just really don't want to sit in meetings all day, and I'm willing to use you as an excuse to get me out of them."

"How flattering," Kara said with a laugh. "I love it when I'm being used."

Their conversation dwindled as they both focused on their landings. Lee had challenged her to do a combat landing side by side with him a few days earlier, and they had been doing them every since. They were rather challenging and required almost complete coordination.

Kara liked them, though. They were physical evidence of what her relationship with Lee had become. It was a subtle give and take that never seemed to end. The physicality was still there, blazing red hot at the most inopportune times. Only now, there was a friendship just like Lee had said. She found herself wanting to spend a few minutes talking with him over lunch in the mess just as often as she found herself wanting to frak him in the middle of the briefing room, regardless of who was there.

They had been tiptoeing around on this thin line, but it had stopped feeling scary to Kara. She knew that they weren't going to cross it. They both loved flying too much to take the risk. That was probably one of the reasons their relationship had mellowed out a little bit into something more normal.

Kara hopped out of her Viper and handed the helmet to a nearby deckhand. Zak gave her a small wave from where he was standing, trying to fix a communication panel on a downed Raptor, and Kara smiled. Things had become normal on that front, too.

"That was a hell of a piece of flying you did out there," Cally said, walking up to run a hand along the bird.

Kara smiled. She had a soft spot for this particular deckhand. It had something to do with knowing this small girl with the tiny hands could fix a broken ship with her eyes closed. Kara couldn't help but respect that. "Thanks, Cally. It was mostly the CAG, but it's nice to hear anyway."

"You're just being humble," Cally insisted.

"No, she's just being honest," Lee said, walking up behind the pair.

Cally's face drained of color, and Kara wondered if the crew was ever going to get used to the fact that Lee was a real person who liked to join in on the fun sometimes. She had seen way too many conversations die out when Lee entered a room. She could not believe these people. They respected him so fraking much when he was in the air or teaching a class, but when they saw him in anything other than a professional mode, they were downright rude.

"Cally, there was a slight pull to the left in my ship," Lee continued. "Could you check it out?"

"Wouldn't you rather have the Chief look at your Viper, sir?"

"No, I want you to do it," Lee insisted. "You know your stuff and I'm pretty sure the Chief is busy with something else. Check out Starbuck's while you're at it."

"Yes, sir," Cally said before running off to do her job.

"I think you just made her day, Lee. Cally really doubts herself sometimes."

"I know. I probably would have asked her to look over my ship even if I didn't know she was one of the best mechanics we have right now."

Kara's eyes scanned the hangar bay before she turned to look back at Lee. "You should get moving. I'm sure that flight schedule needs to be done now that I've solved your problem."

"Thanks again for that."

"Anytime you need someone to point out how horrible oblivious you are, I'm your girl."

"You think I don't know that?" Lee said, squeezing her arm lightly before stepping around her to leave the hangar bay.

"Don't forget!" Kara yelled. "Training run tomorrow as soon as you get done with your oh-so-important meetings."

Lee rolled his eyes at her and jogged out of sight.

"That's fraking disgusting."

Kara turned to see Kat leaning up against the side of her Viper. "Excuse me?"

"I said that is fraking disgusting."

Kara could feel her hands automatically shifting into fists. She had yet to figure out how Kat had the ability to put her on edge with only a few words. "What exactly is fraking disgusting?"

"How desperate you are to get into the CAG's pants."

Kara's jaw tightened as she wondered what Kat was trying to prove here. She had been pushing Kara's buttons since they second they stepped foot on Galactica, and the only reason Kara could come up with as to why Kat was so pissed off was too stupid to even say out loud. No pilot should be angry simply because they weren't the best of the best. "I'm not trying to get into the CAG's pants." Kara figured that sounded mildly convincing, which was the best she could do when she was telling a balls-out lie. "I'm just trying to get my wings so I can start helping out around this place."

"Aren't you embarrassed at being the CAG's little pet nugget? You follow him around like he's the gods' gift to the Fleet."

"You're blind if you can't see that it's a blessing he was on board when the Cylons attack." Kara sighed. She was getting tired of defending Lee to this frakers. "You should show him a little respect, Kat. He is the man giving your boonie jumper ass a chance to prove you can hack it at Vipers."

Kat shook her head. "He's really made you into his bitch."

Kara had to fight back the urge to wipe that stupid smirk off her face. She knew that fighting was not going to solve anything. "What the frak is your problem, Kat?"

"What's _my_ problem? What's _your_ problem, Starbuck? Why the frak can't you just sit back with the rest of us nuggets and accept that it's going to be awhile before we're ready to hit the air on our own? Why do you have to make yourself better than everyone else?"

"I am better than everyone else. I don't have to make myself that way," Kara corrected.

"Frak you! You're no better than the rest of us. Just because you're some fraking high profile pyramid player does not earn you special treatment."

"Oh, I see how it is. You're just jealous because the CAG is giving me special attention and he barely looks at you. You have a crush. That's so cute, Kat!"

"Give me a fraking break, Starbuck. I'm not the one chasing the Captain around with my tongue sticking out and drool running down my chin."

"Nice visual," Kara said, rolling her eyes as she turned her back on the other pilot. She was getting bored with this.

"I don't see how you could be so openly hurtful to Zak," Kat started in again. "You drop him on his ass and not days later you're making a play for his brother. I knew you were a bitch, but I didn't realize you were that cold-hearted. Fraking your way through the whole Adama family? How long before you move on to the Old Man?"

"You need to stop listening to every hint of gossip that reaches your ears, Kat. You have no idea what happened between Zak and I, and you never will."

"But you don't deny you're making a play for his brother?"

Kara fought the urge to scream. She hated it when people talked in circles. "Captain Adama is my superior officer. It would be against military protocol and regulation to start a romantic relationship with him."

"That's a fine reason why you shouldn't, but you haven't given me a reason why you aren't, Starbuck." Kat's face broke out into a cruel sort of smile. "Never mind. It would be useless anyway. The CAG has a thing for Dee."

Kara felt herself stiffen despite trying not to. It still hurt inside to remember how Lee had looked at Dee on the day she first decided to give Zak a chance. She couldn't help but think she put that notion in his head.

Kat continued to stare her down as she said, "You know, it might be annoying to know the CAG doesn't have the time to pay attention to me, but it must hurt a lot more to have him pay attention but still go off to frak another woman."

Kara's fist came out before she could stop herself. Kat hit the ground rather hard, and Kara suddenly realized the whole hangar bay was watching them.

"Ensign Thrace!"

Kara's whole body tensed as the XO's voice bounced off the silent walls of the hangar bay. She was so well and truly fraked.

"Please explain why you felt it necessary to cause physical harm to one of your fellow pilots in the middle of the fraking hangar bay."

Kara turned to glare at Colonel Tigh. She could explain that Kat had made inappropriate comments and insults that were directed both to Kara and to the CAG, but she didn't think that would help much. Tigh seemed to have it in for her. He must not be a fan of pyramid.

"Fine. If you will not explain yourself now, I'll give you some time in hack so you can pull your thoughts together." Tigh motioned for the nearby Marines. "Take Kara Thrace to the hack and send word that she is off all flight schedules as of this moment."

Kara couldn't lie and say that last little bit didn't hurt. It was funny how easily flying had become a part of her. The idea of not being able to do it pulled at her heart.

The Marines led her through the corridors, and Kara couldn't help but grin at the way people were looking at her. Every single person had the same reaction. She was given a smile or a shake of the head. No one could believe she had made it this long without having herself thrown in the brig.

The cell was small and quite cold, just like everyone had told her it would be. The other compartments were empty, and Kara tried to look on the bright side. She might actually be able to get her thoughts in order now. There was only a lone Marine standing guard to witness her muttering under her breath.

She couldn't figure out what exactly had made her lash out at Kat. There were just so many options. On top of insulting Lee's ability to be a CAG and Zak's decision to end whatever he might have had with Kara, the young pilot had basically called Kara a slut. Kara wondered if the rest of the pilots believe everything they read in the tabloids. She hadn't realized it was going to be this fraking hard to live down her pyramid fame.

It took Kara well over an hour, but after much thought and denial, she finally admitted the reason she had gotten so mad at Kat was because the pilot was partially right. She had been trying to get in Lee's pants for the first week or so she was on Galactica. She had mistreated Zak, using him as a replacement for her feelings towards Lee even if it was on an consciously unconscious level. Most of all, Kat had been right when it came to Dee. It hurt Kara to know that Lee could flirt and joke with her and then go off and be with another woman. It wasn't like they had any sort of commitment to one another, at least not verbally. Still, it hurt her heart to think that one day he might just walk away from her because she could only offer him things he could easily get elsewhere.

Kara had no idea what that meant, but she was pretty sure it was the root of her problem.

"So unprovoked attacks on a military cadet? What were you fraking thinking, Starbuck?"

Kara turned to stare at where Lee leaned on the bars of her cell. "She pissed me off, sir."

Lee chuckled, though Kara could tell it was more of an annoyed gesture than actual laughter. "She made you mad so you decided to strike her hard enough to knock her out for over a minute."

"She pissed me off _a lot_."

"Very cute, Kara. What the frak am I supposed to do with you?"

Kara put her hands on her hips as she stepped up to the bars. She suddenly felt like she was in a staredown with the man on the other side. "You're supposed to wait until I get out of this cell and then train me to be a Viper pilot. I thought that would be evident."

Lee stared at her for a moment before stepping back with a sigh. "It seems like I'm always bailing you out."

"I never asked you to." Kara shook her head at the absurdity of it all. "I mean, frak! We don't even know each other."

She tried to ignore the small hurt look that flashed across Lee's face before he returned to his normal steely stare. "Sometimes I forget that up until a few weeks ago, I didn't even know you."

"Well, you didn't." Kara shook her head and moved to sit on the small cot in the cell. "And, honestly, you still don't."

Lee gave her a small nod. "I see."

Kara's eyes fell to the ground. She didn't know what she was aiming for by pushing Lee away. All she knew was the familiarity that was growing between them was going to get them both in trouble real soon if they didn't do something about it. She knew that Lee defined himself by his job these days, and she didn't want to risk taking that away from him. It was funny how selfless she had become since joining Galactica.

Lee took a deep breath and waited until she looked up at him to continue. "I just came to tell you that I'm not going to be able to take you up tomorrow, even if you get yourself out of hack by that time. My father needs me to help with the fallout of that Cylon attack that occurred yesterday."

"Understood," Kara said.

Lee turned to leave but only made it a few steps to the door before turning back. "Kara?" He waited until she met his eyes before he gave her a smile. "Stop trying to be the noble one. It makes you look ridiculous."

Kara was left with her mouth wide open and a complete look of shock coating every inch of her being. How the frak had he seen through her so easily? How had he known she was pushing him away for his own good?

"I look forward to it, too, Kara." Lee held her gaze for a few seconds and then stepped out of the brig.

Kara wished she could say his words made her happy. In his own way, Lee was admitting that what they had was special, at least in terms of the time they spent up in the sky. Yet a part of her said there was more to it than that. Because she not only looked forward to flying by his side, she looked forward to running by his side, teasing by his side, laughing by side, breathing by his side. Something in his words hinted that it was the same way for him, too. The fact that only he knew for sure made her only _slightly _infuriated and completely scared of her mind.

Lee had her terrified and he didn't even know it.


	12. Chapter 12

Lee wanted to reach across the table and shove this stupid Cylon's face down onto the cool hard metal. He could do it, too. No one would object. He could torture the hell out of this machine, gain nothing from it, and still have completed his assignment successfully.

"You're Captain Apollo, aren't you?" Lee felt himself freeze inside, but to his credit, it didn't show. "I knew it. From the second you stepped in here, I knew it." Leoben smiled. "It's odd. It wasn't supposed to be you."

"Wasn't supposed to be me?"

"You weren't the one."

Lee rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of this stupid Cylon's habit of talking in circles. It was infuriating.

"You'll do, though. You're close to her."

"You can't use me to get to President Roslin."

"I wasn't talking about the President."

Lee thought that over for a minute. For the hundredth time since he came on board the _Gemenon Traveler_, he wished there had been someone else to do this job. He knew there wasn't. There was no one else his father could trust to go toe to toe with a Cylon and come out on top.

The only problem was Lee wasn't sure he could do that anymore. This wasn't another Aaron Doral or Shelly Godfrey. "Tell me where the warhead is."

"Do you believe in the gods, Apollo?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"I figured as much. Isn't it slightly ironic that you're named after a deity that you don't even believe in?"

"I believe in the gods," Lee insisted, already wondering why he was offering information to the machine.

"Not in the same way that I believe in my god."

"I don't give two fraks what you believe. If you don't tell me where that warhead is, you're going to get up close and personal with your god real soon."

"To know the face of god is to know madness. To fear it is even worse. I see the universe. I see the patterns. I see the foreshadowing that precedes every moment of every day. It's all there. I see it and you don't."

"You're not winning me over here," Lee cut in.

"I was supposed to tell her about the future. There is a special surprise waiting just for her."

"Who the frak are you talking about?" Lee asked.

"You know," Leoben said, his mouth widening in a smile. "We have to see this through to the end, Apollo. We… you and I are more than the basic article of faith. But we are also different. I know that I am more than this body, more than this consciousness. A part of me swims in the stream, but in truth, I'm standing on the shore. The current never takes me downstream."

"Your little Cylon-babble is only making me want to shove you out an airlock even more."

"You can't do that," Leoben stated.

Lee's mind went to the anonymous ship that was on its way to being destroyed by a nuclear warhead. "No, I can't. So I suggest you give me a reason why I should keep myself from resorting to a more physical method of information extraction."

Leoben smiled at him, not even moving to look as the Marines changed shift.

"You're sick, you know. You want to be a human so bad, but that's the one thing you can never be. You're just a machine that's enjoying its own pain. Only you can't fully understand because you don't know the fear of death. When you die, you'll just move on to the next body. You can never know what it feels like to let go of this plane of existence for good."

Leoben shook his head. "All of this had happened before, Lee Adama. All of it will happen again. The players change, but the story remains the same. I have a soul. I see patterns. I see what has gone before and what has yet to come. I have to say I'm disappointed it was not her."

"I'm not good enough to be the one to deliver you unto your silly little god?"

"You will not pray for my soul like she would have." Leoben sighed deeply as if he didn't even care about the situation he was in. "Life is a testament to pain, injuries, accident. Happiness comes only in the brief moments when you are not inflicting pain upon others, when pain is not being inflicted upon yourself. The irony is you are the ones that put it there."

"If you do not tell me where that warhead is, I will personally make sure your fictional soul never leaves your physical body."

Leoben stared at Lee, and Lee was surprised to see sympathy in his eyes. "You intrigue me almost as much as she would have."

"Stop talking about her," Lee hissed. "She's not here. She will never be here."

"You are very protective over a woman who is so willing to let herself be taken." Leoben smiled. "That's okay, though. She needs the pain to have it make sense. She has to believe it because it means that she's the problem and not the world she lives in. It means she's bad luck. It means the gods never meant for her to hurt that much."

"There is no warhead," Lee whispered, shaking his head.

"There's a warhead. It's just not what you think it is."

Lee pushed his chair back. The metal screeched against the floor grating. He made it to the hatchway before Leoben's voice called out to him once more.

"Ask her why she always iced her fingers after every game."

Lee paused, wondering what that was supposed to mean and wondering why it was so easy for him to figure out the Cylon was referring to Kara. Then, he took the final steps into the area outside the cell. He came to a stop beside the President.

"Captain Apollo?"

"There's no warhead, Madam President. There never was." Lee let out a deep breath. "He just wanted to screw with us."

"Did it work?"

"A little bit," Lee whispered, "but not nearly enough."

The President stared at the lone man sitting at the table, bleeding and broken. "Have him thrown out an airlock."

Leoben looked straight through the glass almost as if he had heard her. "You're going to find Kobol, Lee! It will lead you to Earth. That is my gift to you. I ask nothing in return."

"Get him out of here now," the President hissed, "before he does any more damage."

Lee motioned for the Marines.

"You can return to Galactica, Captain. Let your father know I appreciate him lending your services."

"This was a priority for the military as much as it was for the government, Madam President. I'm glad that I could help."

"I'm going to recommend you be given the rest of the day off. I believe you've earned a small amount of downtime."

"I don't think that's your decision to make," Lee said with a chuckle.

"Your father will listen to me," Roslin replied confidently. "I think we've finally come to an understanding."

"Then you really don't know my father," Lee teased. He gave the President a small smile before making his way down to where his Raptor was docked. There was work to be done on Galactica.


	13. Chapter 13

Lee wasn't sure why he was hovering in the corridor outside the nuggets' bunkroom. The President had managed to get his father to agree to a day's reprieve from his responsibilities. He should be getting some much deserved rack time or at the very least be catching up on his paperwork.

Leoben Conoy's words kept ringing through his mind.

_Ask her why she always iced her fingers after every game._

Lee had sworn to himself that he would forget those words. He didn't have time to be letting his insecurities about Kara Thrace come to the surface.

It was too bad the words of the Cylon weren't the only thing right through his head.

_You _don't _know me, Lee._

He really _didn't _know much about her. Kara had grown up on multiple military bases around the Twelve Colonies because of her mother's career and, at some point, decided to play professional pyramid. He had no idea why she had chosen to follow that career path or what role her father might have played in the decisions she made. He didn't know simple things like if she had a dog when she was growing up or whether she had ever fallen in love.

All those questions weighed on his mind as he tried to think of what Leoben had meant. He had no idea what he was supposed to get out of asking her such a stupid, pointless question.

Truthfully, Lee had meant to push it to the side. He had gotten out of his debriefing meetings rather quickly and was planning on walking down to the hangar bay to see what had happened with his ships and his crew while he was away. Instead, his feet took him down all the wrong corridors to a place he wasn't even sure she would be. Kara wasn't the type of woman to sit still and wait. She was more the type to be in the middle of the fray.

That much he _did _know about her.

Figuring he couldn't pace the corridor outside the bunkroom without someone noticing his odd behavior, Lee reached up to knock lightly on the hatch. When he didn't hear a response, he pushed the large metal slab open. He was surprised to see the lights dimmed in the bunkroom. They were usually on their brightest setting at this time of day.

"Shut the hatch. You're letting all the fraking light in."

Lee followed the sound of the growl to the only bunk with a closed curtain. Pulling it back, he smiled to see Kara curled up on her bed, a copy of the Scriptures tucked in her hand. "Lee?" she whispered, trying to focus her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I had some downtime."

"And you figured you'd pay me a visit?" Kara set her book down on the shelf above her head and kicked her feet to dangle outside the bunk. She patted the mattress next to her as an invitation. "Somehow I don't think that's the exact reason why you're here."

Lee sat down on the bunk and nodded. "You're right."

"So, let me guess. The Cylon said something that made you think of me." Even though she was joking, her words still made Lee recoil just a little bit. Kara seemed to be oblivious to the change as her eyes narrowed. "Do not tell me that it was one of those hot blonde models and she tried to get you to have a one-night stand with her."

Lee laughed loudly and leaned back against the wall of the bunk. "No, it was the Leoben model. Besides, I don't go for the tall, thin, leggy blonde types when I'm looking for a frak. I'm more the gut-wrenching beautiful, mouthy blonde kind of guy as you well know."

Kara shook her head. The memories of that night were still fresh even weeks later. "So what did the Cylon say to get your panties in a bunch?"

"He was disappointed because I wasn't who he thought they would send to interrogate him. It was odd. He was so damn philosophical, talking about scripture and the differences between our two faiths. Half the time I didn't know what to make of it. He kept talking about this stream that he was in and yet he wasn't in it."

"Sounds confusing," Kara observed.

"It was." Lee sighed. "But a lot of what he said seemed right."

"Like what?"

"All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again."

"That's from the scriptures. The gods had a thing for cycles."

"Leoben said that, too." Lee stared out into the space in the middle of the bunkroom. He couldn't believe he had let himself come down here just to ask her some stupid question. "He kept referring to this unnamed woman, saying that it should have been her asking him all these questions. At first, I thought it was President Roslin, but it just doesn't fit. He kept talking about how she wanted the pain, that it was what she thrived on."

Kara gave a small nod of support. She had never seen Lee this freaked out before, not even when they were stranded on a distant moon with the only chance of escape being a downed Heavy Raider. She reached out to grasp his hand in hers, knowing it was completely inappropriate but not caring all the same.

"Kara, he told me to ask you why you iced your fingers after every game." Lee was about to ask her what that meant when he felt her hand slip away from his as quickly as it had come. Her whole face had gone white. "Kara?"

When she didn't respond, Lee knew that he had played right into the Cylon's hands. "Oh gods. He really was talking about you the whole time, wasn't he? You were the one who was supposed to be interrogating him."

Kara shook her head in random directions. Lee wasn't sure what that meant. "Kara, what did he mean about your fingers?"

Kara bit down hard on her lip as she swung her head from side to side. She wasn't talking.

Lee's gaze shifted down to her hands. She had curled them in towards her body, almost as if she was both hiding and protecting them. He couldn't help but notice the guilt flashing across her face. "Kara?" He waited but there was no response. "You're scaring me here," he admitted.

Her eyes drifted down to the floor, and he was surprised to see her struggling to keep from talking. There was something she didn't want him to know. For some reason, that hurt. Possibilities started flying through his head, and Lee could feel himself getting more fearful by the second.

He settled on the worst thought to start with. She looked so guilty. If he could get her to say no to this one, he might be able to handle whatever outcome Leoben was determined to create. "Kara, did you do something to yourself?"

She nodded slowly and tried even harder to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out. No one was supposed to know about her hands. This piloting thing was supposed to be a second chance, a clean start at a new life. Her past wasn't supposed to come back.

Lee reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and he flinched as she inched away. He was so confused and she was so scared. How he had lost control of this situation so quickly was beyond him. "Kara, whatever it is, it's okay. We've all done horrible things in the past. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kara let out a cold laugh. "I doubt that's true for you, Lee."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lee asked. He seized the small opening to move a few inches closer to her. This time when he reached out to touch her, she didn't pull away.

"You're the official Golden Boy of the Fleet, practically perfect in every way."

Her teasing didn't fool him. She was trying to distract him so he wouldn't force her to answer the question about her hands. Lee decided he could play along with that for awhile. "That's ridiculous. I'm just as screwed up as everyone else."

"But you haven't made mistakes like we have."

"I have," Lee insisted.

Kara's gaze drifted down to her clenched hands. "Whatever you're thinking about, it's not the same. I deserved what I got."

Lee desperately wanted to ask her what exactly that meant, but he was afraid she'd pull back again. "Believe me, I deserved what I got," he whispered. He waited until Kara looked up at him before giving her a sad smile. He wasn't sure it was wise to be telling one of his pilots something so personal, but somehow he knew Kara wasn't just one of his pilots. Somehow he knew she'd understand what he had to say. The pain that was in her eyes when no one was looking mirrored his own. "Gianne was my mistake."

"Gianne?" Kara gave him a funny look, and Lee knew she was wondering why he was bringing this subject up again.

"I know my father and Zak probably told you a little about her, but they don't know the whole story. I loved her, Kara. More than anything in my life, I loved her. But I was young. I wasn't ready to give up the life I had grown to love. She wanted… she wanted to have children. I just wanted a wife. I wasn't ready."

Kara's guilt and fear slowly faded away as she felt Lee struggling for the words to explain. He was opening up to her. This man who had done everything in his power to do what was right and keep her at arm's length was opening up to her. "I'm sure Gianne didn't want to push you into anything you couldn't handle. I can't imagine someone taking the risk of losing a guy like you, Lee."

Lee laughed nervously. "No, she never meant to push me, but in the end, there was nothing either one of us could do about it. It was a stupid mistake. I had just graduated War College, and we were out celebrating all night. I was drunk, and I forgot to be careful. I loved her, and that was all that mattered to me at the time."

"She got pregnant." Kara's mind was already filling in the gaps.

"She told me about the baby, and I didn't react like she hoped I would. I had issues with the concept of family. I still do. Gianne got upset or angry or scared or I don't know. All I know is she ran and I was too much of a coward to go after her."

Kara couldn't help but reach out to rest her hand on top of Lee's. She was suddenly aware of how huge of a mistake it had been to fling Gianne's name in his face that day in the gym. She was surprised he hadn't killed her.

"She disappeared for a few days, and during that time, she lost the baby. She was distracted, and she fell. The baby wasn't lost until after she had been in the hospital for two days. I think it was the knowledge that I didn't want it that made her let go." Lee shook his head with regret. "It was never the same after that. She still wanted a family with me, and I was too ashamed to let her know that was something I could never do. In the end, the stress was too much and I let her go." Lee sighed and turned his hand over to lace his fingers in with Kara's. "So, you see, we all make mistakes."

Kara smiled. "I get what you're trying to say, but it's not the same."

"Then explain it to me, Kara. I want to understand why my no-nonsense, scared-of-nothing pilot just looked like she was staring death in the face."

Kara looked at Lee and was surprised to realize that she wanted to tell him. For some odd, fraked up reason, she wanted to tell him the things she had worked so hard to hide. "My fingers always cramped up after the game. I would have to ice them to keep down the swelling. That was why I never went out to talk to the press after a win. People always thought it was because I was the cocky girl who didn't give a rat's ass that the fans would kill to meet me. I would just hop in my jeep and drive away. No autographs, no interviews."

"But it was really your hands keeping you away?"

"It wasn't pretty," Kara said. "So there you go. There's the answer. That's why I iced my hands."

Lee nodded. He was grateful that she had even told him that much, but somehow he knew there was more. "What made your hands swell?"

Kara shook her head, biting down on her lips as hard as she could to keep the words in. Lee watched her brush a tear away. She was shutting down again. "Kara, I'm your friend. If the Cylons know something that can upset you this much, don't you think we should figure out why?"

"It's nothing, Lee. It has nothing to do with the Cylons and nothing to do with you."

Lee wanted to drop her hand and just walk out of the room. Something told him that it would be simpler if he did leave before things got too heavy. Yet he felt compelled to stay.

Kara was determined to not tell him whatever Leoben wanted him to know. He knew he could make better progress by telling his father what Leoben had said and forcing Kara to tell the whole Fleet why the Cylons had such interest in her. It would be easier that way, but Lee knew without a doubt he could never do it. He could never hurt her like that. That determination was what kept him next to her.

Lee let go of her hand but only to move to place his arms around her. "I don't care what that Cylon meant by having me ask you that stupid, pointless question. I didn't ask it because it would give us another clue as to why all of this happened to us. I could care less that I should know all the weaknesses of my pilots because I'm the fraking CAG and it's my responsibility. I don't care about any of that. What I care about is whatever it is you can't tell me is hurting you. I want to know about your hands because you shouldn't have to keep whatever happened a secret. You shouldn't be hurting like this. You should be able to tell someone." Lee reached out to smooth her hair back from her eyes. "Let that person be me, Kara."

She stared at him in astonishment, the tears pooling in her eyes. "It was my mother."

"Your mother," Lee repeated, urging her on.

"She never liked me. I was a reminder of my father. She… she hated the fact that he stopped loving her the second I came into the world. She never wanted children. She never should have had children." Kara brushed the tears away with the back of her hand and sniffed loudly. "She liked to point out why I was such a screw-up. She wanted me to know that I had no right to be on this earth. I never should have done it. I was so mad."

"What are you talking about?" Lee asked, gently squeezing her into his body even more. He felt the sudden desire to be her pillar of strength. She was breaking down right before his eyes.

A few sobs escaped Kara's lips as she tried to pull herself together to answer his question. "I missed my father. I just wanted to hear his music playing again. She kept the piano. She said it was a reminder that I wasn't good enough to make him stay. She wasn't supposed to come home. Oh gods."

Lee held on tight as Kara lost it again. He whispered softly into her hair as her hands clawed at his tanks. It was like she was desperately trying to bury herself within him. The world had become too much for her, and the memories were eating her away.

"It didn't work the first time when she held my hands underneath the piano key cover. It took three slams for the first to break. It took twenty more for the last one." Kara looked cautiously at Lee as the words came out in a hiss. "She didn't take me to the hospital until the next day. The doctor said my fingers would never heal properly since I wasn't smart enough to get medical treatment immediately. I couldn't tell him that it wasn't my choice. She would just hurt me even more."

Lee's voice came out cold and calm. It was the only way he had of dealing with her confession. "How old were you?"

"Nine. I was nine."

Lee couldn't speak. He wasn't sure if there were words that could express how much his heart was breaking. Instead, he pulled her hands from where they were clutching his tanks and ran the calloused flesh of his thumbs over her smooth hand. When she didn't pull back, he lifted one hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle. When that was done, he moved on to the next hand. He kissed the tips of her fingers and the joints in each one. He returned to the knuckles and then flipped her hands over, lightly breathing in her scent as he brushed his lips across her open palms. Her pulse sped up as he floated across the sensitive flesh on her wrist.

He only meant to smile up at her as a way of saying he understood. The second he met her eyes, he knew that he was going to do far more than smile.

Kara didn't fight him when he pulled her in close and ran his hands along her tear-stained cheeks. She was exhausted, her tears all cried out. Her hands came up to rest on his chest, and she let out a soft, smooth sigh as he leaned down to kiss her lips. It was all he wanted to do. Giving her physical comfort was a lot easier than sitting back to enjoy the fallout as she shot down his bare-naked heart.

The kiss turned desperate in a frantic need for them to connect. It was nothing like the first time they had done this. His hunger for her wasn't clouding his head, and she was staring at him with open eyes as he begged her to open her mouth to him. They were both extremely aware of what they were doing and why they shouldn't be doing it.

"Kara…" Her name fell off his lips as if it was the most natural thing.

He was pushing her back against her pillow when the bunkroom hatch flew open. Lee realized how hard it was to let Kara go when it took him a good thirty seconds to stop kissing her. The two of them turned to see Hot Dog staring at them in awe.

"Is there something you need, Constanza?" Lee asked.

"Um, no, sir," Hot Dog stuttered. "I just want to grab some stuff to bet at the triad game."

"Well, grab it and get out," Kara growled from behind him.

Lee hadn't even realized she was hiding behind his shoulder until she spoke. For the first time, he stopped thinking about how wrong this was for him and focused on how humiliating it must be for _her_. She had just been caught in a delicate position with her superior officer. Lee wasn't deaf. He knew what the nuggets said about his relationship with Kara. He never corrected them because that would be a lie. What they said about him and Starbuck was at least partially true. They did have a special something between them.

"Don't rush, Hot Dog," Lee said. "I was on my way out anyway. There's probably more debriefings I need to go to."

Hot Dog nervously stared at his locker, being sure not to watch Lee as he stood up and fixed his disheveled clothing. "Yes, sir," he mumbled.

Lee kneeled down in front of the bunk and reached out to rest a hand on Kara's knee. "I'm sorry for what you had to go through, Kara, but you need to realize that you did not deserve that."

Kara gave a small nod, and Lee found himself unsure if his words really had gotten through to her. There wasn't time to see. Getting caught by Hot Dog was bad. Getting caught by anyone else would be worse.

Lee glanced at the open hatch before pulling her hands up for one last kiss.

Kara sat on the bunk for a long time after he had left. She had no idea why she told Lee any of that. Her relationship with her mother was something she had kept to herself always. It was the memory that made her strong when life got too tough. She had never let herself admit those memories were also her weakness until Lee had walked into the bunkroom and asked a simple question about a routine any fan could have known.

She was just going to tell him the story she always used. She was a wild child who had a few particularly nasty falls when she was little, resulting in many broken fingers. Most people, including the general manager of the Buccaneers, bought the lie.

Then he had to go and confess what he had done to Gianne. Kara had never experienced trust as great as when he laid his heart open and pointed at the wounds he had made over the years. She was a distant person by nature. People didn't open themselves up to a distant woman who refused to talk about anything but what was right in front of her face.

Kara didn't know what any of that meant in the long run. All she knew was things couldn't go back to the way they were before Caprica, before the end of the world, and before Galactica. She wasn't shocked to realize that what mattered the most in her heart was the knowledge that things were not going to go back to the way they were _before Lee._

She had let someone in, and this time there was no way she was letting them out.


	14. Chapter 14

It was three days later when Kara finally got her first moment of downtime and realized they hadn't talked about it. Something had shifted in her relationship with Lee, and they had avoided acknowledging it for seventy-four hours and thirty-nine minutes.

"Does anyone know where the CAG is?" Kara yelled over the noise of the break room.

No one answered, but then she didn't expect them to. Things were getting better with the pilots accepting Lee as one of their own, yet they still weren't there yet.

Sighing, Kara stubbed out the end of her cigar and gave those at her table a curt nod as a goodbye. She needed to stop by her bunkroom to pick up the old issue of _Caprican Life_ she had promised Cally, and then she would begin her search for Lee in the hangar bay.

The bunkroom was empty when she entered, but that changed before she had even shut her locker.

"Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can find Starbuck?"

Kara closed her locker door and took in the rather out of place woman standing in the open hatchway. She was dressed way too nicely to be from the Galactica, and Kara had never seen her in the President's entourage. It wasn't until the woman met her eyes that Kara even realized she had seen her before.

"What do you need with Starbuck?"

"I'm looking for Lee Adama, and all anyone can tell me about his whereabouts is where Starbuck goes, so goes Apollo. I was hoping this Starbuck person could help me make sense of that so I don't have to traipse all over this ship."

Kara flung the magazine in her hand onto the bed and walked over to the woman. "I'm Starbuck, and frankly, I'm looking for Apollo, too."

The woman narrowed her eyes. "Do I know you?"

"We met a few times on the _Rising Star_."

"I didn't know you were a pilot."

"I didn't know you were a… what are you?"

"I'm the XO's wife." The woman threw her shoulders back in pride. "Ellen Tigh."

Kara's eyes went wide. The woman she had seen go home with at least half the men on the _Rising Star_ was the wife of Galactica's resident alcoholic. That was ironically poetic.

"So, you have no clue where Lee is?"

Kara shrugged her shoulders. She had a feeling that even if she knew where Lee was, she wouldn't tell Ellen Tigh. There was no way this man-eater was going to get within ten feet of Lee. "You might want to try the briefing rooms. He likes to do his paperwork in there sometimes." Kara was glad she had such a good triad face. Sending Ellen to interrupt the weekly meeting on the food reserves of the Fleet was too priceless. The civilian farming ship captains would probably love to have the input of the wife of the XO. They would keep her busy for at least an hour. Kara would have time to find Lee and keep him hidden away until the danger had passed.

"Starbuck, I thought we had a fraking date in the gym!" Lee yelled. He skidded in his tracks as soon as he entered the bunkroom.

"Lee!" Ellen said, her face spreading in a wide smile. "Just the man I was looking for."

"What are you doing here, Ellen?"

"She was looking for you," Kara said. "Everyone told her they thought you'd be with me."

"Well, if you had kept our appointment, I would have been."

Kara wanted to laugh at the annoyance in Lee's voice. He was right. If she had remembered, he wouldn't have run into Ellen Tigh.

"So, Lee, I was thinking you could give me a tour of this ship I'm going to be calling my home. Saul showed me a lot, but I have to admit it went in one ear and out the other. These battlestars are so confusing." Ellen laid her hand on Lee's arms and smiled at him expectantly.

Lee's eyes met Kara's, and he watched her fight back the urge to laugh. Bearing witness to Ellen's dumb blonde routine must be pretty funny if you weren't the recipient. "I wish I could, Ellen, but I'm rather busy right now."

"You were going to go to the gym with this girl before she stood you up, weren't you?"

Lee flinched. He had said that, hadn't he? Ellen's hand slid down his arm, and her fingers began to trace circles around where his dog tags lay on his chest. "I'm sure she won't mind if you spend a little time with me, Lee. You've grown so much since I last saw you. I really want to catch up."

Kara decided that this was too much for even her to bear. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Tigh, but Lee was the one who got his appointments mixed up. We weren't supposed to work out together. You were supposed to show me those maneuvers I keep screwing up. Remember? I had you rearrange your schedule so we could both work our maintenance shifts together and you can explain it to me."

"Right." Lee didn't know what Kara was playing at. All he knew was she was giving him an opportunity to escape. "Ensign Thrace went to a lot of trouble to coordinate this. I'm going to have to put off giving you a tour until later."

"Sir, I think Lieutenant Gaeta has a free shift in a few minutes," Kara pointed out. "He knows this ship better than anyone else."

Lee's face lit up. Kara was being particularly nice to him today, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "You're right. I'll call down to the CIC and tell him you want a tour, Ellen. He'll do a much better job than I would."

"We need to be going," Kara said. She reached down to scoop the magazine off her bunk before grabbing Lee's arm and dragging him out of the bunkroom. The movement was so fast that Ellen Tigh didn't even have time to protest.

They rushed down three corridors before slowing their pace. "What the frak was that about?" Kara exclaimed.

Lee shook his head and laughed. "You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

"Try me."

"You know how I canceled our training session last night?"

"Fraking ruined my day, so yeah, I know how you canceled our training session," Kara grumbled.

Lee smiled to himself. It was good to know some things didn't change. "My father wanted me to join him for dinner. It seems he found Ellen Tigh wandering the Fleet like a little lost lamb and decided it was a smart idea to reunite her with the XO. She demanded she be given the proper reception including a dinner with the President. The Old Man wanted his sons to join in on the torture."

"I can relate," Kara said with a laugh.

"How?"

"She was on the _Rising Star_. You can say I ran into her a few times."

"She take away potential prospects for you?"

Kara shook her head. "Contrary to what you might believe, I wasn't fraking every guy who took a vacation on my ship."

"Just the flyboys?" Lee teased.

"Just _one_ flyboy," she corrected. They walked in silence for a few feet before Kara kept talking. "So you were at the most fraked-up family dinner in the world?"

"It was going well. She didn't seem to know a few rather obvious things about our family, but all in all, it wasn't painful."

"What didn't she know?" Kara asked.

"She didn't know that Zak washed out and she had no clue that-" The words stuck in Lee's throat. "She didn't know I was no longer engaged."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh is about right."

"Talk about awkward."

"It gets worse." Lee rubbed the sides of his head as the memory came back to him. "I told her about Gianne, so I guess she took that as a green light."

"A green light for what?"

"I don't think I want to be talking about this anymore."

"Come on! It can't be that bad."

"Well, let's just say it involved her kicking off her shoe and getting rather intimate with parts of me I would have preferred to stay untouched."

"Oh frak," Kara said, bringing her hand up to her mouth to keep the giggle in.

They walked past the hangar bay, stopping only so Lee could glance in and make sure there was no crisis currently happening. They continued on, shoulder to shoulder, and Lee wondered if maybe now was the time to mention what had gone on between them. He needed to address the issue so he could move on. At least, that was what the War College had taught him. A technique created to diffuse group tension might not be applicable to a CAG comforting one of his pilots by giving her the best damn kiss he had ever experienced.

"I'm sorry," Kara said out of the blue.

"For what?" Lee asked, wondering if maybe he had missed something.

"I didn't think this through when I told the XO's wife we were doing maintenance shifts together." Kara bit her lip. "You're kind of stuck with me for six hours now."

Lee stared at her before smiling. "So?"

"So it's your off-shift and I've pretty much ruined any chance you had at doing what you wanted."

"It's no big deal," Lee insisted. He wished that things were simple and he could just tell her that his plans for his off-shift were pretty damn simple. Find Kara, ask her if she wanted to get lunch, suggest they take an afternoon run, hit the rack, and catch up on sleep. It wasn't very exciting. "Want to get some lunch?"

Kara nodded, and they kept walking in silence. Every once in a while, she caught him staring at her. Not many things embarrassed her, but having a man like Lee Adama sneak glances her way was completely unnerving.

Something had shifted in their relationship, and it scared her. The way Lee had been looking at her lately, no man had ever looked at her like that. It was like he could see inside every inch of her, and somehow he wasn't disgusted at the person she was or the places she had come from.

She didn't know what to do with this new shift in the man walking by her side.

Lee made some random joke about never being able to walk the two feet from the head to his bunkroom if he was only wearing a towel, and Kara laughed. Whatever this change was in Lee, she had to admit she liked it.


	15. Chapter 15

Lee slid the piece of paper across the desk towards his father. He bit his lip nervously as William Adama read it over. He had to accept it. They had no other choice.

"This is risky," Adama said, leaning back in his chair.

"It will work."

Adama glanced down at the paper. "I have to hand it to you. It's good. I didn't realize you were that skilled at mission planning."

"I'm not," Lee said, straightening up in his chair. "It's Kara Thrace's plan."

"That pilot you've been rushing through training?"

Lee nodded. "Believe it or not, Dad, that plan is actually modified from a pyramid play Kara designed a few years back."

"That's right. She's the famous pyramid player turned savior of the galaxy."

"You always taught me to know your assets and use them when it's necessary. We need that tylium. Kara and I both feel responsible for the Fleet wasting supplies so we spent most of the night working through that plan. We want the fuel, but we don't want to suffer casualties." Lee cleared his throat. "There's a lot of blood on our hands already, sir."

"Those are strong words."

"It's the truth." Lee watched his father. Their relationship had started to slowly change as the Fleet drifted farther and farther from the planets they once called home. It seemed now that they were on the same ship, working and loving the same crew, it was much easier to understand each other.

"If we're going to run with this plan, we need to start as soon as possible." Adama reached out to grab the updated pilot roster on his desk and held it out to Lee. "I'll need the names of eleven of the best Viper pilots you have right now. We're going to need to inform the XO, Lieutenant Gaeta, Petty Officer Dualla, and Chief Tyrol of the change."

"Tyrol's down in the hangar bay, and Dee and Gaeta have an off-shift. You can find them both in the officer's mess considering it's lunch. I assume the XO's in his cabin."

"I'll track them down," Adama said, reaching for his phone. "Get me those names, son."

Lee looked over the pilot roster. It was so different from the day he first took the job as CAG. So many of his people were already lost to the war. As he selected names, he wondered why the Old Man was having him do this. The pilots who were going to sneak into battle alongside him were the obvious choices. He needed the ones who could handle their birds under heavy fire and knew that it was either succeed at the mission or die. There was no middle ground.

He wrote down the names without even thinking and slid the paper over to his father. Adama's eyebrows went up as he read the names. He gave Lee a confused look as he finished off his conversation with the XO. "Make sure you're in my office within the hour, Saul. There's been some new developments in the plan." He hung up the phone and looked over at his son again. "I don't understand, Lee."

"Those are the people I need, sir. I can't negotiate."

"I'm not asking you to. I'd just like some explanation why you saw it fit to shift Beehive to the upfront attack squadron. He's been your wingman for weeks now."

"I need some experienced pilots to help support the nuggets I'll have in the air."

"That doesn't make sense considering who you've selected as his replacement."

Lee knew he could sit here for hours arguing this with his father, but really, there wasn't time. "Dad, I need her there."

Adama watched Lee for a few moments before nodding. "You realize this entails a promotion?"

"She's ready."

He nodded. "Fine. I'm trusting your judgment on this one and the fact that she's proven herself to be useful quite a few times in the past month. It's going to take me an hour or so to meet with Colonel Tigh and the rest of the people who need to know about the changes. Why don't you make sure everything is in order with your new wingman?"

Lee smiled. He knew what his father was trying to do. Moments of happiness were few and far between in this life. He was giving Lee the opportunity to forget who and what he was in order to give someone else one of those rare moments. "Starbuck is ready for this, Dad. I wouldn't risk it if she wasn't."

Adama nodded and reached into his desk to pull out a small black box. Lee didn't have to open it up to know what was inside. Thanking his father one last time, he took the box and walked out of the office. The corridors were empty. Everyone was preparing for the battle ahead.

It didn't take long to find her. She was in the mission planning room staring at the little models on the table. Her left hand was idly playing with a toy Viper. Lee smiled when he realized it was the one labeled CAG in bright red letters. "Something on your mind?" he asked, stepping into the room.

Kara glanced over at him and then followed his eyes down to her hands. She let go of the Viper and smiled. "There is a rather intimidating mission coming up."

"He said yes," Lee said stepping into place beside her.

"I figured he would. The other plan we had was complete suicide."

Lee gave her a small nod of agreement and looked down at the table. "This is still completely insane."

"It's going to work," Kara said confidently. They let the silence of the task at hand float in the air around them. They were both nervous, but neither one was going to be the first to admit it.

It had almost two weeks since Kara told Lee about her mother and she still couldn't figure out what they were to one another. Lee had held her tight as she admitted how worthless she really was. He had even gone as far as to tell her she was wrong. Then he had kissed every inch of pain away from her body. She desperately wanted to thank him for pushing his common sense to the side to give her exactly what she needed and wanted.

Yet there was a nagging voice in the back of her head that said what he had done was a mistake. Anyone who got close to her got hurt. She would die before she saw Lee join the long list of names who had become worse for the wear for knowing her.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready, Apollo?"

"The Commander has me getting together the eleven pilots I'm going to need to pull this off."

"And you stopped by so I can use my prophetic powers to say where everyone is?"

"Not exactly." Lee turned to smile at her. "I only need your help finding my wingman."

"All right," Kara said. "The last I saw Beehive, he was in his bunkroom. He should still be there or in the hangar bay flirting with that cute Ensign everyone seems obsessed with." Kara turned to head towards the corridors. "I'll walk with you."

Lee grabbed Kara's arm and spun her back to face him. He held out the small black box for her to take. "You're going to need these."

Kara took the box from his hands and stared at it. "I don't understand." His hand was still tightly grasping her arm, and it was making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

"Open it, Kara."

Her fingers slid against the cool plastic material of the box, and she pulled the top open to reveal two gold pins. They were the Lieutenant rank. She looked up at Lee to see him practically beaming. His hand reached out to take one of the pins and attach it to the flight suit she was wearing. "Congratulations, Lieutenant Thrace."

"What's going on, Lee?" she whispered.

Lee could see a small fear growing inside of her, and he couldn't help but reach out to brush her cheek. "I need you by my side on this one, Kara."

"You got me promoted?"

"You're ready. I mean, half the time we're up in the air, you're the one teaching me."

"And you made me your wingman?"

Lee sighed and took a step back from Kara. "The concept of wingman is to have the person you can inherently trust by your side. That person should have a complimentary flying style to you. You should be able to guess each other's next move without even thinking about it. Beehive has been my wingman simply because of the abrupt entry I made into Galactica's ranks. He's a good pilot, but he's never really been my wingman. Wingmen watch each other's back even when that means saving each other from the horny wife of the XO."

Kara laughed. "You have a strong case there. Still, I don't understand why your father would agree to have a rookie pilot watching his son's back on the most important mission we've run to date."

"I didn't give him the option," Lee said. "You're going to be my wingman, Kara. That is non-negotiable."

She took a deep breath. "So I guess this means, after we single-handedly save the Fleet, our little training runs are going to be over."

"Does that make you sad?" Lee was expecting her normal sarcasm which was why when she bit her lip and nodded, he was completely taken aback. He knew that their training runs were the highlight of his day, but he had been pretty sure they weren't that important to her. She was always having fun with the pilots and the crew of Galactica. She didn't need the little time they spent in the air to keep her going.

"I'm going to miss it, too" Lee admitted, moving to sit on the planning table. He picked a Viper up off the table and casually threw it into the air a few times. "Which was another reason I want you to be my wingman."

Kara sent him a confused look. "I don't get it."

"Wingmen are scheduled for CAPs together. For the foreseeable future, it's going to be you and me every day or so flying for six hour shifts."

Kara could feel the excitement building up in the pit of her stomach. It amazed her every time this man went against his better judgment to pull her closer. They were still struggling to stay within the military regulations, but it was funny how many loopholes you could find if you only looked hard enough.

She fingered the pin on her flight suit. "This means a lot to me, Lee." Lee's mouth spread into a wide smile for no apparent reason. "Did I say something funny?"

"You called me Lee."

"I'm sorry. Sometimes it just slips out."

"No," Lee said with a laugh. "I'm just saying you called me Lee, and for the first time, it's okay."

Kara realized he was right. She was a Lieutenant now, and more specifically, she was Lee's wingman. If anyone had a right to refer to him by his first name, it was her. "So now you can call me Kara?"

"I can," Lee said with a smile.

"It's really not that big of a deal," Kara said with a smirk. "I mean, we've been screwing up that little rule for weeks now."

"Indeed we have." Lee pushed off the table and walked to the hatch. "Be in the hangar bay in two hours. We're going to run through what we have to do and then it'll be time to prep for launch. And Kara?" Lee paused in the hatch and waited for Kara to look up at him. "Just so we're clear, you're still not allowed to call me flyboy."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, flyboy!"

When she was alone again, Kara reached out to grab a Viper and push it next to the one marked CAG. That was her. She was actually going to be out there when this all went down. She, Kara Thrace, ex-pyramid player, full-time frak-up, was going to be flying a Viper for the survival of the human race. She was in over her head again.

"He believes in me," she whispered, a smile dancing on her lips. Somehow, if she had nothing else, that little thought would give her the comfort and reassurance she needed.


	16. Chapter 16

His words replayed in her ears as she dipped in and out of enemy lines, taking down as many Raiders as she could without getting herself shot.

_The conveyor tunnel is clear. I'm going through it_.

Kara had known they were running out of time, but taking a plane down a conveyor tunnel that might not open on the other side was suicidal. She had screamed at Lee to stop even as he accelerated towards the small opening. Briefly, she thought about flying in after him. Then the memory of something said back when they were stranded on that moon popped into her head. Lee said her presence was distracting. If she followed him into that tunnel and he got distracted, he would be dead. She would have killed him. So like a horrible wingman, she abandoned her partner to start taking out Raiders.

Now all she had to do was keep dodging and wait.

"Come on, Lee," she hissed. "Don't you dare die on me."

Vipers and Raiders were disappearing all around her, and Kara knew they couldn't hold the machines off much longer. Somehow, it wasn't the idea that Lee might fail which scared her. It was the fact that he might fail and she would never know. He would have just flown down that tunnel and she would never see him again.

She was going to kill him if he got himself dead.

"Galactica, Apollo." She was so happy to hear his voice that she almost didn't hear him say mission accomplished. Her ship was shuddering slightly, and it took her a moment to realize it was because her hands were shaking on the stick.

The sky lit up with fire. The rest of the squadron lost little time in kicking in the burn to help protect Galactica from the remaining Raiders. Kara knew that was part of the plan. They were supposed to fight until the last Raider was gone. Yet for some reason, she didn't follow the rest of the Vipers.

Kara steered her ship around the broken pieces and scorched parts of the wreckage around her until he was in her sights. He was making his way back to Galactica, but it was going to take him longer. He had been practically on the surface of the moon while the rest of the fighters were in the heat of the battle.

"Starbuck." There was no questioning in his voice. He didn't have to ask her why she was here. They were wingmen.

She didn't answer him, just dropped her ship in line with his, and they both flew their way back to the Fleet. There were barely any Cylons left to kill by the time they made it back. "Apollo and Starbuck, you are both cleared to land. Let the others clean up the trash."

Starbuck was surprised that it was the Commander and not Dee giving them permission to land. In the back of her head, she wondered if maybe the Petty Officer was too overcome with happiness that Lee was alive. Dee probably couldn't even speak because she was so happy.

Kara winced. She had thought she was over this unfounded jealousy thing.

Kara knew that she should just talk to Lee and ask him if he was interested in Dee, but somehow the idea of doing that made her feel like she was back in primary school. They were pilots of the Twelve Colonies. She shouldn't be so preoccupied with whether or not Apollo was getting some action on the side. It wasn't her right to know. In fact, it was probably appropriate that she didn't know.

Her Viper touched down with barely a jolt. The rest of the squadron quickly followed, and everything became a blur. There was ambrosia and cigars being handed out. People she had never even met were slapping her on the back in congratulations.

Lee was wrapped up in explaining to his father what exactly had gone on while accepting hugs and praise from all those around him. It was odd. All he had to do to be accepted by these people was to risk his life on a roll of the dice. Someone offered him a beer which he gladly accepted. He needed something to wash away the sound of Kara's screams ringing in his ears as he entered the conveyor tunnel.

That wasn't what haunted him, though. It was when her voice got strangely quiet and the words could barely be made out. He was never meant to have heard them, but he did.

_Please. Don't_.

For a brief second, he had thought about turning around. Kara could come with a new, better plan, one that didn't involve his probable death. Then reality kicked in. There was no Plan B. He had to be the hero.

So Lee pushed the fact that he was leaving Kara to fend for herself out of his mind. He had faith in her. She would be okay.

His heart leaped when he saw her Viper waiting for him as they made their way back to Galactica. She was safe, and she had waited for him. They landed together, and then everything became chaos.

Lee was giving his brother a hug when he finally saw her. She was standing at the back of the crowd, looking for something. Lee wasn't sure what that was until her eyes caught with his. A look Lee couldn't read flashed across her face. "I'll catch up with you later, Zak," Lee said pulling away from his brother's arms.

Zak turned to watch his brother push through the crowd. He caught a glimpse of an unruly head of blonde hair before it disappeared into the corridor. Sighing, he knew it was going to be up to him to cover until Kara and his brother had worked out whatever problem they were currently having.

Lee followed a few feet behind her without saying a word. A menacing feeling fell over him. In all the time he had known Kara, she always had a sarcastic comment to throw at him. The silence was unnerving.

Kara pulled open the nearest door and stepped into the empty equipment locker. Lee shut the hatch behind himself and turned to stare at her. Her back was turned to him, and he could see her shoulders gently rising and falling. She was struggling with something, that was for sure.

Kara turned to face him, and Lee was startled to see there were tears in her eyes. "Kara?"

Her hand came out to slap him across the face. He stared down at the floor in shock as the sting kicked in. His eyes came up to meet hers, and he saw something break inside of her. Kara stepped forward to cup his face and kissed him.

It took him a second to react. When he did, she opened her mouth to him. His vision went white.

His hands came up to clutch her tightly to him, and he felt her bite down hard on his bottom lip. The pleasure mixed with the pain, and he backed them up against the wall. His hands were on the collar of her flight suit, pushing it down to expose her neck, before he could think better of it. He licked the sensitive skin around her collar bone before kissing his way back up to her lips. She moaned against the frantic pressure of his lips against hers. Lee was convinced this was all a hallucination, that he had died going down this conveyor tunnel and this was the afterlife.

Kara pushed him away just as he decided death wasn't such a bad thing. Panting, she growled, "Never do that to me again, Adama."

He braced himself against the wall as she pushed out from underneath his arms and threw open the hatch. He struggled to figure out what had just happened as the hatch banged shut behind her.

He had just saved her life and the life of every other person in the Fleet, and yet Kara found a reason to be angry at him. His hand came up to rub a few drops of blood away from where she bit his lip. That had been a hell of a way to show anger.

Lee knew it was going to be a few minutes before he could go back to the celebration. He hoped in that time he could figure out what the frak he was doing. He and Kara were playing with fire right now. They had been since he forced her to tell him about her past. They hadn't spoken about it, but it was always there in the periphery.

For the thousandth time, Lee wished his life could have gotten a little easier when the colonies were attacked. Everyone else's lives seemed to simplify with the change. Lee's only got more complicated. First, he was overworked, filling in the many holes of command that the Cylons' initial attack created. Then he met Kara Thrace, and his heart was pulled in fifty different directions. There were regs, there were responsibilities, and there was a deep desire to forget it all.

Lastly, there was something that not even he could explain. One day, out of the blue, he realized he wasn't looking to Kara for a satisfying frak. They could do that without one person caring. It was the end of the world after all.

No, the trouble of it all was that he knew if he let his guard down for even a moment around her, he would be lost. He would want more.

Sighing, Lee pushed off the wall and pulled the hatch open to step into the corridor. There was no solution to this problem. He simply had to put his head down and keep barreling through.


	17. Chapter 17

Kara stared at the artificial sun. If she squinted long enough and tilted her head just enough to the right, it actually felt real. More than that, it felt like Caprica.

"I can't remember the last time I felt sunlight on my face."

Kara smiled down at where Lee sat in the artificially grown grass. "Almost like the real thing?"

"I miss it."

The sadness in his voice tugged at something inside of her, and she fell down next to him. "Will you do me a favor, Lee?"

Lee watched her for a moment before nodding. Kara reached out to push him until he was completely stretched out on the ground. She settled into the ground next to him and let out a sigh.

"What are we doing?" Lee asked after a few minutes.

"Can't you feel it?" Kara rolled her eyes when he shrugged. Her fingertips glided across the side of his face before guiding his eyelids shut. She could feel the tension leaving his body already. She reached across his body to grab his hand. Opening it up, she placed it in the grass and pushed it closed. "Just breathe. Feel it."

Lee let out a deep breath just as she asked and let himself feel the sun and the grass and the cool air surrounding them. He could feel her eyes on him, moving along the length of his body as he tried to concentrate. A part of him wondered if this was all part of her plan. They had had barely a moment to talk since the attack on the tylium mine. She had kissed him to within an inch of his life a week ago, and they hadn't had time to admit how wrong it had been and agree they could never do it again. Lee figured that meant he didn't have to ask her to stop staring at him.

He could feel the right side of his body begin to warm. It took him a few seconds to realize it wasn't because of the artificial sun. Kara had inched in close to him when his guard was down. He moved his arm over an inch in the grass until his hand felt hers. "I think I can feel it now." He opened his eyes to see her smiling at him.

"I used to do this all the time when I was small. I would find a quiet place somewhere on the base and just lay for hours, watching the clouds blow by. It was always so calming."

Lee stayed silent. This was the first time Kara had spoken of her childhood since admitting what her mother had done to her when she was nine.

"Tell me about growing up on Caprica," she whispered. "What was it like to live in one place your whole life?"

"I don't know. It was nice, I guess."

"Tell me why."

"It was just the little things. I built a fort with Zak in the park, and it was still there the last time I was home. I could grow up with the same kids on my street, the ones that were in my class at school. It would rain the night before Colonial Day, but it was always shiny the day off."

"Stability is nice," Kara mumbled.

"The best was when I was on break from school. I knew I would be going out to the lake with Zak and my mother. I always had those horrible hot months in the summer to look forward to, and every time Zak would find some way to break the air conditioner in the house about halfway through our vacation."

Kara flipped onto her stomach and kicked her feet in the air. Her fingers stayed laced in Lee's. "Did you always live in the same house?"

"For my whole life, it was the same old wooden house on the outskirts of Caprica City. My Dad used to come see us on his shore leave up until I was ten."

"Why'd he stop?" Kara knew it was the wrong question to ask when Lee turned his head away from her and shut his eyes again. "Never mind," she said before he could say anything.

"No, you want to know. I'll tell you."

"You don't have to. It's just you've been dropping hints to me that something happened between you and your father since the second I met you. Zak doesn't seem to have the same problem, so I was just curious what a father could do to push away one son and not the other." She sighed. "Gods. I'm sorry, Lee. I can be a real frak-up sometimes."

Lee turned to look at her. "My father had to chose between his family and the military. He chose the military."

Kara could feel the missing pieces clicking into place, and she knew even if he didn't say anything else, this was enough.

Lee continued, "My father's career was failing as the need for a massive military force dwindled. He was never really around that much, and then when he lost his job, he put everything he had into finding a new position. He should have come home to take care of his wife and children."

"You felt abandoned."

"Frak yeah, I felt abandoned. I was the man of the house even before he and my mother got divorced. It isn't easy for a ten-year-old to take on that role." Contrary to the sadness in his words, Lee smiled up at Kara. "In a way, I'm glad he wasn't around. We could have gone on for years with him visiting for a few days here and there, swooping in to get Zak excited and then leaving just as quickly."

"It must have been hard for you," Kara said, toying with the watch on his wrist.

Lee shrugged. "It had its perks. I helped my mom raise Zak. I watched out for him like a father would, and honestly, I'm grateful. I don't know if Zak and I would have such a great relationship otherwise."

"I wish I had that kind of love."

"It can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I wouldn't give it up for the world."

"When I was little, I always wanted a little brother to teach how to catch or someone to blame that broken dish on. Then I realized how horribly selfish that was." Kara looked out into the slowly setting artifical sun. "I would never wish another child into the home I was stuck in."

Lee had to fight back the urge to move his body in to hold her. They were still out in the open. Even holding hands was risky. "I'm glad you turned out so strong, Kara."

Kara smiled down at him. Gods, the urge to kiss him was always there. It never left her, not when she slept at night and certainly not when she found a moment in private with him. It was becoming dangerous to be around him.

"Lieutenant Thrace, Captain Adama."

Lee dropped Kara's hand and pulled himself up off the ground. Straightening his tanks, he tried his best to not to look like he had just been caught having inappropriate relations with one of his pilots. "Is there something you needed, Kat?"

"Sir, they wanted me to tell you that your shift running security is over. The President's safely aboard Colonial One. You can go back to Galactica until the morning."

Lee nodded and got to his feet. Kara hadn't moved. "You're dismissed, Kat. I'm sure you have better things to be doing."

Kat gave him a quick nod before backing away. Her eyes lingered on Kara for a moment, and Lee was suddenly reminded of Kara's first official trip to the brig. He had a feeling the two pilots still hadn't ironed out whatever it was that made them fight. Kara was going to have to work on that if they didn't want Kat to report their inappropriate relations out of spite.

The idea of Kara apologizing for anything made Lee finally realize just how screwed he was.

At least they had one thing going for them right now. Hot Dog had been smart enough to realize whatever he had mistakenly witnessed in the bunkroom the day Lee interrogated that Cylon was not the kind of thing you blabbed all over the Fleet. For some reason, he was keeping quiet, and Lee wasn't about to jinx it.

"Kara, we need to move if we're going to catch the last shuttle to Galactica."

Kara rolled over on her back and pouted. "I don't want to go. Do we have to?"

"If we don't get on that shuttle, we're stuck here for the night."

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

Lee arched an eyebrow, wondering if she really meant that like he was thinking.

Kara giggled and pulled herself to her feet. "As if you would actually say frak you to the regs without me holding a gun to your head." She pushed Lee's shoulder playfully as they started making their way across the large grass expanse. "Now let's go, Adama, before they send even more of your pilots to break up our little bit of fun."

"I think this promotion is going to your head, Kara. I am still your superior officer."

"At the rate I'm going, in a few months you won't be."

Lee chuckled. The idea of Kara surpassing him to take over the job of CAG was ridiculous. "I doubt the pilots would mind the change," Lee joked.

"I think they're finally warming up to you." Kara smirked. "I mean, it might have something to do with me pointing out to the females that you're probably the best looking CAG in the history of CAGS, but I'm sure they think you're good at your job, too."

"Hey! If it works…" Lee's voice trailed off as Kara smacked him upside the head. "Seriously, though, what would I do without you?"

Kara didn't answer him as they made their way into the docking areas. If she made a joke, he would know she was just trying to avoid him. If she told him the truth, he would just get mad at her saying he would be better off without her. If she lied, he would know she was holding something back.

"Captain Adama!" Lee winced as he turned to face a rather young looking boy. "There's an urgent call from Galactica for you."

Lee turned to Kara, and she shrugged. "Go off and be a big important man, Lee. I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll come find you," he said before turning and walking away.

Kara waited until he was out of sight before turning to board the Raptor. She felt at peace with herself for the first time in years.

* * *

Lee decided that he had definitely changed in the last month when he found himself rushing down the corridor after Kara. He was already heading down this way in order to see her like he promised the evening before when he caught sight of her on her way from the head back to her new bunkroom, clad only in a towel.. It was only natural that he'd try to hurry to catch her before she dropped that towel and he burst in on something he shouldn't be seeing. Yet that didn't explain why when he got to the hatch, he clicked it shut without saying a word.

Lee smiled and leaned against the closed hatch. He was watching her get dressed, and there was something both completely domestic and comfortable about it. He fought back a chuckle as he realized it didn't surprise him that he had changed so much in just under a month. It was that he didn't mind the change one bit.

Kara drew her uniform out of the locker and scrunched her nose up. There was definitely a large stain on the right shoulder. She had no idea where that had come from.

"Maybe I should have scolded you for your hygiene that first day and not your lateness."

To her credit, Kara didn't jump. Her hands unconsciously tightened the towel around her body as she turned to Lee. "A little voyeuristic, are we?"

Lee's gaze slid slowly up and down her body. "You started it, Kara."

She held her hands out and did a little turn. "Well, look your fill because I'm getting cold so the clothes are coming on." Kara was happy to feel Lee's appreciation reflecting in his eyes. She knew that she was torturing both of them, but sometimes she just couldn't help it.

"I have a surprise for you," Lee said, pushing off the wall and walking over to sit on the bunk next to her locker. "I got Spider to take your CAP rotation."

Kara's eyes went wide. "How the frak did you do that?"

"I offered to take a few of his shifts in the coming weeks."

Kara stayed silent as she slipped on her underwear and a couple tanks. The towel slid to the floor as she searched for the rest of her clothing. Lee sat back in the bunk and just watched her. It was crazy how often he found himself just watching her.

"Why would you do something like that?" Kara asked abruptly.

"It's stupid," Lee admitted. "I heard some of the girls from CIC talking about how you were handing out dresses for them to wear at the reception, and it got me to thinking. You're one of the few people on this ship that had a different kind of life when the Twelve Colonies were still our home. You must have all these things from what was supposed to be your vacation."

"I don't have that much from home."

"I've seen the picture in your locker," Lee pointed out.

Kara's eyes went to the small photo of her team. They were her family back on Caprica. "Yeah, I have that. Nothing else really matters."

"I was thinking of all those dresses you must be lending out, and I started wondering what kind of dress does a woman pyramid player carry around with her. Then I started thinking about the outfit I saw you wearing on the _Rising Star_. I think it would be a travesty to myself and to the rest of the ship not to see if you could top that night."

Kara laughed and stepped into her pants. "You need to keep your libido in check, Lee."

"Hey! I did it for the good of the Fleet."

Kara leaned into the bunk and brushed her lips quickly across Lee's. "Well, the Fleet thanks you, Captain." He looked absolutely stunned. "Now I think you and I have some security to run while the votes are being read off."

She reached in to grab her dress jacket and smiled. At the time she was handing out all her dresses, she didn't know why she never mentioned the little black dress she had hiding in the back of her locker as an option for people to borrow. Now she understood. It was her favorite, and she had been saving it just in case, by some miracle of the gods, she found a way to get out of the cockpit in order to attend the Vice Presidential reception.

She was going to blow Lee's mind.

"Let's go," she said, tapping him lightly on the knee as she brushed past him.

Lee smiled at her sudden change in mood and applauded himself for bullying Spider into taking the CAP shift. He had been right to think that Kara wanted a little taste of what her life had once been. He might not be a huge follower of pyramid, but he did know the players had to go to a lot of parties and receptions as part of their contracts. He could just see Kara laughing and dancing as the cameras caught her with whatever man had the honor of being her plaything for the night.

Damned if he didn't wish he could be that man tonight.


	18. Chapter 18

Lee was doing his best to focus on what the President was saying and not keep checking the doorway to the reception hall every other minute. He had been here for half of an hour, and there was still no sign of Kara.

"Captain Apollo, are you listening?"

Lee was surprised to see the President staring at him with raised eyebrows. He really needed to be less transparent. "I'm sorry, Madam President. What were you saying?"

"I was saying it's awfully nice of you to get clearance for most of your pilots to be here. They need a break."

"I thought so," Lee agreed.

"You need a break, too," Roslin pointed out with a slight shake of the head. "I won't keep you."

Lee gave her a small nod and smile before walking over to the bar. He was going to need a drink if he wanted to convince anyone else that he was here for the right reasons. The President obviously wasn't buying it. His eyes scanned the dance floor as he walked past it, but she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere. He took a seat at the bar and motioned for the bartender.

"Are you looking for someone in particular?"

Lee turned to the man sitting on the stool next to him. If he remembered correctly, this was the assistant to the Quorum delegate from Canceron.

"If you're not waiting for someone specific, I highly recommend you give the blonde over there a try. She's been ignoring every advance that's come her way so far. I'm trying to figure out if she even likes men. I swear to the gods, if you can get a looker like that to even glance your way, it'll be a miracle." The man chuckled lightly to himself. "And if you can get her to dance, I will buy you the finest glass of ambrosia this ship has."

Lee turned to see the woman the man was referring to. His eyes recognized her immediately, and he drank in the sight of Kara with a ravenous hunger he had long thought misplaced. Her hair was pinned up off her shoulders, giving his eyes the opportunity to glide over every inch of the smooth skin he had been admiring for weeks. Kara had definitely saved the best dress for herself. It hugged her body in all the right places and stopped just short enough to give its viewer a satisfying taste of what was underneath. Lee knew without a doubt, she had worn that dress for him. He finished off the drink in his hand and smiled at the man at his side. "I think I'm going to give it a try."

"Good hunting, Captain," the man said with a laugh.

Lee was about to let him know that this was probably going to be the easiest kill of his career when Kara's eyes finally caught his. His breath caught in his throat as a smile spread across her face. Pushing off the bar, he cut his way across the hall to her side as quickly as he could without seeming desperate.

"How did you know I have a thing for men in uniform?" she asked as soon as he got near.

"How did you know I have a thing for blondes in little black dresses?"

She shrugged. "Don't all men?"

Lee had to laugh. She had a point. He held out his hand. "I have a bet going with that man over at the bar. He said he would buy me a drink if I could get you to dance."

"Lee, if you want to ask me to dance, just ask. You don't have to make up some crazy story about a man at a bar."

"Do you want to dance?"

Kara suddenly felt a shyness wash over her, and all she could do was give him a small nod. She took the hand he had offered and allowed herself to be led onto the dance floor. A tiny voice inside of her wondered if maybe tonight was the night he finally stopped worrying about what other people thought.

"You look amazing," he whispered, spinning her into his arms.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Lee gave her a small nod, and she leaned in towards him. "This is all for you."

Lee bit back a moan. Plenty of woman had dressed up to go out on dates with him, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same when it came to Kara.

They danced in silence for the first few songs. Lee was just glad he could be this close to her and not worry about someone pointing out military regulations. They were probably breaking at least twenty of them, and the night was still young. Lee's eyes drifted around the room, and he thanked the gods for small miracles. There were at least a hundred couples out there with them, and most of them were some sort of combination of pilot and crew. Not one of them was paying attention to how close the CAG was dancing with his wingman.

"Can I interrupt?"

Lee automatically tensed at the sound of his father's voice. He felt Kara step away from his arms and tried his best not to hate his father a little more for it.

"You probably want to talk to your son," Kara said with an understanding nod. "I'm sorry. I know I've been monopolizing him."

Adama shook his head. "I don't think the Fleet is ready to see me dancing with my own son."

At seeing Kara's confused look, Lee couldn't help himself. "Sometimes you can be really dense, Kara."

"I think what my son is so tactfully trying to point out is I was actually asking _you _to dance, Miss Thrace."

"Oh." A pink blush crept across her cheeks. "Sorry."

Lee rolled his eyes and stepped away. His gaze fell on the sight of Cally talking to a few of the other specialists. Kara was always telling him he needed to loosen up and put himself out there more for his crew. He was going to start with the pretty girl who always managed to keep his Viper in top condition.

Kara watched Lee work his way over to Cally and ask her to dance. She couldn't help but smile. He could be such a hero sometimes. No wonder he had the call sign of a god.

"Lieutenant, I wanted to thank you."

Adama's words broke her back to the present. "I'm sorry, sir?"

"I haven't seen my son this happy in years."

It slipped out before she could stop herself. "You haven't seen your son in years." Her hand came up to cover her mouth, and Kara wondered if the gods would turn back time if you prayed hard enough.

Adama gave her a sad smile. "That's very true and something I'll always regret."

"He'll forgive you in time. You know that right?"

"I'm hoping," Adama said. He twirled Kara before pulling her back into his arms. "He seems particularly enamored with you, Lieutenant."

"I don't know why, sir."

"You can drop the sirs for tonight," Adama insisted.

Kara gave him a small nod and looked around the room. A lot of people were staring at her right now. She had a feeling after tonight Kat was going to accuse her of moving on to the last Adama in the Fleet.

"I'm glad to see that Lee has finally found a wingman he can trust. He struggled for weeks to figure out Beehive, and I don't think he ever truly succeeded."

"We fly well together."

"That's an understatement."

"How would you know?" Kara exclaimed, her mouth dropping open even before he answered.

This time, it was Adama's turn to look sheepish. "You two have been the talk of the ship since you started your training runs. Sometimes, if I wasn't on duty in the CIC, I would go to the observation deck to see what everyone was talking about. The things you two did? I've never seen that before."

Kara felt herself blush. "We were just messing around."

"If that was you and Lee casually flying, then I can't even begin to fathom what it would look like when you two get serious." Adama gave her a genuine smile. "I remember the day my son came to my office to give his report on the nuggets. His enthusiasm when he was talking about the progress you were making was infectious. He really saw something in you."

"Sometimes I wonder if he's completely lost it," Kara smirked. "I'm just a pyramid player trying to make a niche for herself in this new world."

"You _used _to be a pyramid player. You're a Viper pilot now, Lieutenant."

The song faded out, and the people around her applauded. The Commander gave her a slight bow and made his way off the dance floor. Kara watched him work his way over to the President before she started searching the crowd. She found Cally talking with the Chief, but Lee wasn't in sight. A few of her fellow pilots asked her to dance, but she politely shook her head and kept moving through the crowd.

Kara was thinking about whether Lee would have gone out into the halls of Cloud Nine when a husky voice whispered in her ear, "Looking for someone?"

She turned to smile at him. "There's this flyboy I met a month ago, and I was hoping he would be here."

"Just a flyboy?"

"No, he had something special about him."

Lee smiled and put his hand on the small of her back. He guided her back to the dance floor. "We always seem to hit the slow ones, don't we?"

"The gods are kind to those that believe," Kara said, rattling off a scripture passage she had learned when she was little.

The rest of the night went exactly the same way. Someone would interrupt Lee and Kara, and they would part for a few minutes. Then they would naturally drift back together. If anyone noticed, they didn't say a word. The CAG looked happier than he had in ages, and Starbuck was laughing for a change, really laughing.

Zak had interrupted them only once to talk with Kara. He teased her for being unavailable for the past few weeks and then reminded her to be careful. The only difference was this time he told her to do what she had to in order to be happy. Then, he thanked her for making his brother, the man who had helped raise him, smile again. Lee found Kara standing on the edge of the dance floor with tears in her eyes after that one.

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out to take her hand.

She shook away the tears and smiled. "You did an amazing job, raising your brother."

Lee looked out at the dance floor where Zak was currently twirling Cally to the beat and smiled. "Sometimes I think that's my greatest accomplishment. But then he says something completely asinine and I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier to just leave him on the beach at the end of one of our family vacations."

Kara was laughing when she felt a hand tap her shoulder. Her eyes met Lee's, and she knew they were both thinking the same thing. These distractions needed to stop before they went insane.

"Lieutenant Thrace, I was wondering if you would mind allowing me the honor of a dance?"

Kara did her best not to shrivel back from the slimy voice of the newly elected Vice President. She had only met Gaius Baltar a few times while on Galactica, but frankly that was enough for a lifetime. Something about this little man put her on edge. She couldn't imagine having to spend a whole song in his arms. Then again, you didn't say no to the man of the hour.

Kara was about to reluctantly move from Lee's arms when she felt them tighten around her. "I'm sorry, Doctor. She's a little busy right now."

Kara's eyes went wide. Had Lee just shot down the Vice President of the Colonies?

"Lieutenant Thrace?"

Kara turned to look up at Lee. He was smiling at her. She bit her lip and shook her head, trying to hold in a laugh. "I promise to come find you when I'm not already occupied, Doctor."

She didn't even notice him slinking away. Her eyes couldn't move away from Lee's. His hands were warming her body, and she could feel something slipping away inside of her. It was as terrifying as it was exciting. Their bodies moved in time with the music, and Kara surrendered herself to the moment.

"What are we doing, Kara?" Lee whispered after a few minutes. "What the frak are we doing?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "Whatever it is, we can't stop it."

"I know." His hands tightened around her waist as he turned to scan the room. "The party's ending."

Kara couldn't hide the disappointment as it flashed across her face. "It was a nice break," she said quietly, pulling herself away from Lee.

Lee watched her as he finally realized he had always been right. She was trouble for him in every way. He held out his hand for her to take. "Come with me, Kara?"

She gave him a small nod, a wave of inexplicable shyness coming over her. Lee took her hand and led her out of the reception hall. In the back of her head, she knew that he shouldn't be leaving without speaking to, among other people, his father and President Roslin. In her heart, she was glad there weren't any more distractions.

Lee dropped her hand as they neared the docking bays. His eyes caught with the first Colonial officer he could find. "Lieutenant Findley, I'm about to make your night," Lee said, walking to the nearest Raptor.

The pilot rushed down the open hatch and threw a quick salute at his CAG. "Sir?"

"I need to get back to Galactica, so you get to stay here for the night." Kara tried not to let her mouth drop open. Lee was being awfully blunt. "We'll send someone back with it in the morning." The man still didn't move. "Dismissed, Lieutenant!" Lee said, raising his eyebrows.

Findley jumped into action, saluting again as he rushed out of the docking bay. Kara laughed as she walked up the ramp into the ship. "That was a little dramatic."

"It was the only way I could think to get him to leave and not to say a word to anyone," Lee said, sliding into the pilot's chair. He motioned for Kara to sit in the seat next to him.

She immediately kicked off her shoes and rested her feet on the consul, letting out a soft moan. "I forgot how much those fraking shoes hurt."

Lee chuckled as he slid on the headset and requested permission to launch back to Galactica. He would never understand why women felt the need to put themselves through such pain just for the sake of being fashionable.

Kara waited until they were drifting through the open space to break the silence comfortably hanging between them. "So, Captain Lee Adama, how did you learn to dance like that?"

Lee settled back into his pilot chair and let some of the tension filter out of his body. "Like what?"

"Come on! Every woman there was watching your every move. When you dipped me, I swear to the gods, I saw half the room orgasm."

Lee shook his head. Kara could be so obscene sometimes. It was weird how he loved that about her. "When I was eighteen, I dated one of the choreographers for the Caprican Ballet Company." He smirked at the memory of it. "She was twenty-seven."

Kara feigned shock. "Lee, do you have a thing for older women?"

"I have a thing for blondes," he smirked.

"I knew that," Kara said, letting out a deep breath. They were already nearing Galactica, and she could feel the dread of going back to that world as it pushed down on her. She had been enjoying the freedom. There had been this little bubble when she was dancing in with Lee for the past few hours. She could have sworn there was something shifting between them. Then he took her here. He pulled her from the one place they could probably have found a secluded corner where no one would care that the CAG was kissing one of his pilots, and he had brought her here, the one place they couldn't even touch without alarms going off.

The Raptor bounced lightly against the deck, and Kara picked up her shoes off the floor. She was about to step off when she felt Lee's hand grab her wrist and pull her back. She gripped her shoes tightly against her body as he tugged her into a sweet, soft kiss. She lost herself from the very moment he touched her up until the moment he pulled away. Being near him wrecked havoc on every inch of her body.

"Why did you bring me here, Lee?" she hissed, shutting her eyes as she tried to calm herself. When she opened them, she saw Lee was staring at her, a mixture of confusion and fear in his eyes.

"I thought you knew."

Kara shook her head. "I have no fraking clue."

Lee bit down on his lip and decided to lay it all on the line. "My father gave everyone who isn't already on shift an overnight pass on Cloud Nine."

"I know. I gave mine up to follow you back here." Kara's lips came out in a pout, and she wasn't surprised to see Lee's eyes glaze over with desire. It took all her might to push Lee away and step off the Raptor. If he was going to bring her back to the one place she had to keep her guard up, then she wasn't going to give him one inch of her. "You do realize the message you're giving me by taking me away from what tonight could have been."

"You're misunderstood me then."

Kara looked over at him as they made their way through the hangar bay, and she could feel her heart break just a little more. Why did she ever think she could be the type of girl a man like Lee Adama would ever want? She turned to look at the empty corridors in front of them and willed the tears to settle back down. Lee's fingers moved to trace the pulse of her wrist before sliding down to lock with hers.

Okay, _that _might be why she thought Lee could want her. Because after everything they said and did, he still wanted to touch her.

"Kara, everyone's going to be on Cloud Nine tonight. Every pilot, every crewman… they're all on that luxury liner." Lee tipped her chin to look up at him. "And you and me, we're not."

Kara felt her breath catch as she realized what he was implying. "Oh."

They walked in silence, hand in hand. Kara could feel the cool metal grating of the corridors against her bare feet. It was a stark contrast to the way the rest of her body felt on fire. They were alone, really alone, for the first time.

Lee led her silently through the corridors to her bunkroom. That choice of destination had been made simply because it was a lot closer than his own shared officers' quarters. Now that he had decided to finally let this happen, he'd be damned if he made himself wait one second more. He opened the hatchway door and let Kara step into the room first.

The hatch clicked shut behind them, and after taking the time to turn the lock, Lee leaned his back against it. He watched as Kara walked to her locker and set her shoes down. The way her hips moved was positively intoxicating, and it wasn't just because she was in that sinful little dress. He had watched her walk across the hangar bay in her flight suit or a dirty pair of orange coveralls too many times to count. Every single time, he had to take a minute to calm down before letting his presence be known. She had the strangest effect on him.

Unable to take it anymore, Lee walked over to her side and reached to pull the hairpin from the back of her head. Her hair cascaded down in waves around her shoulders as she turned to look at him. He had expected a smirk or even a soft smile to be on her face. Instead, she looked curious. He knew she was wondering how far he would let her push this.

Kara stared at Lee for a moment and then reach out to slowly unhook the buttons of his dress jacket one by one. Her hands slid against smooth skin as she reached inside the jacket in order to push it off his shoulders. He had chosen to forgo the usual tanks underneath, probably because of how hot luxury liners could get. Kara was silently grateful. She leaned in to kiss his chest lightly, and she could feel his heart pounding against her gentle touch.

Lee's hand was shaky as it slipped the thin black strap off her shoulder and he kissed the silky skin. His lips were barely a whisper against her, but he could feel her shivering already. He kissed his way along her shoulder to the curve of her neck while his other hand pushed the remaining strap down. The dress fell into a pool at her feet.

Kara dipped her head just low enough to shift Lee's kisses exactly where she wanted them. His lips held barely any pressure against hers, and she wondered how their relationship had changed so much. A few weeks earlier, they would have been frantically trying to consume one another, body and soul. Now she didn't want to rush this one bit.

Lee bent down to sweep her up in his arms, taking care not to break the contact of their lips. Her arms tightened around his neck as he walked the few feet over to her bunk and laid her down. Kara's eyes burnt his skin as she watched him kick off his shoes and then slide his pants to the floor. She held out her hand, inviting him to join her, and her heart soared at the smile she was given.

There wasn't much room in the bunk. That was something Lee had always been frustrated with up until this point. Now he was pretty sure the shipyards made it that way for just this reason. If they hadn't been destroyed by the Cylons, he would have written them a letter of thanks.

Pushing all thoughts of Cylons and shipyards and letters out of his mind, Lee let his hand slide along the smooth skin of her body. He wanted to touch every inch of her, feel her shift in anticipation, and know it was because of him.

His hands slid up the inside of her thigh, pausing briefly to brush the smooth silk still covering her. She was already primed for him. He felt her moan against his touch and trailed his fingers up along her stomach, taking the time to kiss a small circle around her belly button. Her skin was tan, tan and perfect and pure and smooth and so fraking soft that he never wanted to stop touching it.

Kara shifted her body up off the bed, forcing Lee onto his back. She slid one leg across his body, straddling his waist, and was pleased to feel his arousal pushing against hers. There was still a thin barrier of clothing between them, and Kara silently thanked the gods for giving her a reason to keep this slow. She knew the second they were free of their clothes she would be sinking her body down onto his. She had no self-control when it came to Lee.

She was idly running her hands over the smooth, hard muscles of his chest, just enjoying the moment, when Lee's hands left where they rested on her thighs. He pulled her fingers to his lips and kissed them just like he had the day a Cylon tried to frak with their minds. Her heart broke as if it was happening all over again. "Lee," she whispered, bending her body down to kiss him firmly on the lips. She opened herself to him and hoped he could understand just how much he meant to her.

His hand roamed her body freely, and Kara was awed by how natural this felt. It was as if the two of them had been doing this exact thing for years. The desire she was feeling radiated back at her through the kisses and the gentle way his hand was caressing her backside.

Kara forced herself to wait until the anticipation of the next move got to be too much. Pushing up off his chest, she reached her hands behind her back to unclasp her bra. The silky black material fell off her body, and her nipples immediately puckered against the cold air of the bunkroom.

Lee watched in awe as her breasts rose and fell with every breath she took. Time was frozen. All he could hear was the pounding of his own heart. He couldn't move. "I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you in this moment," he confessed.

Kara's voice came out as no more than a whisper, but it was enough. "I'm yours for the taking."

Lee took her words to heart and sat up to hold her against him. His hands cupped her breasts, making soft circular strokes with his fingers. The sensitive flesh molded against the pressure of his touch. Kara could feel her breathing quicken as he kissed the side of her neck and worked his way down to meet his hand. His lips teased her hardened peak before taking it into his mouth, and she could feel a shiver of impending release already. She unconsciously bucked against him, and her hands came up to run through his hair as he switched his attentions to the other side.

Leaving her wet from his touch, Lee pulled back to smile at her for a moment. The smile faded into something serious as his fingers teased a trail between the valley of her breasts. He was watching her with such intensity that Kara couldn't help but moan.

He pushed her gently back down onto the bed. His hand tenderly slid over the small black silk still covering her most sensitive area, and after only a slight hesitation, his fingers pushed the material to the side. She arched against his touch as he teased the small bundle of nerves that was already singing. "Oh gods," she muttered. She reached out to grasp his shoulders just as he inched one finger inside of her. She came apart immediately. This was the moment she had been hoping for since she first met Lee Adama in that bar.

Lee didn't let up as the waves washed over her. He watched her unravel and it only caused him to want her to do it even more.

Kara was panting wildly, trying to regain control of her body, when she felt his hands slip her panties from her body. She was on the verge of screaming it was about fraking time when the words caught in her throat. Lee gripped her knees to spread her wide in front of him, and her heart froze in her chest as she realized what he intended.

Lee wished he could say that this would be it, that he could just let his defenses down for one sweet night with Kara and it would all be over, but as he took her sensitive flesh into his mouth, he knew he couldn't let go.

Her body tensed against him as his tongue delved inside of her, and her nails cut into his shoulders as she did her best to hold herself back. Lee pulled back to look up at her. Her eyes were half closed in desire, and she was biting down on her lip to keep from crying out. "You are so fraking perfect," he said before renewing his assault on her body.

Kara's moan turned more primal as he played her body like a finely tuned machine. He knew exactly where to push and when to pull back. It was official. Lee Adama was put on this world to frak her good and proper. That was his job, and she was going to make sure he knew it. Her body came apart at his gentle insistence, and she had the sudden desire to make him do this for the rest of their lives.

Lee pulled away from her as the waves finally subsided. Kara let out a small sigh of satisfaction before opening her eyes and frowning. "How is it possible that you're still not naked?" Lee's laugh mingled with her own as her hands came out to frantically pull his boxers away from his body.

The laughter drifted out as Kara felt the full naked length of his body against hers. It amazed her that her body could have this strong of an effect on him. "Finally," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back and holding him in tight.

"Finally," Lee echoed, smiling down at her. "Thanks the gods."

If it was possible, her smile became even brighter. She wasn't alone in this.

Lee rubbed himself against her heat, teasing her each time she bucked up against him.

"Please." Kara hated the way she was begging, but her body really felt like it was going to explode if he didn't fit himself inside of her right this minute.

Lee could see her struggling and knew that he was torturing her, but he wasn't going to stop. They needed the build-up as much as they needed the release. He had no idea when or even if they were ever going to do this again. It had to count. He pushed himself inside her an inch before taking a deep breath and pulling out. He laid a kiss on the side of her head as she gasped at the small intrusion. He continued to just barely enter her and tried his best to keep the little bit of control he still had. Just feeling her body writhing against his was enough to make him come.

"Gods, Lee," Kara said. She tightened her legs around his waist and tried to pull him in deeper. He didn't budge. For the first time, she cursed those impossibly perfect muscles that made up every inch of his body. There was no way she could get the upper hand in this small little alcove. "Frak," she groaned as he pushed himself inside another inch. She was about fed up with this.

Lee was taken by surprise when Kara's hand came down to take him in hand. It gave her just enough time to move out from under his body. Lee stared at her in wonder as she walked over to the metal table in the middle of the room, stark naked except for that infuriating smirk.

She motioned with her finger, beckoning him to get up off the bed. "Come here, flyboy."

Her voice was a husky whisper, and Lee couldn't help but obey. She twisted his body until he sat on the cold table. His body stiffened, and she let out a small laugh before leaning in to nibble on his bottom lip. "Don't worry. I'll be warming you up shortly."

Kara desperately wanted to fall to her knees and show him just how much she wanted him. Taking him into her mouth would be ecstasy, but she knew she couldn't. She didn't have the patience to do it right, and there was no way she was going to frak up an opportunity to have Lee right where she wanted him.

Lee shuddered as he wondered what ideas were floating around that deliciously wicked head of hers. He didn't have to wait too long for an answer. Kara kicked one leg up onto the table and used his body as leverage to push off the ground. Her body settled in against him as her legs straddled his waist. Lee gripped her hips tightly and prepared himself for Kara to take him on a ride, hard and fast.

He was taken aback when she sank down on his erection inch by excruciating inch. Kara's hands wrapped around his neck as she slowly worked her body against his. Her mouth dropped open as a gravelly moan fell from her lips, and Lee couldn't help but pull her down towards him. She smiled against his lips as she continued to slide her body against him, working them both into oblivion in the most deliberate way.

Her eyes were closed as she concentrated on taking him deep within her. Lee was intoxicated. He couldn't look away even if the Cylons chose this very moment to attack. Seeing her get pleasure from riding his body so well was more breathtaking than anything he had ever seen. Her body was shivering against his, and he knew that it wasn't because of the cold bunkroom.

Kara let out a tiny cry of surprise as Lee shifted the angle and hit a new spot deep inside her. Her eyes flew open to meet his, and she found herself smiling for the thousandth time that night. She leaned in to slide her tongue along the inside of his mouth. She couldn't believe this was actually happening. She silently thanked the gods for having enough compassion to keep her from making this amazing man a quick one-night frak. She wanted more than that.

Lee hadn't known something so slow and painful could be so satisfying. The gradual build-up allowed him to keep control at first, but when he felt Kara break with him still deep inside of her, he knew that all hopes of restraint were slipping through his fingers.

He pushed their still-joined bodies up off the table and walked them back to the bunk. He refused to let the first time he came inside her be on a cold table in the middle of a bunkroom. She deserved more than that.

Her arms came up around him as he laid her down in the bunk. His name was on her lips before he had even settled himself against her. There were a thousand things he wanted to say to her, starting with how stupid he was to let some stupid regulation keep him from her and ending with how much he wanted to quit it all to be with her twenty-four hours a day.

The heat between there flared up instantly, and Lee could feel Kara's nails digging into his back as her legs tightened around his waist. He was still trying to keep the slow pace, afraid that if he let himself go, he would hurt her. There was so much desire built up inside of him.

Then she was whispering in his ear, urging him to go harder, faster. He held back until he felt her tighten around him, and then he let go of his control, pushing in as swift and as deep as he could. He bit down on her shoulder as she contracted around him, causing him to release inside her.

The tension flowed out of his every nerve when he felt her holding on to him for dear life as she gasped for breath. He fell down at her side, the last bit of strength finally leaving his body. His arms came up around Kara's body to tuck her in to his side. Sighing in satisfaction, he felt his eyes begin to droop. She had taken everything out of him.

"There's going to be a shift change," Kara reminded him, trying to squirm away from his arms. "There might not be a lot of people left on this ship, but they're not all gone."

Lee stared at her for a moment before sighing. "Kara, how many of the people assigned to this bunkroom are on Cloud Nine?"

Kara did a mental tally in her head. "All of them."

"There's your answer." Lee tugged at her arm. "Now I'm tired. Could we please get some sleep while we still have the time?"

Kara leaned down to brush a kiss along his forehead. She turned to pull the bunk's curtain shut just in case. "I didn't peg you for a cuddler," she lied. The truth was she knew he would be a cuddler. It was simple fact that any woman who got this man in their bed would move heaven and earth to fell his arms holding her. Lee would be a cuddler by default.

"I just want to keep you close in case I want to do this again."

Kara cocked an eyebrow. "In case?"

"When," Lee corrected sleepily. "Definitely when."

Kara laughed and settled back into his arms. She was glad he wasn't leaving. It helped cement this whole thing in her mind. It wasn't a dream. She wasn't going to wake up and realize she was still a lonely ex-pyramid player with no family and no purpose.

After tonight, she knew without a doubt that she had a family.

She had Lee.


	19. Chapter 19

Lee watched Kara wake up slowly. She looked confused at first as to where she was, but then her eyes fell on him. The smile that flooded her face made his heart soar. "Hey."

"Hey," she said, snuggling into his side a little closer.

"How are you feeling?" he said. He brushed the hairs out of her face and gave the top of her head a small kiss.

"I'm fraking sore," she teased. "You are insatiable, sir."

Lee laughed. She was right. They had definitely pushed the envelope as to just how much sex you could have in one night. They probably got two, maybe three, hours sleep the whole night, and yet he felt truly rested for the first time since the Cylons attacked. "We should probably get dressed before the pilots start coming back."

"We have time."

Lee groaned as he felt Kara's hands working their way south on his body. He had no idea how he could still be responding to her touch like this. She was kissing her way down his body, and it was becoming incredibly apparent to Lee that he had a few more rounds left in him. Thanks the gods because he didn't have it in his heart to make her stop.

A knock on the hatch made Kara pause just as she was about to take him into her mouth. Lee shot out of bed on instinct and grabbed his sweatpants. At some point in the night, he had left Kara sleeping in her bunk to go grab some clothes to change into in the morning. He didn't fancy walking through the corridors of Galactica in his dress uniform with that freshly fraked glow all over him. It wasn't proper for a CAG. Now he was really glad he had done so.

Kara had just pulled a t-shirt over her head when the hatch slid open. She cursed. Hadn't they locked that the night before?

"Lieutenant Thrace, Lieutenant Findley told me I could find you h-" President Roslin's voice cut off as she took in the sight before her. Kara was sitting up in her bunk, looking quite disheveled, and her military advisor was standing in the middle of the room in only his sweatpants. She was at a loss for words.

"President Roslin, I can explain."

Kara cut him off. "She doesn't need an explanation, Lee. She has eyes."

Lee gave her a sharp glare before turning back to the woman at the hatch. "As I was saying-"

Roslin held up her hand to cut him off. "Lieutenant Thrace is right. I do have eyes." Roslin stepped into the room, shutting the hatch behind her. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm seeing here is against military regulations, is it not?"

"Yes, sir," Lee said, picking his tanks up off the table and sliding them onto his body.

"Okay, just checking." Roslin took a deep breath. She had no idea when she came over to Galactica that this was going to be what she found. "Lieutenant Thrace, I came over here to ask you for a rather difficult favor."

Kara straightened up in the bunk. "Whatever you need, Madam President."

Roslin sighed and looked over at Lee. "This seemed a lot easier a few minutes ago when I didn't know about your relationship with the Captain, and I mean that in more ways than one." Roslin cleared her throat and turned back to Kara. "I need you to go on a mission for me, but it's going to have to stay off the books."

"I shouldn't be hearing this," Lee declared. He made a move towards the hatch, but Kara's hand came out to grab him. He ended up sitting next to her in the bunk.

"You are not going anywhere, flyboy." Kara saw the President's eyebrow arch in curiosity, and she suddenly realized why Lee had always scolded her for calling him that name. It did seem kind of inappropriate.

"Now that it's been established that it would be easier without you here and that you're not allowed to leave, Captain Apollo, I'm going to ask you to let Lieutenant Thrace make her own decision." Roslin smiled at the young man she had started thinking of as a son before turning to the young woman he obviously cared so much about. "Lieutenant Thrace… Kara. The hope of the Fleet lies in us finding Earth. We need your help in figuring out the right direction."

"My father knows the way," Lee insisted.

"Lee, she asked you to be quiet," Kara reminded him. "Continue, Madam President."

"There has been a slight miscommunication as to how much we know about the location of Earth. We need the Arrow of Apollo to figure out the map to the thirteenth colony."

"The Arrow of Apollo?" Kara racked her brain to figure out where she had heard of that before. The memory of her second grade field trip suddenly popped into her head. "But that's back on Caprica!"

"Precisely," Roslin confirmed. "That's what makes this favor so difficult. I want you to take the Heavy Raider back to Caprica and retrieve the Arrow for me."

"There is no way my father endorsed th-"

Kara clamped her hand over Lee's mouth, effectively cutting him off. "Madam President, you want me to take an enemy ship into enemy territory to get a thin piece of metal in some nuclear-ravaged museum, but I can't let my Commander or any of my friends know?"

"That was the plan," Roslin said, shifting uncomfortably.

"That's insane."

"It's the only option we have left. Commander Adama has no idea the direction we need to take to reach Earth. He told me so himself. At the time it wasn't an issue because we were fighting day to day. Now that we've shown the Cylons that we're not just going to lay there and die, it is imperative that we have a future to work towards. We need that Arrow if we want to make that hope a reality. You are the one person in this Fleet that knows Caprica and has the ability to fly that Heavy Raider. I didn't have any other option but to come to you, Lieutenant." Roslin's gaze shifted to Lee for the hundredth time. It really would have been a lot easier to convince Lieutenant Thrace to do this if he wasn't here. "I'll give you a few hours to think it over. I only ask that you don't speak of this to anyone, regardless of your decision."

Kara nodded. _That_ was something she could easily agree to.

The second the hatch shut, she turned to Lee. "I think I'm going to do it."

"No, you're not," Lee insisted.

Kara wondered when the serious tone had soaked back into his voice. She had been enjoying carefree Lee, the one that didn't see anything wrong with laughing, smiling, and fraking her body until she wanted to die from ecstasy. She had liked that Lee. "You can't stop me from doing this, Lee."

"Kara, the President has no right to come in here and command your desertion because you know that's what my father will see it as. You will be a deserter and you will be tried as such _if_ you make it back." Lee's eyes widened as he realized what he had just said.

"You don't think I can do it." The small hint of pain in her voice told Lee that he had hurt her without even realizing it.

"This is serious, Kara. What President Roslin is asking you to do goes beyond dangerous."

"I can handle it."

"I'm not sure about that," Lee hissed. "It's a lot different when you're face to face with them."

"I can't believe you! Was all that shit you told me about being a good pilot, the best you've ever seen, only a way to get in my pants?"

Lee rolled his eyes. "Kara, you know it wasn't."

"Oh, that's right. Because I had to practically seduce you into my bed to get you to even think about breaking those regulations!"

"Kara, stop," Lee insisted.

"No, I will not stop. I am going back to Caprica, Lee. It's the right thing to do. The President was correct. These people need hope. They need a future. I'm the one best suited to give them that. Sacrificing my flight career isn't that big of a deal in the long run if I can pull this off."

"You are not sacrificing anything."

The meaning behind his words was clear, but somehow Kara refused to hear the fear in his voice. Instead she focused on why the fear was there. "So now you're _certain_ I won't die doing this? Make up your mind, Adama!"

The silence filled the tense room before Lee reached out across the bed. "You're really serious about this?"

Kara stared down at where his hand rested on top of hers and nodded. She couldn't meet his eyes. "Yeah, I'm serious."

"Then I'm coming with you."

Her eyes lit up in surprise as her head tilted up to look him. He was serious. "I don't understand."

"You're not going to Caprica without me, Kara. I can't trust you to stay alive if I'm not there to make sure of it."

"But you just told me that going to Caprica means deserting the Fleet? You'd be tried alongside me."

"I understand that." Lee reached out to brush her fingers across his lips before leaning in to give her a chaste kiss. "And I'm coming with you."

Kara could feel her heart speed up. What he was offering her at this moment meant more to her than anything that had happened between them in the past twenty-four hours. She was scared to death of going to Caprica, and just knowing she wouldn't alone meant the world to her. "I should be trying to talk you out of this," she insisted even though she was already relaxing into his arms.

"You couldn't do it even if you tried," Lee whispered.

"Your father is going to hate me for this."

"No, he's not. In fact, I think he has a bit of a crush on you."

Kara smacked Lee's chest. "That's not funny!"

Lee shut his eyes and focused on the feeling of having Kara so close to him. He didn't know how long it would be until they could be like this again. Her hands were playing with the hairs on the back of his neck, and he was surprised at how ordinary this felt. Too bad it had to end. "We need to get going," he whispered.

Kara raised her head to look at him. "We have somewhere to go?"

"We should go talk to the President and let her know the fallout of her secret mission is going to be twice as bad as she thought. Then we need to get on that Raider and get out of here. It would be smart to be gone by the time the rest of the crew get back from Cloud Nine."

Lee watched Kara think over what he was suggesting and then, nodding, she pulled herself away from him. "Thank you for this, Lee."

"I'm your CAG. It's my job to keep you from being dead."

Kara knew it was a lot more than that, but she also knew whatever they had was too raw and new to be analyzing right now. She didn't want to make a misstep and ruin it. She made her way across the bunkroom in silence. If Lee said they needed to move, then they needed to move. "Kara?" She turned away from her locker to see Lee still staring at her. "We can do this together."

"You think so?" she said with a smirk.

"We're Apollo and Starbuck. We've practically legends."

Kara chuckled as she pulled her flight suit out. Apollo and Starbuck did have a certain ring of accomplishment to it. Apollo and Starbuck could do anything they put their mind to it. That's why it was Kara and Lee she was worried about. Because it wasn't Apollo following her to Cylon-infested Caprica. It was Lee. It wasn't Starbuck who was worried she was ruining her wingman's life by letting him do something so stupid. It was Kara.

Sighing, she shut her locker door and began to get dressed. Apollo and Starbuck were just going to have to watch out for Kara and Lee.


	20. Chapter 20

It was surprising how easy it could be to take the Heavy Raider off Galactica. Lee charmed the comms officer on duty into thinking they were scheduled to test the autopilot, and he was immediately given clearance to launch. Kara was silently glad that Petty Officer Dualla was stuck on Cloud Nine. She couldn't take hearing Lee flirt with her even if he was making this huge gesture of going to a enemy-infested planet for Kara's sake. It wasn't until this past month that she even realized she had this horrible jealous streak.

She was happy to not be around for the fallout after they made their FTL jump. The comms officer probably got thrown into the brig by default. She would have to figure out who had been on call and apologize when their mission was complete.

The sequence of FTL jumps from the Fleet's current position to Caprica was uneventful. Neither she nor Lee said a word. They were both being weighed down by the consequences of their actions. Kara really hated that her impulsivity had seemingly rubbed off on Lee. It wouldn't do him any good in the long run.

Lee took charge the second they touched the Heavy Raider down in front of the Delphi Museum of Colonial History. His gun was drawn, and they were slowly moving up the outer stairs within a minute of landing. Kara couldn't help but think Lee was made for this stealthy crap.

They were stalking through the long-empty corridors when Lee finally spoke. "This place gives me the creeps."

"Then let's get this artifact and get out of here," Kara said, picking up the pace.

"Something you're in a rush to do?"

Kara smirked. "I heard a rumor that they're going to start giving pilots passes to Cloud Nine now that it's open for business. I figured I might go there and pick up someone to help me get rid of this strange craving I've been having since last night."

Lee paused to narrow his eyes at her. "You are not allowed off shift unless I have the same pass you do," he growled.

"Agreed." Kara smiled to herself as they continued on. If she wasn't mistaken, they had just entered into a committed relationship with a tease and a threat.

It only took them a few minutes to find the correct room and display case in the museum, prompting Kara to ask if Lee had ever been here before. "Only when I was little."

Kara felt his arms come around her waist as he boosted her up into the blasted-out case. "Then how the frak did you get us here so fast?"

"When your call sign is Apollo, you get plenty of jokes from your fellow Capricans about your Arrow being in a Museum. My first CAG's call sign was Hera, a product of her husband being the guy who helped design the Mark VII."

"A veritable god among men," Kara said, reciting the headline that had been blasted across the papers for weeks. The creation of the Mark VII had been huge news only a few months ago. She pulled the arrow out of the large white hand-shaped holder and laughed nervously when nothing exploded. She wouldn't have been surprised if the Cylons had this thing booby-trapped.

Lee reached out to take the Arrow from her and then wrapped his hands around her waist to help her down. If her body happened to slowly slide along the length of his as she reached the ground, it was a complete accident. Still holding her tight, he gave a small nod towards the plaque on the wall.

"I don't get it," she said.

"The crew loved the fact that the Arrow of Apollo was in the center of the Room of Hera." Kara's eyes went wide as she realized the massive sexual undertones of that joke. Lee shook his head. "It would take a lot to make me forget the location of this artifact."

Kara reached out to take the Arrow back from him. "I'm glad you forced your way onto this little field trip."

Lee was about to respond when a voice cut him off. "Me, too." Still wrapped up in each other's arms, Lee and Kara turned to stare at the tall, blond woman standing next to the Arrow's empty case. "We've been waiting for you."

Kara didn't know how exactly it started, but before she could even blink, the woman had yanked her out of Lee's arms by her neck and thrown her against the nearest wall. Her vision went white as she slumped to the ground.

Lee fought the desperate urge to rush to Kara's side. She wasn't even moving. He would have done just that if it wouldn't leave him open to attack. He had to be rational about this. Raising his sidearm, Lee started firing on the Cylon woman. It hadn't taken him long to recognize her. She had been in the heart of Galactica a few weeks early posing as Shelley Godfrey, a system analyst who had information on Gaius Baltar.

Lee's shots kept landing two inches too wide as the Cylon ran at an impossible speed. He didn't realize she was herding him in until it was too late. Her body connected with his, and his gun went flying. Lee reacted the only way he could think of. He grabbed her arms and pulled her down with him, using his body to crush the female machine to the ground. The impact barely affected her, and he could taste blood as her fist connected with his jaw.

Lee knew he had a tough fight ahead of him, and he needed to focus. The problem was he couldn't tear his mind away from Kara. She still hadn't moved.

The Cylon was taunting him under her breath as she connected with blow upon blow. He couldn't get his bearings to stop her. "Welcome back to Caprica, Captain. Like what we've done with the place?"

Lee grinned. "You toasters can live anywhere, can't you?" Knowing the way she had him pinned to the ground left no room for him to move, he spit in her face.

The Cylon didn't hesitate. She rammed her head into him full force, and he lost consciousness for a brief second. It was enough for the machine to lift him off the ground and throw him into a nearby display. The pedestal of the statue connected with the middle of his back, and for a split second, Lee wondered if this would be the last time he'd ever walk. Then the pain flooded his senses, and he almost wished he had broken his back.

"Come on, Apollo." Lee heard her taunts as she kicked him hard in the ribs. Yeah, those were _definitely_ broken. "Got anything left?"

There was a slight pain in Kara's chest as she regained consciousness, and she swore to the gods she never thought she'd feel this kind of pain again. It was too familiar. The image of the Cylon in front of her merged with her memories of her mother. Anger she thought long gone flared up inside of her. As she watched the machine kick Lee in the head, the anger only grew.

Kara was having trouble finding the strength to stand as she heard the Cylon continue to taunt. "If this is the best humanity can offer in a god, it is no wonder you're dying." Kara watched a large gash on Lee's forehead start to bleed, and it reminded her of her fifth birthday. She still had scars from that one.

"I was told to keep you alive, but just between you and I, I don't see the benefit of that. Do you want to die, Apollo?" The Cylon leaned in to hear his answer before straightening up. "That's what I thought you would say." She kicked him one final time, and Kara tried to hold the tears back as she watched Lee stop fighting back.

This had all gone horribly wrong, and it was all because of her. Lee was only on this planet because she said yes to this stupid, fraking mission of the President's. He wouldn't have done this for any other pilot.

Reminding herself that she had survived things a lot worse than this, Kara shoved the pain aside and pulled herself to her feet. She was no longer a scared little child. She was Kara Thrace, the best fraking pyramid player in the universe. She was Starbuck, the Colonial pilot who takes shit from no one. Most of all, she was a woman, a woman who just wanted to have one more moment with the man currently fighting to stay alive.

Her eyes scanned the area, finally coming up with the opening she needed.

"Don't think I don't see you, Starbuck!" The Cylon warned, turning to smile at her. Kara could feel Lee watching her, and she decided that was a good thing. He would want to know that this was her choice. She would give up her life to save him.

"You're not going to make it out of this one alive," the Cylon said. Without turning away from Kara's eyes, she kicked Lee in the gut again.

"Who said anything about that?" Kara said.

She waited until she saw a look of confusion come over the Cylon before letting loose a primal scream. Her shoulder connected with the Cylon's midsection, and Kara did her best to hang onto the momentum. Lee, having finally gotten the break he needed, could only watch as they went flying into the large hole created by the nuclear devastation. Kara heard his voice screaming her name as she hit bottom. Relief passed through her as she realized he would make it through this one even if she didn't, and then blackness took over.


	21. Chapter 21

It was amazing how quickly the pain disappeared once Lee's mind grasped what Kara had done. He was on his feet and limping to the edge of the void. The only thing he could make out was two bodies impossibly tangled around one another.

He gagged as his body chose this moment to fully accept the sacrifice Kara had just made. His mind was telling him he needed to figure out what happened to the Arrow. His heart told him that Kara deserved more than to be left underneath the dead corpse of a machine.

For what would probably be the last time, Lee chose to listen to his heart. He bit back the pain and slowly made his way down to the bottom level of the museum. Tears were fighting their way to the surface as his wounded hands pulled the pieces of rubble off the two bodies. He hit something warm and wasn't surprised when he looked down to see the blood. He had known this wouldn't be pretty.

A small glimmer of hope found its way to the surface as he realized it was the Arrow sticking out of the Cylon's back that had caused the blood. He pushed the machine out of the way and choked back a cry as he saw Kara's bruised face. She looked peaceful.

Lee pulled her limp body into his arms and let the last bit of his control slide away. He had thought his being here would protect her. He had thought he would be enough. He had been so stupid. "I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. The tears stung his eyes. "Oh gods, Kara, I'm so, so sorry." He gripped her to him as tight as he could. He knew at that moment that he wasn't leaving Caprica alive. He couldn't let her go.

"That fraking hurts, Lee."

His heart froze and started pounding at the exact same time. Pulling back, he could feel a tiny movement in his arms as Kara fought to breath. "Kara?"

"What?" she choked out, her voice a harsh, gravely whisper. "You thought one lousy Cylon could take me out? No fraking chance."

Her smile said it all. "What were you thinking?" Lee demanded. "What the frak were you thinking?"

Kara pulled herself away from the tight hold Lee had on her in order to sit on the rubble-filled ground. "I was thinking if I didn't do something quick, you were going to let that machine kill you. I was thinking that I'm fraking tired of having to save your ass. I was thinking you were a moron for coming on this mission and distracting me so much. I was thinking I was going to kick your ass as soon as this toaster was dead."

Lee laughed and, cradling Kara's face in his hands, kissed her with all his might. He hoped it wasn't too painful for her because it was the only way he could keep himself from hitting her for being so courageously stupid.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Kara shook her head. "Damn. I should try to get myself killed more often."

Lee rolled his eyes and got to his feet. He summed up the strength to walk over to the dead Cylon and yank out the one piece of her that was worthwhile. Arrow in hand, he offered to help Kara up, and when she faltered, he slid his arm easily under her shoulder to support her. "We need to get off this stupid planet."

"Gods yes."

They got about two steps into the midday heat before Lee paused, and Kara was forced to stop along with him. "Is something wrong?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer. Of course something was wrong. The Cylons almost killed them on this suicide mission that was destroying their lives physically and metaphorically.

"I thought you were dead," Lee said. His gaze held a spot over her left shoulder.

"What?"

"In there, I thought you were dead. I thought I had killed you."

"How could you have killed me?"

"You wouldn't have done that if I wasn't there." Kara didn't have to ask what _that_ was. "You would have just kicked that Cylon's ass back to her worthless god and then come home to the Fleet."

"To you," Kara corrected. "I would have come home to you."

Lee couldn't hide the smile that tipped up the corners of his mouth. It only lasted for a few seconds, but Kara let herself bask in it. "This is why those military regulations are in place," Lee reminded her with a smirk.

"I think our relationship kind of goes beyond what those old suits were thinking of when they decreed pilots shall not frak other pilots. They knew nothing about the end of the world and how lonely it can be."

Lee gave a small nod and was about to start moving them again when he finally noticed the small change that had taken place since they landed. "Frak me."

Kara followed the direction his gaze was directed and groaned as she saw the burnt out husk of the Heavy Raider. There were still a few small tentacles of fire on the right side. "I guess the toasters weren't sure that one machine could stop us."

"Frak me," Lee repeated. "What the frak are we supposed to do now?"

"We keep moving," Kara said, her voice steady and calm. "We don't let them win." She snatched the Arrow out of his hand and pushed her body forward even though it hurt. "There has to be some sort of ship on this planet that we can fly back to the Fleet. We just have to find it."

Lee cleared his throat and decided it was time to stop dwelling on the fact that Kara thought her life was worth less than his. He had to get his head in the game. He could prove to her how stupid she was later when they were safe. "There are probably some airbases on the outskirts of the city. We should head that way."

She gave him a small nod, and together, they limped down the street. There was a lot of city to cover before they hit the outskirts. They had a system going that Lee thought was pretty good. He held on to Kara, and she held on to the Arrow. That meant the two things most important to him right now were taken care of.

The blocks blended together as they moved into a more secluded area of the city. It was just far enough away where you wouldn't get the tourists filtering down from the museum. Lee decided it was peaceful in a fresh off a holocaust sort of way. Kara had pushed away from him a few minutes into the walk, murmuring something about not being any good to him if she couldn't stand on her own. She had taken over the directions as she obviously knew this part of Caprica rather well. It was odd. Lee had always thought the Buccaneers were stationed out of Caprica City. Her schedule would have given her little to no time to venture this far away from the metropolis she called home.

Kara pushed a chain-link fence open and walked into the courtyard of an apartment complex. "Where are we going?" Lee asked, shuffling to catch up to her.

"I have a place here," she informed him. The way she said it told him not to question her about that statement yet.

The door to the apartment was locked. Lee couldn't help but smile when she didn't hesitate to shoot out the lock and then kicked the door open. She must have been feeling better. Silently, he followed her down the stairs into the apartment. There was a slightly odd aroma to the air, but Lee figured it was just the staleness of having not been breathed in so long.

His eyes caught on the walls of the apartment, and he suddenly realized as much as he knows who Starbuck is, he still has no clue who Kara Thrace is.

"I did it," she answered before he could even ask the question. "This place was where I would go during the off-season. I hated the city." She reached out to run her hands against the paint. "I had a rather swanky apartment in Caprica City, lovingly paid for by the team. It was mostly for show. People got rather testy if we didn't live a glamorous life."

"They obviously didn't know you," Lee said, bending down to get a closer look at one of the canvases. "This apartment practically screams '_I'm Kara Thrace's apartment_'. I don't think I could have imagined anything else."

The fact that Lee could understand that so quickly pleased Kara to no end. "I was always so angry during playoffs. Most people thought it was because my head was in the game and I wanted another championship for the team. Really, I just wanted the season to be over so I could come back here. This was my home."

Lee smiled at her. "These are really good, Kara."

"Just another career path I never followed through on," she joked. She stumbled over to the couch and, pushing a few random objects out of the way, sank down into the familiar comfort. The Arrow fell with a clank onto the coffee table.

Lee straightened up and watched her shut her eyes. The pain didn't go away. She was hurting. It probably took all her strength just to get them this far. His eyes roamed her body, stopping on each cut, each bruise. Her clothes were stained with the blood of a machine, and he could see the caked mud mixing in with her hair. It was an odd combination of red, brown, and yellow. He hated seeing her this way.

An idea popped into his head, and Lee hoped he wasn't hallucinating when he saw the fixture in the courtyard indicating there was a well below the building. "Get up for me, Kara," he insisted, keeping his voice low and soft.

"Frak off, Lee. I'm tired."

Her grumbling only made him laugh. "I'm serious. You'll thank me for this later."

Kara opened her eyes after a moment's hesitation. "You're up to something."

"I have an idea." He grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet. "It's getting dark, and I don't want to be out on those streets unless we can see what's up ahead. Therefore, we have some time to kill and I know just the way to do it."

Kara's mind immediately went to sex. She chuckled to herself as she realized she was the type of woman who would be willing to push the pain away if it meant Lee forgetting about those stupid regulations again. When he led her right past the bed, she couldn't help but feel disappointed.

The disappointment faded into curiosity as he took her into the small bathroom. She silently watched as Lee turned the handle in her shower and water came pouring out. "I saw the well out in the corridor. I think we have enough to get one shower." He reached out to unzip her flight suit. "I guess that means we'll have to do it at the same time."

Kara found herself unable to move a muscle as Lee slowly undressed her. She had never felt more tired than she did at this very moment. It was nice to have someone take care of her for a change.

The sweat underneath the flight suit left a cold chill on her body as soon as the plastic material was gone. Lee's hands rubbed her arms for a second as she shivered. Then he moved to pull her tanks over her head. His hands continued on to slide down her body and push her underwear to the floor. Kara had to fight back a different kind of shiver this time. There was something strangely sensual about standing in front of him, stark naked, while he still had all his clothes on.

Still not saying a word, Kara's hands came out to return the favor. Even hurt, she could still appreciate the feel of his skin against hers as she slid his tanks over his head. They caught on his dog tags, and Kara had to use extra force to disentangle them. Lee must have noticed the slight wince because he gently kissed her fingertips and stepped back to kick his shoes away and take his own pants off.

Lee led her by the hand to the shower, taking the time to test the water before pushing Kara inside. She gasped against the pleasant warmth and had to hold the wall to keep her knees from giving out. The water spilled over her body and fell to the floor, pink and cloudy. Lee was almost sure watching her would be enough for her. Then she held out her hand, and he knew he had no hope of fighting it.

Kara leaned into him the second he was before her. Lee firmly supported her body and began to wipe away the dirt and blood caked on her face. She didn't flinch once. He leaned in to give her temple a gentle kiss and was rewarded with a sigh. He could already feel her healing, and it pleased him that he had been the one to make that happen.

His eyes caught on a bottle of shampoo. He threw the cap off and lifted it to his nose to see if it was still good. The aroma hit him to the core. It smelled more than good. It was Kara, lavender and pear and some kind of spice. Lee had smelled it too many times to count and not all of them at the most appropriate moments. She must have had some of this when she boarded the _Rising Star_ before the attacks.

Smiling at that thought, he poured a dollop onto his palms and rubbed it between his hands. Kara leaned on him even more as he worked his fingertips against her scalp. The smell of the shampoo, the smell of Kara, was the most intoxicating thing. She moaned softly against his touch. Her hands roamed his back freely.

It surprised Lee how right this felt. Standing in a shower, washing Kara's hair, was so domestic and unlike him, and yet he could easily imagine doing it day after day. If the world hadn't ended, he could see himself taking his leave time during the pyramid off-season so he could come see her when she was in Delphi. He could see himself as the trophy flyboy boyfriend of Kara Thrace, the best pyramid player to arise in years.

It didn't matter that the public would think he was just a piece of meat Kara was carrying around because he looked so good in photos. They wouldn't have cause to think he could be so much more. He would know, and that was enough.

He could imagine sitting on the couch, watching her paint. They would hole themselves up in these walls with plenty of food and supplies. They wouldn't leave for as long as his shore pass was still good.

Then again, if the attacks hadn't happened, he would never had met Kara Thrace. His military career didn't give him much time to meet with the most public faces on Caprica. She would have just been another blond cover girl he saw on some random magazine cover. She would never be Kara to him.

Was it wrong to thank the gods for ending the world?

He tried to silence his thoughts as her hair finally ran clean of blood and dirt. The world had ended. He had met Kara. Things were fraked up and perfect at the same time.

Lee was stuck on the way her broken body hung so tightly onto his. It broke his heart. Kara had been hurt because he was too weak to protect her. As he worked his way down her body, dropping a kiss on each and every bruise and cut he could find, Lee silently vowed to never let this happen again.

He hoped she was right when she claimed kisses could make anything better.

Kara's hands ran idly through his hair as he softly rubbed the bruises on her thighs. He wondered if it would cause her more pain if he kissed the hurt away from the lovingly sensitive spot just a little higher than his current location. Would she cry out in pain or pleasure?

Pushing her back against the wall, he stared up at her from where he knelt. Her eyes were closed , a sign of trust that he wouldn't do anything to push her the wrong way. She was letting him take care of her, and beyond anything else, that was what mattered.

Lee whispered her name just as he parted her legs to give him better access. Her grip in his hair tightened, and he knew that was her way of giving him permission. He took the exploration slow, wanting to remember the freedom she was giving him when they were far from this studio apartment in Delphi.

He licked her folds slowly, feeling her knees give out. This time it was for a whole other reason, and he doubted it made her feel weak to have to lean on him. He pushed himself deeper inside of her, using his mouth to tell her the things he knew he could never say.

Kara could already feel herself on the edge. Her defenses were weak, and he was taking full advantage of it. Realizing there was absolutely no one to hear, she let out a low moan as his tongue hit just the right spot. It was too much for her, and she felt her walls contract as the orgasm took over. Her vision went white, and she really did need Lee to hold her up.

She could remember the last time she had been with another person in this shower. It wasn't half as painful or half as satisfying. From now on, all memories of this room would be forever joined with Lee.

Her hands gripped the chain of his dog tags and pulled him to his feet. Lee had forgotten he even had them on, but now they made a soothing clicking noise as they collided with the identical metal tags around Kara's neck. There was probably some cheesy poetic irony or a sort of metaphor to that, but right now he couldn't think of it. All he could think of was the way Kara's hands were touching his body and the way her mouth was soothing away the pain he was feeling in his shoulder. "Kara?" he whispered, his voice coming out a little more hoarse than he would have expected. He was scared to death that releasing this primal part of himself on her would hurt too much, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I need this, Lee." She winced at the way her words sounded. She had to do this right. "I need _you_," she corrected.

"I want you to know-" Kara's hands came up to his lips to trap the words inside, and he couldn't help but brush a kiss across the roughened pads.

Kara didn't want to pretend this was something it wasn't. Lee wanted to give her relief. He wanted to give her a reason to remember why she couldn't keep throwing herself off cliffs. This wasn't about love or even lust. "I understand," she said as he picked her up off the ground, despite the pain she knew it must have caused him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, and she had barely time to breath before he had pushed his way deep inside her.

Their dog tags connected to the gentle rhythm of his thrusts. Lee could feel her shivering against his body and realized the water had cut out a long time ago. It didn't slow him down. Kara moved against him, letting her own weight do most of the work.

Lee couldn't control himself, holding out just long enough to take her with him. It was less about the release and more about the healing it could bring.

"I'm tired," Kara whispered in his ear.

Her words pulled Lee back to the present. They were still in the shower, their bodies dripping water. Her legs were still tucked securely around him, and he was still buried deep inside of her. He didn't want to leave.

Holding his arms tight around her, he stepped out of the shower and into the main room of the studio. He walked to the bed and laid their bodies down. When he finally pulled himself out of her, she whimpered slightly but didn't really stir. He prayed to the gods that she didn't feel like he had just used her. He couldn't take it if she did.

He brushed the hair back from her face and was surprised when Kara turned to smile at him. "Don't go," she whispered even though the thought had never crossed his mind.

Lee pulled a blanket up off the end of the bed and snuggled in to her naked body. Her breathing evened out in seconds, and he let himself openly stare at her like he could never do before. She was so beautiful.

He knew that he was falling in love with her even if he could never admit it out loud.


	22. Chapter 22

When she woke up, Kara was surprised to feel the pain had mostly gone. Sure, she still hurt a whole frak of a lot, but that deep burn inside her every nerve was gone. It had disappeared the second she woke up to realize she was in her bed in Delphi and that she wasn't alone. The deep burn turned into something different all together when she realized _who_ she was with.

The memories of the shower he had given here were faint, but they still created this feeling of excitement in the pit of her stomach. She had put her trust in him, and he hadn't thrown it in her face.

It had taken all her strength, but she pulled herself from his arms and went to the bathroom to gather up their clothes. This was nice and all. However, they needed to go home.

Lee hadn't argued with her when she shoved his pants in his face. He just gave her a rather wicked looking smile, and Kara figured that was the moment where he truly woke up and remembered what he had done to get in that bed.

They had dressed quickly, and Kara only took time to grab a few packages of pre-cooked noodles and the Arrow before they were out the door. "I'm sad to leave that place behind."

"It's nice," Lee whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"It was the one place I had that was my own. No one really knew about it."

He shaded his eyes from the morning sun as he tried to read her. "Not even your team?"

"Most of them just knew that I disappeared somewhere when the season was over. They never asked where."

"So this place was really just yours?"

Kara nodded. Lee was smiling at her, and it seemed like he really understood how much that small, shitty studio apartment meant to her. It was no wonder she always felt the need to be so damn honest with him. "I would have taken you here."

"Huh?" Lee stopped in his tracks.

"If you and I had known each other before the attacks, I would have taken you to my apartment." Kara leaned in to kiss him. It was soft and sweet and didn't go much farther than that, but she knew he got what she was trying to say. "I've got a surprise for you," she said, breaking the strange mood between them.

"We're on a nuclear devastated planet that we both called home at one point. I think anything could surprise me."

Kara reached into the pocket of the jacket she had taken from her apartment and jingled the keys in her hand. "Tired of walking?"

Lee's eyes lit up and he found himself wondering if a car could give him an orgasm.

It turned out to be less of a car, more of a tank. It screamed Kara. The tank-car was a heavy, clunky monster. Not one inch of it was girly. Then you got inside and saw there was a pair of pink fuzzy dice on the rear view mirror. It was a conundrum just like its owner.

Kara saw Lee wince as he climbed into the passenger's side, and she suddenly remembered the beating he had taken at the hands of the Cylon. She had been so weak the night before, and he had been so strong. She hadn't even thought of the consequences of what he had done for her. Fighting the urge to ask him how much it hurt, she slid behind the wheel. The best thing she could do for Lee right now was get him the frak off this planet so Cottle could patch him up properly.

They drove without saying a word for the first mile. There was still a lot to process. Then Kara asked Lee if he minded not being a useless sack of shit and pointed at the map in the glove compartment. After that, they couldn't seem to _stop _talking.

Kara told Lee about her first game playing pyramid professionally and how she puked right before stepping onto the pitch. He countered with a story about how after the first time he finished a simulator, he stumbled back to his dorm room and threw up from nerves.

Lee told Kara about all the family vacations he took with his mother. His favorite was when Zak was sixteen and Lee came home on his first break from Academy. Zak had met this cute girl whose family was also vacationing on the lake, and he decided that she was going to be his first time. He came to Lee for advice. "Weirdest fraking conversation I've ever had with him," Lee chuckled.

Kara recounted her first time. It was with a rookie pilot at the Military Headquarters on Picon, and he was more worried about his flight test in the morning than making sure she came. "I'm glad it's not like that for all flyboys," she smirked.

Lee blushed at her insinuation, but deep down inside, he was glad to hear it. He was pretty sure he wouldn't have a strong case to keep whatever this was going once they got back to Galactica if she wasn't as blown away by it as he was.

"So how about you, Lee? Did you rock someone's world your first time?"

"Why are we talking about this?" Lee asked, diverting the conversation as far away as he could.

"We're in the middle of the shithole of the Cylon attacks with no real plan as to how we're going to get out. What else is there to talk about except sex?" Lee chuckled. "Seriously, flyboy, tell me about your first time."

"Remember that girl at the lake when Zak was sixteen?"

Kara's eyes went wide. "No fraking way!"

"Two days before I even knew Zak liked her," Lee said, wincing at the memory.

"That's so fraked up!"

"That's why I never talk about it," Lee pointed out. "Zak doesn't know. He thinks that I lost my virginity to some girl at Academy."

"It would break his poor little heart." Kara gave Lee a dramatic frown. "He'd think you paid the girl to sleep with him. You probably spoiled her for life."

Lee shook his head. "I wasn't that good."

Kara tuned in on the soreness between her thighs that was definitely not caused by that blonde metal bitch. She highly doubted that Lee could be bad, even if it was his first time.

"Do you want to know what's even more fraked up?"

Kara shook her head in disbelief. "You can't tell me it gets worse than that."

"She told her sister about how she slept with two brothers on the same vacation. It was almost like this gold notch on her belt. The sister looked me up in War College when she caught my name on one of the rosters. She was working as an assistant in the registry."

"What's weird about that?"

Lee kept talking and for a few seconds, Kara thought he was ignoring her question. "She looked nothing like her sister. Shawna was a redhead with the fraking brightest green eyes I had ever seen. I think that's why I decided to sleep with her. I wanted to see if I could make those eyes light up even more."

Kara smiled. That definitely sounded like Lee to her.

"Her sister was blond, fair skin instead of freckles, and the calmest eyes you've ever seen. I think that's why Zak never put two and two together about who she was."

Kara didn't need Lee to say it. It was obvious by the familiar look of distant sadness on his face. He was talking about Gianne. "Her sister never said anything?"

"The only mention of it was just the wink she gave me the first time Gianne took me home to meet the family." Lee shook his head. "Shawna was one hell of a girl. I almost think life would have been better if I stuck with her. She understood that I couldn't let myself be tied down."

Kara reached out to grab Lee's hand. "You know if I wasn't in so much fraking pain, I'd say this almost feels normal. I always thought I'd be driving through Delphi someday with a boy in my passenger's seat just waiting for the moment when I can pull to the side of the road to frak him good and proper."

"Everything is about sex with you, isn't it, Thrace?" Lee laughed.

"As if you don't want it," she teased.

Lee looked down at the map and sighed. "I have no fraking clue where we are, Kara."

"Me, either. I never really paid much attention to where the military outpost base was. I had better things to do."

"Pull over," Lee demanded. Kara raised her eyebrow at him, making him groan. "Pull over so we can figure out where we are, not pull over so we can frak."

"Party pooper," she growled even as she did what he asked.

They had the map on the hood of the car and were both staring at it with confused looks when Lee felt compelled to say something that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they were lost on Caprica. He didn't know where to begin, though. "Kara?"

"Don't say it, Lee. I know that we're well and truly fraked."

"That wasn't what I was going to say."

"Don't say that either," she said, smiling at him. "But yeah, I don't want it to stop."

Lee was contemplating if it was wise to kiss out here in the open where anyone could hear them when the gunshots started. He reacted on instinct, grabbing Kara and shoving her to the ground below him. His ribs groaned as she shifted to get out. "Stay fraking put," he hissed.

"I'm trying to get my gun," she yelled.

Lee loosened his hold on her a little. His hand was already drawing his weapon out of his side holster. "I'm counting six of them, split up between ten and two. 100 meters." Lee smirked down at her. "That too far for you?"

"Frak off," Kara said, shoving him out of the way. It was ridiculous that they were joking about this, but after having to take one out by hand, the idea of shooting toasters from a distance seemed like heaven.

The danger ended fast. The toasters were good, but they weren't that good. Lee and Kara had moved to a more advantageous ground within seconds, and it was only a matter of time.

Then the gunshots abruptly stopped. A voice came out of nowhere to call Kara's name, and every inch of her body froze. That couldn't be who she thought it was because that would mean he had made it through the nuclear onslaught. Something broke inside of her as he stepped out of the trees to smile at her. "Sam," she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

Lee's hand came out to grab her arm, and he forced her to look at him. She had never felt her heart break so hard as it was at this moment. He was standing there, looking confused and cute and fraking perfect in every way. "I'm so sorry, Lee," she whispered, her eyes turning down to the ground.

All this had happened in barely ten seconds. There was no time to react or digest as the man who had yelled Kara's name came rushing towards where they stood. Lee could feel his heart tearing out as this Sam guy leaned in to embrace Kara. _His Kara_. He was whispering something about thinking she was dead and how much he loved her and what the frak was she doing here.

The sunlight caught on the man's hand where it rested on Kara's cheek in the same spot Lee had touched just that morning when they were waking up in each other's arms. The small silver band on his thumb shined against the sun's rays. Lee wished he could say that it didn't look familiar.

His heart which had been beating so frantically only a minute earlier had gone cold.


	23. Chapter 23

"Sam, you need to calm down," Kara said, pulling herself out of his arms.

"Calm down? The last I heard you were getting some r & r out there in space, and now you're here with a fraking rescue party."

"We're not a rescue party," she said. She couldn't bear to glance at Lee to get his support.

"Captain Lee Adama," Lee said stepping forward. He had no clue what was going on right now, but it seemed important that he figure out who the fraker who had his hands all over Kara was.

"Sam Anders."

"He was my captain." The double meaning of that phrase hit Kara immediately, and she blushed. "I mean, he was the captain of the Buccaneers." She was trying so hard to keep herself from passing out, but it didn't seem to be working. Her words were catching in her throat before she could even think them up.

"I'm a little more than that, Kara," Anders said with a smile. "I can't thank you enough for bringing my girl back to me, Lee."

"You can call me Apollo," Lee corrected.

"Frak me! The Commander's son?" A tall man stepped out from the woods where the gunshots were coming. Lee couldn't help but think he looked familiar. "I cannot fraking believe it. They're from Galactica!"

Lee suddenly placed the man and smiled. "Helo. I thought you were dead."

"The same could be said for you," Helo joked.

"Reunions later, boys," Kara said. That earned her a rather malicious glare from Lee. She was in so much fraking trouble. "Is someone going to explain what the frak you guys are doing shooting up the forests of Delphi?"

"We've been fighting back since the moment the Cylons attacked."

"We?"

Anders smirked. "You guys can come out. The prodigal daughter has returned."

A small group of people stepped out, and Kara had to bite back a gasp. It was her family. Jo-man. Rally. Ten Point. Grip Key. Morris. Frak, even Sue-Shaun was there. "How?" she choked out.

"We were in the mountains for the training." Anders glanced over at Lee. "The Bucks always have to go through-"

"I know. Kara told me." Lee couldn't quite keep the anger out of his voice, and he could see Anders picking up on it.

"We were in the mountains when the attacks happened, and we've been on the run every since, picking up any survivors along the way. We've done our best to hit the Cylons whenever we have a chance."

"There's no fraking way you could have survived this long," Lee pointed out.

"That's where I came in. Having a military background comes in handy during an apocalypse." The guy Lee called Helo smirked, and Kara couldn't help but feel like that was familiar. "They stumbled into me a few weeks after the attacks. I was on the run from the Cylons. I guess I seemed useful."

"Yeah and your handy little friend," Sue-Shaun growled. There was obviously something going on that she didn't approve of.

"What are they talking about Helo?"

"He brought his pilot with him," Anders said.

Lee's eyes went wide and his hand automatically went to his side arm. Helo immediately threw his hands up. "Let me explain!"

Lee aimed his gun at Helo. "You have two seconds to explain how the frak that's possible before I blow your fraking head off."

"What are you doing, Lee?" Kara asked, even though her hand also went to her gun. If Lee was sensing trouble, she believed him.

"Helo's pilot was Boomer," Lee hissed.

Anders watched as Kara's face lit up in fear to match the man beside her. Her gun came up to point at Helo. "Now I'm confused."

"Boomer's on Galactica," Lee growled. "But I guess that's not entirely correct."

"She's a Cylon," Kara hissed, trying to hold her hand steady as it trained the gun on Helo. "You brought a fraking Cylon to the only group of survivors on the planet?"

"I didn't know at first. I only realized after a chance run in with a Cylon brigade when Sharon and I were patrolling the perimeter of the Resistance's base."

"You knew she was a fraking Cylon and you didn't say anything?" Anders yelled. "She's back at the camp with the rest of the team! They don't even know they're in danger."

"Stop!" Helo yelled as Grip Key and Fink moved to go warn the others. "She's not going to hurt anyone. She wants to be rescued as much as the rest of us."

"Explain how that can be," Lee growled.

"She's pregnant with my child," Helo said, his shoulders drooping from the weight of his admission. "She wants to keep our baby safe, and she can't do that on Caprica. She's a deserter."

"Sounds like a few people I know," Kara muttered. She winced when Lee didn't even crack a smile.

"The Cylons are after her. They want the baby."

Everyone stood staring at each other as Helo's words sunk in. No one knew whose next move it was to make until Anders finally growled, "I should let them kill you for this."

"Fine, kill me. Just don't hurt Sharon."

"Her name is not Sharon!" Lee screamed. He had finally had enough of this. No one seemed to understand what was happening except for him. "She's a fraking machine. She doesn't have a name."

"She's Sharon," Helo insisted.

Kara could see Lee's hand, the one holding the gun, begin to shake as the stress of the situation took hold. This was too much for him. After everything they had just gone through, he was finally overloading. "You said you had a base, Anders?"

Ander's brow lit up in confusion. Kara had never used his last name to address him, at least not when they were off the pyramid pitch. "We set up shop at Delphi Union. They had supplies we could use."

"Fine. Let's all just take a deep breath and go back there. We can sort out what the frak is happening when we've all calmed the frak down."

"That's my take charge girl," Anders said as everyone relaxed. He leaned in to give her a kiss, but Kara shifted at the last minute and he only made contact with her cheek. "Kara?"

She gave him a small smile. "You didn't even ask why I'm here, Sam," she said sadly before pulling her hand from his and starting to walk.

People pushed past the pyramid captain as he tried to figure out what that was supposed to mean.


	24. Chapter 24

Kara stood outside the auditorium to the high school, smoking a cigar. She had no clue how the Resistance had found cigars, but she wasn't about to complain. At this moment, she needed nicotine like she needed oxygen.

Her whole life had turned upside down again, and she was pretty sure she wasn't going to escape this in one piece.

"Kara?"

She tried to squash the feeling of disappointment when she realized it was Sam. "I'm over here," she called, stepping on the cigar butt.

Anders jogged over to her side and smiled. "I was wondering why you ran off. We were just hearing about why you and Apollo happened to be on Caprica."

"Then why are you out here? I thought you'd be dying to know how I ended up with a guy like him." The sarcasm was heavy in her voice. She couldn't let go of the fact that Anders expected her to go running back into his arms. He didn't even wonder what she had been doing with her life now that the world was over.

Anders leaned up against the wall beside her. "I figured it would be best if I heard it from you."

Kara stared at him a moment, memories flashing through her head at full speed. Sam didn't deserve her anger. He hadn't done anything wrong. "I'm a Lieutenant in the Colonial Military."

"Stop fraking with me," Anders said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm serious. I fly Vipers now, Sam."

"But you don't even know how to power up a ship!"

"My mother was in the military. I told you that."

"No, you didn't," Anders insisted. "I would have remembered."

"She was a Marine. She got transferred a lot so I ended up on quite a few bases when I was little. I must have picked up a few things because it turns out I'm a good pilot. Le-" She caught herself just in time. "Apollo took me up into the air for extra training so I could get my wings faster."

"He mentioned he was your boss. Is that why he's here?"

Kara let the question hang in the air. She wasn't ready to answer that right now. Because to a point, Lee was here because he was the CAG and she was a pilot. To the rest of the points, he was here because she was Kara and he was Lee. They had become a single entity. Where one goes, the other goes, too.

"Aren't you even glad to fraking see me, Thrace?"

Anders' suddenly harsh words tore her away from thinking about Lee and his motivations. "Of course I am, Sam."

"You really don't look like a woman who has just seen the love of her life come back from the dead."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Who says you're the love of my life?"

"Who says I'm not?" Anders countered.

Kara sighed. That was just it, wasn't it? She desperately needed someone to tell her which end was up and the correct way to go with this, but there was no one in sight. There was only Lee and Anders... and that Helo guy who she still couldn't place. She wasn't sure if he'd be any help. He was in love with a toaster for frak's sake.

"It must have been hard." When she gave him an inquiring look, he smiled. "You had to start your whole life over again. That's not an easy thing to do."

Kara chuckled. Anders didn't even know the half of it. She leaned back against the wall and shut her eyes. "It was hell for the first few days, but I came to realize that I had a lot in common with the people on Galactica. And you should see me fly, Sam. I'm not normally a cocky person-"

"Yes, you are," Anders corrected.

"Well, not all the time," Kara defended. "I'm good, though. Maybe even better than some of the pilots who were stationed on Galactica before the attacks. It's odd. Sometimes I find myself wondering if maybe flying was my true path in life."

"I don't care how good you fly. Pyramid is in your heart and soul. Your true path is on that pitch playing ball."

Kara didn't answer. She didn't feel arguing and at the moment, she couldn't be sure that Anders wasn't right. There was a struggle inside of her. The part that lived for pyramid was currently beating up the part that loved flying. It was funny how, in her mind, those two parts bore the faces of the two men in her life. She had a feeling the struggle wasn't even about pyramid and flying. It was something much more complimented and messy. "I've been through so much this past month that I don't even know which end is up." Kara blinked her eyes and stared up at the sun. "Gods, I don't even know who I am anymore."

Anders reached his hand out to squeeze hers. "I want to know about every single second you were gone, Kara. I do. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear before."

It was such a typical Sam thing to say that Kara knew she was a goner. The tears started cascading down her face, and she leaned into his side. His arms slid around her back, and it felt familiar and comforting. For just one second, Kara shut her eyes and pretended like the Cylons had never attacked. This was just another day where she found a spare moment alone with Sam after one of their practices. There was no cloud of death looming over her. There were no battles to wage. There was no rebellious CAG worming his way into her heart.

Kara sighed as her tears began to dry. She knew that she shouldn't be leading Anders on like this, not until he heard the whole story of what she had been doing the past month and not until she sorted out why that should even make a difference. Then, again, he hadn't tried to kiss her since that first time so maybe he understood that she was struggling with something.

She heard him whisper her name softly. It made her want to cry because above all, they had been friends before the world ended. She didn't want to lose that.

A throat cleared, and Kara sprung away from Anders' arms. She didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. It seemed like Lee always had the worst timing.

"We're done," Lee said, shifting uncomfortably from side to side. Anders still had one of his hands on Kara's shoulder. "Sue-Shaun wanted you to know she believes what I had to say. We've come up with a plan, too."

"A plan for what?" Anders asked.

Lee's gaze shifted to Kara's for a second before he shook his head. "We can talk about that later. I think everyone's a little overloaded with information right now." He cleared his throat again. "Listen. Would you mind giving me a moment with my pilot?"

Kara tried to pretend his words didn't hurt her. So what if he didn't feel like calling her Kara right now? It didn't mean anything.

"Yeah, sure," Anders said. He leaned in to give Kara a kiss on the top of her head, and she couldn't help but wince. She didn't remember Sam being this oblivious to subtext.

Lee walked the few steps it took to look out into the forests surrounding the school. Kara realized that he was still wincing with every move he made. "Are your ribs still hurting you?"

"I'll be fine," Lee said shortly.

Kara gave a small nod and waited for him to say something else. When he didn't, she found herself scrambling to figure out what was happening. Lee wanted Anders gone so they could talk. Anders _was _gone but they still weren't talking. It made no sense.

The silence hung between them, and as painful as it is, Kara knew talking would probably make it worse. Talking would imply that she had already come up with a way to get herself out of this situation. Talking would tell Lee that the decision hadn't been hard. Talking would mean she had to face what she had done.

Because she couldn't find the courage to meet his eyes, it took her a few more minutes of infuriating quiet to realize that Lee was no longer looking at her face. He was openly staring at the ring on her left thumb, the one she had never had the nerve to talk about. Gods, she should have told him.

His eyes were burning a hole straight through her hand when she decided it was too much. "I'm not married," she blurted out.

Lee winced. He did not want to talk about this. "You don't owe me an explanation."

"I do," Kara insisted. She reached out for him and was actually surprised when he took a step back. Just another reason to add to the list of why she was a complete idiot. "Sam and I were engaged. It happened a few weeks before the attack. We hadn't even gone public with it."

Lee chewed on her words for a minute before asking, "How did he do it?"

"Excuse me?"

"How did he propose to you?"

Kara shook her head and fought back the urge to empty the contents of her stomach. "You don't want to know that."

"Yes, I do. Tell me."

Lee's insanely calm, calculated voice was scaring her quite a bit, but she was more afraid of what would happen if she told him no. "It was after one of our playoff games."

"Which one?"

"Aerelon. He made me wait until everyone had cleared the stadium."

"And until you were done icing your hands?"

Kara shook her head. "I didn't ice my hands that night. He didn't know I had to."

"Wait!" Lee's face looked up in confusion. "He didn't know?"

"I always did it in private. It was something I insisted upon. My team always thought I was just coming down off the pyramid high."

"The man you were intending to marry didn't find it odd that you would go off on your own after every game and then miraculously pop up a few hours later?"

"That's not the kind of thing you openly share."

Lee watched her for a moment. "You shared it with me."

Kara didn't know how to respond to that yet so she just pushed on. "He took me onto the middle of the empty pyramid pitch and asked me to marry him."

"As simple as that?"

Kara could feel her haw tightening. "Yeah, as simple as that. Proposals shouldn't be hard."

"You must really be glad he's alive."

"I am," Kara said, lifting her chin in defiance. She knew that Lee wanted to hear her say she honestly didn't care that much. She couldn't lie, though. It might make her life more difficult, but she was glad to see Anders again. "Listen, Lee. I'm not stupid. I know even if we find a ship, we can't take him with us."

"Who ever said that?"

Kara froze. "A Heavy Raider doesn't really have a lot of leg room. I figure if we take Helo and his little Cylon friend back to Galactica, that's pretty much all the passengers we can handle."

"You're making assumptions."

"What assumptions?" she demanded. Her anger was starting to rear its ugly head again. The fact that it hadn't been around since the first few weeks she had known Lee didn't go unnoticed. They were obviously back to square one, and that was all her fault.

"You're assuming that I'm going back to the Fleet."

"Of course you're going back." Kara expected him to laugh and tell her he was just kidding. She did not expect to see his eyes break from hers to rest on the ground. "You're kidding me, right?"

"I can do good here on Caprica. I can keep this people alive until my father can organize a proper rescue mission. Plus, if I stay, then I definitely know these people won't be abandoned."

It was strange how she felt compelled to deck him all the fraking time. No man had ever had that effect on her. "The Fleet needs you."

Lee regarded her a moment before deciding he was done with subtext. "What about you?"

Kara baulked, not knowing where that had come from. She said the first thing that popped into her head. "You're my CAG. Of course I need you."

"Well, your CAG is tired of the fraking exhausting, bullshit world he's been forced to live in just because he's the Commander's son. Your CAG wants a break from it all."

She didn't know what to say to him. The only thing that came to mind was the stupid saying the rest of the pilots drilled into her head. "Where Starbuck goes, Apollo goes, too," she whispered. "How can we be Starbuck and Apollo if you're on a different planet?"

Lee stared at her a second before letting out a deep breath. Kara could practically feel the weight that was pushing down on him at this exact moment. "Let's not lie to ourselves. There is no Starbuck and Apollo. There never really was." He gave her a sad smile before turning to make his way back into the school.

Lee left her leaning against that wall, trying to piece together how those little words could hurt her so much.

_There is no Starbuck and Apollo._


	25. Chapter 25

Kara managed to make it through half the meeting that morning, just long enough to get the jist of the plan. They were planning on stealing a ship from the nearest base. The lucky people to fit on the ship would return to the coordinates in space that Lee had worked out, and together those lucky few would make sure the Fleet sent back help for those that had to stay behind. It was really the only plan they could have. So, feeling bored and knowing she needed to clear her mind, Kara had slipped out of the room to come down here.

Even this stupid makeshift court felt familiar.

She had slept by herself the night before in one of the "renovated" classrooms. It had been hard, coming up with a reason Anders would believe explaining why she didn't want to snuggle up with him as soon as possible. Half of her wanted to desperately. He was familiar, something she had clung to when the Cylons were only a distant memory. The memories had never faded.

Kara bounced the pyramid ball off one of the backboards and caught it. The resounding thunk the ball made upon contact was a reminder of the way life was going these days.

She half wanted to snuggle in with Anders and let him protect her, which anyone would say was normal. The problem was her other half wanted to walk down the hallway to that history classroom Lee was bunking in, strip off her clothes one at a time, and join him in that bed. She had gotten accustomed to his touch, and she was afraid that if she went to Anders, she would realize it wasn't the same.

Kara threw the pyramid ball back and forth in her hands a few times before finally chucking it at the goal. It went in with a satisfying clink.

"Is that the best you can do?"

Kara turned and saw Lee leaning up against the wall of the school. Looking down at the ground, she found herself wondering how long he had been watching her. A part of her was pleased he was there. Plenty of fans throughout her career had told her how good she looked when she was playing ball. After the things he had said to her yesterday, it was important to her to appear strong and in charge to him.

She waited until the initial surprise had washed away before looking up at him. She had never been able to read Lee, but this time it wasn't hard. It was all right there in his eyes. He regretted what he had said to her the day before. He hadn't meant it. She knew that mostly because she was just as sorry for putting him in a position that made him feel like he needed to hurt her.

This is what they had been doing for months. They danced around each other until the only option to keep themselves apart was to cause pain. They hit the shit out of each other in Galactica's gym or they made an offhand comment referencing past mistakes. Both were effective ways of making sure they didn't cross the line with one another.

Lee pushed off the wall and walked over to stand in front of her. There was still a slight limp to the way he moved, but Kara knew better than to ask about it. "I thought you said you were the star player."

"I'm a little rusty. I haven't had much time to get in practice with the nuclear holocaust and everything." Kara went over to the goal to retrieve the ball, and she could feel his eyes following her every footstep. "It feels good," she admitted, making her way back over to him.

"I can imagine."

They stood motionless in the middle of the court. Her eyes tried to see past the façade he was so clearly putting up in order to find out what was really going on. "You look tired, Adama," she whispered.

"I am tired," he confessed. "I don't think I've had a moment to breathe in two months."

Kara narrowed her eyes before giving him a smile. Lee knew that it was probably the last time she would look at him that way. The more time they spent with Anders and his resistance, the more he could feel Kara slipping away from him.

Knowing it was a stupid decision, Kara still couldn't stop the way her heart was screaming that she had to make this right again. "I have just the cure for you, Lee." She held the ball out for him to take. "I'm going to show you how to appreciate the game."

Lee took the ball from her hand and stared at it. It was funny how small this thing looked close-up. He squeezed it a few times before setting himself in the triangle drawn on the middle of the court. Without a word, Kara shifted to stand in front of him. Lee gave her a smile before pushing off her body and launching the ball straight at the goal. It was a long shot, but it hit the circular opening dead on and fell in. Kara gave him a surprised look.

"I might not like the game, but I can still play it, Kara," Lee said with a laugh. He jogged over to retrieve the ball and met her in the center of the court again. "Your turn."

Kara knew the motions involved in playing pyramid were probably tugging at whatever injuries Lee had sustained in the last few days. She also knew that you could be pretty good at pyramid even if your body was aching. Her hands and the track record she established on the court were a testament to that. Pyramid was actually easier to play when there was pain to focus on.

Good thing Kara had plenty of pain to use right now because Lee looked like he was ready to grind her body into the ground. "I am going to wipe the court with that cocky grin of yours," she taunted.

"As long as your poor knee doesn't give out," Lee threw back.

It took Kara a moment to figure out what that meant. Then, when the memory of her faking an old pyramid injury the morning after her first date with Zak came back, she lost it. Her laughter shook her body and gave Lee the time to snatch the ball away and plant it squarely in the goal to his right. "That's two."

Kara wasn't laughing anymore. "That was cheating."

"That was being resourceful," Lee corrected. He slapped the ball into her hand. "I see weakness. I play on it. Now show me what you've got, Thrace."

"Oh, I'll show you."

Their taunts were serious, but neither one of them backed it up with action. They were tentatively playing around each other, evenly trading points. They were working off tension, nothing more, nothing less. It was simple, exactly what they needed right then.

Of course, like all things, that changed immediately. Kara's hand was on his thigh as she prepared to block his shot. She took a step to the right when he thought she was going left, and his fingers accidentally brushed against her chest. The shiver that ran through her body didn't go unnoticed.

After that, the game shifted into something more than a tug of war. It was all-out foreplay.

His hand lingered in places it shouldn't. The small strip of skin between her tanks and cargo pants that seems to bare itself every time she twists to make a shot. The sensitive spot right on the small of her back that she knows he knows about because of the way he kept touching her there on Colonial Night. The ticklish area at the curve of her neck that he should have no reason to touch even though his hands keep miraculously brushing across it.

Her hands weren't doing any better. She was touching the hard muscles of his chest whenever he tried to block her attempts, and her hand found a way to run through his hair whenever he set himself up for the kill. The sweat on his back pushed into her every time they pivoted together, and Kara knew she shouldn't be that turned on by it.

Then there was the one and only time his hand met hers when she was trying to keep her balance from a misjudged thrust. That small contact was more intense than if he had just pulled down his pants and fraked her up against one of the goals. At least that way she could have written off the wave of desire as something completely physical.

Kara scored the final goal like they both knew she would, and as soon as it was done, she regretted it. Now they were going to slide back to that place where they don't talk with one another because they don't know what to say. There will be no more touching, no more soft whispering of names, and definitely no more of that loving fraking they do with their eyes alone. She stared at the ball sitting in the goal and sighed. Lee was probably gone already, having walked off the second she shot it.

Kara was about to go retrieve the ball when she felt his hand on her arm. He spun her to face him and before she could even figure out what was happening, he was crushing his lips to hers. There was a momentary surprise that kept her from latching on to him right away. As soon as that faded, she could feel herself melt into him. His hands were in her hair, on her body, everywhere. This was what she had been missing the past twenty-four hours.

She moaned against his lips as he pushed her up against the goal hard. He took the small opening to drop his head down and kiss her neck. The kisses quickly turned into small nibbles which turned into possessive bites, and Kara wondered if he was going to all-out consume her.

When Lee's hands came up to cup her breasts through the material of her tanks, the fact that they were out in the open hit her as hard as the desire. She pushed Lee back a few feet and stared at him, her mouth red and bruised from the frantic connection they had just made. "Lee, I…" her voice trailed off as her hands came up to unconsciously touch her lips.

_You what, Kara?_ Lee wished to the gods that she would finish that sentence. _You hate me for using you so violently? You wish you could let this happen? You want me as much as I want you? You love Anders? You love me? What the frak do you want, Kara?_

Lee waited for her to continue and when she didn't, he turned and walked from the pyramid court. He couldn't stay. They both might do something they would regret.


	26. Chapter 26

Kara sat on the window ledge of her once Scriptures classroom, now bedroom and tried to remember to breathe as the sun came up on Caprica. She had been living in this school for a week while they figured out how to get off planet. These people, her team, were unbelievable, and it killed her how proud she was of them. They had risked their lives time and again the past few days to go on recon missions to figure out if the plan could work. She had already mourned Jo-Man and Grip Key in the small amount of time she had been here. Life was so delicate on this planet.

It took a lot to pull away from the window. This was the only place she really felt human anymore.

There were things to do, though, discussions to be had, ships to steal, people's lives to frak up.

The hallway was deserted. No one really came down to her end. The Resistance was scared to death of their teammate who had changed so much in her time away. Anders was pissed off because she still refused to bunk up with him. The Cylon kept to herself, probably just thankful that no one had killed her now that they knew. And Lee… like everything else, she just didn't know anything when it came to Lee.

She heard voices coming from the other end of the school and suddenly seeing these people that she was going to have abandon was too much. She pushed open the door to the gym as she walked past and slipped inside. She had never been here before. This was where they stockpiled the anti-radiation meds and the rest of the supplies.

"Good morning, Starbuck. Or should I call you Lieutenant? Or maybe Kara?"

Kara smiled despite herself. She had only known this man for seven days, but he had a way of making her forget the screwed-up situation she had put herself in. "Hi, Helo."

"Come sit with me. Relax before the big mission to abandon the good people of Caprica."

Kara walked over to where he sat on the bleachers, and her eyes went wide. "Is that a bottle of ambrosia? You're drinking on op day?"

"I had a little something to help the nerves. From what I hear, you used to do it all the time before a game."

"Frak yeah!" Kara said, throwing herself down next to him. "Pour me one."

"Out of all of us, you probably deserve it," Helo said softly as he tipped the bottle into the lone glass.

Kara threw back the shot and slammed the glass down. "What the frak is that supposed to mean?"

"You have a situation here that might actually be worse than the one I've living in."

"Something worse than having a pregnant Cylon as a personal piece of luggage you have to carry around?" Helo's kind smile turned sour, and Kara winced. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

Helo shook his head. "No. It just means you need another shot."

Kara didn't answer. She just pushed the glass a few inches closer to Helo and banged the bleacher wood for more. He didn't hesitate. She winced as this second shot hit a little closer to home than the first before turning to smile at Helo. "You know I remember you," she smirked.

Helo laughed. "I was wondering."

"That was one fraking wild night."

"Well, your victory against Virgon was a sight to see." Helo shook his head. "I've never met a girl who could hit every single bar on the strip and then stay up all night…"

"Fraking," Kara said with a laugh. "You can say it, you know. Every one of my teammates knows the way I was before I fell for Anders. They called me the team slut, out of love of course."

Helo laughed before nodding in agreement. "You seemed way too into it. It was unhealthy."

"I always had a thing for flyboys." Kara winced as her words came out a little too sad and tortured.

"Yeah, I can tell." Helo sighed. "I see the way he looks at you."

"He doesn't look at me," Kara insisted. "At least he hasn't looked at me since we found your resistance group."

"He does. You just don't want to see it."

"I can't see it," Kara hissed. "Don't you get that? At this point in time, it cannot be happening."

"Your logic is fascinating in its complete lack of sense."

Kara let out a deep breath and leaned back in the bleachers. "Do you have some time, Helo?"

"I have all the time in this nuclear sinkhole of a world."

Kara smirked. "Good. It's going to take that long. Things with Anders and I were always complicated. The captain dating his star player? Not really cool with the owners even though the fans ate it up. Things with Lee and I? Pretty much twice as complicated."

Helo shook his head. "Regs?"

"Fraking regs and then some." They sat in silence, Kara kicking her legs in the air and Helo just staring off into space. It was calming but not really what she needed right now. She needed to get this out. "Anders and I hated each other from the moment we met. We're too similar for our own good."

"Isn't it the similarities that pull you together in the end?"

Her eyebrows shot up. She had not pegged this Raptor pilot as a philosophical kind of guy, but there it was, right before her eyes. "We were hopped up on adrenaline after this match against Leonis, and it happened. We fraked. The next game, we won so we fraked again. We won and we fraked. We fraked and we won. One day we didn't win. Anders and I didn't _frak _after that. We still slept together but without that win, it was no longer fraking. It was something more." Helo waited for her to continue, knowing now was not the time to laugh or ask questions. "He was the first man I ever took to my bed that showed me one ounce of caring. We lost that first game against the Panthers. It wasn't a particularly upsetting loss considering we already had secured our spot in the playoffs. Yet it broke my heart when my last shot was blocked. It took me a long time to admit that had something to do with Anders. I thought he wouldn't want me if we stopped winning. I was wrong."

Helo tried to ignore the tear that slowly ran down Kara's cheek. "He talked about you all the time. He had this insane notion that you were out there somewhere alive. I kept telling him that was impossible. It had been so long since the attack. Whatever ship you were on would have run out of supplies within a week. But the son of a bitch stuck to his guns. He kept saying you don't know my girl."

"His girl," Kara repeated, almost as if she was trying the words on for size. "I cried for him. Every night for twenty-five days, he was the last thought on my mind as I drifted to sleep. I prayed for his soul."

"What changed?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said for twenty-five days. The Cylons attacked us two months ago. What made you stop praying?"

A look flashed across her face, and Helo was surprised to realize it was guilt. Kara quickly covered it up with a sort of stubborn pride as she bit down on her lip. "I never stopped praying. He just stopped being the last thought on my mind."

"Kara, you moved on with your life. It's what any rational person would have done."

"No, it's not!" Kara yelled, her anger coming from nowhere. "Don't you get that? Anders was on this planet struggling for his life every single second, and he never lost hope in me. I was on a ship running from the Cylons, only fighting a handful of times, and I wrote him off. Immediately, I figured he couldn't have survived. I lost faith."

Helo reached out to rest his hand on top of hers. "Everyone loses faith."

Kara looked out the high windows of the gym. The sun was already a few inches above the horizon line. She could just imagine everyone waiting outside for her to join the team going into that base. She wasn't done talking, though. Being with Helo was helping her for some reason. If nothing else, she deserved a few moments to voice her thoughts. "Apollo came out of nowhere, Karl. He was just some guy I met in a bar." Kara smiled at the memory. "And then I found out who he really was."

"Your CAG?"

"Yeah, he was my boss. He pushed me harder than anyone's ever done before. He saw something in me and he wasn't going to let up until I saw it, too. Lee gave me a reason to keep on fighting even before things got complicated."

"But things did get complicated?" Kara didn't have to answer him. The tears pooling in her eyes told their own story.

"What I have with Anders is safe. He's there for me no matter what. That's the way it's always been." Kara sighed. "What I have with Lee is dangerous. It shakes me to the core. I go to bed and he's the last thing on my mind. I wake up and it's him that I want to see."

"Even now? For the past week, it's been him?" Kara's eyes broke with Helo's, and she stared at the ground. That was answer enough. "There's nothing you can do about this now, Kara. We're going to get a ship and we're leaving this planet. The only thing you can do is leave Anders with a little hope. Give him reason to keep fighting and then when we return to Caprica, you can let him know what you've chosen."

Kara nodded. She knew he was right. She couldn't let Anders know what was going on. Above all things, she was not going to lose faith in him again. "We need to go."

Helo smiled and, after getting to his feet, offered his hand to help her up. Kara took it, and she figured they were both a little surprised when she moved to link her arm with his. This is what she needed right now, physical contact without the fear that she was going to lost control. She hadn't touched Lee or Anders in four days now, and she knew they both noticed.

"Sometimes I wonder if I have the strength to leave him," Kara said sadly.

"Who?" Helo asked.

Kara smirked. "That's really the question, isn't it? Who?"

They walked down the corridor, both lost in their own thoughts. As they neared the main hall, Kara pulled Helo to a stop. "Thank you," she whispered before pulling him into a hug. She could already see the group waiting out in the courtyard over his shoulder.

"Anytime, Kara."

"You know if you have problems with your love Cylon…" Her voice trailed off.

"…you don't want to fraking hear about them," Helo finished.

Kara chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. I really don't."

They stepped out into the sunlight, arm in arm once more. The smile on Kara's face lasted for the first four steps. She figured that meant she was making progress.


	27. Chapter 27

Lee couldn't get it out of his head. It had all happened so fast. One minute, he and Anders were arguing about whether they were lost. The next, there were gunshots and he was being dragged into the trees for cover. He had been shouting Kara's name as he realized she wasn't with them. It took three men to keep him from going back to find her.

He knew his emotions were taking over at that point, so he did the only thing he could. He told the others to go on without him. Helo could fly whatever ship they found back to the high school. Lee made it clear that he was going to go back to where they had been ambushed. He wasn't leaving this planet without Kara.

It didn't surprise him when Anders passed his own authority off to one of his teammates. The man loved Kara. He was going to want to find her, too

The only problem was his sense of duty couldn't just let him drop everything and run. There were details to iron out before he went traipsing through the wilds of Caprica.

It took the resistance a whole day to figure out how the plan needed to be altered now that Anders and Lee weren't going to be a part of it. Every second he spent debating brought Lee a step closer to losing it. He had to get out there and find her. It took all his strength not to kill the million people who kept telling him he was being stupid. They said Kara was dead and he and Anders shouldn't risk themselves for a ghost. Lee desperately wanted to point out that a week earlier they were all ghosts, too.

Somehow Helo picked up on the tension inside Lee and told him to get the frak out of here. Helo insisted he could handle the last few tweaks to the plan while Lee and Anders went on their rescue mission. That was all Lee needed to hear.

The first mile or so was filled with Anders trying his best to make casual chatter. He asked how life was like in the military, whether Lee felt he had missed out on something by going to War College, and just how happy was he that he still had family in this world. When Lee's responses consisted mostly of short nods and long glares, Anders got the message and shut up.

They trudged through the woods in silence as Lee did his best to remember the courses he had been forced to take on tracking. He wasn't sure if they were even going the right way, but he couldn't stop. Kara had looked so completely lost that morning when she and Helo joined the group. It had broken his heart because he knew exactly how that felt. It seemed these days he was pretty lost, too.

"There's something I need to ask you."

Anders' words caused Lee to stumble a little, but he quickly recovered. He turned around to see the pyramid captain had stopped and was looking at him rather searchingly. "What?"

"What does Kara mean to you?"

His words carried a weight to them that Lee didn't even know was possible. He cursed himself for thinking he could leave out how much he cared for Kara out from the story of where they had been the past two months. He thought Anders wouldn't pick up on it, which was completely stupid. These days, he and Kara were radiating tension. Anyone with half a brain could figure that out.

Lee realized that Anders was patiently waiting for an answer. There was a lot hanging on whatever he said next. He could admit how much he had grown to love Kara and how in some way they had healed each other's scars. He could tell Anders that he was the CAG and she was just a girl who had a knack for flying and become his wingman. He was doing his job, and that was all. Then he could finally let himself break down and mourn the loss of her. At the moment she was physically and emotionally gone, and Lee had the nagging suspicion that no matter how hard they looked, he couldn't change that.

"She's my best pilot," Lee said calmly.

Anders stared at him a moment before nodding. "Good." He brushed past Lee and started walking in the same direction they were heading before.

Lee sighed. To an outsider, that would sound like nothing. To anyone who served with them on Galactica, those four words meant everything. Anders was better off not knowing.

"Here's what I don't understand. From the little Kara's told me about you this past week, it sounds like you were a friend to her when she started training to be a pilot. Yet you've barely spoken to her unless it had something to do with how you're getting off Caprica. Kara said you were just focusing on the mission, but it just seems odd to me."

"There are thousands of people out there right now whose only hope is Kara and I returning with the artifact we gave you for safe keeping. Does it really seem appropriate to be joking around with her right now?"

Anders shook his head. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"No problem," Lee said. He took the lead again as the trail shifted to the right. Anders seemed like a smart guy. It was really odd that he kept buying the bullshit Lee was feeding him. It wasn't even particularly good bullshit.

A tiny voice in the back of Lee's head suggested that maybe Anders didn't want to know what was really going on. Maybe ignorance was easier for him right now.

Lee wished he could be that ignorant or at the very least that oblivious. Sadly, the gods had blessed him with an uncanny sense of reality from the day he was born. That wasn't such a big deal when you're ten and realize your best friend is in it for the cookies your mother makes. When you're twenty-eight and Commander of the Air Group with a lead pilot you're fraking who forgot to mention she was engaged, it was a big deal.

This time, it had taken seven days for reality to kick in. It did, though, and the missing pieces finally clicked into place. Those fraking pieces ripped his heart in two as he stood on the empty pyramid court that very morning and watched the sun rise on a planet that was no longer his home.

The part that hurt the most was realizing Kara hadn't lied the first time they met. She said she wasn't looking for a faceless frak that day on the _Rising Star_. She was looking for a specific face, one that would remind her of what she lost.

It didn't take a moron to notice the similarities in appearance between Lee and Anders. To an average passerby, it wasn't apparent, but if they were side by side, anyone could tell. Same hair cut, same build, same pissed off look when Kara said something stupid.

She had been looking to squint her eyes that night on the _Rising Star_ so she could frak her fiancé one last time.

Lee hated that.

He hated the fact that he couldn't change it even more.

He hated that he couldn't fight for her. Why would she want someone who had just been a replacement?

He hated that he had lost without there ever really being a war.

He hated the way he could still taste her skin, feel her touch as her fingertips skimmed his chest, hear her soft moans in his ears, see the desire flare in her eyes. She was haunting him and probably would for as long as he was alive.

Lee caught movement out of the corner of his eye and pulled Anders behind a dirt mound. It seemed they had reached the end of their search.

"What's your problem?" Anders hissed, though he didn't move to get up.

"There's a Boomer model over there. Wherever we were heading, I think we're there."

"What do you propose now?"

"We wait for an opening and then we go in."

"She might not even be there," Anders pointed out.

"But what if she is? Can you really live with yourself knowing that you could have saved her but you didn't want to risk it being a mistake?" Lee knew he couldn't. If Anders didn't want to do this, that was okay. He could do it by himself.

"What is this place?" Anders said, peeking over the mound.

"Looks like some kind of base, but I don't see anything military. There's no Raiders and definitely no Centurions. We would hear them."

Anders relaxed against the ground. They had a while before they could make a move. Lee kept scanning the area, trying to figure out the path they would need to take and the spots to avoid.

"Why are you doing this if the mission is so important to you?"

Anders words made Lee wince. Maybe the pyramid captain was a little more observant than Lee gave him credit for. "She's my best…" Lee found himself hesitating. If he said Kara was his best pilot again, Anders would probably pick up on the fact that the phrase meant a little more than just what was on the surface. "Kara's my best friend. I can't leave without her."

Lee could see Anders narrowing his eyes. He was going to ask more questions that Lee really didn't want to answer. "I'm not fraking waiting," Lee hissed, glancing over the mound one last time. "I'm going in. If I die, I die. At least this mess will be over."

Anders only paused a few seconds before following. Kara was his girl, after all. He would rather die than see her hurt.


	28. Chapter 28

Kara was sucked back to consciousness, and her first instinct was to scream. It was odd. She had never been a screamer. Every time her mother hurt her, she didn't let one sound leak out. Yet here she was screaming like it was the end of the world again.

A man rushed into the room almost immediately. "Settle down. You're okay. You're in an aid hospital. They brought you in yesterday morning with a gunshot to the abdomen. I'm Simon. I've been looking after you. Can you tell me your name?"

"Kara Thrace," she choked out. She wasn't sure why she just said that.

"It was a close call for awhile there, Kara. You got yourself shot real good." Kara moved to get out of the bed, but the pain made her vision go white. "Take it easy. It's going to hurt for some time still."

"Who brought me in?" Kara asked. The room was empty. It was hard to believe that she was alone. She couldn't be alone.

"Some guy named Adama. He actually said he was a Viper pilot. Can you believe that?"

Kara felt relief rush over her. "Yeah, I can believe it. Where is he now?"

Simon's smile faded. "He died… on the table. I thought he was only slightly wounded. He carried you into this hospital in his arms. He told me he could wait until you were fixed up. It turned out a piece of shrapnel nicked his aorta. There was massive internal bleeding, but by the time we got to him… I'm sorry. We did everything we could."

Kara wasn't sure she heard him right. "Lee?"

The doctor's eyes shifted to the ground, and it hit home. Lee had died because he carried her to this place. He had been pushed to the side because she had been hurt. He let the doctor focus on her when it should have been him going into surgery. She had killed him. It had taken an extra week, but it had happened.

She was glad to hear the door click shut as this Simon guy left the room. She hated crying in front of other people, and the tears just weren't staying put this time. The pain and the guilt and the grief helped pull her back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, when Simon came to check on her, there were no tears in sight. Instead, there was only suspicion in her eyes. It didn't seem to surprise Doctor Simon when she asked him point blank if he was a toaster. It also didn't surprise her when he evaded the question. Lee had told her these things like to talk in circles.

She wanted to leave, but there was no way she could move an inch let alone walk to wherever the resistance was currently bunked up. "Where the frak am I?" she asked. If she couldn't escape, the least she could do was gather some information.

"We're in an abandoned mental institution about twenty clicks north of Delphi. It's not much, but the Cylons haven't found it yet. That gives me a little sense of security as I'm cutting into you crazy resistance people."

"You do it often?"

Simon walked over to her bedside and pulled out a needle. Smiling, he pushed the contents into her IV. "Whenever Anders needs me."

Kara stiffened. "You know Anders?"

Simon nodded. "I used to watch him play pyramid before the attacks."

Kara immediately wondered why this man wouldn't know her name if he had watched Anders play pyramid all the time. They had been on the same team for six years. If he watched Anders play, he watched her play. Her mind was too fuzzy to figure out how to ask him to explain, and she drifted into the haze again.

* * *

Kara woke up this time to find out the impossible had happened. She was in even more pain. She touched the bandage on her abdomen and felt the sting radiating from two places this time. The gauze was pulled back to reveal a new scar that matched the one made by the Cylon's bullet.

"Good morning, Kara," Simon said as he stepped into the room.

"What the frak is this?" she said, gesturing down at her stomach.

"I had to go back in while you were out. There was some internal bleeding to tied up. It's nothing to worry about." Simon waved the folder in his hand at her. "This, on the other hand, could be worrisome."

"What is it?"

"Your test results came back. It looks like there may be a cyst on one of your ovaries."

"Is it serious?"

"It could be, but I honestly don't think so. We'll just hope the third operation is the charm."

Kara tried to remember the course in basic biology she had received in school. Something wasn't adding up. "Is it really necessary to cut me open? I thought these types of things usually just went away over a few months."

"We don't want to chance it. We have to keep that reproduction system of yours in great shape. It's your most valuable asset these days." Simon smiled at the complete look of disgust that flashed across Kara's face. "I'm serious. Bearing children should be the top priority right now. Most of the women left on Caprica have been affected by the radiation or the anti-radiation meds they're taking. Someone like you is a very precious commodity to us."

"I'm not a commodity. I'm a Viper pilot."

"Do you see any Vipers around here? Viper pilots are not what humanity needs right now."

"Well, a child isn't what I need right now so just drop it."

Simon walked over to her side and laid a hand gently on top of her stomach. "No one's forcing you, Kara. Just take a moment to think about where you are and what's happening. The human race is on the verge of extinction. Potential mothers are more valuable than a whole squadron of Viper pilots." Simon moved his hand away, and Kara felt herself tense at the sad smile that crossed his face. "I should never have mentioned it to you. I knew you'd be sensitive what with your history."

Kara could feel the eerie feeling take hold. This Simon was starting to majorly creep her out. "My history?"

"A lot of women like you forgo child bearing of their own."

"Women like me?"

"I took a look at your X-rays. There was a lot of old fractures on there. I figured you had a rough childhood." Simon smiled at her again. "It's interesting how you managed to not only break every finger on both your hands, but you broke them in the exact same place between the first and second knuckles." Kara pulled her hands together by instinct, but it only made Simon smile wider. "Did someone break your fingers, Kara?"

"Get out," she whispered.

"It might do you good to talk to someone about it."

Kara almost screamed that she had told someone about it, but she really didn't want to think about Lee right now. She would only lose herself in the grief again.

"Children of abusive parents often fear passing that abuse onto their own children. Are you afraid of what you might do, Starbuck?"

This time, Kara refused to let the feeling that something was wrong slip away. She screamed and hoped it was enough to get her message home. "Get out!"

Simon gave here one last smile before setting down her chart and leaving the room. Kara counted backwards from ten before pulling herself up off the bed. It hurt more than she could describe, but she didn't have time to worry about that.

She was taking her first tentative step when there was a loud bang in the hallway and the door to her room flew open. Kara's eyes went wide as she watched Simon's body collapse to the floor just inside the doorway. He was dead.

Her eyes jumped up to the man leaning against the door frame, panting to get his breath back. She didn't even realize what this meant until Lee looked up at her. His smile at seeing her lit up his face.

"They told me you were dead," Kara whispered, holding her hands out to him.

He crossed the room in time to catch her as her legs gave out. "They told me you were dead, too," Lee whispered.

"Kara!" Anders yelled, running into the room. He took her from Apollo's arms. "Frak me, you were right."

Lee watched the way Kara seemed to fit just right into Anders' arms. He didn't want to have this conversation right now. "You can pat me on the back later. Let's get her back to the base."

Anders took the first step, and Lee was quick to draw his gun and follow. They had Kara. The hard part was over. Now they just had to pray the Cylons hadn't heard Lee beating the crap out of that toaster doctor, and they'd be home free.

"We can do this," Lee whispered to himself. His eyes drifted back to where Kara rested in Anders' arms. He hadn't known a heart could hurt this much. "I can do this," he amended. He just had to keep his focus off the blond woman currently tearing him in two.


	29. Chapter 29

"How's she doing?" Helo asked, stepping into the classroom they had assigned as a make-shift sickbay.

"She's alive," Anders said from his position at the end of her bed.

"Sorry it took me so long to get that Raider," Helo said. He glanced at where Lee leaned against the wall. "Their security was tougher to crack than the Academy's Flight Evals."

Lee chuckled. He knew exactly what Helo meant. "It's okay. As long as you brought one back with you, I think we're fine."

Helo paused before asking the question at the front of his mind. "So she really is okay?" Lee looked down at the floor, so Helo turned his attention back to Anders. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure yet. She hasn't really woken up since we got back. I think she's sleeping off the trauma of what she was put through." Anders smiled down at Kara. "She always crashed after the more physical games. It was her thing."

The room filled with silence as all three men listened to the steady breathing coming from Kara's bed. Something so simple shouldn't be so comforting.

Helo knew he should focus on telling the two men about the next move the group came up with, but it was hard to tear his attention away from Kara. He had known her for a total of eleven days, twelve if you counted the morning after all those years earlier. Somehow, he had gotten attached to her in that short amount of time. "She's tough. She'll pull through," Helo whispered mostly to himself.

"Can I have a moment alone with her?" Lee blurted out.

Anders shot him a curious look. Lee hadn't spoken since they saved Kara. He barely even looked at her. Now he wanted time alone with her. Anders' mind went back to what Lee had said when they were trying to figure out if they were searching for her in vain. She was his best friend. "Come find me if she wakes up," Anders said, getting to his feet. He motioned for Helo, and together, they left Kara alone with Lee.

Lee let himself lean against the wall for a moment before finally looking at Kara. She was so helpless, laying there in that bed. That was what he couldn't take. It wasn't the fact that she had been hurt or that she had seemed so glad to know he was alive. It was the fact that she was so fragile. He couldn't take knowing that.

He sat down on her bed, and his thigh rubbed against her side. She stirred for a moment before settling against the touch. He knew that he was sitting a lot closer than Anders had dared. "You don't know how much you worried me, Kara," he whispered. His hand came out to brush a stray hair out of her eyes. "I thought I had lost you."

His hand was trembling as it came to rest on her cheek. "Can't you feel how scared I still am? I know you're back. You're safe. But I can't seem to get myself to relax."

Lee let out a deep breath. "You know, I've been talking to the gods a lot lately. Sometimes I ask them to turn back time so I could talk you out of coming to Caprica. Then I would never have known about Anders. Even though it seems wrong, I never would have wanted to know. You could have kept that secret, and one day just slipped that ring off your finger. I never would have asked."

There was a commotion in the hallway, and Lee waited for it to pass before continuing. "I prayed to the gods that they would give me the strength to turn my heart away from you. I'm not really strong like you, Kara. I couldn't lose someone I loved and still go on without a word." He let out a long sigh. "I don't know what the gods were thinking when they put the two of us together. We're really not that good for each other."

Lee could imagine that if Kara was awake, she would be chuckling. The memory of that sound was enough to keep him talking. "And yet we were really good together, in the air and out. You know you gave me a reason to shift my focus away from why the gods hadn't let me die in the attacks. You made me wonder for what reason the gods needed me to be alive. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I had a purpose."

Lee leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly. The fact that she didn't stir in pain meant the world to him. He hadn't forgotten how to be gentle with her. "Thank you for that. I don't know how you knew that was what I needed to keep surviving, but thank you."

There was another sound coming from out in the hallway, and this time it sounded important. "I don't have much time, Kara. I can't even believe they gave me this little bit. I haven't done a whole lot to earn their trust. Mostly I think it's because of you that they haven't thrown me to the Cylons. You have a lot of weight with these people."

Lee stared at her a moment. "I just wanted you to know that I love you." He didn't know where the words came from or why they chose this moment to appear, but there they were. He pulled her hand up to his lips and, after giving her a quick kiss, smiled. "Do you hear me, Kara? I love you."

His jaw dropped as Kara stirred against his touch. Her eyes blinked open as she tried to figure out where she was.

Kara was pretty sure she had just heard someone say they loved her. She clenched her eyes before opening them back up. Whatever that doc had her on, it was the good stuff. She was in a complete daze. There was a slight profile, though, and if she didn't know better, she would swear it was Lee, sitting by her bedside with her hand tucked in his. That didn't make any sense because why would Lee say he loved her after everything she put him through?

She wondered if they had her on some kind of hallucinogen.

Her eyes were drifting shut once more when she heard it again. "I love you." The distant memories of the past week clicked in her head, and she smiled. This felt familiar.

"Sam," she whispered, wanting to let him know she heard before she drifted out.

Lee watched her smile, and it shook him to the core. Of course she would think it was her fiancé. Whatever had made her so happy to see him on that farm was just a fluke. She didn't love him. She probably never had. He was a replacement.

Who needed a replacement when the real thing was right there for the taking?

Kara had made her choice. He wasn't going to stick around to let her rub his nose in it.

Setting her hand gently back at her side, Lee got to his feet. He made it all the way to the door before pausing. He wanted one last look at her. This was the woman who had stolen his heart. She had fixed what broke inside of him when Gianne lost her baby. He wasn't strong enough to admit he had been wrong back then, not even to himself. The idea of a family had haunted him for years. He wanted it so badly and yet he didn't want to risk doing to his children what his father had done to him and Zak.

Lee fought the urge to go back to her side and shake her until she realized it was him at her bedside. Instead, he stepped out into the corridor. Anders was waiting. Lee knew he would be. "She asked for you," Lee said, trying to keep the anger and hurt to himself. He felt like he succeeded.

"Helo told me that as soon as Kara can move, you'll want to get out of here."

"It's for the best," Lee said. "We can't chance another one of us being taken by the Cylons."

Anders nodded and took his leave of Lee. He knew the Viper pilot was talking about Kara. They couldn't chance the Cylons getting their claws on her again. She wouldn't make it through another round.

Lee walked down the hallway and tried to busy himself with rewiring the Heavy Raider. Guts that seemed to have no purpose needed to be yanked out if the ship was going to hold four passengers. Helo joined him halfway through the process, not even saying a word. He just stood to the side until Lee started asking him to do this or that.

Together, the two pilots got lost in their work, forgetting about time and circumstances completely. They had a lengthy job ahead of them.

* * *

"This place still smells like crap." Lee wheeled himself out from under the control panel to stare at Kara. "I've been awake for an hour now," she volunteered before he could ask.

"Where's Anders?"

"I've said my goodbye." Something in her face shifted, and Lee couldn't bear to look at her anymore. He was afraid of what he might see.

"I think I've found the four basic controls without you this time," Lee redirected.

"Good. I don't think I could physically help you out with this one, what with my traumatic operations."

Helo watched the two Viper pilots separately smirk and wondered when he had missed something. Kara's comment didn't seem funny at all. Of course she couldn't help out physically. She could barely walk, let alone bend over to fuss with the controls.

"I have to say this might be the best example of macho bullshit I've seen since my pyramid days." Kara turned her attention to the Raptor ECO. "Boomer's waiting outside the ship. She said she's been there for a few hours now. You two are such stupid frakers. You have a Cylon out there willing to help, but you still have to try to rewire this ship on your own. If this thing blows up before I'm safely back on Galactica, I am not going to be happy."

"It's not going to blow up," Lee insisted. He swore lightly as his grip on a particular piece of flesh faltered.

Kara bent down beside him and reached her hand under the panel. "I've got it."

Helo shook his head. He thought she had said she wasn't physically capable of helping.

"How soon before we leave?" Kara asked.

"An hour, maybe less," Lee replied.

Kara pulled her hand back as Lee took control of the situation under the panel again. "I told him we would come back."

"We will," Lee insisted. "If not for your sake, then at least for humanity's sake. We cannot leave people to die."

Kara wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but she was happy nonetheless. They were on the same page when it came to this resistance. They couldn't be left behind for the Cylons to annihilate whenever the machines grew bored of playing the game. "Tell me what to do, Captain," Kara said.

"I could really use one of your stories," Lee said honestly. "I need something to keep my mind off of how far we still have to go and how little time we have to do it in."

Kara sighed and leaned back against a part of the ship that was more metal, less flesh. This felt normal. She had told Lee a million of her pyramid stories, and there were still a million more she wanted to share with him. "How about the one where I managed to score the winning goal against Leonis while I was flipped upside down over my defender's back?"

Lee let out a small laugh. "I've heard that one before."

"I can pick a different one."

"No," Lee said quickly. "I'd like to hear it again." There was a small drop of silence before he added, "Plus Helo hasn't heard it."

"Is it that good?" Helo asked.

"All my stories are good," Kara said with a laugh.

For the next hour, all three pilots forgot what they were doing. They forgot that they were heading home to tell everyone that one of their fellow pilots was a machine. They forgot that Kara was still engaged to marry a man they were leaving for dead as soon as this ship was operational. They forgot there was a Cylon calmly waiting for the moment her child might be delivered into a world that was intent on making her their salvation.

They were just three pilots, doing what they did best.


	30. Chapter 30

The second he stepped on the Astral Queen, Lee realized there were a million new ways in which the gods were laughing at him. Being down on the surface of Kobol only confirmed it.

He thought bringing back a new Cylon model would make his father happy. Even if William Adama didn't endorse the reasons why he and Kara had left the Fleet, at least they brought back valuable intel on a known Cylon agent within the pilot ranks. That was something the Old Man would want to know.

It would have all worked out if his father hadn't already known. It turned out the Boomer serving on Galactica had taken it upon herself to let Adama know her true nature. She had put two bullets in his chest after single-handedly saving the Fleet.

Now when Lee closed his eyes, all he could think of was the fact his father could have died without him even knowing. The only thing that kept the guilt at bay was the knowledge that Zak had been there to take care of their father. He hadn't been alone.

The Fleet was a mess. His father was a broken man. Zak probably resented the fact that he had left without saying a word. Kara had stopped speaking to him the second they got back to the Fleet. There was a pregnant Cylon working with them, which he knew his father would hold him responsible for. He was in love with a woman who was not only engaged to be married to her pyramid captain but was willing to risk her life to go back to Caprica so she could be with him every day for the rest of her life.

And it was fraking raining. "Birthplace of the gods, my ass," Lee muttered.

The only thing that still made sense to him was Laura Roslin. She was dying a little more each day, and yet she was fighting to give the Fleet as much hope as she could before she went. She had a mission that centered around the heart, and she was prepared to risk it all just to make things happen. Lee wished he could be brave like that. He wished he could just say that's what I want and take it, damn the consequences.

That wasn't him, though. He was a follower masquerading as a leader. He did what he was told and made sure no one died. He didn't risk. He didn't gamble. He had been good, old dependable Lee for too long to change that.

Kara brushed past him to take point as they neared the Tomb of Athena. Lee couldn't help but watch her. She was so confident, so in charge, and yet she was broken. Caprica had broken her, but talking about it was a secret promise neither one of them was going to break.

He knew she missed Anders even if she wouldn't say it. He had caught her bouncing that stupid pyramid ball one too many times to think otherwise. How she had snuck it onto the Heavy Raider was beyond him.

Kara could feel Lee's eyes on her as she tried to get the group to pick up the pace. She just wanted to get this over with so she could collapse into her bunk on Galactica and sleep through the next holocaust. She had done her part in saving humanity. She deserved a break.

A branch recoiled into her side, and Kara did her best to keep from faltering. The wound from the operations was still sore. All this rain wasn't helping, either.

That was another reason she wanted to get back on Galactica. Up there she could get Cottle to tell her what the toasters had done to her. She was the type of girl that liked to know just how bad the picture was. If it was bad, she would cry for a day and then move on. If it was good, she would cry for a day and then move on. She would keep the results to herself and deal.

Her mind drifted back to the Fleet. She had been happy there. Things were simple. She woke up in the morning, ran, flew her turn at CAP, helped the Chief out with the Vipers, played a hand or two of triad, and went to bed. It was nice. It had order.

Too bad she was too fraked up now to enjoy it. The start of her day was in her bunk, and the end of her day was in her bunk. Therein laid the problem. The last time she had been in that stupid bunk was when Lee was making love to her. She knew that she could never sleep in it again without remembering, and that was a kind of pain she could _not _deal with.

"It should be somewhere within the next five hundred yards," Boomer called out to the group.

"Anything more specific?" Kara asked, turning to look back at the Cylon.

"No."

"Recommendations?" Kara said, turning to the Commander.

"Teams of two should work, walking at equal distances. We'll be able to fan out and make sure we're not missing it." Adama nodded to the Marines. "Pair off and take the right. Lieutenant Burrell, take Billy with you. Helo, Boomer. The President will come with me." Adama gave his son a look before nodding and stepping to the left.

"I guess that means you're stuck with me," Kara said. She had hoped for a sarcastic comment. She would have settled for an awkward laugh.

Lee didn't even look at her. He honestly didn't think he could.

They trudged in silence for the first two hundred yards, and then the thoughts in Lee's head overwhelmed him. He skidded to a stop and waited for her to realize he wasn't moving.

Kara turned to see Lee staring at her. The rain was pouring down. She was tired and in pain. Yet all she could think about was how grateful she was that he was looking at her again. He hadn't met her eyes since leaving Caprica. She figured she had done something wrong, but she had no clue what that could be. Besides the whole engagement she never got around to telling him about, of course.

Lee knew she wasn't going to say a word. This wasn't her breakdown, and they both knew it. Lee gave himself a moment to really look at her. The rain had soaked through her clothes. It had matted her hair against her face. He hated the fact that he couldn't forget how it felt to brush it out of her eyes. Something about her just felt right.

It was ridiculous how beautiful she was.

"Do you love him?" Lee asked. This was the question that had been hanging over them for far too long. He had been afraid to ask. Because he could handle Kara having loved someone in the past. He could handle her being engaged when the world ended. He couldn't handle her still loving Anders after what had happened between him and her. He couldn't handle that she could turn off the intensity between them like a fraking light switch.

Kara watched Lee. He was obviously struggling with something. It was a change from what she was used to. Lee was usually easy to figure out. That had changed. He had been stoic and serious for days now, and she couldn't even read his eyes anymore.

"Kara? Please answer me." Lee hated the way his voice sounded. He was pleading, but he didn't want her to know that. "Do you love him?"

Kara fought the urge to scream the words echoing through her heart. _I love_ you_, you big fraking idiot! _That wouldn't solve or fix anything between them. It would only make it hurt more. "Anders means a lot to me, Lee. So yes, I do love him."

She expected Lee to scream, to lash out at her, but he didn't. Lee didn't say a word. He just turned and walked away. It took her a second to recognize the look on his face.

She had just trampled his heart for his own good, and it fraking sucked.

Not to mention it was raining.


	31. Chapter 31

Kara had been sitting on top of the table in the middle of the bunkroom, staring at her empty bunk, for three hours now. Not one pilot said a word to her as they entered the room to get into their own bunks. She wasn't sure if that was out of fear or intimidation or lack of curiosity. She was just glad they didn't ask what she was doing. It would be awkward to explain that she was haunted by the memory of Lee's face as he fraked every inch of her.

She was going to have to request a new bunkroom assignment.

They wouldn't like it. She had only been in this one for a few weeks. She had only been a Lieutenant for a few weeks. Gods, it felt like an eternity.

It suddenly occurred to Kara that she _could _get a bunkroom transfer if it was what she wanted. The Commander had promoted her to full-grade Lieutenant after he finished screaming at her for being so damn stupid. She could easily ask to be moved into one of the empty bunks in the senior officers' quarters. Only that would mean sleeping a few feet away from Lee, and she knew she wasn't that strong.

Groaning, Kara let her feet hit the ground with a satisfying thump. She just needed to remind herself that this whole fraked up thing was real because if she didn't, she'd spend all her time trying to punch herself awake.

She walked over to her locker and grabbed her pair of gloves off the top shelf. They had been a gift from Lee after the tylium mission, a way to celebrate her promotion quick as it might have been. He had thought it was funny. At the time, she agreed.

The gloves slipped on, and Kara took that as good sign. The swelling of her fingers from the fight with that blond Cylon and the subsequent pyramid match she had with Lee was finally gone. It was her duty now to make the pain come back.

The corridors were deserted. Most of the crew were still trying to get this place going again after the events of the past few weeks. Plus, they were all adjusting to the new realization that people they know and love could be the enemy in disguise. Sharon had really fraked with everyone's minds.

The gym wasn't quite as deserted as the corridors. There was someone halfheartedly punching one of the bags. Helo looked like he was about to pass out. "Slow down, Raptor Boy!" Kara smirked, stepping into the room. When Helo didn't even turn to smile or glare at her, Kara's face fell. She leaned her body up against the bag. "Is something wrong, Karl?"

"They locked her away."

Kara didn't have to ask who he was talking about. "I know. It's what was to be expected though."

"That doesn't make it hurt any less. She was their friend."

Kara wanted to point out that technically Helo's Sharon had never even met the people stationed on Galactica, but she figured now was definitely not the time to nitpick. "I know you're probably going to take this the wrong way, but maybe having her locked up in a cell is a good thing." Kara dodged as Helo lashed out at the bag. Something told her that punch was meant for her. "She's in a cell, but she's alive, Karl. They didn't throw her out the airlock, which you may not know is the standard protocol for dealing with Cylon agents."

Helo got in a few more punches before taking a step back to look at her. Kara felt as if this was the first time he even noticed she was here. "When did you get so smart, Thrace?"

"About the same time that you fell in love with a machine," she said with a smile. "You know, even if I didn't like you already, Karl, I think we could be friends based on our continuous frak-ups. We have that in common."

Helo wiped his forehead and took a seat on a nearby bench press. "So, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? I figured you would be sleeping by now."

"I have some issues to work out," Kara said, punching the bag a few times herself. The pain flared up in her hands immediately, and she smiled.

Helo glanced at her hands before looking back up at her. "Issues?"

"I like the pain," she replied, even though she knew that wasn't the question he was asking. It didn't matter. He'd ask her about the gloves soon enough.

"Come here," Helo said, motioning her over.

"What do you want?" Kara growled as she made her way over to him.

Helo stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the middle of the gym. He left her standing there while he grabbed his own pair of gloves. "I'm curious to see if the pain really helps," he said as an explanation before taking a swing at her.

Kara dodged out of his way with ease. "You're going to have to try better than that."

Their sparring was nowhere near as intense as Kara would have liked, but the snarky comments Helo kept shooting her way between punches kept her mind off of a lot of things. After fifteen minutes, Helo held up his hand to signal it was time to take a break. Kara put her hands on her hips and smiled. "You are such a baby."

"Baby needs oxygen," Helo said, bracing his hands on his knees.

Kara waited until he had stood up straight again before saying what was on her mind. "I never thanked you."

Helo's brow furrowed. "For what?"

"You got me that pyramid ball."

Helo nodded. "Anders told me it was your favorite."

Kara smiled. Yeah, Sam would have told him that. "He used to carry that thing around whenever we were apart. He was always having to take the team on those stupid training sessions that I never really needed. He would steal my lucky pyramid ball the night before he had to leave. I'm not surprised he held on to it through the apocalypse."

Helo looked at her for a moment before smiling sadly. "That's not why you keep pulling it out to toss against the wall when you think you're alone."

"Do explain."

"I saw you and Lee playing pyramid the morning after you found the resistance." Helo didn't have to explain anymore than that.

"It's complicated, Karl," Kara said, lying down on the cold floor.

Helo took a seat next to her. "I know. We did have a heart to heart on that topic in a gym not unlike the one we're in now."

"It gets worse," Kara groaned, hating the memories that kept bouncing through her mind. "Lee asked me if I loved Anders, and I told him I did."

"Ouch."

"It was the truth. I love Sam."

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'but I love Apollo, too', I am going to kill myself."

Kara laughed. "I know. When did our lives become some kind of soap opera in space?"

Their laughter faded out as soon as they both realized life really wasn't that funny. "I fraked him, you know," Kara blurted out. She immediately winced. "I have no clue why I said that."

"Me, either," Helo admitted. "But maybe you'd like to explain what you meant anyway."

"Lee and I slept together on Colonial Day. It was against regs. We knew it was wrong for a hundred reasons, but we did it anyway."

"My mother always told me that sex complicates things."

"She was just trying to make you keep your dick in your pants."

Helo winced. "Can you be any more crude?"

"Not even if I tried," Kara chirped. The room filled back up with silence until Kara felt the need to blurt out some more information. "I can't stop seeing his face."

"Anders?" Helo said, assuming she was talking about leaving her fiancé behind on Caprica.

Kara winced and shook her head. "No, Apollo's. Every time I look at my bunk, I see his face the last time we were there together." She stared up at the ceiling. "That's why I'm down here."

Helo patted her leg. "I figured as much."

Kara twisted her head to look at him. "Do you want to be my permanent 'beat the shit out of each other because we're so fraked up' buddy?"

"Why, Kara Thrace, you're going to make me blush." Helo batted his eyes at her and fanned his face, causing Kara to erupt into a fit of giggles. Her time with Helo was always so surreal. It was strange finding a friend amidst all the chaos.

"Don't let me interrupt."

Kara winced at the voice coming from the hatchway. Definitely not the Adama she would have liked for it to have been, but at least it wasn't the Adama she would have hated for it to have been. "What are you doing here, Zak?" she asked.

"I was looking for you." Zak's gaze shifted over to Helo. "How are you doing, Karl?"

"I'm managing, kid." Helo pulled himself to his feet. "I think I'm going to go make sure no one stole my bunk." He paused at the hatchway to glance at Zak. "I'm glad the Old Man's all right."

"Thank you," Zak said.

Kara could tell he really meant that. It was odd how easily she forgot that Zak had been through a lot, too. She hadn't even gone to see him in the hours since she and the others had returned.

"So I just finished talking with Lee," Zak started. "I was walking past the break room now that my shift's over, and I saw the light on. The Old Man must have asked him to rework the squadron assignments because that was what he was doing at four in the morning. I thought it was just Lee being a workaholic like normal until I walked past the gym and heard someone talking." Zak came to a stop and looked down at where she still sat on the floor. "Two pilots who have earned the right to sleep for days are busy doing stupid menial things. Is there something I should know, Kara?"

"I'm sure Lee told you the whole story," Kara mumbled, pulling herself up off the ground and then brushing off a few flecks of dust.

"I want to hear it from you."

Kara forced herself to look Zak in the eyes. It hurt to see the disappointment on his face, but she figured after everything she had done to his brother, she deserved the pain. "I got engaged to Samuel Anders a few weeks before the Cylons attack. I don't know why I didn't tell anyone." Kara paused. "No, actually, that's a lie. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think I had to. Sam was supposed to have died in the attacks, and frankly I liked the idea of having the pain all to myself. It helped me stay focused on killing as many Cylons as I could."

The room lapsed into silence, and Kara realized Zak was waiting for her to tell him more. She could feel herself getting sick and decided she would just put off the hard part until there wasn't a chance she might empty her stomach onto Zak's shoes. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I really thought I was in the clear with the whole Anders thing. I mean, if anyone might have an inclination of what our relationship was, it was you, Zak."

Zak didn't immediately yell at her so Kara figured he understood. "I knew you were dating Anders, but you've dated a lot of people in the past, Kara. They never really seemed to stick. I guess I was wrong about this one."

"Sam wouldn't take no for an answer." Kara sighed. "I still don't know how it happened…" Her voice trailed off as the memory of leaving him back on Caprica washed over her.

"…but you fell in love with him," Zak finished. "I got that much from Lee. What I still don't understand is if you were so in love with Samuel Anders, why would you frak around with my brother like that?"

"It wasn't fraking around," Kara hissed.

"Then you just fraked with his head. I'm sorry that I don't see the distinction between the two, but maybe you can enlighten me."

Kara pulled herself up off the floor. If this was going to happening, she was going to be looking eye-to-eye with him. "I mourned Anders when the Colonies got destroyed. For fourteen days, I didn't leave my room on the _Rising Star_. Then I decided it was time to pick my worthless ass up off the floor and do something. I decided to make myself useful, and as a reward, I figured I deserved a casual frak to just take my mind off things." At Zak's disgusted look, she shrugged. "It's the way I work. I can't change that."

"So you wanted to find a casual frak?" Zak sighed, prompting her to continue.

"I found your brother instead."

"So, yes to a casual frak or no?"

Kara flinched at his words. "Lee was not and will never be a casual frak to me. If there's anything you believe, believe that."

Zak nodded. "I thought as much."

"I met Lee, and we got to talking. I knew immediately that he was probably the last thing I needed right now, but I had just done something completely stupid earlier that day so I figured I had nothing to lose."

"You signed up to be a pilot," Zak said, filling in the blank.

"Things spiraled out of control at first because, like I said, I knew Lee was the last thing I needed. I was still hung up on the fact that Anders had died on Caprica because he was loyal to the team." Kara sighed. "He was supposed to come with me on this stupid vacation. It was a present from the manager of the Bucks when he heard we were engaged. Then the stupid team decided they wanted to get in some off-season training, and Anders felt it was his responsibility to go along."

"Frak," Zak said, shaking his head. No wonder she had guilt a plenty.

"Then the most amazing thing happened." Kara could feel the smile spreading across her face at the memory. "A Cylon gave Lee a way to break through my defenses."

"I'm not even going to pretend to understand what that means."

Kara shook her head. "You don't want to know. Needless to say, everything changed. The pain I felt after losing Anders was gone. Lee took it all away. I moved on." Kara smirked. "Helo seems to be under the impression that that was a healthy thing to do."

"It depends."

"That's what I said," Kara agreed with a sigh. "Having Lee in my life really did a number on me. The way he makes me feel… I can't even explain it." Her eyes started to sting with tears, and Kara used the back of her hand to push them away. "I didn't even know I was allowed to be that happy."

Zak could feel his resolve begin to crumble. He had come into this gym intent upon tearing Kara to pieces for what she had done to his brother. He had expected her to greet him with her trademark cocky grin and a face that said 'I broke your brother's heart. So what?'. He hadn't expected her to be broken, too. "I'm glad I came to you, Kara."

Kara shook her head. "I don't need your pity, Zak."

"You don't have my pity, just my understanding." Zak let out a deep breath. "Gods, I didn't realize this situation was so fraked up."

"You don't even know the half of it. Everyone keeps asking me who I'm going to choose, but it's not that simple. Nothing is that fraking simple." Kara's anger was starting to get the better of her, and she could feel the tears begin to pour down her face. "I love two men in completely different ways, and I cannot chose. I can't do it!"

Zak hesitated for only a second before wrapping his arms around her. "It's going to be okay, Kara." She mumbled something into his shoulder that Zak couldn't understand. "What was that?"

Kara pulled back to look at him. "I said things are never going to be okay. Lee hates me, Zak."

Zak smiled at her. "I don't think he hates you, Kara."

Kara stepped away from Zak's arms after taking a moment to pull herself back together. "I don't understand why you're being so nice."

"I wanted to bite your head off, but I make it a point not to jump to conclusions until I have the whole story. Plus, you're not the type of girl who would rip my brother's heart out for no reason." Kara's eyes went wide, and Zak winced. "That was a poor choice of words. I'm sorry."

Kara shook her head. The tears were coming back again. "No, you're right, Zak. You couldn't even believe what I did to him if you tried."

Kara wished like mad she could forget the events that led up to her reunion with Anders. The way Lee had taken care of her, washing away the blood and the pain. The way he had taken her gently up against the walls of the shower and then laid them to rest in her bed. The way she had woken up in his arms and realized for the first time since the destruction of the Colonies that everything was going to be all right.

"Tell me what's on your mind."

Zak's words pulled her away from the memories, and she was grateful for that. "What do you mean?"

"Your eyes have that blank look that tells me something's got you worried."

Kara chuckled. "Have you not been paying attention to the whole conversation we just had?"

"I know that stuff's worrying you, but there's more. Tell me something that I can fix."

"You are such a specialist," Kara teased. "Always trying to fix the broken machine."

"You're not a machine," Zak insisted.

"But I am broken," Kara replied.

"Seriously, Kara, you're scared about something. It would do you good to talk to someone about it."

Kara fought the urge to tell Zak he sounded like a fraking therapist. She knew that was just her way of avoiding the question because, yeah, she was afraid of something. It was superficial and stupid, but when Zak told her Lee was working on new squadron assignments, her heart froze. "You said the Old Man asked for the squadrons to be reassigned?" Kara asked after a moment's hesitation.

"Only because Galactica sustained some losses while you and Lee were gone. The squadrons need to be evened out so each pilot has a wingman." Zak watched as his words brought absolutely no comfort to Kara, and it suddenly hit him what she was really worried about. "You should just go and ask him, you know."

"Do you think he would?" Kara asked, trying to see if Zak's face would betray him. He remained stoically calm.

"I think you need to ask Lee about that." Kara nodded. "Like I said, he's in the break room doing the rosters."

Kara's eyes went wide. "You want me to ask him now?"

"If you don't do it now, you're never going to ask and then the worry is going to eat away at you until there's nothing left. So, yeah, I think you should do it now."

Kara shook her head. She must be fraking tired if she was actually listening to the guidance of Zak Adama. He was the worst advice giver on this ship. On the other hand, he was about the best friend a girl could ask for. Kara leaned up to kiss his cheek lightly. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"Just don't frak with his head anymore unless you mean it," Zak warned her.

Kara gave him a smile and walked out into the corridor. The ship was still deserted. She could have sworn Zak had mentioned something about a shift change.

She never planned on following Zak's advice. She knew she didn't need the kind of pain that talking with Lee tonight would give her. The pain of remembering was already doing its job to make every inch of her ache with regret.

Obviously, her feet didn't agree with the plan, though, because here she was, standing in front of the open hatch to the break room. Lee was hunched over the table, deep in thought. Kara watched as he wrote something only to furiously scribble it out two seconds later. She used to love watching him do flight schedules for that reason alone.

Kara watched him work for over ten minutes before he let out a gentle sigh and sat back in his chair. He had obviously finished whatever adjustments had to be made. Now was the time to ask. "Am I still your wingman?"

Lee looked up, obviously startled to hear her voice. He looked down at the papers in front of him, and she could feel him piecing together the fact that she knew what he was doing. For a second, she swore she felt as if it was all a dream, Caprica, the farm, her apartment. It was all in her mind. Then he looked back up at her, and she saw the sadness had returned to his face. This was real.

Kara waited patiently for him to answer her question. He was staring at her. Why was he staring at her? Suddenly uncomfortable, she looked down at the tips of her boots. Didn't he know how his staring made her feel? Why wasn't he answering? Oh gods, was he trying to protect her?"

"Kara!"

Kara snapped out of her rapid train of thought to look up at Lee. "Huh?"

"I said don't be stupid."

"Oh." Kara paused for a second as she tried to figure out what that meant. When she couldn't come up with anything, she went for the obvious reply. "Huh?"

Lee pushed his chair back and, gathering the papers in hand, walked over to the hatch. His hand reached out before pulling back. He had been about to brush away that stupid piece of hair that always seemed to be getting in her eyes. She had noticed he had a thing for doing that.

He chose to touch her arm lightly instead and smiled. "You will always be my wingman, Kara," he whispered, giving her one last sad smile before he stepped out into the corridor. Kara was left alone to figure out why such a sad gesture could make her so happy.

Kara's eyes fell to the chair Lee had just vacated. The forgetful fraker had left behind his sweatshirt. Kara was about to yell out for him to come back when a crazy idea popped into her head. "He probably won't miss it until morning anyway," she muttered to herself.

She hesitated a second before picking it up off the chair and sliding it on over her head. The scent of Lee engulfed her, and she could already feel the tension leaving her body. Kara grabbed a blanket out of the cupboards in the wall and made her way over to one of the couches. She really was tired, and since her bunk obviously wasn't a place she could sleep, this was going to have to do.

She would just have to be sure she woke up before the next shift change. Kara didn't want to have to explain why she was napping in the CAG's clothing. That would only lead to yet another group of people telling her she had to make a choice.


	32. Chapter 32

There was a slow, intense burn inside of her that she couldn't get to go away. It kept Kara from being able to concentrate on anything. She was supposed to be getting ready for her turn at maintenance duty right now yet all she managed to do was slip on her tanks and underwear. Her body kept taking over for her mind. This was out of control.

She couldn't hide the fact that the burn was directly connected to the man standing at the other end of the room with only a towel slung across his hips. Lee had looked at her as he stepped into the bunkroom half clothed and gave her a quick explanation about how Hot Dog was updating him on the progress of the nuggets while he was gone and the only free time he and Hot Dog shared happened to be right after he got out of the shower.

Kara didn't think that was a good enough reason to torture her, but what was she going to do? It wasn't like she could get the President to pass a law commanding Lee to keep himself fully clothed at all points in the day.

This insane want, need, desire for Lee Adama hadn't waned. It was still as urgent as it was before they went to Caprica. Kara was still completely confused as to what she was going to do to fix her little mess, and it would have been a lot easier if things had shifted away from the hot tension. She still saw Lee in the corridors, and her first impulse was to push him up against the wall and lick the sensitive spot he had right where his neck met his left shoulder.

Kara slammed her locker shut, ignoring the way everyone's attention in the bunkroom turned to her. As she was stepping out the hatch, she heard Kat mutter, "Looks like the star pilot can't take the heat when she's down on the ground."

She was about to turn around and get herself thrown in the brig for a second time for decking a fellow pilot when she heard Lee respond. "Don't comment on things you don't understand, Katraine. It just makes you sound stupid."

Kara let herself smile for a second. Then, the thoughts of how wrong she was to be happy seeped back in. This maintenance shift was going to take forever if she couldn't get her brain to turn off.

* * *

Kara tried to see her reflection on one of the bulkheads outside the Commander's office. It figured that she would get called here while she was in the middle of her shift. She probably had oil smeared all over her face. She _knew _the oil was permanently staining her hands. She was a mess.

She so did not want to be a wreck for this moment.

Pushing her hair behind her ears, Kara took a deep breath. The last time she had been called here, the Old Man told her that Lee was in love with another woman. She wished the conversation could be that simple.

She had a feeling that it was going to be _her_ doing most of the talking this time around.

Her knock on the door was firm. She was not going to start this off by letting know she was scared to death. He yelled for her to enter, and Kara tried to center herself. This was going to be the most awkward conversation of her life.

"Commander?" she said, stepping into his office. It always surprised her how warm this place felt.

"Kara," Adama said. She tried not to wince at the use of her first name. He never used her first name. "Please take a seat."

"Is there something you needed from me, sir?" Kara asked as she lowered herself into the frighteningly comfortable chair. Maybe she should piss the Commander off more if it meant getting to relax in this thing.

"I hope you forgive my bluntness, but I'd like to know what happened to my son on Caprica."

Kara's eyes went wide even though she was doing her best to stay calm. "What do you mean, sir?"

"Something happened on that planet that Lee thinks I don't need to know about. I figured if anyone knew it would be you."

"Maybe there's a good reason he's holding back," Kara insisted.

Adama smiled and leaned back in his chair. "See? I knew you'd be helpful."

Kara's face lit up in confusion. She hadn't said a word. How the frak could she be helpful? "I don't think I'm following you."

"About two seconds ago, I _thought_ something was wrong with Lee. Now I know that you know what that is. So we simply have to sit here until you figure out how to tell me."

Kara went pale. He had her there. The only time she had seen him since returning to the Fleet was the few minutes it took him to dress her down and then promote her to Lieutenant. He would have no clue that she was acting as strangely as Lee was these days.

"I'm not asking you as your Commander, Kara. I just want to know what happened to hurt my son."

Her heart broke at the Old Man's plea. She couldn't stand seeing that look of disappointment on a third Adama face. "I happened to you son, sir. You were right to think I was bad news."

"I don't understand what that's supposed to mean," Adama admitted.

"I withheld some information from Lee, and when he found out what that was… let's just say he took it badly."

"It's affecting his job."

Kara shook her head. "No, it's not, sir. We've been back for two weeks, and no one's complained about him being CAG."

"Then it's only a personal shortcoming we're talking about?"

Kara sighed. She wasn't going to be able to talk herself out of this one. Adama wasn't going to back down until he had answers. It was what any father would do. "I was engaged, sir."

To his credit, Adama only looked completely floored for a few seconds. "You were engaged?"

"Technically, I still am, considering Sam didn't die in the attacks."

"I'm afraid you've lost me, Lieutenant."

"I was engaged to Samuel Anders, the captain of the Buccaneers. It happened a few weeks before the attack so I didn't think I had to tell anyone if I didn't want to. Do you remember the resistance group mentioned by Lee, Helo, and myself in the reports we gave you?" Adama gave a short nod. "Anders was the leader. It turned out that most of the big players in the resistance were my old teammates. They were up in the hills when the Cylons attacked so they avoided the worst of it."

Kara rubbed her temples. Honestly, she should be getting used to these fraking headaches. They seemed to be a side effect of what the Cylons had done to her. Or maybe they were only a side effect of what she had done to herself. "The man I loved… the man I was engaged to, he's alive, sir."

"So that's why Lee requested a rescue party as soon as the Fleet was in the position to do so?"

Kara's face lit up in shock. "Lee did that?"

"He was rather adamant about returning to Caprica. Now I see his reasoning."

Kara could feel herself go red, and she knew it was more than embarrassment. It was shame. "Will that be all, sir?"

"Far from it. I now know why my son wants to go back to Caprica. I still don't know why he's walking around like a fraking zombie."

"I already explained it to you," Kara whispered. "Now please can I go?"

Adama walked around the edge of his desk to take a seat in the chair next to Kara's. He waited a moment before reaching out to touch her shoulder. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. It broke an old man's heart to know he was the one that had pushed her to that point.

Kara sniffled and turned her eyes up to look at him. "If I tell you, it has to be off-record. I have to be talking to Lee's father and not the Commander."

Adama squeezed her shoulder. "Is it that bad?"

"We openly broke military regulations."

"You think I'll send you to the brig?"

"You're already going to hate me. Is it so wrong of me to _not_ want to wallow away in a little two by two cell?"

Adama chuckled, and that was the moment that Kara realized he had no idea what was coming. The Old Man had no idea what was happening on his ship or what was happening with his son. "Fine. You have my promise that this will be off-record."

"Lee and I have been sleeping together since Colonial Day," Kara blurted out. She wasn't surprised when Adama pulled his hand away from her shoulder. "I know that it's completely against protocol and regs and frankly common sense, but I didn't care." She bit her lip to keep the tears in and prayed to the gods that the Commander wouldn't go back on his word. "That's why Lee is so upset. I started something with him, and I didn't tell him about Anders. He feels betrayed, sir."

Adama stared at her a few minutes before asking, "And what about you?"

"What about me?" she repeated.

"How do you feel, Kara?"

Kara's eyes went wide. She did not expect the Commander to ask her that. "I don't know how I feel."

"Kara, I might be an old man, but I'm not stupid. No, I didn't know you and my son were sleeping together, but I knew something was going on. I turned a blind eye because it wasn't affecting the way you flew. So, I believe you _do_ feel something, and I think you know _exactly_ what that is."

"I'm lost, sir," Kara choked out. "That's all I feel. I'm completely and utterly lost."

Adama watched her break down and wondered what such a stubbornly strong women had to go through in order to hurt this much. It hadn't taken him long after Kara Thrace came on board Galactica to realize she was the kind of pilot who only came along once in a lifetime. It didn't hurt that both of his sons sang her praises at every opportunity. Add to it the fact that Lee believed in her enough to force Adama to give her the wings she had earned along with an early promotion, Adama couldn't help but look into who exactly she was. Kara Thrace had a fascinating history, even if it was a little too public.

Adama had patched himself into the ship's comm system when she flew CAP with his son. He heard the sounds of a kindred soul whenever she was in the air. Lee had always been the opposite of his father. It was no wonder that he clicked so beautifully with his wingman.

"Oh gods. You cannot talk to Lee about any of this," Kara said, pushing the tears away.

Adama couldn't help but laugh. Who was this woman, so full of such pain and guilt, whose only priority was still to make sure his son's life was as painless as possible?

"Sir?"

Her voice was so quiet that it broke Adama's heart. By all rights, he should be furious with this pilot for breaking something inside his son that he could not fix. Yet he was as far from furious as one could be.

Maybe he had just gotten used to the crazy life a military pilot was forced to lead.

"My relationship with my son is not a very good one at the moment," Adama admitted. "I think we would both find it inappropriate if I suddenly wanted to discuss his love life." That earned Adama a smile from the lost girl in front of him. "All I ask is that you tell me the very second it starts interfering with your jobs."

"It won't, sir," Kara said firmly.

Adama was slightly relieved to feel the stubbornly strong woman coming back. He reached out to grasp her hand and sighed. "You have a way about you, Lieutenant. I think this whole ship is captivated by you, myself and my sons included."

Kara pulled her hand away, and the sad smile came onto her face again. She gave him a quick salute and was already halfway out the door before she finally turned back to respond to his comment. "I really wish you weren't, sir."

Adama walked behind his desk again and slumped into his chair with a groan. As much as he hated to admit it, life had been so much easier when his two boys were hundreds of miles away. He had a feeling this was the gods way of punishing him for missing the high school years.


	33. Chapter 33

Lee didn't know how he had gotten roped into this, but on top of everything else, he was officially the self-defense trainer on Galactica. It was odd how many of the deck crew wanted to learn how to protect themselves now that Galactica had decided to turn on them. Lee didn't have it in his heart to tell them if the ship decided to kill them, there was nothing they could do to stop it.

Dee was surprising him. Word on the ship said Galactica had tried to electrocute her when she was on the boards early that morning. Now she was circling him like a bloodthirsty tiger.

"Don't square up," Lee said, moving in to show her. "You need to be free to rotate. Just rotate and drop a knee."

Dee mimicked what he was saying, and Lee nodded.

He went through the next series of moves until she had them all down pat. "Do you think you're ready to try this?" he asked.

Something flashed in her eyes, and Dee smirked. "I could take you down with both hands tied behind my back, sir."

Lee laughed even though he didn't find it that funny. She was flirting with him, and frankly everyone would expect him to flirt back. That's the way things went on this ship.

It would probably be helpful if he could tell the pilots why he had been so distracted lately. He was a recovering addict. He had gotten hooked on the idea of fraking his wingman, and now he was going through withdrawal. He had quit her cold turkey, and it fraking hurt. Sure, they still interacted. He was her CAG, after all. They spoke when it was necessary and flew together when it was their turn, but nothing was the same. Words were hollow. Actions had unspoken meaning. Lee had never had to keep such a tight reign on his temper before. Things were quickly becoming ridiculous.

Maybe his father had been wise to give him this extra responsibility. It did keep his mind off things better forgotten.

Lee picked up one of the stupid plastic knives. These things were nowhere near as intimidating as the real thing, and he wondered if what he was teaching these people was even sinking in. If someone attacked them, could they actually find a way to make it out alive?

He lunged at Dee and felt a surge of pride as she pushed his arm out of the way, rotated, and dropped to a knee. His back hit the mat with a satisfying smack. The maneuver was over. She had performed it successfully. Yet Lee couldn't help but whisper, "Strip the knife."

Dee did as he asked, and when she was partially distracted, he knocked her arms out. She fell down against his body, and Lee gave her his most charming smile. Hopefully this made up for the lackluster flirting he had been doing before.

"Hey," Dee said, smiling at him.

Lee could feel his whole body freeze. This wasn't right. He did his best to move out from under Dee without hurting her feelings. "Looks like you have that one down, Dee. Who's next?" Lee tried to ignore the disappointed look on her face as she got to her feet. What the frak had he been thinking?

His eyes drifted across the gym to land on a certain blonde pilot who was doing her best to lift weights without watching his self defense class, and suddenly he remembered what he had been thinking. He'd been thinking that he was so completely in love, lust, whatever the frak you wanted to call it, and Kara could barely look at him. She was too busy dreaming up ways to save the love of her life from the hell that Caprica had become.

Lee turned back to the class. Dee was showing several specialists the move he had just taught her, and she was already fraking it up. "Only rotate a slight bit. The less effort, the better," Lee reminded her. Dee gave him a nod and went back to doing it correctly.

Lee hated to admit it, but he was getting fraking sick of his life. They had been back with the Fleet for long enough that the pain of what went down on Caprica should be fading. Yet every morning he woke up with the hope that it had all been a dream. For a brief second, he thought that Kara was going to be lying next to him. Then someone would make a noise in the bunkroom, and he would remember.

He hadn't always been this weak. It seemed that Kara just had that effect on him.

"Don't you get tired?"

Lee tried to focus as he realized Dee was talking to him. "What'd you say, Dee?"

"I said, don't you get tired of doing the same move over and over again?"

Lee relaxed as he realized Dee hadn't been reading his mind. "Yeah, I really do, but it's for the good of the Fleet."

"Our wonderful self-sacrificing CAG," Dee teased. She turned her attention back to the two specialists sparring.

Lee didn't turn away. Dee was a really pretty woman, and everyone knew her relationship with Billy Keikeya had never been on solid ground. She kept throwing Lee hints that she was interested. Why shouldn't he respond?

A loud curse from the other end of the gym answered his question. Kara Thrace had a habit of popping up at all the wrong times. She was the reason he ended every day with a fraking headache. Lee watched Dee step forward to correct one of the moves being practiced. Maybe he would give her a chance. At the very least she could be a distraction from how desperately he wants Kara.

* * *

Kara had no clue how she had gotten roped into this. Something told her Zak or Helo were probably to blame. They were the only ones besides Lee who knew about the many hours she spent fixing up ships in order to earn her lessons in flying when she was younger. Either way, the Chief had gotten wind of it and recruited her for his little pet project.

Building a fraking ship from scrap parts? Galen Tyrol had finally lost it.

Kara growled as she worked with the tubing in her hand. The timing was off. These stupid parts they had to work with weren't even going to get a chance to fly if she couldn't get the timing right. Not to mention she was in a horrible mood, and she had no idea why.

"The comms sound fine. Need a hand up there, Starbuck?"

Okay, maybe she did have a tiny idea why. "No, I'm fine, Dee. I'll tell the Chief the comms are done. You should go rest considering this is your off shift." Kara tried to focus on the task in front of her and not on the Petty Officer who had just scooted out from below the half-constructed shift. Gods. Why the frak did Dee have to be so pretty and dainty and feminine and everything Kara wasn't?

"I'd still like to help," Dee insisted.

And why did she always have to be so fraking nice? Why couldn't Dee be a huge fraking bitch and then Kara would have good reason to hate her?

"Here," Kara said, shoving the tubing out. "This tubing needs to be split and then reattached inside the cockpit." Dee nodded and went to work.

Kara took a deep breath before hopping off the wing of the ship. The Chief had come to her for help, but he had little convincing to do. Kara wanted to work on this project for one reason and one reason only. Being down in the hangar bay kept her far, far away from the gym and the CAG's self-defense classes. She had seen one of them, and that was enough.

"How's it going, Starbuck?"

She didn't jump or freeze up in panic at the sound of his voice. That meant she was making progress. "Okay, Apollo. She might be done by the time I'm eighty."

Lee smirked and leaned against the wing. "A comms officer working on cockpit mechanics? You guys are really desperate."

"Hey!" Dee said, feigning insult. She slapped Lee's chest before turning back to her work.

Kara rolled her eyes as the pair started up a casual conversation laced with mild flirting. She did not need to witness this again. Turning, she decided that maybe it was time to take a break from the Blackbird to work on a ship that might actually be capable of flight. She took a quick tally of the ships that were in need of maintenance and let herself drift towards the one she wanted to work on.

She was about to roll herself under Apollo's Viper to take a look at the leaking hydraulic line she knew was there somewhere when he called out for her again. "Where'd you go, Kara?"

She flinched at his use of her first name. She could remember when it had been such a battle to get him to call her Kara. Now that she wanted him to stop, he wouldn't. Kara sounded way too intimate for a CAG and his wingman. It was too intimate for a man that wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. She knew that decision had been on both their parts since returning to the Fleet, but it still hurt when she saw him move to touch her and then pull back.

Kara sat up and motioned Apollo over before sliding under the ship. She wished she knew what the hell she was doing. She had pushed Lee away, and he had let her. She was pretty sure he had done it because he thought she loved Anders, which of course she did. The only problem was she still hadn't sorted out what exactly she felt for Lee himself. Some mornings she woke up and knew it was love. By the evening, she was sure it was hate. It was a vicious cycle she could not get out of.

"Are you going to come out from under that Viper so I can talk to you, Kara?"

There he went with the Karas again. "No. I have work to do, Lee."

"You're not on shift."

"There's still work to do," she insisted.

Kara felt him crouch down on the ground to look at her. "Let me help." When he moved to get under the plane beside her, she kicked him hard. It was the only thing she could think of to do. "Ow," he hissed.

"I don't need your help, Lee. Why don't you go give Dee a hand with the Blackbird? I'm pretty sure she can't finish the job I gave her on her own."

"Then why'd you give it to her?" Lee asked.

The answer came out before she could stop herself. "Her voice was grating on my nerves." Kara winced. "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

Kara raised an eyebrow at Lee. She had just insulted his girlfriend, and he didn't think she owed him an apology? That was bizarre.

Lee sat down on the ground and slowly inched his way under the plane. When Kara didn't move to hit him, he relaxed. He twisted his head to look at her. She was incredibly focused on the underbelly of his Viper. He didn't think he had ever seen her concentrate so hard. The memory flashed through his mind before he could stop it. There she was, hanging above him, slowly riding his body into oblivion, concentrating as hard as she could to hold on until he broke first. Yeah, he had definitely seen her concentrate this hard before.

"I want to be friends, Kara."

"We are friends," Kara grumbled. She refused to look at him. Looking at him always made her do stupid things. She didn't want to do stupid things anymore.

"No, we're not," Lee insisted. "But I want to be." He sighed. "We've been avoiding each other, Kara."

"Yeah, we have."

"We shouldn't be."

Kara slammed down her wrench and glared at him. "Well, what do you suggest, Lee?"

"We were friends once before…"

"Caprica," Kara finished.

Lee shook his head. "I was going to say Colonial Day."

"Okay, I'll accept that," Kara agreed.

"Things are really messed up between us right now, but we're still flying together."

Kara shut her eyes and tried to hold back her tears. It seemed like all she did lately was cry. Lee's comment about their flying was supposed to make her open up to him. He wanted her to scream yes, she wanted to be friends again, but it wasn't that easy. It wasn't easy to push whatever they had into a small box inside of herself, never to be opened again. She couldn't do that when the heat between them flared up every time they were in the sky. It seemed they both forgot what had happened on Caprica for the few hours they flew CAP. They laughed and joked, not to mention the shameless flirting. It was like the second they launched, they regressed back to the way they were a month earlier.

Then they landed and it was back to pain and guilty glances and struggling with tears and keeping desires in check.

"We'll always be flying together," Kara whispered, knowing that was true. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, the way they were in the air would never change. She didn't want it to. "You really want to be friends?"

"I want to try."

"It might drive us crazy."

"Well, then I guess we'll fit in a little more around here."

Kara smirked. The majority of the Fleet _was_ fraking crazy. "Fine. Now get out from under my bird, Captain."

"It's my bird, Lieutenant," Lee pointed out even as he was sliding away from her. "Thanks for fixing her, by the way."

"It was the only one not being worked on already," Kara said, brushing off his gratitude.

Lee looked around the hangar bay as Kara resumed her irrational banging of parts underneath his Viper. There were at least three other ships that had maintenance request tags on them. Kara had chosen his bird, even if she wouldn't admit.

Smiling, Lee made his way over to the Blackbird. Dee really did look like she needed his help.


	34. Chapter 34

Kara wasn't surprised when, upon hitting open air, the Blackbird immediately went into a nose dive. She hadn't been the one in charge of building that part of the ship.

"Will you take it easy, Starbuck? Start slow. You're testing the ship. It's not about the pilot showing off."

"I'm not showing off," Kara hissed, pushing all her strength into holding the stick steady. "It's this fraking ship. It's not ready to do this." Kara gasped as the ship dead dropped a few feet.

"What are you trying to prove here?"

"I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm trying to stay alive." Kara smacked the panel hard with her free hand and was pleased to see the lights dim for a moment before the ship calmed. "Frak yeah!" she yelled.

"Take it easy," Lee reminded her.

She smiled at him through the cockpits and shook her head in defiance. "Let's see what this baby can do, Apollo!"

"Take it easy!" Lee screamed as the Blackbird disappeared from his screen. "Starbuck, where the frak did you go?" He waited a moment. "Starbuck, do you hear me?"

When there was still no response, Lee started to panic. It was his job to keep her safe. He was supposed to make sure this stupid little idea of the Chief's stayed a hobby. It wasn't supposed to take anyone's life. "Galactica, Apollo. I've lost her. I've lost her." Lee wondered if his father could her the anger and fear in his voice.

"No dradis contact." Dee's voice rang in his ear and hit the point home. She was gone.

"Starbuck," Lee said calmly. "Stop fraking around and answer me. Where are you, Starbuck? Starbuck! Fraking answer me!" Each word that came out of his mouth was laced with just a little more dread. "Starbuck, come in. Starbuck. Starbuck, do you read?"

Lee scanned the stars through his cockpit window. Right about now he'd take any sort of movement just so he knew that he still had a chance to save her. "Kara, are you okay?"

There was a flick of movement, and then the Blackbird was in front of him. Kara flicked on her cockpit light and smiled. "Of course you lost contact, you fraking moron. It's a damned stealth ship, remember?"

Lee knew Kara expected him to laugh at her risky stunt, but he couldn't sum up the courage to put on the mask. "You need to land now, Lieutenant." He watched Kara's face fall before she gave him a terse nod.

"Galactica, Apollo. Starbuck and I are coming in."

"Apollo, Galactica. You are cleared to land."

Lee watched her ship every inch of the way back to Galactica. If she faltered for even a second, he was there. She was not giving him the slip again.

They landed to the cheers of the whole hangar bay. As his feet touched the ground and he saw the pilots embracing Kara, Lee finally smiled. They were both alive. That's all he really cared about right now.

Lee stood back and let Kara have her moment in the sun. The pilots had been keeping her at arms length since her return from Caprica. It was like they could sense the change inside her, and since Kara wasn't telling anyone about Anders, the pilots didn't have any reason to let her back in. If Lee had known all it took was one of her daredevil moves to get her back in the loop, he would have cooked up some slightly fake mission as soon as he could.

"Something on your mind, Captain?"

Helo walked over to lean against the wall beside Lee. "Yeah, something like that." Lee turned to watch Kara playfully sparring with Hot Dog. "Shouldn't you be over there congratulating her?"

"Shouldn't _you_?"

"I'm her CAG. It isn't my place to give her a big head."

"It is your place to tell her a job well done."

"She was fraking around out there, and she almost paid for it."

Helo shook his head. "No, sir, she was fraking around out there, and _you almost_ paid for it. Most of us in the CIC heard it."

"Heard what?"

Helo gave Lee an infuriating smile. "You called her Kara, sir."

Lee immediately went back over the past hour in the cockpit, and his heart froze. Right at the end, he _had_ called her Kara.

"You should talk to her," Helo suggested, "before it's too late."

"She could have died," Lee said after a moment.

Helo turned to look at Lee. The Captain's eyes were locked on Kara, and Helo was pretty sure even the world ending couldn't get him to stop. "You and I know that. She doesn't." Helo pushed off the wall. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Kara Thrace isn't wrong very often." Smiling, he strolled out of the hangar bay, hands in his pockets.

Lee waited for his moment, and when Kara finally pulled away from the group to start peeling off her flight suit, he made his way across the hangar bay. "Lieutenant, can I have a word with you?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Come on, Lee. Give me a few minutes to breathe before you start demanding an incident report."

"I don't want you to write a report."

Kara's head jolted up to look at him, and she realized he wasn't lying. His eyes said that regulation and reports were the last thing on his mind. "Sir?"

"Come with me," Lee said, grabbing her arm and dragging her from the hangar bay. He watched everyone's attention deliberately move on to something else. Sometimes his pilots were too smart for their own good.

"You're hurting me," Kara hissed as Lee pushed her into an empty equipment locker.

"It's good that you can still feel pain." Lee regretted his words the second they left his mouth. They did not need to be talking about feeling pain right now.

"What the frak do you know abou-" Kara's words were cut off as Lee pushed her up against the wall. His eyes stirred something inside of her, and she was suddenly pulled back to all the times they had almost given in to their feelings. This felt just like that. "Lee, what are you-"

Again she was cut off, but this time it was by his lips. They had given in again.

The stubble on his face burned her as the kiss turned rough. There was a lot of unspoken emotion forced into that little bit of contact. Her leg snaked around him as her arms came to wrap around his back. It had been far too long since she had him this close.

Lee's hands came up to cup her face, and his grip tightened as he pulled back. "Don't you ever do that to me again, Kara. Do you hear me?"

Kara wanted to promise him she would, but she was too busy kissing him again. She had never realized it was this easy to become addicted to something.

"I thought you were going to die," Lee whispered against her skin as they fought for breath. "I checked over every inch of that plane at least ten times last night, and I still thought you weren't going to make it."

Kara pulled back to smile at him. "You checked the plane? That's so cute."

Lee smirked. "I couldn't let you die after I worked so hard to make you my wingman, now could I?"

Lee's eyes rested on her face, and his hand came up to brush her cheek. Kara's smile faded. He was looking at her in a way he couldn't be. If she didn't know better, she would say it was love. She wasn't too fraked up to know that shouldn't be happening.

Kara ducked under his arms and walked to the other side of the equipment locker. She pushed her sweat-drenched hair out of her face and sighed. "_This_ is the exact reason why you and I can't be friends, Lee. We get too close, and it all goes to hell."

Lee stared at her for a moment before nodding. He had been stupid to think he could find a way to make Kara forget Anders because honestly that was what he was doing. He didn't want to be friends with her either. He wanted to remind her of the good thing they had had before they chose to go to Caprica. He wanted her to remember how happy they had made each other, and maybe… just maybe she would chose him in the end. All he wanted was a chance.

Seeing her before him, looking so frustrated and angry, made him realize he was completely stupid. She would never pick him. "I'm sorry," Lee said, pushing past her.

Kara bit down on her lip hard. She had no clue what she had just done, but it wasn't what she intended. She just wanted to point out to Lee the fact that they were crazy to think they could keep their hands off of each other. They could be friends, but with that, they had to be a lot more.

What he had said about checking the Blackbird so many times had touched her. She could imagine him waking up throughout the night and stumbling down to the hangar bay in his sweats just to make sure that this valve was on tight and that wire was connected securely. It was the type of thing she would have expected him to do.

No one had ever watched out for her like that. They all saw her tough façade and figured she could take care of herself. She desperately needed someone to watch her back, but it was the last thing she'd ask for. Lee had always just offered to do it. She didn't _have _to ask him.

Now she had a feeling he wouldn't do it even if she did ask. She had done something wrong again, and she was pretty sure by now she should be used to it. Kara leaned back against the wall. It was going to be a while before she could face the crew's congratulations without wanting to cry.


	35. Chapter 35

Kara had always wondered why ambrosia was green. Didn't ambrosia imply brown?

"Kara?"

She picked her head up off the table to smile at Helo. "Karl! Where have you been?"

Helo looked her over for a moment. She was sitting by herself at one of the tables in the pilots' break room with a blanket draped around her body. These damn battlestars could get fraking cold so he didn't blame her for bundling in. Her hair was a mess. Pieces were sticking out of her ponytail left and right. He would have found cute if only she didn't have that completely drunk look on her face. "I had to do a few restocking runs."

"Come 'ere." Kara's hands grabbed the waistband of Helo's pants and pulled him down into the seat next to her.

Helo's face recoiled immediately. "Frak, Kara. You reek! How much ambrosia have you had?"

She looked down at the open bottle and smiled proudly. "That's number two."

"And you're still conscious?"

"Mama always said I had a good conny… consi… contitution." She must have found that hilarious because the next second she couldn't stop laughing.

As Helo reached across the table to take her hand, he wondered how this wonderfully fraked-up pilot had wormed her way into his heart so quickly. He gave her a brave smile when she looked at him inquisitively. "Kara, something's wrong."

"What's wrong?" she said, looking serious for a moment before starting the whole hysterical laughing thing again.

"I'm serious. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," she grumbled. "Everything's perfect in fact." She made a grab for the bottle, but Helo pushed it out of her reach. "Hey!"

"You don't need anymore of that stuff right now."

"Says you!"

Helo winced. She really was drunk. "Kara, something is obviously wrong. We pilots might be fans of the alcohol, but we don't drink alone unless it's to forget."

"Why the frak do you care?" Kara hissed, immediately turning into a mean drunk as soon as she realized Helo wasn't going to let up.

"I don't know." He watched her jaw drop open and had to hold back a laugh. "What did you think I was going to say, Kara? Because I'm your friend? Because I care about you? We've known each other for barely a month. I like you, Kara, and I guess I know how much it helps to talk to someone without worrying what the repercussions will be."

Lee was about to walk into the break room where he planned to stare at these stupid flight rotations until they fixed themselves when he heard Kara swear lightly. He had no idea what he was doing as he pushed his body up against the wall beside the open hatch. All he knew was he couldn't see Kara right now. He wasn't ready, and Kara had been right. When they were together, everything went to hell.

"You can start with the whole clothing thing."

Lee froze at the sound of Helo's voice but wasn't really surprised. The Raptor ECO had been spending a lot of time with Kara since they got back from Caprica.

"What are you talking about?"

"Kara, they transferred you into my new bunkroom. I see you every day, wearing that thing."

Lee had to hold himself back from bursting in and giving Helo a massive slap on the back. He had been dying to know why Kara wore that damn Buccaneers jacket Anders had given her. She had it on every second she was not on shift, and Lee wanted to know if that was only about physical comfort or if it was something a little more.

"I don't wear it everyday," Kara insisted.

Lee rolled his eyes. Yeah, she did. He was glad to hear Helo tell her just that. A few people passed by, and Lee tried to look busy by rifling through the reports in his hand.

Helo reached across the table to yank the blanket off of Kara's shoulders. He smirked at the rather recognizable sweatshirt on her body. He figured she'd be wearing it. What better time to clothe yourself in reminders of what had once been than when you're having a little one on one time with a bottle of the green stuff? Helo sighed and asked, "Where did you get it?"

Kara lifted her chin in defiance. She was not going to be embarrassed about this. "It was left behind. He doesn't even know I have it." Her hands came out of the sleeves to absentmindedly finger the emblem of the Atlantia. "It's soft."

"You're going to have to give it back at some point."

"I can't."

Helo raised an eyebrow inquiringly. "You can't or you won't?"

"I don't want to," she growled. "Why should I? He's not even going to miss it." Her words sounded hollow even to her. Everyone on this ship had witnessed the CAG's frantic search for his misplaced sweatshirt. He had been devastated to realize it was nowhere to be found.

"I don't want to give it back," Kara admitted in a quiet voice. "It still smells like him, and it helps me sleep."

Lee tapped his head against the corridor walls. He shouldn't be torturing himself like this. He had known that stupid jacket must be helping her in some way, but hearing her admit it had hurt a lot more than he imagined.

"How are you sleeping?" Helo asked. He wanted to keep her talking. Maybe she would stop drinking that way. The last thing Kara needed right now was to have to find cover for a shift because she was piss drunk. Then again, the drink did have some good qualities to it.

"It's getting better." Kara sighed and pulled her hands into her lap. "This thing really helps." She reached out to take another sip from the half-empty bottle of ambrosia. "This stuff works, too."

Helo wasn't going to try to stop her. As long as she kept talking, she could drink all she wanted.

Someone called out for him, and Lee turned to see Gaeta making his way down the corridor. He swore under his breath. He had forgotten he was supposed to be helping the Lieutenant come up with a plan to clean up the mess left behind by the Cylon virus in Galactica. Sighing, he straightened up and walked down the corridor. It wouldn't be good to have Kara and Helo know they were being spied on.

"So, what's going on in that brain of yours?" Helo asked, taking his own drink from the bottle of ambrosia.

"Nothing," Kara said without much thought. "It's kind of empty."

"I doubt that."

"No, that's actually my problem. My mind's empty." Helo was staring at her expectantly so she tried her best to explain. "I keep forgetting about Anders. It's only been a few weeks since Caprica, and I'm already losing him. I wake up in the morning, and I forget he's out there fighting for his life. It takes a sad look from Lee to remind me."

"That's fraked up."

"Tell me about it. I know I have to make a decision. I keep sitting myself down and trying to hash out all the reasons why and why not." Kara smirked. "You interrupted one of those times by the way, mister."

"I prefer to see myself as more of a facilitator than an interrupter," Helo insisted.

Kara got up from her chair and stumbled over to grab two glasses off a nearby table. She slammed them in front of Helo and poured ambrosia to the top of both. These little sips weren't going to cut it if Helo was expecting her to dig into the pain in her heart. "I haven't made any progress. Every time I try, I get to a point where I realize how ridiculous this whole thing is. Anders is back on Caprica, and even though no one is going to say it, I know the Cylons have probably gotten to him by now. He's dead!"

Helo winced as she yelled the last few words, but he wasn't going to let her hollering keep him from figuring out how to help her. "Why don't you let him go then? Let yourself move on, Kara. It's obviously what you want."

Kara shook her head. "I don't know what I want, Karl. That's what makes this so hard."

"I always go with my gut when my brain doesn't want to comply."

"My gut's telling me to throw myself out the nearest airlock."

"Not funny," Helo said, glaring at her from across the table.

"Things would be easier if I could actually believe Anders was gone like I did before. I could just mourn his properly and focus on my flying."

"Kara, you don't honestly want him to die, do you?"

"No. I was just saying." Kara let out a sigh. "Besides, he's not going to let himself be taken down by the Cylons. Anders made it sixty days on that planet without knowing I was alive. Now that he does, Sam isn't going to stop until he sees my face again. I gave him a reason to fight, a reason to live."

"Didn't he do the same for you?" Helo watched a look of guilt pass over Kara's face. He figured as much. "You already had a reason to keep on living before you got to Caprica, didn't you?"

"Of course I did. You've seen what flying does to me."

"We aren't talking about flying, so don't feed me that bullshit."

Kara took another sip of her drink. "How do you pick up on things like that, Karl? I haven't given you the impression that I was anything but infatuated, maybe a little sex-crazed, for Lee. How the frak did you figure out that he actually meant something to me?"

"You really want to know?" Kara nodded. "Well, there were the usual signs like the fact you two can't hold each other's eyes for more than a second. Then, Apollo's always reaching out to touch you in comfort, but he pulls back. That means he doesn't want to hurt you. You don't want to hurt him either, Kara."

"How do you know that?"

"For starters, you're always working on his Viper. There are plenty of others that need to be fixed, but you're always working on the CAG's." Helo reached across the table and poked her in the shoulder. "Then there's that lovely sweatshirt. I find it odd that you wear that pyramid jacket that Anders gave you on Caprica all the time and yet it's Apollo's clothing that you refuse to let go of."

"I'm so fraked up!" Kara growled, throwing her head into her hands. She started kicking the legs of the table in frustration, and that was the sound Lee heard as he set up a time to meet with Gaeta later and then made his way back to stand outside the hatch.

Kara was still talking, and he figured this was the safest way to get information about what was going on with her. It was his duty as the CAG to know how the pilots' morale was holding up. This had nothing to do with his own personal desires to know how Kara herself was holding up.

"How fraked up is it?" Helo asked, reached out to pull her hands away from her face.

Kara took a deep breath. "I'm in love with him." Helo's jaw dropped, and she paused to let the shock wear off before continuing on. "I know I'm in love with him even if I can't admit it."

Lee could feel his heart drop. He knew she loved Anders. She had said so herself down on Kobol when he asked. Why did it hurt so much to hear her say it again?

"Why can't you admit it?"

"I don't want to hurt…" Kara's voice trailed off as she felt the sudden urge to cry. She really didn't want to hurt Anders. He had been so good to her. "I care about him."

"But you don't love him?"

"He means a lot to me, but no, I don't think I love him the way he wants me to," Kara said, knowing it was the truth. "Gods, this is so fraking infuriating. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not the kind of girl who can juggle two men at the same time. I can barely open up to one."

"You're opening up to me."

"I see you as asexual," she joked. The room filled with silence, and Lee could practically feel Kara breaking down. "I sit in this stupid room and laugh and pretend like everything's okay. I fly my shifts on CAP and pretend that it doesn't break my heart to be up there. This isn't me. This life I'm living is not me."

Helo didn't know what to say, so he just reached out to grab her hand. He was grateful to feel her grasp it tightly, almost as if she was holding on for dear life. He had been right. She needed to get this out.

"Since we got back from Caprica, it's been like I'm a stranger to every one I thought I knew. They all look at me like I'm a toaster just waiting to take them out. The sad part is I agree with them. Because I look inside of myself and I don't even know what's there. I feel out of place, and I have no idea how to fix that."

Lee closed his eyes as he heard the sounds of Kara sobbing filter their way into the corridor. It didn't surprise him to hear the hatch close. Anyone who knew Kara knows she hates admitting that she cries. She always tries to be so damn strong all the time.

Sighing, Lee pushed himself of the wall. Kara was in good hands with Helo. He'd take care of her until they could get this rescue mission together and get her back the man she loves. Meanwhile, Lee had paperwork that needed to be done.


	36. Chapter 36

Lee just wanted to curl up in his bunk and tune out the whole world. The CAG job was getting harder every day he had to do it. It was something he had readily accepted when the Cylons attacked because there was no one else available. That didn't make him forget that he was not ready for this. He was not supposed to be in this type of position. He had transferred to the reserves for a reason. He was going to just wean himself out of the service.

He was stuck with the CAG position, though, and that was why he was currently knocking on his father's office door instead of getting rack time. "You wanted to see me, Commander?" Lee said, pushing the door open before his father could tell him to come in. He didn't care if he was interrupting. He was tired, and when he got tired, he got crabby.

"This isn't a professional meeting," Adama replied, addressing Lee's use of his formal title. He tucked away the papers he was reading and stood up from his desk. "I just wanted to see how you're doing, Lee."

Lee followed his father to the couch and sat down. "I'm doing fine. The nuggets are all pretty much set to join the normal ranks so we're going to need some promotion ceremonies in the next week or so. If we keep up at this rate of promotion, we're going to have to figure out if there's someone in the Fleet who can start making new rank pins. Either way, I think we might be able to round up another bunch to start training, though this time it will probably take longer and there'll be some fatalities."

"Lee."

"I've been working with Gaeta the past couple weeks, and I think we've finally gotten rid of the last remnants of that Cylon virus. The ship should be back to normal."

"_Lee_."

"The last meeting I had with the President went fairly well. The cancer's starting to show, but she seems really determined to get us to Earth. I promised her I'd estimate how many jumps it will take us in the next couple weeks. I'm not sure if that's possible, but I'm going to try. It's the least I can do right now."

"Lee!" Adama yelled.

Lee looked up at his father in surprise. "What?"

"I asked how you were doing, not what you were doing. I can read the reports to figure that stuff out."

"You want to know how I'm doing?"

"That's what I've been asking."

"I'm fine."

Adama stared at Lee for a moment and realized that his son wasn't going to give him any more. "These past few weeks have been tough."

"No tougher than the weeks before them," Lee insisted.

Adama figured they could beat around the bush for hours. They had done it every time they tried to have a real conversation, waiting it out until they were called away on business. Adama decided it was time to put a stop to it. "I think you're overworking yourself, Lee."

"I'm fine," Lee insisted.

"You're spreading yourself too thin. Pretty soon your roles are going to start conflicting."

"I've got it under control."

Adama narrowed his eyes. When had Lee gotten so stubborn? "Your brother says that when you take on too many things, it's because you're avoiding the issue."

"I knew I should have insisted he stay away from the fraking decommissioning ceremony," Lee growled.

Adama smiled. His boys were always getting on each other's nerves. It was the one thing he had managed to learn when they were small. Lee and Zak hated each other for it, but Adama was secretly glad. He always knew if something was wrong with one, the other would be extremely willing to spill the secret. "I agree with him, Lee. You've taken on too much."

"Well, what do you propose? I can't stop being the President's advisor. She doesn't really trust anyone else. I'm the CAG for a reason, and I wouldn't want to give that up."

"I'm taking the nuggets away from you," Adama said before his son could name why he had to keep his other hundred and one jobs.

Lee's eyes lit up, and Adama could tell he was in for a fight. "Sir, there is no one in this Fleet except for myself that could keep a bunch of completely green pilots from plowing their ships into the side of Galactica."

"You're a good teacher," Adama agreed.

"So then why are you taking it away from me?"

"You're too good of a teacher."

"Excuse me? I'm too good at training pilots how not to die? And that's why you're pulling me off the job?" Lee threw up his hands. "Well, gods, if I had known that was all it took, I would have trained people not to die a lot sooner."

"You're lucky I said this wasn't an official meeting or you would have been in hack for that comment."

Lee's face dropped as he realized Adama was right. He wasn't supposed to talk to his Commander in this fashion, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to talk to his father this way. His mother must be rolling around in her grave. "You're right. I'm sorry." Lee let out a deep breath. "I just don't understand why you're doing this."

"Your brother says you're overworked, and I agreed. I'm trying to fix the problem."

Lee rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. He had felt awfully tired of late. "Who are you going to put in charge of the training then?"

"Like I said before, you're too good of a teacher." Lee just shook his head, still unsure of what that was supposed to mean. Luckily, this time he held his tongue and Adama was able to explain. "I asked Lieutenant Thrace to start the training as soon as you select the next group."

"What?" Lee flew to his feet. "You cannot be serious. Starbuck has only been flying for a few months now. She's too green."

"Everyone's too green these days. The Cylons haven't been given us much time to grow."

"She's not ready for this kind of responsibility."

"I seem to recall you saying you weren't ready for the responsibility of being CAG. That worked out just fine."

Lee wanted to scream that being the CAG and being the flight instructor was a completely different thing, but he knew it wouldn't help. When his father made a decision, you had to make a pretty strong case to sway him away from his choice. Lee was pretty sure screaming he didn't want to work so close to his ex-lover wasn't going to cut it. "When is she starting?"

"She hasn't accepted the position yet."

"She doesn't want it?" Lee stammered in disbelief.

"Oh, she wants it. Her face lit up the second I asked her. It seems she misses being the leader of something."

"So then why didn't she accept?"

Adama smiled. "She said she wouldn't do it unless you gave your permission." He wasn't surprised when Lee lowered himself back onto the couch. He figured that might floor the boy. "She seems to really respect you, Lee. If you say no, she's not going to accept the position, and I'll have to start looking elsewhere."

"No!" Lee blurted out. His cheeks flushed immediately. "I mean, if there's anyone who can teach nuggets besides myself, it's her."

"So you're okay with this?"

Lee thought about it a minute before nodding. "Tell Lieutenant Thrace that she can have the job."

Adama gave his son a quick nod. He figured that Lee would understand. His boy was nothing if not rational. "While we're on the subject of Lieutenant Thrace, I wanted to ask you your thoughts on how she's been acting."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Lee said.

Adama watched his son squirm uncomfortably and wanted to laugh. This was going to be all too easy. "She's been different since she got back from Caprica, a little distant and distracted."

"Have you noticed it in her flying?" Lee asked.

"No, that's the strange part. Her flying is the same. It's just when she's not in the cockpit."

"Then it's not really a problem. As long as she keeps flying like before, then we're fine."

Adama shook his head. "She's teaching the nuggets now. She needs to have her act together in the air and on the ground.

"She'll get it together," Lee insisted.

Adama reached out to rest his hand on his son's shoulder. "This is my ship, Lee, and I pride myself on knowing every single thing that happens on it. That includes you and the Lieutenant. There's been rumors that the two of you had a rather interesting relationship before you left for Caprica." Lee paled instantly, and if Adama hadn't heard it straight from Kara's mouth a few weeks earlier, this would have confirmed it.

"Sir, if I had thought for even one second that our relationship would affect how we flew-"

Adama brought his hand up to halt Lee's words. "We are not having that kind of conversation, at least now right now. I just wanted to give you some advice."

Lee's eyes went large. His father giving him advice was probably the last thing he would ever imagine happening.

"Be careful, son. Whatever went down on Caprica, it messed with that girl's head. She's really confused right now. Don't push her."

Lee could feel himself get angry. Pushing Kara was the last thing he would ever think to do, not even when every sigh coming out of her mouth seems to give Anders the precious distinction of being her true love and leaves Lee as just a casual frak to pass the time. He would never push a woman he knew was so damn breakable.

Adama continued despite seeing his son getting upset. He had to say this now before Lee figured out a way to avoid the subject. "Pushing her is not only going to make it worse, but it's going to make her stark raving mad. I guarantee it."

Lee gave a small nod as the anger slowly started to dissipate. He had already figured that out on his own. Kara put up a great façade of being strong, but Lee had seen her break down one time too many times to believe that. She was working through a lot of issues in her life right now, and having him at her elbows wasn't going to make it any better. "Is that all you wanted?" he asked after a few moments of tense silence.

Adama sighed. He wished it was that easy. He wished that his son could just sit back and continue living his life like he was until Kara made a decision. Unfortunately, there were other people wrapped up in this affair. "There's something else I need to know. What are your intentions towards my Comms Officer, son?"

"Dee?" Lee exclaimed.

"Petty Officer Dualla, yes."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lee insisted.

Adama rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I get tired of you using that line over and over again to avoid the issue. You know what I'm talking about because otherwise you wouldn't have known I was talking about Dee. So please would you just explain what you're doing."

Lee closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch. "I don't know, Dad. I just don't know."

"You better learn fast because she's two steps away from putting her heart on the line."

"How would you know that?"

"Her face lights up every single time you stop by the CIC and she's on shift."

"She does not," Lee insisted. "I would have noticed."

"She only does it when she doesn't expect you to be there. I think she prepares for it the rest of the time." Adama shook his head with a sigh. "She's not as good at hiding her feelings like Lieutenant Thrace or yourself. She's going to get fed up with it eventually and just ask you the same questions I am. You'll need to have an answer for her."

"I don't know," Lee repeated.

"Well, you're just going to have to figure it out." Adama stood up. "Now if there's nothing else you wish to share with me at this time, I have to go tell Lieutenant Thrace that she's the new flight instructor."

Lee nodded and waited until the hatch clicked closed before letting out a loud groan. That was as sufficiently awkward as was to be expected, and damned if his father didn't just mess with his head as bad as one could. Not only did he have no idea what he was going to do with Kara, now he had Dee to worry about. He didn't want to hurt either one of them, but somehow he knew that was exactly what he would do.

It seemed like hurting people was his specialty.


	37. Chapter 37

Kara had been searching for her missing running shorts for the past ten minutes. They weren't in her locker or the bunkroom or the pilots' break room or the head across the hall. She was just starting to think Helo stole them for some elaborate prank when she collided with Dee in the middle of the corridor.

"I'm sorry," Dee mumbled, pushing past her.

Kara narrowed her eyes. Dee had barely spoken a word to her in the past few weeks, ever since the day she flew the Blackbird. An apology was about as out of the ordinary as you could get. Kara didn't know why she chose to forget about her missing shorts and jog after Dee, but she had the sudden compulsion to figure out what had the Petty Officer so distracted that she couldn't remember she hated Kara.

Kara followed Dee down a few corridors and into one of the break rooms. The petite woman was leaning up against the table holding the alcohol, and Kara was surprised to realize Dee was actually debating having one.

"What do you want?" Dee hissed, turning to glare at the Viper pilot the second she realized Kara was standing the hatchway.

Kara smiled. Maybe Dee wasn't that distracted. "You bumped into me back there."

"I apologized. What more do you want, Starbuck?"

"You apologized, Dee. To me." Kara folded her arms across her chest. "I just figured if the world was ending again, I needed to be sure."

Kara's words earned her a smirk from Dee, but she quickly covered it up. "I have a lot on my mind right now. I wasn't thinking."

Kara knew she should probably just take that at face value and leave, but there was something in Dee's eyes that struck a nerve. For just a second, Kara could see herself reflecting back. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"To you?" Dee laughed. "Come on, Kara. It's common knowledge that we're barely even friends. Why would I want to pour my heart out to you?"

"Well, for starters, because once you do, you never have to talk to me again. Not to mention I might know where you're coming from." Kara shrugged. "Then there's the fact that I can be totally objective and pretty non-judgmental."

Dee shook her head. "No, you can't."

"I can try," Kara said, taking a seat at one of the tables. "So tell me what's on your mind."

"I broke up with Billy."

Kara's jaw dropped but only for a moment. She had always been good at the quick recovery. "I don't understand."

Dee walked over to sit on the other half of the table. "I don't understand half the time, either. We were walking through the corridor, and I don't know. It just came out. I told him that we weren't being fair to each other and that it was best if we just stopped it now before the pain could grow worse."

"Sometimes the journey is worth the pain," Kara whispered. When Dee looked at her inquiringly, she smiled. "I told you I might know what you're going through."

The room filled with silence for a moment before Kara realized it was her turn to ask a question. "I thought you and Billy were happy."

"We were content," Dee corrected. "It was nice to have him when the Colonies were destroyed. He was kind of stable compared to everything else going on around me. Then the newness of this situation wore off, and I didn't crave that stability. I got to thinking that maybe it isn't right for me to settle for something I figured I should be wanting. Maybe _because_ it's the end of the world as we know it, I should be shooting for extraordinary."

Kara nodded. She could understand that. Hell, the past few weeks all she had been doing was weighing the pros and cons of stability versus… well… versus Lee. Nothing about that man was stable. "So there's something extraordinary that you have your sights set on?"

Dee looked embarrassed, and Kara could swear she saw a blush start from the tips of her ears. "I shouldn't be talking about this with you."

"That good?" Kara said with a laugh.

"It's just there's been rumors."

"There are always rumors," Kara pointed out. "They're usually not true."

Dee smiled at Kara. "You're right. The things they're saying about you and Apollo are probably completely out of context."

Kara tried to keep from gasping or turning white. "What exactly are they saying?"

"That the two of you slept together when you were on Caprica. Everyone keeps joking that the two of you finally saw a loophole in the regs and couldn't say no."

Kara chuckled. They weren't that far off on the fraking part, but they were completely wrong about the regs. The two of them didn't have to wait until they were off ship to break regs. They had been breaking them left and right when the rest of the Fleet was enjoying their r & r on Cloud Nine. "That's a good one," Kara said with a smile.

Dee laughed. "I thought it was kind of funny, too, considering the way Lee's been flirting with me lately."

Kara's laughter cut off immediately. "What?"

"Ever since he got back from Caprica, he's been flirting with me. I don't know what you did to him on that planet, but thank you."

Kara wondered if maybe she had gotten a little _too_ friendly with Dee. She was talking to her like they were friends. They were definitely not friends. "So, Apollo's the reason you broke up with Billy?"

Dee's hand came up over her mouth as she realized what she had just told Kara. "I really didn't want to say that."

"Well, you've said it," Kara said, pushing her chair back and standing up.

"Are you mad?" Dee said. She stood up from the table and walked around to stand beside Kara. "Because you sound awfully mad for a woman who didn't frak her CAG on a nuclear devastated planet."

Kara looked down at the woman standing toe to toe with her. She had never realized Dee was so much shorter than her. She was petite in every sense of the word. "I'm not mad. I'm just a little shocked. Lee hadn't mentioned anything to me."

"Why would he?" Dee said, shaking her head and brushing past Kara.

Kara was left standing in the middle of the break room, wondering if that had been Dee's intention when she started this conversation. She was a smart woman if she had planned on making Kara's heart drop out this whole time.

"Hey, Starbuck! Everything all right?"

Kara looked up at Hot Dog and smiled. "Yeah, everything's just fine."

"You do realize you're alone in this room?" Hot Dog said with a smirk.

"I was just thinking."

"How's that working out for you?"

Kara moved towards the door and slapped an arm around Hot Dog. "I think I figured something out so let's celebrate with a little triad, kid."

They went down the corridor, laughing and joking, picking up more triad players alone the way, and yet Kara's heart wasn't in it. She hadn't lied to Hot Dog. She _had_ figured something out.

Dee was the right person for Lee right now. She was pretty, and she was smart. She was tiny in a 'please take care of me' kind of way. She was someone he could love without inviting more stress into his life. Dee would be good for him in all the ways that Kara couldn't be.

"Lieutenant, can I have a word with you before you start the game?"

Kara stopped in the middle of her shuffling to look up at where the Commander stood in the hatchway. She passed the cards to Racetrack and stood up without a word. They'd deal her in whenever she got back. "What's the matter, sir?" Kara asked as soon as they were in the corridor.

"I talked with Apollo about him giving up the flight instructor position."

"He agreed?" Adama nodded, and she couldn't help but add, "Does he know it's me that's taking it over?"

Adama nodded again. "He wasn't happy at first, but I think he came to the conclusion we thought he would."

"That I could handle the pilots dying on my account?" Kara said, half-jokingly.

"That you're one of the few people left who can handle it."

Kara wished that knowing Lee approved of her that much didn't send a burst of joy through her body, but it did. She was pretty sure she had lost him in a lot of ways since coming back to the Fleet. His little compliment proved to her that at least she still had him when it came to their job. As breakable as Lee and Kara were, Apollo and Starbuck were still untouchable.


	38. Chapter 38

Running had always defined who they were. At first, they were too scared of each other to get that close. Then they couldn't help put feel the pull. They started running together, and things erupted. All thoughts of running stopped when they hit Caprica. When they got back, they'd occasionally pass in the halls but mostly they learned to avoid each other. Lately, she'd been smiling at him when they passed one another. Today, on their first intersecting lap, she punched his shoulder lightly.

Yeah, their relationship was definitely defined by running. Lee just wasn't sure what that meant.

It had been three months since Caprica. That was three long months of holding himself back in order to keep his sanity. Every time he saw her, he wanted to reach out and grab her and never let go. Every time he heard her voice, he had to concentrate to keep the desire at bay. He had thought it would go away over time. That was the logical thing.

Nothing about Kara Thrace was logical.

He had avoided talking to her about anything not mission related for weeks. He was afraid if they started talking about Caprica, she would admit that she had chosen Anders. It wasn't like he didn't already know it. He had heard her talking to Helo that day. She had admitted it outright. The only problem was she didn't know he knew, and he didn't have the courage to tell her.

There was a part of him that held the outlandish hope that he could still win her back. If he could just figure out a way to get into her heart again, he could steal her away. He wouldn't even feel guilty for screwing over a guy currently fighting on a Cylon-occupied planet for his right to live and the right to be with the woman he loves. At least, he was pretty sure the guilt would fade.

Lee gave a few of the pilots in the corridor a quick nod as he ran past them. They would faint if they knew the thoughts on his mind right now. Then again, maybe they wouldn't. There had been quite a few interesting rumors making the rounds lately, ranging from the CAG's being gay and Starbuck helping him hide it from everyone to Starbuck being pregnant and not knowing if Lee was the father or whether it was the baby of some guy she met on Caprica.

That last rumor made Lee wince. It was a little too close to the truth. Kara wasn't pregnant with anyone's child, but she might as well be with the things he was willing to resort to in order to win her back.

Turning the corner, Lee passed Cally and gave her a smile. The movement made him wince, and his hand came up to touch the bruises forming on his face. He had known sparring with Zak when the Fleet was in the middle of this crisis was a stupid mistake. How good is a pilot if he couldn't even move the muscles in his face to talk without being in pain?

Zak had told him his hand slipped when he threw the punch that laid Lee out on his ass, but both brothers knew better. The punch came at the moment that Lee was telling his brother that he thought he might take Dee out on a date when tensions were a little lower. Zak did apologize, but that was quickly drowned out by the screaming. His little brother couldn't understand why he would want to date another woman when Kara was around.

Lee told Zak that he had no idea what it was like to love a woman who was head over heels for someone else. Zak had given him a glare and reminded him that technically Lee had stolen Kara away from him in the beginning. Even more surprisingly than that insight was the fact that Zak insisted Kara was far from being head over heels for Anders. When Lee asked what that meant, his brother had just shrugged. That was the end of their conversation on Kara.

He understood where Zak was coming from with his questioning about how Lee could date Dee but still be hopelessly in love with Kara. Half the time even _he_ wondered how it was possible. His hand came down to brush the skin on his shoulder where Kara had punched him a few minutes earlier. He could still feel the heat from her touch.

That was the main reason he was thinking about starting something with Dee. When he was with Dee, he felt safe. He wasn't going to lose control and do something that wasn't allowed. Dee touched his arm, and the only thing it did was make him smile. He didn't feel the touch for hours afterwards like he did with Kara. She didn't burn his skin or make his body ache to hold her. Dee was safe.

Lee needed safe right now.

Pounding his feet into the metal grating, Lee did his best to clear his mind. He refused to focus on his problems for the small amount of time he found to run. He needed to unwind, and this was the only available way that didn't involve kicking the shit out of someone or something.

He had made it halfway around Galactica before realizing he hadn't passed Kara in their usual spot. Only a few turns later he found out why. She was standing in the middle of the corridor, a paper clutched tightly in her hand, and she was not happy.

Lee pulled to a stop and, after taking a second to catch his breath, asked what was wrong. Kara simply thrust the paper out for him to read. It took him until the third time to fully understand what the paper was telling him. "You're being transferred?"

"To the Pegasus," Kara said nodding.

Lee suddenly felt the urge to kick something. The only time he had with Kara was when they were in the air. How the frak were they supposed to fly together if they were on different ships? How was he supposed to come up with ways to talk with her each day if he had no reason to call those flight instructor/CAG meetings anymore? Realizing Kara was waiting for him to say something, all he could come up with was "I'm sorry."

Kara rewarded that with a mocking laugh. Reaching into her back pocket, she smirked. "You got one, too, Lee."

Lee hesitated a second before taking the paper out of her hand. He read it over quickly seeing as how he had a good idea of what it would say. When he was done, he looked up at Kara. She was watching him closely, and it surprised him to realize the look on her face was one of fear. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was worried that that paper _didn't _say he was being transferred. "Looks like you really can't split us up."

Kara yanked the paper out of his hand and read it herself. It was the only way she'd believe it. "They can't do that, though! You're the CAG."

"CAGs are replaceable," Lee said with a shrug. "Besides, did you look at the second signature from the bottom?"

Kara's mouth dropped open, and she grabbed her own note back from Lee to see the same name at the bottom of hers. She hadn't noticed William Adama's signature even though she had read and reread that little piece of paper a hundred times in the past ten minutes. "I don't get it."

"It either means my father is finally fed up of our bullshit or Admiral Cain had a little power play we're not aware of."

"My votes with the second because how can anyone get tired of me?" Kara joked.

"Obviously they didn't get my request to keep you on whatever ship I wasn't," Lee shot back.

Kara shook her head. "So sorry, Adama. You're going to be stuck with me until the day you die."

Lee held her eyes for a split second before moving down the corridor. He couldn't take it if she kept saying things like that. It made him hope, and hope was a dangerous thing. "Come on. We should go see the Old Man and figure out what exactly is going on."

Kara nodded, and together they jogged through the ship they both loved to the Commander they both respected in order to figure out why both were being taken away from them.

* * *

Kara figured she should be used to her commanding officers suddenly demanding her presence. The Old Man had done it more times than she could count, and Lee had always seemed to have something he needed her to do, both before and after Caprica. It made sense that she would be on this beast for only an hour and already Admiral Cain was asking to see her.

Kara was about to knock on the door when she felt a rather intimidating man staring down at her. She looked at the Marine guarding the door and sneered. "Do you have a problem?"

"Do you have an appointment?" the Marine growled. "Not every pilot can just waltz into the Admiral's office unannounced."

"She wanted to see me," Kara said, giving him a sweet smile and knocking on the door.

She heard someone scream that this better be good before she pushed the hatch open and stepped in. The first thing she noticed was how damn tidy and clinical the room was. This was where Admiral Cain lived. It's where she slept and did her work and had her meetings, and it looked like a fraking hospital. "You asked to see me, sir?" Kara said, trying to push back the small bits of fear that were flaring up in her stomach.

"You're Thrace?" Cain said, barely looking up from the papers in front of her.

"Lieutenant Kara Thrace," she corrected, knowing it was not her place. If the Admiral wanted to refer to her by her last name, that was her right.

Cain looked up and narrowed her eyes. "Lieutenant Kara Thrace. Commander Adama mentions you quite a bit in his logs."

"Is that why I got transferred here?" Kara asked. Cain's face tightened even more, and Kara decided there was no way she was getting out of this conversation without being sent to the brig. Maybe they'll throw her a 'welcome to your new home' party with cake. She really missed cake.

"You got transferred her because I was curious. A pyramid player turned pilot? Even with the end of the world, I found that hard to believe."

"It was a living," Kara said, shrugging her shoulders.

Cain regarded her a moment before smiling. "I was more of a Tigers fan myself."

"Have to stay loyal to the home team, sir," Kara said with a smile.

"And that would make Caprica your home?" Cain looked down at the papers in front of her. "It's not really clear here."

"I lived a lot of places, but Caprica is the only place I've ever considered home. Besides Galactica, that is."

Cain gave her a small nod. "Yes, all of Adama's men seem very enamored with that outdated ship."

"It's a lot more than just a ship," Kara insisted. "I mean, don't your men feel love for Pegasus?"

"They appreciate the fact that the ship's guns keep them alive when they're out there fighting a base star. They appreciate that they have a place to come home to when others did not. They appreciate the fact that the Cylons are scared of this ship. There isn't room for love when there's so much appreciation."

Kara nodded even though she didn't understand what Cain was getting at. She appreciated the Galactica a hell of a lot, but she loved it even more.

Cain cleared her throat, and Kara realized her attention had drifted away. "Commander Adama's logs for the week you returned from your mission to Caprica are quite interesting. He noted the need for a rescue mission back to the colony."

"I left people behind."

"It says in the log that you only went there with Captain Adama, and you returned with both a missing pilot and a Cylon prisoner. How could Galactica have left people behind?"

"Galactica left no one behind besides the pilot we brought back. _I_ left behind quite a few people."

"Care to explain that, Lieutenant?"

Kara tried to bite back every snarky comment on the tip of her tongue. "If I must, then yes, I will explain, Admiral. As you so obviously pointed out, I had a different life back when the Twelve Colonies still existed. I was a pyramid player, and I had a team. The team was going through high altitude training in the hills outside Delphi when the Cylons attacked. On my mission to Caprica, I realized they were still alive and fighting."

"You left them behind on Caprica when you chose to return home."

"There wasn't room in the ship for anyone besides Helo and Shar- the Cylon. Otherwise, we would have taken as many as we could."

Cain nodded. "Here's what I'm hoping you can shed some light on. According to the Commander's report, you are willing to put the search for Earth on hold to return home to the Colonies to save these people. Why are they so important?"

"They're my family, sir," Kara said. In her mind, that was enough.

"That's one person's family. I had a sister and niece on Tauron. Do you propose the Fleet also returns there just to see if my family is alive?"

Kara kept silence. This was not the time to be saying a word.

"What got the Commander to agree to save your family, Lieutenant?"

Kara bit her lip. She knew the answer to that question even though no one had ever said it out loud. She wasn't sure if it was wise to be telling Cain, though.

"I am waiting, and need I remind you that I am the commanding officer of this Fleet? Withholding information from me can give you a one-way ticket to the brig."

Kara fought the urge to tell the Admiral that she was probably heading there anyway. "Captain Adama was on my side, sir."

"Please explain."

"He was the one that requested the mission. I wasn't about to do it myself because, as you so correctly picked up on, it's selfish. Apollo saw the importance in it, though. These people are good men. They'll come to this Fleet, and like myself, they won't want to sit back and do nothing. They'll find their place in the Fleet, and chances are that will be with the military. I can't guarantee they'll help with Galactica's pilot shortage, but they're already half-trained to be Marines."

"You're volunteering your friends for active duty. Isn't that a little presumptive?"

"I know my team, sir. They're fighters."

"I believe that," Cain said. "You think they're still alive?"

Kara shook her head. "I'm not stupid, sir. I know that when we finally have time to get to them, they won't all still be there. Some of them will be fighting, though., and those ones deserve a chance to breathe without worrying about being gunned down."

Cain stared at her a moment before cracking a rare smile. "Consider the rescue mission still on the books, Lieutenant."

Kara felt her heart leap, and she couldn't help but give the Admiral a sharp salute.

"Dismissed," Cain said, turning back to her books and papers.

Kara stumbled out of the office, wondering what had just happened. She had been obstinate and rather difficult, and yet Cain had rewarded her. She thought that the Admiral was supposed to be this amazing ice bitch.

When she finally made it back to her new bunkroom, she still had no clue what had just happened. Lee picked up on it immediately. He got up from his bunk where he had been reading some sort of book and made his way to where she was. Kara tried to ignore the urge to ask what he was reading and chose instead to focus on the horrible fact that she had to share a bunkroom with Lee. Maybe Admiral Cain thought it was generous to stick her in with someone she knew on this new ship. In reality, it was pure torture.

"Is something the matter, Kara?"

Kara shook her head and pulled herself up onto her top bunk. She hated the top bunk. "Nothing really. Admiral Cain summoned me."

"And that's _nothing really_?" Lee let out a laugh and leaned on the ladder below her bunk. "What did the Ice Bitch have to say?"

"She's not that bad," Kara defended without thought.

"Gods, she must have worked something magical on you. You're already her number one fan."

"I am not," Kara insisted. "I just liked the fact that she listened to reason."

"Care to explain what the frak that means?"

"She's going to go ahead with the rescue mission to Caprica." Kara didn't realize how big of a mistake this conversation was until she saw Lee's face completely fall.

"That's great," he said, knowing his words weren't very convincing.

Kara smiled bravely. "Yeah, it is."

"I'll let you get some sleep. I'm sure the transition's been hard on you, and you're on the flight schedule in the morning." Lee shut her curtain for her and was about to leave the room when he heard it pull back again. He turned to see Kara looking at him rather strangely.

"Thank you, Lee," she said.

He gave her a small nod and shut the hatch behind him. Leaning against the corridor wall, he let out the breath he hadn't even known he was holding. She had been so relieved to know that the rescue mission to Caprica wasn't called off now that Pegasus was ruling the Fleet. It was as if she was practically shouting that she couldn't wait to get back to Anders and his stupid fraking pyramid player arms.

Yet that smile she gave him right before he left made all the pain worth it. He would do anything for that smile.

Lee pushed up off the wall and wondered what he was going to do with his free time now. He had been reading up on colonial military law in order to see if what Cain was doing was illegal. He was just at the part with the law about demoting a colonial officer during wartime when Kara came into the bunkroom. Lee shook his head. He hadn't even had time to tell her about Cain taking him down to Lieutenant. He was too busy trying to soothe away her ever worry.

It made him want to laugh. He was so fraking whipped by a woman who didn't even want him.

"You're pathetic," Lee hissed, starting to walk down the corridor. There had to be something to do while he waited for Kara to fall asleep.


	39. Chapter 39

Lee had been deliberately keeping himself from making eye contact with her since the second she asked him to stay behind after the pilot briefing. She wished she could blame the lack of eye contact on the humiliation he must be feeling about having a woman he trained to fly become his CAG who held her own briefings. It would have been a whole lot easier than admitting Lee knew exactly what his father had said to her after the joint Pegasus-Galactica meeting a few hours earlier.

"This is a fraked-up thing that I've been asked to do." Kara sighed. "But we kill people for a living."

"_I _kill people for a living," Lee corrected. "You're new to the game."

"I'm good at the game," she said after a few seconds at thought. "They say shoot, Lee, we shoot. It's the way things go."

Lee stared at her a moment before shaking his head. She wished his disappointment wasn't quite so obvious. "So you're going to do this?"

"Yeah, I'm going to do it." She hated that she couldn't hide the tremble in her voice.

"Kara."

The last thing she wanted right now was to be talked out of this, and she knew that was exactly what Lee would do if she gave him the chance. "I could use some backup." Suddenly that sounded like an awfully big thing to ask of him. Lee had a life of his own, after all. He had things that tied him to it. "I'll understand if you can't," she quickly added, looking down at the ground.

"Kara." Lee waited until she looked up at him before walking forward to take her hand. "You know better than that."

She couldn't hide her smile even if she tried. "Yeah, I guess so."

Lee rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He had known her skin would be this soft, but it still took his breath away. It had been so long since she let him touch her. "People have to have this, Kara. Trust. Your word and my word. We don't have this? Then we really are no different than the Cylons."

Kara had to bite back the tears. Fraking Lee with his always fraking being there no matter how bad she fraked up. "Thank you." It was short, but it was all she could say without bursting out in tears. He went to move away, and Kara knew it was too much. She couldn't let him go.

It surprised Lee when Kara pulled him into a hug, but he relaxed immediately. She always needed physical comfort to reinforce the things he said to her. Lee smiled down at her once her grip had loosened a little. "That's something else that it seems like we have to have."

"What?" Kara asked.

Lee waited a moment to take in the way she was beaming before winking. "Apollo and Starbuck. They can't tear us apart if they tried."

Kara laughed and pushed him away. "You need to get ready for the mission, Adama. You're taking my bird out, and I want her back in one piece."

"Your bird? I distinctly remember a whole crew building her."

"A whole crew didn't fly her so she's mine."

Lee shook his head. "You're so damn protective of your things."

Kara watched him walk out of the room before letting out her breath. He had no idea the lengths she had gone to put him in that Blackbird. True he was one of the few people who could fly it, but it also meant he was out of the most dangerous part of the battle. He just had to go take out the resurrection ship's FTL drive and then fly back to Pegasus. He would waiting for her, safe and sound, so they could go do the hard part.

She stepped out into the corridor and caught Lee's eyes just as he was turning the corner. He gave her a small nod and then he was gone.

Lee tried to get his breath back. It was always so hard being close to Kara and knowing that it was never going to be enough. He was never going to be close enough to her.

He wasn't sure how he made it down to the bunkroom in one piece. He probably would never know. The only thing he kept hearing was Kara's voice urging him to get ready. She was right. He had a mission to complete. He couldn't let his constant thoughts of her distract him.

Lee opened his locker and grabbed a bag off the bottom. He still hadn't gotten around to unpacking most of his stuff. Actually, he hadn't let go of the hope that his father would call him and Kara back to his side. Pushing that lovely wish to the side, Lee dug around in the bag until he found what he was looking for. This lighter had worked for him on that mission to get the tylium. He wanted it with him today.

As Lee set the bag down again, his eyes caught on an edge of paper sticking out of the clothes. He knew exactly what it was, but he let his mind forget for a moment. He wanted to look at it.

The picture of him and Kara had been taken by some of the Fleet press on Colonial Day. They looked happy. She was laughing, and Lee knew it was because of him. He couldn't recall if he had ever told how much he loved her laugh.

There were a lot of things he wanted to say to her like that. He couldn't, though. It was neither the time nor the place. It would never be the time or the place.

It had been three long months of trying to shake this feeling. During the day, he mostly succeeded. At night, when he was alone in his bunk, it didn't work out so well. Lee knew he wasn't strong enough to take much more of this. One day he was going to break and just take her by force.

The desire he had for Kara frightened him.

She had fraked up his life rather well. The sad part was if Lee had to do it over again, he wouldn't change one thing. He knew that having those few moments of happiness with Kara would carry him through the worst times in this Fleet. He had that to hang on to for the rest of his life.

He could live without Kara as long as he had the memories.

If she gave him the smallest opening, though, he would take it. Because above everything else, the one thing he wanted was a chance to create more memories with Kara. He wanted to be a part of her life in and out of the sky.

If only he wasn't scared to tell her that.

Lee slammed the locker, shutting the picture in tight. He would die if Kara found out he was carrying a picture of them around wherever he was stationed. She would probably freak out and rip it into a million pieces. He definitely did not want that. It wasn't like the Fleet had an endless supply of working cameras and film. They weren't going to waste what little they had on two pilots.

He shrugged out of his dress uniform and slid into his flight suit, glad that for once to be without the taunts of the Pegasus crew in the background. They couldn't get enough of teasing the Commander's son. Granted it had lightened up in the past day or so, but he wasn't supposed to know why. Then again, it was hard to ignore the sound of Kara threatening to kick the crap out anyone who alluded to the fact that Lee was the son of the Adama.

Lee zipped up his flight suit and sighed. He knew she was depending on him to do this. Hell, the whole Fleet was depending on him to do this. Last time that kind of stress and expectation was on his shoulders, it had all been different. Kara had been by his side on the tylium mission. Even if she couldn't follow him down that conveyor chute, she was still with him. Knowing she had his back when he got the job done meant all the world.

Kara wasn't going to be by his side this time. As the acting CAG of Pegasus, she was going to be leading the rest of the Vipers. Lee still couldn't believe Cain had promoted Kara. She had only been flying five months. Granted, if she knew enough to take over the flight instructor position, then theoretically she could be the CAG. It was only a small jump from teaching people how to fly to pointing out that they really didn't know how to fly.

Lee picked his clothes off the floor and tossed them on his bunk. He didn't have time to be thinking about this. The Blackbird was calling his name, and Kara would be pissed if he wasn't down in that hangar in the next five minutes. She was already taking on dictator tendencies with this new CAG position.

Taking a moment, Lee tried to focus in on the job at hand. He had to succeed at taking out that FTL drive for one reason and one reason only. He needed to get back on Pegasus. Because of some stupid decision his father had made, Kara needed him to watch her back. More than that she _wanted_ him to watch her back.

Lee knew she needed him to come back in one piece because otherwise a dangerous command was going to turn into a suicide mission. He was not going to let Kara die. That was a promise he had made her in a different lifetime, but it still rang true.


	40. Chapter 40

Lee knew he was losing his mind. He could hear the explosions, the ships buzzing past him, and yet he could also hear the water running downstream. He could feel the cold air and the hot flight suit against his skin at the same time. He was blinded by the sun and couldn't help but see the millions of stars around him.

His comms were still working. He could hear every scream of triumph and failure loud and clear. The ones that hurt the most were in Kara's voice.

The memory of the piece of Raider connecting with the Blackbird played over and over in his mind. He was distracted. He should have seen it coming. He should have flipped left or banked right. A little voice in the back of his head whispered each of those things. Then it would scream.

_You've killed her._

Kara was dead because he wasn't a good enough pilot.

He heard Dee repeating his call sign over the comms. She probably thought they had gotten knocked out in the blast. After all, he wasn't responding to tell her his location or even that he was still breathing. He imagined the whole CIC would be in a frenzy because of what happened to him. Then his rational side kicked in. The CIC wouldn't even react. They were professional soldiers. Death was a common part of their life. Not to mention the fact that none of them really understood the part he played in this Fleet. Cain didn't appreciate his expertise, and his father couldn't see him as more than the son who could fly. It was almost as if he were replaceable.

"Apollo, Galactica, do you read?"

Lee wondered if he had any reason at all to answer her. Did he have anything to live for?

Four months ago, the answer would have been an emphatic yes. Three months ago, he would have said he had something to fight for. Three hours ago, the answer would have been no. He had someone to keep alive but nothing to live for. Ten minutes ago, he realized he had killed his last reason to fight.

His father had given her a death sentence without blinking. Lee had made sure it was carried out without even trying.

Lee's hand tightened around the small hole in his flight suit before letting go. Dee's voice bounced in his head as he watched the oxygen slowly filter out into the atmosphere. His mind raced with what he could say. He only had a few seconds.

"Apollo, Galactica, are you reading this? Are you out there?"

Dee was a good officer. She would relay the message. "I love you, Kara," Lee whispered, watching the Vipers rip out the heart of the Cylons. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

Petty Officer Anastasia Dualla felt stupid hovering around the hatchway to the senior officers' quarters. On any other day she wouldn't hesitate to drop in without even knocking. Then again, today wasn't like most.

The Cylons showed up to try to kill them on most days. She was stuck manning the comms in the CIC because the rest of the crew was fairly new on most days. The pilots tended to be laughing and joking around the table in the room on most days.

Most importantly, though, Apollo was not freshly cleared from sickbay on most days.

Sighing Dee gently knocked on the hatch and stepped into the quiet room. The man lying on the bunk barely even turned his head. "Did my father send you?"

"Excuse me?" Dee said, taking a few more hesitant steps.

"Did my father send you down here to tell me I'm being permanently reassigned to Galactica?" Lee asked in the same monotone voice.

"No, sir," Dee blurted. "I mean, I'm sure you are going to be assigned back to Galactica. We need you as the CAG. Birch almost killed most of the pilots at least ten thousand times in the few days you were gone." Her voice cut off as she realized she was rambling. This was not how she expected this to go. Then again, she had imagined this little dialogue being a lot less one-sided.

"Why are you here then?"

Dee walked the last few feet to stand by his bunk. "I thought you might need someone to talk to, sir."

"Now what would make you think that?"

"You almost died."

Lee let out a sigh and shut his eyes. "I almost die every day, Dee."

Dee took that as an opening and sat on the edge of his bunk. "We both know I heard you correctly in those last few seconds." She waited for him to acknowledge it, but when he didn't, she just moved on. "Comms officers are trained to listen, Lee. It's our job to hear what others cannot. I can't tell you how many rounds of final words I've had to listen to, all while keeping a clear enough head to do my job. I get a lot of I should have done this or I wish I had said that. I don't get a lot of confessions or apologies. The ones that I have heard were never like yours. The way you said it tore my heart out."

"Just forget it, would you?" Lee growled.

"Those were some heavy words. They're not the kind of thing you can forget easily."

The room filled with silence, and Dee began to realize how awkward this was. She had had a small thing with Lee for the past few months, but this was bringing them into uncharted territory. She wasn't sure if she knew him enough to keep pressing this issue.

Lee chose that little moment of self-doubt as the time to open his eyes, turn his head, and stare at her. Things quickly shifted in her mind from awkward to tense and uncomfortable. "You can't tell her, Dee."

Dee nodded her head. "I figured as much, and since she's obviously not going to know about it, that's why I'm here. You can talk to me. Tell me why you felt the need for that closure before you let yourself go."

"Do you do this for all the people who come back from the dead?"

Dee shook her head. "Only the ones that scare me."

Lee gave her a small nod. That made sense to him. "I really wasn't thinking or feeling when I said it," he admitted.

Dee let out a small snort of disbelief. "That's bullshit. The words I heard were chock full of feelings and thoughts. They were the kind that you don't normally let out unless it's the end of the line."

"I wasn't going to come back."

"You did come back."

"I didn't want to," Lee whispered. He continued to stare at the top of the bunk above him, his eyes vacant of most anything. "That's why I said that. I didn't want to come back to this stupid Fleet that's been torn in half too many times to count. I'm so fraking tired."

"She made you this way, didn't she?" Dee reached out to touch his shoulder and smiled when he didn't flinch away. Maybe this conversation wasn't so off-base. "Something happened between you two that most of us peons don't know about. There's been rumors, but nothing was for certain until now, I guess."

"We didn't have to tell you. It wasn't a matter of colonial security," Lee said, shutting his eyes again.

"But something _did_ happen?"

"Yes," Lee said shortly.

"Are you going to tell me what that was?"

Lee suddenly felt her hand on his body, and it was too much. He pulled away and growled, "I don't like to share."

The brutality of his words surprised Dee. She had known Lee from his occasional visits to Galactica before the attacks and from the work they had done together since then. He had never been like this. There was a sort of mad violence lurking underneath him, almost like he might snap at any moment.

Dee tried to push that thought aside and focus on what Lee was really saying when he insisted he didn't want to share. She smiled to herself. It wasn't that hard for her to figure out, and she definitely didn't need him to spell it out for her. "It was her fault. Lieutenant Thrace did something to you when you two were away retrieving the Arrow."

"Kara didn't _do _anything."

"We all frak up sometimes," Dee said. "Sometimes it's by doing something wrong or making the wrong decision. Sometimes it's just being blind to what's in front of our eyes."

Lee opened his eyes a crack to look at Dee. He suddenly remembered the way he had been using her to keep his own mind off of Kara. It had made him feel guilty at the time, especially when she broke up with Billy. He wasn't stupid. He knew that was his fault. He had never shown Dee any clear signs that he was interested in her romantically or sexually. It was a mystery why she felt the need to reach out to him like this. Mysterious but sad at the same time. Lee narrowed his eyes at her. "I can't give you what you want, Dee."

"Can any man with a death wish really say he could?" she joked.

"I don't have a death wish."

"A man who just sighs and lets death take him doesn't have a death wish?" Dee said with raised eyebrows. "I'm calling bullshit on that one, sir. No one who wants to live just rolls over and lets their fate take control. They fight until their last breath. _You_ were not fighting, Lee. No one will admit to it, but we've all read the reports. You were brought in with a hole in your flight suit the size of a half-cubit. You could have easily plugged it with your hand for long enough to keep your suit full of oxygen until the rescue party made it to you. The only way that couldn't have happened was if you let go." Dee sighed. "So, care to explain why you gave up, Lee?"

Lee thought about lying, wondering if maybe she would go away if he did. Then he realized he didn't want her to go away. She was right. This whole talking/communicating/listening concept was helping. He really hadn't had this kind of thing since the time he spent with Kara before they went to Caprica. "I've never felt as much pain as I did when the Blackbird got shot."

Dee gave him a sympathetic smile. "The end of the world was hard on us all, Captain."

Lee shook his head. "The pain had nothing to do with the Cylons' attack."

Understanding lit up her face. "This is about her again, isn't it?"

"Everything is about her," Lee mumbled. He wished that didn't sound as incriminating as it did.

"She did a real number on you."

Lee looked away from Dee's eyes and up at the top of the bunk over his head. "I'm not going to be able to take his place, Dee. I don't need to talk to you to feel validated."

Dee gasped. She had no expected Lee to be so mean. "You have no idea what you're talking about, sir."

"I saw the way you were with Billy. You were his pillar of strength, always here, always available. He needed you? One shuttle later, he had you. He gave you a purpose." Lee let out a cold laugh. "I'm not too good at that."

"I wouldn't mind trying," Dee said softly.

There was a small thud in the corridor, but by the time Dee had straightened up out of the bunk, no one was there.

"Dee, I'm too much of a mess right now," Lee insisted, shaking his head.

"I happen to like messes, sir," Dee said, standing up.

She made it to the hatchway before Lee called out. "Thank you for this."

Dee gave him a quick smile and nod. "Anytime, sir."

* * *

Kara was leaning against the corridor walls, watching the people brush past, when she saw Dee go into the senior officers' bunkroom. Wondering what business the comm officer had in there, Kara followed but hung back at the hatchway when she heard Lee's voice.

She couldn't tear herself away as every word of pain out of Lee's mouth and every word of comfort coming from Dee ripped her up inside. She had done that. She had created this hurt inside Lee by making him let her in and then pulling away. Anders had showed up on Caprica, and it wasn't fair to Lee anymore to let herself be open to him. She had to figure some things out.

Still, it broke her heart to know that she had put him through so much pain. She didn't deserve a man like Lee Adama.

Kara listened to Dee quietly comforting him, and she wished she could do that. She had always wanted to be the woman that could offer a man comfort with her words alone, but that just wasn't who she was. She offered confusion, pain, hurt, even guilt. Comfort was not something she knew how to give in anything other than a physical way.

The conversation in the bunkroom turned to Dee's failed relationship, and Kara breathed a sigh of relief. She could ignore this part and try to get her jealousy in check.

The relief lasted for two seconds until Dee said she wouldn't mind trying a relationship with Lee. Then a red haze blinded Kara. Dee had no right trying to swoop in and take Lee when Kara hadn't had a chance to get at him herself. He practically had 'waiting patiently for Starbuck to get her act together" tattooed on his ass.

Kara tried to push the anger to the side as she began to pace the a few steps up and down the corridor. Dee didn't know what Lee and Kara had been through. Most of Galactica's crew didn't. They had decided to keep that information to themselves and a select number of people. It had made sense at the time. Now, though, Kara was getting the urge to run down the corridor screaming Lee and I had the most amazing sex on and off this ship and you ladies need to keep your claws out of him.

Stopping at the open hatch, Kara saw Dee lean into the bunk even more in order to touch Lee's shoulder. She was about to go stomping into the bunkroom when a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back into the corridor wall. "What the frak are you doing, Zak?" she hissed.

Zak just gave her a glare and, grabbing her arm, dragged her down the corridor into the nearest empty room, which just happened to be the head. Zak leaned against a counter, crossed his arms in front of him, and stared at her a moment before finally speaking, "You were about to do something incredibly stupid, Kara."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I thought you said you weren't going to mess with my brother until you figured out the Anders situation. You were going to wait until you could talk to him face to face."

"That's what I'm going to do. As soon as we rescue Sam from Caprica, I'll be free to figure out just what the frak I'm doing."

"Busting into the bunkroom in a jealous haze isn't going to get that accomplished any faster."

"That's not what I was going to do. I was just going to tell Dee she needs to give Lee a little space." Zak shook his head in disbelief, and Kara shrugged. She hadn't thought that sounded particularly convincing, either.

"Why were you outside that bunkroom? I thought you were supposed to be helping Pegasus transition into Fisk's command?"

"I bullied a few hours pass off ship in order to come here." Kara looked down at her hands. "They told me Lee was getting out of sickbay."

"That's what I figured." Zak walked over to her side and slid an arm around her shoulder. "It's been tearing you up inside that he got shot down on a mission you planned yourself."

"I thought he could do it. I had faith in him," Kara insisted.

"He did do it. Then a freak accident caused his plane to go down. There was nothing you could have planned."

"I should have been here sooner." Kara brushed the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hand. "I should have insisted they let me come over here as soon as I found out."

"Why _didn't _you come to Galactica after the resurrection ship was destroyed?"

Kara shook her head. She couldn't answer that. Answering that would mean telling Zak that his father had ordered her to kill Admiral Cain. Answering that would force her to explain how pissed she had been at Lee because she was going to have to face a whole CIC of Pegasus's crew by herself. She was keeping a secret from Zak that could have amounted to his father handing his oldest son a death sentence. She was furious with Lee for abandoning her while he was floating in space, giving up on life.

Those were two things she never wanted to talk about again.

"I was the acting CAG, and…" Her voice trailed off as she found herself unable to lie. Nothing she had done in the past few days had anything to do with her being appointed CAG of Pegasus. Everything had to do with her wanting to keep her sanity and keep her promise to make things right with Anders. She just wanted to get Anders back so she could make her decision and get on with her life. The irony was it had almost worked. If Lee had died out there in space, her decision would have been made for her.

The thought of that was what finally set her over the edge. She leaned in against Zak as the tears and the sobs took hold of her body. Zak turned her body so he could grip her tightly against him. He had been waiting for her to break. Helo had told him that Kara kept turning to alcohol, and Zak knew that was exactly what she did not need. She needed to be honest with herself, and she could only do that when sober.

Kara felt Zak supporting her, and something inside her snapped. She had had multiple boyfriends throughout her adolescence that she had gone to after her mother got particularly drunk. They had always asked her what was wrong as they held her in their arms. She never told them. She didn't go to them to feel emotional comfort. She wanted the physical kind.

Zak's hands tightened around her back, and she suddenly craved that old feeling. Tilting her head up, she looked at him through her tears for a moment before leaning in to crush her lips against his. He responded for barely a second before pushing her away from him. She stumbled back a few feet.

The reality of what she had done hit her like a brick.

"You're an idiot," Zak said with a laugh.

Kara stared at him for a moment before smirking. "A complete, fraking idiot would have been more precise."

"I'll remember that for next time." Zak sighed and, grabbing her hand, pulled her back to his side. "Now do you want to tell me what that was about?"

"It always helped in the past."

"Frak or feel?"

"That's an ugly way to put it, but yeah, if I frak, I don't have to feel." Kara let out a deep breath. "I've been using that method since I was a kid. It's never failed me."

"Fraking me won't help you, Kara."

"Feeling isn't looking that good, either." Kara walked over to the other side of the small arms locker and sat down on the floor. She drew her knees in to rest her chin on. "You're not going to let me out of this conversation until I open up."

"Nope," Zak said, leaning against the wall. "So you better start talking now."

Kara bit her lip. "I think I'm going insane, Zak." Zak immediately started laughing, earning himself a glare. "I'm serious. This stupid game plan of mine was supposed to be easy. I would put everything on hold until I went back to Caprica. I didn't know that stupid Arrow of Apollo would really work or that we'd find the Pegasus."

"It's taking longer than you expected?" Zak guessed.

"Damn right it is," Kara growled. "I thought I'd have to go through this agony and guilt thing for a few months, and then the Old Man would grant me my mission back to Caprica."

"Forgive me for interrupting, Kara, but it sounds like you already made your decision."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, all you keep talking about is when you've rescued Anders, then whatever you feel for Lee can happen. It sounds like you're waiting to break things off with your fiancé."

Kara let out a laugh. "I wish it was that easy. I'm waiting until I can be with Anders again. Being able to look him in the face without fearing the Cylons are going to shoot me from behind is what I need. I'll know then how what I have with Lee measures up to what Anders has been to me."

"Gods, you really haven't made any headway on this thing, have you?"

Kara shook her head. "I've tried, but it's too hard. I was okay for the first few months."

"Then what happened?"

Kara leaned her forehead down onto her knees. "I can't forget how much I love Lee anymore. I know that I should just shove it to the side and wait for whatever it is to die. It should be so fraking easy. I've spent all my life pushing love away because it was easy. Something's different with your brother."

"He's not letting you push him away?"

Kara chuckled. "Oh, no, he's letting me push."

"Then what is it?"

"I keep thinking about what would have happened if I didn't let him go to Caprica with me. He wouldn't know about Anders."

"You would have told him."

"I don't know what I would have done," Kara admitted. She let out a growl of frustration. "Every fraking morning, I feel like throwing up. It's the first thing I think of. Being with him was everything I ever wanted and I'm just throwing it away." The image of Dee consoling Lee on his bunk popped into her head. "Lee is not going to wait around for me forever."

"Well, isn't it better to have ended this before the ties were set? You can't miss something that you never had."

"That's the problem. I can imagine what that would have been. That's enough to make me ache inside." Kara sighed. "Then I think about Anders and how life would have been if he had gone on that stupid vacation with me. He would have been alive beside me in the Fleet. I don't know if I would have even enlisted."

"What ifs don't do anything. You can't change what happened."

"All I have are the possibilities."

Zak pushed up off the wall and crouched down beside her. "You need to get your head out of the clouds. I suggest you go down to the gym and kick your own ass until reality sets in. You might have to make a decision before the Fleet sends a rescue mission to Caprica, Kara. My advice is don't be a chicken shit and let an opportunity at happiness slip through your fingers just because you're scared."

Kara's jaw dropped open. She was too shocked at the sudden harshness of Zak's words to do anything but watch him walk out of the equipment locker. How had he gone from comforting her to slapping her upside the head with his words?

He was right about one thing. She had to let reality set in.


	41. Chapter 41

Kara was about halfway into rifling through this Janik woman's things like the Admiral had asked her to when she finally looked up. Lee was standing towards the entrance to the hangar bay staring at her. She gave him a small smile before she could stop herself.

Lee's eyes narrowed, and he turned quickly to leave the hangar bay.

"Finish looking through this, would you, Duck?" Kara said, already stepping away from the assignment. She rushed out into the corridor and was able to catch up to Lee towards the end.

"Is there something you wanted, Lieutenant?" Lee asked through gritted teeth.

Kara cleared her throat. "Haven't seen much of you since your space walk, sir."

"I've been busy helping patch this Fleet back together."

"You've spent a lot of time with the President, too," Kara whispered.

Lee paused in his steps. "She's dying, Kara."

"I know. I wasn't pointing it out as a bad thing. It was just an observation."

"She'd probably want to see you. For some reason, she seems to have taken a liking to you against her better judgment."

She was completely thrown off as Lee's cruel words cut her to the bone. He had no reason to be treating her like this. She had been very careful to do everything he wanted or expected of him since they returned from Caprica. The only way she could keep sane was having this status quo between them. "I'll be sure to see the President today, then."

"Don't put it off, Kara. Some people don't like having to wait for you."

Kara nodded. She figured she deserved that one. "Seriously, Lee, I haven't seen a lot of you in the past few weeks. You're my wingman. I worry."

Lee stopped. "Is that the only reason you're here? Because if it is, I can assure you that I'm fit to fly. Cottle cleared me within days of being admitted. I'll have your back."

Kara knew that now would be the time to tell him she worried about him a lot more than a wingman should. She didn't think it would help, though.

"Besides from what I hear, it's me that should be worried," Lee continued.

"What the frak is that supposed to mean?"

"I had a chat with Kat. She said you were a little late for your last patrol. Care to tell me what that was about?"

Kara fought the urge to scream. She had told that little shit she had to make a few last minute checks on her Viper and then change into her flight suit. Her lateness had nothing to do with the massive hangover she was fighting from the triad game the night before. She was going to kill Kat. "I was late. It happens to us all sometimes."

"As long as it was just one time," Lee said. "I wouldn't want to have to explain to my father why I sent Galactica's flight instructor to hack for the hundredth time."

That was the final straw for Kara. She was tired of this bullshit. She had something to say to Lee, and eventually she was going to get tired of just sitting back and taking his insults. This conversation would not go well if she let herself punch him. "Is there someone I can talk to you in private?"

"The corridors not good enough for you anymore, Lieutenant?"

"I'd prefer not to say this in front of a bunch of people it doesn't concern, Captain," she hissed. "Now would you stop being an ass and just give me a moment of your precious time?"

Lee narrowed his eyes at her, but inside, he was secretly relieved. He could deal with anger. It was when she looked at him with those sad eyes that his heart truly hurt. Anger helped him stay focused. "I have places to be, but you can follow."

Kara followed Lee into the pilot briefing room and waited for him to finish writing the last flight rotation changes on the big whiteboard. He seemed to be settling back into his job as CAG now that he had the comfort of Dee to support him. Kara winced. She was not supposed to be thinking about Dee. She had made a vow that that part of Lee's life was none of her business. He wasn't chained to her or anything. He should be free to do whatever he wanted.

"So spit it out, Kara. You said you wanted to talk to me. Now's probably the only time you'll have in the next few weeks."

"I know," Kara said. She couldn't bring her eyes up from the ground. This had been a whole lot easier when it was just a conversation in her head. "I wanted to apologize."

"You're going to have to be more specific than that. You've fraked up a lot in the time I've known you."

Kara glared at him. "You know what I'm apologizing for."

"Honestly, I don't. Anything you should be feeling sorry for happened over three months ago. If you had been sorry, you would have said something then."

"I didn't know I was sorry at the time," Kara insisted. "Frak, I didn't even know that there was anything to be sorry about."

"Then you saw your love was still alive and felt sorry that you had betrayed him," Lee filled in. "I get that. You shouldn't have to apologize for wanting to play the game."

"What game are you talking about?" Kara asked, already knowing the answer wasn't going to be to her liking.

"The kind where you find a mark that's hard to get but you don't let up until you've fraked him good and proper. Extra points if you can get him to feel for you."

Kara felt her temper flare out of control and toed up to the line. Thrusting herself into Lee's personal space, she put her hands on her hips and glared. "You're being an asshole."

The urge rose up inside of him to grab her shoulders and throw her body up against the wall again and again until she cried out in pain. He had been getting urges like that ever since his accident in the Blackbird. Mostly, he was able to stop them before they were even fully formed thoughts. With Kara, he had to use every ounce of willpower to keep them from becoming actions. "I have a right to act like this. Almost dying can really frak a man up, Kara, especially when he almost dies because of a plan his wingman came up with."

Kara fought the urge to tell him he was only half right. It had taken her the better part of a week to accept that, though she had a part in Lee's accident, it wasn't all her fault. She didn't want to lose what little progress she made just because Lee was in a pissy mood. "I'm sorry you feel like that, Lee. I didn't mean for you to get hurt in all this."

Lee let his eyes trailed their way over the contours of her face as she dared him to keep insulting her. Her words had a hidden meaning to them. He knew she was apologizing for hiding Anders from him. He just wasn't sure if he was ready to accept that right now. There was this violence lurking beneath the surface of whatever was between them, and until he figured out where that was coming from, it was best if he kept her at arms' length.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you up front. I didn't think that Sam could possibly make it through the attacks. He was just a pyramid player."

"You made it through."

"That's because I was on vacation and I've had to learn how to take care of myself since I was young." Kara sighed. "But we're getting away from the point. I'm trying to get you to see how much I regret lying to you."

"I hear your apologies and see your guilt, but it doesn't help anymore. You've fraked with me one too many times for me to be having this conversation with you."

Kara gave him a small smile. "I figured as much. I just wanted to let you know that I was sorry." She paused. This was the moment she had been dreading, the one that would keep her mind sane until they had time to organize the rescue mission to Caprica. "I want you to be happy, Lee, no matter what that means for you and I."

"That's nice to hear. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a briefing to run and then there are a few meetings over on Cloud Nine that require my presence."

"I'm sorry for taking up your time," Kara said, pulling away from the podium. She knew it was time to leave, but she couldn't tear her eyes from his face.

"Are we done, Lieutenant?"

Kara's mind flashed back to the hopeless look she had seen on Lee's face recently. She couldn't leave him without knowing that look was never going to pop up again. "You need to make me a promise."

"That's rather demanding of you." Lee shook his head. "I don't think you deserve promises, no matter if it's an easy one. I gave you trust and you kicked me when I wasn't looking. I'm tired of it."

"I understand." Kara took one quick look around the room and started to walk toward the door. She had almost made it before she realized their conversation might be pretty damn close to being over, but there was just one thing missing. "Lee?"

Lee looked up at her, obviously surprised she hadn't stormed off in loyalty or love.

"Don't die," she whispered. "At least not on my account. I'm not worth it at all."

Lee was left staring at the empty hatchway as Kara walked away. He desperately wanted to run after her and shake her until she took that back. She was worth a hell of a lot to him, but somewhere along the line, it seemed they had both forgotten. He didn't know how to fix that.


	42. Chapter 42

Lee's fingers ran through the blond hair of the woman curled up on his chest. It was less soft than he remembered, but then again it had been several months. It had grown a little more golden, too. Lee wondered if that was due to the new lights they had resorted to using in the hangar bay. His hands ran over her body, and he sighed. It felt good to feel her warmth against him, to know that he had put that slight pink blush there. It had been his name she cried out only minutes before, his name and no one else's.

"Who is she, Lee?"

Lee snapped away from his daydream and realized Shevon had slipped out of bed at some point. "What?"

"The woman you're thinking about, who is she?"

"There isn't a woman," Lee lied.

"There's always a woman." Shevon smiled at his reflection in the mirror. Every client always tried to tell her they had no real reason they were coming to see her. She would have thought by now word would have gotten out that the lie wasn't working anymore. "I've been in this business since the Fleet started running, Lee. It's been six months, and every single time, there's always been a woman."

Lee watched her brushing her hair and tried to think why this was so hard. Shevon was nice. She had listened to him and offered him a kind of comfort he really hadn't felt in a long time. The only problem was she was too damn perceptive. He didn't want to talk about the woman on his mind right now.

"It will do you good to get it out, Lee. It might get rid of those wrinkles on your forehead." Shevon chuckled when he glared at her. "They're cute wrinkles," she added as if that helped.

"There is a girl," Lee admitted. He hated having to admit the possibility that he came here for the pure purpose of using Shevon as a stand-in for the real woman he wanted in his bed.

"Some petite little blond thing, right?" Shevon guessed.

Lee wanted to laugh. She was blond but no one would ever call Kara petite. She packed too hard of a punch. That was one of the reasons he couldn't get her out of his head. She wasn't like any of the other women on Galactica.

"What's her name?"

"Do you really have to know that?"

"I don't see how it can hurt. It's not going to get you in trouble, Lee. You're confessing to the prostitute you've been paying to sleep with you for the past few weeks. I don't have anyone to run off and tell."

Lee nodded. She was right. He really shouldn't have this hard of a time talking about his problem. "Her name is…" The words caught in his throat. He couldn't do this, no matter how safe it was. Saying her name would make it real. "Her name is Gianne."

Shevon nodded, obviously not picking up on Lee's little shift. "Was she before or after the attacks?"

"Both," Lee replied because in a way she was. "I loved her, but I don't think she ever loved me."

"That's sad."

"It's the truth. She hid something from me that came back to bite her in the ass."

"Another man?"

Lee thought about telling Shevon to mind her own business for a moment but figured if there was anyone it was safe to talk about this stuff with, it was her. All Zak had been doing lately was giving him dirty looks every time they passed in the hall. Helo was completely on Kara's side. His father seemed to be all business now that he had two battlestars to keep track of. Dee was still calmly pressuring him into forgetting about Kara. There really was no one he could talk with. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"It's always another man. So what did she do? Cheat on you with your brother or something?"

The thought of Kara with Zak made Lee laugh. There was no way his brother would be able to handle that spitfire even if Lee and Anders weren't in the picture. "She was engaged to be married to someone else, but she thought he was dead. It turned out he wasn't."

Shevon got up and slid into the bed next to him. "So she brushed you aside?"

"I wished it were that simple. She's left me hanging in limbo, wondering if I should move on or wait for her to realize how much I fraking love her. Gods, sometimes I see her and I just want to…"

"What?" Shevon prompted as Lee's voice trailed off.

"Frak her up against the wall, kiss her until she admits she loves me too, punch her face until she spits out blood." He could feel Shevon stiffen at his last words. "I'm sorry if that disgusts you."

"No, it just surprises me. You never seemed like a particularly violent man."

"It's only with her, and it's only been lately." Lee rubbed his face. "I have this horrible images in my head of getting revenge for the pain she's putting me through. I would never, ever do anything like that to her, but I still see it in my head all the same."

Shevon reached out to pull his hand away from his face. "That's a natural reaction to the world you live in. As long as it stays in your head, I don't think it's a problem."

Lee nodded. He had come to the same conclusion. "So that's my big, fraked-up secret reason for being here."

"I've heard worse," Shevon admitted.

"Like what?"

"I can't say. There's a little thing called client confidentiality, but I'll just say that some men can't keep those kinds of thoughts in their heads." Shevon reached out to run her hand across his cheek. "Do you want to hear my advice?"

Lee gave her a quick nod. It couldn't hurt.

"In the end, it will only stop hurting if you know you've fought for what you wanted. If you do everything you can, then you can be content with however it turns out. You can't sit back and let things happen to you."

"How did you get so wise?" Lee asked, lifting his arms so she could settle in against him.

"I wasn't always a single mom, struggling to make money to pay for her daughter's meds. I had a life and a love once."

"What happened to him?" Lee asked.

Shevon tensed up and for a moment Lee actually thought he might learn something about this woman he had been seeing. "This isn't about me, Lee."

They laid together in silence, both lost in their own memories. Lee knew that Shevon should have kicked him out of her quarters the second their 'transaction' was through, but it seemed like she always struck up a conversation with him as she got dressed. He knew she wanted him to think she did it as a favor to her clients, kind of like a little added therapy for free.

Lee wasn't stupid. She was lonely on this stupid ship. She must have seen something in Lee that felt familiar because he was the only one who got to see Paya. He knew that for a fact. That meant he wasn't just another customer to Shevon.

"She must be a really special girl," Shevon whispered against his skin. "To have someone like you willing to wait for her…"

For a second, Lee had no idea what she was talking about. Then he remembered. "Yeah, she's special."

Shevon raised her head to look at his face. She had never seen a man quite this deep. He was practically drowning. A wave of sadness wrenched at her heart. Lee Adama was a good man. He deserved to have everything and anything he wanted. Shevon knew that wasn't her, but there wasn't much else she had to give.

Lee continued to stare off into space, and Shevon could tell he was wrestling with demons that weren't going to vanquish themselves anytime soon. He was slipping away from her. There was only one thing she knew to cure that. She slid her robe off her shoulders and threw it to the floor before moving to straddle his body.

"What are you doing?" Lee asked. Normally this was the time where he'd say he had to go and she suggested he spent the night and then he said no, it's okay and they exchanged money and he promised to come back with a toy for Paya and she said he didn't have to. She never did _this_.

"Giving you a gift," Shevon whispered, sinking herself down on him. "It's your lucky day, flyboy."

She felt him stiffen against her, though for what reason she had no idea. Then it was all a blur. It was like something snapped in him. He was usually so damn gentle with her, like she was going to break. This time it was hard and rough. He was fighting to consume her.

He didn't last for very long. Then again he lasted a lot longer than other men when the sex was that intense. Shevon had had a feeling Lee Adama was special in a lot of surprising ways. It was too bad she couldn't keep him.

Lee pulled away from her touch and reached to pick his pants up off the floor. "Don't you want to stay the night?" Shevon asked.

"It wouldn't be wise. Nothing would be wise."

Shevon pulled a sheet around her naked body and watched Lee get dressed. "You're going to end this, aren't you?"

Lee buttoned his pants and turned to smile at her. "I love her, Shevon."

"I know that now."

"I wish…"

Shevon pushed herself up off the bed and walked to stand beside him, sheet tucked tight around her body. "You don't have to say a word, Lee. I understand." She leaned down to pick his pack up off the floor. Together they walked to the door to her quarters. "So what are you going to do now, Lee?"

"I don't know," he said, taking his pack from her. He gave her a quick kiss before pulling away.

"Good. It's better if you don't," Shevon said with a smile.

"I'm going to look in and you from time to time. Is that all right?"

Shevon nodded. "As long as you don't expect _me_ to pay _you_," she joked.

Lee hesitated a second before asking the question they had both known was coming, "Will you let me take you and Paya back to Galactica? I can find a place for you there."

"A military Battlestar is no place for us, Lee. Besides I don't think you want the embarrassment of having to explain to Gianne how you met us."

It took Lee a second to remember what she was talking about. "It would serve her right."

Shevon shook her head. "You are going to have to let go of that aggression, Lee, if you want to stay sane."

"I know," he whispered. He reached out to touch her cheek. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine, Lee. Stop worrying."

"It's what I do," Lee said. He held her gaze for a moment longer before walking out into the hallway. He could feel Shevon watching him, but he never turned back to see for sure. They both knew he would check up on her, but he would never come back to _see_ her. They had been playing with fire enough as it was. They couldn't chance it anymore.


	43. Chapter 43

Lee had been planning on taking the latest briefing on Scar into the break room to look over. They needed a new plan of attack before another pilot got shot down. The second he finally made it to that part of the ship and saw what was inside the room, he knew he wasn't going to be getting any work done.

Kara was sitting at the table in the middle of the room with a bottle of something fierce in her hand. It looked like she had been there for some time already. There had been rumors going around the past week or so about this very thing. People had been talking about a certain flight instructor showing up to her briefings intoxicated, and there had even been mention of a few frantic fraks with some of the unsuspecting Marines in one of the equipment closets. Lee hadn't believed the rumors, but there she was right in front of his eyes.

"Don't you have a shift soon?"

"I switched with Duck. I'm taking his late patrol tomorrow."

Lee moved into the room. "Why the switch?"

"Why not?" Kara used her feet to push the chair across from her out. "Join me in my fun, dear CAG of mine."

Lee knew he should probably start the lecturing now, but for some reason, his body didn't comply. Instead of scolding her, he pushed his jacket off his shoulders and took the seat she offered. When she pushed a glass his way, he didn't refuse that either.

"How was Cloud Nine?" Kara asked. "You've been going over there an awful lot lately."

"I think I've earned the downtime," Lee said. He wished he could say the thought of Kara knowing he had been frequenting a prostitute didn't make nervous. He never should have resorted to that kind of thing, but he had figured it would be a lot less messy than if he had taken someone from Galactica to his bed. It was times like these that he wished he could be a stronger man.

Kara's eyebrow shot up as she peered over her glass of alcohol. "Something keep you coming back for more?"

Lee narrowed his eyes. She definitely knew about Shevon, though he wasn't really sure what she intended to do with that little piece of information.

When it was apparent he wasn't going to answer her question, Kara focused on pouring another drink for herself. Lee watched her quickly down the whole glass and then start on another. "Is this about BB?" he asked, motioning to the bottle and glass.

"You would like it to be about BB, wouldn't you?" Kara said. Her voice surprised him. He hadn't expected it to be so cold. Then again, as of late, most of their interactions had been cold. It was just easier that way.

Kara continued, "Things would be a lot simpler if I was getting drunk because all my friends are dying around me. You could just shove me into your perfect little mold and walk away."

Lee rolled his eyes. This had been a mistake. He went to stand up and leave, but Kara's hand came up to grab his arm. "No, don't." She waited until he relaxed and sat back down before refilling their glasses. "I don't even remember their names anymore. All these pilots I learned to fly with, the ones I taught to fly, I can't remember their faces and I can't remember their names."

"No one expects you to," Lee insisted.

"Why? Because I was a nugget once. Frak, Lee! Not one person classifies me with Kat or Hot Dog. I'm some godlike creature that swooped in from above to take the Fleet by storm. I'm an ex-pyramid player who got the CAG to give her private flying lessons. I got by-the-book Lee Adama to leave his responsibilities behind, and then when I return him to the Fleet, he's broken. I'm a fraking legend."

Lee didn't know what to say to that so he just poured them both a drink. "I can help with the names," he said after a few minutes.

"Huh?"

"I have stared at the names of pilots on flight schedules for hours on end. I won't forget the names. First, there was Flattop-" Kara spit some beer at him, and it hit him squarely on the leg. He fought the urge to yell and looked back up at her. "-who bought it on his thousandth landing. He was the reason you become a pilot. Then there was Chuckles."

Kara spit another stream of bear at him. This time it hit his chest, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Stop it already," Lee hissed, rubbing the wet spot. "Please, it's not funny." Kara took a quick sip, and Lee reached out to clamp a hand over her mouth before she could do more damage. "All right! It's not funny."

After quickly swallowing, Kara nibbled at the back of his fingers until he moved his hand away. She noticed that he didn't move to lean back into his chair again, but she chose not to dwell on that. It felt too nice to have him close. If she said something, he would definitely move away. "It _is_ funny, Lee."

"No, it's not," he insisted, meeting her smile with one of his own.

"The President says that we're saving humanity for a bright, shiny future on Earth that you and I are never going to see, Lee." Kara could see his forehead begin to wrinkle in concern. "We're not. We go out over and over again. It's our job. It's our job to fight day in and day out until one day, one goddamn lucky day, some metal mother fraker is going to catch us and something's going to go wrong. Some little thing is going to be weighing on our mind and we're going to be distracted and-" Kara mouthed 'boom' before smiling with a shrug of the shoulders. "Blown away into oblivion."

Lee watched her for a moment before chuckling. "Bright, shiny futures are overrated, Kara."

"That's what I say." She reached across the table to grab the bottle and took a long drink. "That is why we have to get what we can right now."

Lee stole the bottle from her hands. "I'll drink to that. To right now." He lifted the bottle up to his lips and tried not to focus on the way Kara was intently watching him.

Kara's eyes roamed his face, finally settling on the small red line across his neck. Lee had been attacked while on his mission to investigate the Fleet's black market. He hadn't admitted anything happened, but Kara had been watching him too closely not to notice. For ten days now, ever since his return, he had been wearing either his dress blues or one of those combat jackets with the collar pushed up. The reason why was right in front of her face.

"Kara?"

His voice jolted her. He was staring at her with that damn worried look of his, and she suddenly felt the weight of her words. The world was at its end, and there was only so much happiness to be felt. "Why don't we, Lee?"

"Why don't we what?" he asked, afraid of the answer. She had a look in her eye he hadn't seen in months.

Kara wrapped her fist in his tanks and pulled him across the few inches still between them. Lee knew that he should fight her as she started doing things with her lips that he could have sworn he had only dreamed. It hadn't actually been like this before, had it?

Before he got the courage to push her off, they were out of their chairs, and he had her pressed onto the table. The bottle of alcohol clattered to the floor along with the two glasses. "Thanks gods for Colonial glass," Kara said against his lips as nothing broke upon impact with the floor.

Lee merely growled and ground his body hard into hers. He heard her groan as she felt him stiff against her. This was what he had been waiting for. Kara had made the first move. When this was over, she could only blame herself if blame was what she wanted.

Lee felt Kara's hands reach down to unbutton his pants, and his eyes went to the hatch door. He could have sworn there was a shift change coming up. Kara kicked off her boots, and he couldn't help but do the same. He pulled her to him again and spun their bodies to push her up against the wall. Kara winced upon impact, but Lee ignored it. Their lips met in another rough kiss.

Kara felt her face begin to burn against the stubble on Lee's chin. Obviously he hadn't expected to be doing this tonight. Her hands slipped into his loosened pants, and she let out a moan to match his as her hand wrapped around him. "Bunkroom?" he choked out.

"No time. Here."

"We can't," Lee said, his gaze shifting to the hatch again.

Kara sped up her strokes. "Lock it. Unless you can't tear yourself away from me?"

Lee took a deep breath before pulling her hand away from him. He stalked over to the hatch, stopping only to pick up an unused chair to jam underneath the handle to the hatch. A small turn of the round handle gave a satisfying thump. No one was getting in here until they said so.

"Aren't you going to come back?"

Kara's voice made him jump. He hadn't even realized he was still staring at the closed hatch. A ball of fear was starting to form in his stomach. He was fraking scared to death that whatever was about to happen would ruin everything. Kara hadn't made a choice yet. She hadn't told him it was him.

"Lee?"

It was the small pleading sound of her voice that made him turn. She was leaning against the wall right where he left her. She looked exactly the same, palms spread against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. The desire was still in her eyes. He was across the room before she could blink.

His hands wrenched her pants over her hips. As she was stepping out of them, he pulled his own tanks over his head and threw them to the side. His lips were on her neck immediately, and she could feel her knees go weak as his teasing turned to small nibbles and then one painfully pleasant bite.

She felt his fingertips inch her tanks up, and Kara decided it was time to get into the driver's seat. She pushed him away in order to unzip her sweatshirt and then rip her tanks over her head. Lee watched her with the same predatory look he had been given her since she first leaned in to kiss him. There was an irony to that move considering Kara had on the same damn Buccaneers jacket she had been wearing since Caprica. That thought quickly left Lee's mind as he realized she hadn't taken the time to put on a bra. His eyes went dark as he took in her bare skin.

Kara gasped as Lee finally reacted, picking her up off the ground and carrying her over to one of the tables. His dog tags teased across the naked skin of her chest, feather light kisses of metal on flesh. Her mind flashed back to the last time they had done this. It was a small shower stall in her Delphi apartment, and their dog tags had found the rhythm between them before their bodies did.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed her back onto the table. She could feel how much he wanted her even through the heavy material of his cargos. Their lips crashed together violently as Kara did her best to hold on. She was crazy for doing this, but at the moment, she needed him. She needed Lee.

She hated the fact that his visits with that whore on Cloud Nine had been common knowledge to everyone but her. She hated that he was hurting so much that he had to stoop that low. Then again, she could understand. She hadn't been doing that much better. The past few weeks she had taken to picking out a specific man at the triad tables. She would remember all the manipulative tricks she had learned off her mother when she was younger, and before long, she would have the crewman or marine in an empty room, fraking her brains out.

Every time she came to the same conclusion. It didn't help. The faceless man could never be Lee. He could never make her truly forget.

The passion and rage currently rumbling between them told Kara that in the end, if it was what Lee wanted, she could figure out a way to forgive him for going elsewhere for comfort. She knew he would forgive her. A man wouldn't be looking at her the way he currently was if he still refused to forgive her.

His tongue teased around one of her nipples, already hard from the cold air of the break room, while his hand roughly kneaded with her other breast. All thoughts of fraking to feel flew out of her head. Kara bit down hard on her lip as they unconsciously ground their hips together. Lee's body felt foreign against hers. It had been so fraking long.

His tongue teased around one of her nipples, already hard from the cold air of the break room, while his hand roughly kneaded with her other breast. She bit down hard on her lip as they unconsciously ground their hips together. Lee's body felt foreign against hers. It had been so fraking long.

Lee's hand disappeared from her breast, and she was about to protest when she felt him push aside her panties to thrust a finger deep inside. It was so unexpected that she had to fight to keep from coming right on the spot. Instead, she shamelessly ground her body against his fingers.

"I want you so fraking much," Lee growled into her ear. "Every fraking second of every fraking day, all I think about is this."

Kara shivered, and Lee took it as an invitation. His hands ripped the last piece of clothing off her body, and he dropped down to his knees on the cold metal grating. She could feel him spread her legs wide before moving in to tease her with his lips. For a brief moment, she wondered where this aggressiveness had come from. Then, his tongue darted out to taste her and she forgot to how to think.

His hands pushed her legs even farther apart as his mouth continued to work her into a frenzy. She was suddenly glad that the hatch was locked as she couldn't help but let out a small whimper. That quickly turned into an all-out moan as he worked a finger inside her slowly.

A heat came over her, and she could feel her hands move to hold his head in place. She would die if he left her like this. "Oh gods," she panted. Lee pushed another finger inside of her, and she could feel them curling to touch just the right place. It was rough and quick, and it should have hurt, but she couldn't see past the bright red haze that was crowding her vision.

Her back came up off the table as the tension increased. Her body bucked against Lee's touch, and as her climax took over, she gripped his shoulders tightly. She screamed his name as he kept adding pressure and then taking it away so her orgasm never seemed to bottom out. Every nerve ending in her whole body was screaming out, and it was so good that it hurt.

When the tides inside herself finally did calm, Kara felt something wet beneath her fingers. She looked down to see her nails had claw jagged lines along both Lee's shoulders. "Oh frak," she managed to whisper. She was surprised she even had a voice left to speak.

Lee brushed her hands away as she went to rub the already swelling skin. "We're not done."

His firm tone made her pull her hands away. There was something about what they were doing that scared her even if she couldn't admit it. Kara could feel that fear wrapped up in his voice as he looked at her. She suddenly felt like a helpless prey, just sitting back and waiting for the predator to devour her.

Lee stared at her a moment before growling, "Remind me how it feels to be inside of you."

Kara bit back the fear and reached out to finish what she had started before. Ripping the fly to his pants open, she shoved every piece of clothing she could get her hands on down to the ground. Then, smiling, she laid herself back down onto the table and spread her legs, invitingly. It was brazen even for her, and they both knew that it was the alcohol doing the talking here.

Lee pressed his body down onto hers and without warning, entered her. She tightened around him instantly as he began to make deep, rhythmic strokes to the fast pace being kept by his heart. His vision blurred as all he could think about was having her. He had to possess her now.

"Slow down," Kara moaned as he continued to push himself deep inside of her.

"No," Lee growled, pushing into her even harder. That earned him a rough curse from the woman under him, but her legs tightened around his waist as she urged him on. His mouth latched onto her breast with a deep-seeded hunger. It wasn't enough. He wanted more. There was this desire to dominate her. He wanted to show this woman who had been playing such rough games with his heart that he could frak with her, too.

Kara felt Lee's arms come up behind his waist to unhook her legs. He withdrew himself from her body when he pushed himself off the table, and Kara wondered if she had missed something. Her body was right on the edge, and she knew he was, too. She was pretty sure she had done nothing wrong. "Lee?"

He pulled her up off the table only to turn her around and push her back down. She had barely a moment to clutch the end of the table as he entered her from behind. The pace was fast, almost like he was afraid she would stop him if he gave her a moment to breathe. She wasn't surprised to feel herself coming almost immediately. The angle he had on her body was perfect.

When her climax finally subsided, Lee was still pushing against her. His hands were on her waist, and she could feel the pressure of his fingers beginning to bruise her already. His movements were turning violent, and she tilted her body down to start meeting his thrusts. There was something primal between them that hadn't been there before, and Kara didn't want to let go.

Lee reached his hand down to massage her as he continued to drive into her. Her body was shaking beneath him, and for a brief second, he wished he could see her face. Then she was tightening around him again and he let himself release inside of her.

Their bodies both gave out as their climaxes faded, and together they slid to the floor.

It didn't take long for the feelings of guilt to overtake any sort of satisfaction Lee felt at possessing such a strong woman like Kara. He couldn't even look her in the eye as he got up to get their clothes. He handed her the tanks and pants he had ripped off of her body minutes earlier, and they dressed in silence.

Kara sat down on the table and watched Lee getting dressed. She could already feel the ache between her legs and knew she would be hung over and hurting in the morning. The part that scared her about that was knowing in her mind all that pain would be worth it. It didn't matter what the consequences were. She had just let Lee have complete control over her. He had dominated her. He had possessed her. _She had liked it._ The words were whispered before she could think better. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

Lee froze and looked over at her. She was staring at him wide-eyed. Her hair was a mess, and there were already bruises forming on her neck and arms. She looked used. He had used her. Not once had he said her name during that whole encounter. He hadn't even kissed her after those first few violent exchanges. It was no wonder she looked so lost.

He had told her a long time ago that she could trust him, and he had used that trust to crush her. He had used her theory about the temporary lives they lived in order to get himself laid. She was still trying to figure things out after the sudden reappearance of the man she loved, and he had turned that confusion into what he wanted.

He felt like a monster.

Kara was about to tell him how stupid she was being by keeping him at arm's length when all she wanted to do was be with him every second of every day. They were living on the edge. There weren't many days left. She shouldn't be putting her happiness on hold.

She was going to say all those things, but one look at his face held her back.

"I…" Lee choked on the apology. Nothing he could say would fix what he had done. Not knowing what else to do, Lee picked her sweatshirt up off the ground, handed it to her, and went over to open the hatch. He forced himself not to look back. He had caused her enough pain for the day.

Kara called out to Lee as he ripped open the hatch, but he either didn't hear her or chose not to respond. She had seen the look of disgust in his eyes, and it made her want to cry. She wasn't completely stupid. She knew he was using her body as a way to get release.

Then again, a little voice in her heart had told her that after it was over, he wouldn't leave. He would explain to her that he wanted her and wasn't going to let that go even if she was head over heels in love with Anders. She wanted the dominant side of Lee to say he was taking her and damn the consequences because he didn't care.

Instead, he walked away, leaving her alone on this table with no booze to comfort her.

Kara let the pounding in her head match the pounding in her heart as she stood up and made her way out of the break room. All she wanted was to go to the head and wash this feeling off her skin. It wasn't that she felt dirty. It was the knowledge she would let Lee do it all over again in a second that made her want to claw at her skin until the feeling went away.

He had been right to think her disgusting.


	44. Chapter 44

Kara straightened her shirt as she waited to board the Raptor shuttles down to Cloud Nine. She still couldn't believe that Lee had worked out this system to give them some temporary passes to the luxury liner. It had been forever since she felt that annoyingly fake sun on her skin.

She looked around the hangar bay to see the pilots and crew joking around with one another. It was amazing what a night of free time could do for morale. If Kara was a selfish kind of person, she would be pointing out to each one of them that they had her to thank for this. After all, she was the one who mentioned to Lee that everyone seemed to be getting uptight. She was the one who pointed out with the addition of the pilots from Pegasus, they finally had enough people to get into a regular rotation for the CAP and alert fighter assignments.

Kara smiled at the thought of Lee. She woke up this morning, and it was like she could feel the damage between them slowly start to repair. Whatever had happened between them that day in the break room had given them the answers they were looking for. Even though they hadn't really spoke of what happened, she couldn't be more happy.

They had gone back to their normal laughing, joking selves, and Kara couldn't help but think it would only be a matter of time. Soon she'd be able to tell Lee that she had made her choice. She had always meant to choose him. It had just taken her some time to understand that.

Somebody came up beside her and started speaking. It took Kara a moment to realize they were talking to her. So many people had approached her since she single-handedly took out Scar that she was actually getting tired of being labeled Galactica's top gun. It was almost refreshing when the rather green looking deckhand started talking about how he saw her in a pyramid game on Geminon. Kara fought the urge to laugh with delight. It looked like there were still people on this ship who still hadn't adjusted to having the great Kara Thrace, pyramid player extraordinaire, as a part of their team.

The deckhand was mumbling something about finally getting the courage to show her this when Kara's eyes caught on the two people crossing the hangar bay and stepping onto one of the shuttles. She saw Lee first. She felt her stomach knot at the sight of him in civilian clothes. It was strange. Even though she had never thought about meeting him outside of this crazy, fraked-up situation they were in, she knew that with the way he was dressed, he would be the kind of guy she would be attracted to if she had ever randomly met him in a bar. Even without the pilot uniform, she would have wanted him.

A paper was thrust into Kara's hands by the deckhand, but she ignored it as her eyes caught on the woman. Lee had his hand securely on Dee's back, leading her along. They were definitely together. Kara could feel the jealousy flare up, and it mingled with the pain she felt in her head.

"Starbuck?"

Kara snapped out of her internal jealous rage to look at the deckhand. "I'm sorry. What did you want?"

"I would love if you could sign that."

Kara looked down at the paper in her hand and realized it was a picture. More than that, it was the fraking cover shot from _Caprican Life_ from a few months before the attacks. The reporter had been doing a story on the Bucks during their game against their biggest rivals, the Picon Panthers. Those in attendance that night got to see Kara and Anders execute a perfect pass run to score the winning goal. Those who didn't get to see the game in person got to witness the aftermath of excitement when they got their issue of this magazine.

The cameraman had caught Kara and Anders just as he was lifting her up of the ground. Her hands were pumping up in the air in victory, and she was smiling down at him. Kara could remember the way it had felt like it was yesterday. Those were the moments in which she loved Anders the most.

She took the pen the deckhand was offering her and signed her name to the bottom of the paper with a flourish. It felt familiar, doing this. Kara's eyes darted to the Raptor holding Lee and his girlfriend one last time before she looked up at the enthusiastic fan in front of her. "What's your name, Specialist?"

"James Merprog, but everyone always calls me Jammer."

"Well, I tell you what, Jammer. You save that picture, and I guarantee within the next few months I'll get Samuel Anders to sign it for you, too."

Jammer's mouth dropped open. "No way! I didn't even know he made it through the attacks."

"He did," Kara said. "And I'm going to make sure he's back in this Fleet if it's the last thing I do." She gave Jammer a quick nod, and after straightening her clothes, made her way to the nearest Raptor. This was her downtime. She was not going to let Lee Adama ruin it by messing with her head. She had a man who loved her unconditionally out there, waiting for her to save him. She couldn't let herself lose focus anymore.

* * *

Kara was on her third glass of ambrosia at the seedy little bar. She hadn't even known Cloud Nine had seedy bars until she found herself wandering through a part of the ship she had never seen before. Her thoughts had been wrapped up in Lee. She had actually believed she would get to spend some time with him on this ship, and maybe they could even figure out what they had missed the night of Colonial Day when they left the party to return to Galactica early. "Stupid girl," Kara muttered to herself. "You forgot about his damn girlfriend."

She had been teasing him from the start about how much Dee seemed to worry and care for him. It looked like Lee had finally noticed. Before she could stop it, an image of Lee showing _Dee _exactly what he and Kara had missed that night popped into her head. Biting her lip, she lifted her hand to motion the bartender over but realized he was already on his way. "I want another," she called as he got close.

"That's going to have to wait if you're Lieutenant Thrace."

"I am. What's it to you?"

The bartender helped up the phone receiver she hadn't even noticed was in his hand. "There's a phone call for you. It sounded pretty fraking important."

Kara took the receiver and motioned to her glass. "I still want that drink." She waited until the bartender had nodded and walked away before lifting the phone to her ear. "Thrace here."

"Lieutenant, this is Galactica Actual."

Kara straightened up immediately. If Adama was referring to himself as Actual, that meant he was in the CIC. This was important. "Sir, what's going on?"

"There's a hostage situation in the Starlight Lounge."

Kara's eyes went wide. "Sir, is it wise to be telling me this over the phone?"

"There's no other option. We need someone to run the mission to fix the mess that's been made."

"Why me, sir? Aren't there other people who would be better suited for this?"

"You're the only person available right now. Can I count on you, Lieutenant?"

"Absolutely sir. Just point me in the right direction."

"We have half a Marine squad on r & r right now. They're going to meet up with you in the conference room of the main hotel. Keep this quiet, Starbuck. We don't want them to know we're coming."

"Any word on who's behind the situation?"

"Her name's Sesha Abinell. We believe her to be a member of the 'Demand Peace' movement. The Marines will have more information for you." The phone went quiet for a minute until there was a small click. Kara was thrown off as she realized he had switched to the handset. This next part was going to be private. "Starbuck, I need you to tell me you're all right."

"I'm fine, sir."

"Your head needs to be clear on this one. I won't accept any mistakes."

The bartender set the drink she ordered in front of her, and Kara sighed. It would be forever until she was able to have ambrosia this good again. "You can trust me, Admiral. My head's on straight."

"Good."

Kara was about to hand the phone away when something occurred to her. "Actual?"

"I'm still here, Starbuck."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you hunt me down instead of Apollo? I think he would be better suited for this operation."

Adama sighed on the other end of the line. "He's already there."

Kara breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the gods. Between the two of us, we'll end this thing fast."

"You misunderstood me, Lieutenant. He's in the Starlight Lounge. He was there when the terrorists took control."

Things suddenly started to make sense for her. No wonder the Admiral was demanding perfection out of her. His eldest son's life was in the hands of a renegade pilot who had been drinking her troubles away for the better part of an hour. "I will not let you down, Admiral," Kara said before setting the phone onto the bar. She slapped a handful of cubits beside it and gave the bartender a quick nod before leaving.

It took Kara a solid ten minutes to get away from this seedy part of the Cloud Nine that had suited her needs only minutes earlier. She did her best to keep from running when, really, that was all she wanted to do. The idea of Lee laying on the ground with his hands behind his head while a bunch of fraking idiots pointed guns they didn't know how to use did not sit well with her.

The front desk clerk of the hotel stopped her as soon as she set foot into the building. She took the walkie he offered her and was comforted to hear Gaeta immediately start relaying everything Galactica knew about the situation.

She shuffled through the front halls and breathed a sigh of relief as she saw it was Burrell waiting for her inside the conference room. She wouldn't have wanted to see any other face leading this charge. "Good to see you, Gunny. I'm going to need some of those gorillas you call Marines."

"Most of my gorillas are already here, sir, just trying to cop a little r & r."

"Tell me about," Kara growled, thinking about how nice the prospect of drowning her sorrows in ambrosia bought by horny, drunk old men sounded. Then again, keeping Lee Adama alive sounded a lot better. "Here's what we know. We got an unknown number of shooters with at least twenty hostages and about a ninety minute window before they start throwing out bodies."

"You got a plan, sir?" Gunny asked.

Kara gave him a smile, the one she had been famous for on the pyramid pitch. "Lock and load, boys. I'll figure out the rest as we go along."

It only took them ten minutes and one call from Sesha Abinell for Kara to realize that Lee was helping them from the inside. He was giving her an opening, and she was going to take it. She called Galactica and told them as much.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the atmosphere in there. Someone screwed with one of the CO2 censors in the bar."

"It could be a glitch," Adama pointed out.

"It isn't, sir."

"You think that it's Lee."

Kara looked around at the handful of Marines she had. "I think he's giving us an opening, sir. If I can get someone inside, we'll have a clear idea of what we're dealing with and we can end this."

She could hear Adama hesitate, but in the end, he had no choice. "Kara, this is a recon mission. Get someone to volunteer. Then you assess the situation and get the hell out of there. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Starbuck said. She handed the walkie to the nearest Marine and turned to look at the man in overalls who had entered in the middle of the conversation. "Who the frak are you?"

"I'm here to repair the O2 line."

Kara regarded him for a moment before reaching out to grab his hat. Gunny stepped up beside her. "Starbuck, what are you doing?"

"Volunteering," she said, rolling her eyes. "You didn't think I was going to let one of you goons turn my op into a hack job."

It only took another ten minutes to strip the repair guy down to his boxers and have him teach Kara everything he knew about fixing gas lines. The Marines used the time to rig up a hiding spot for a few guns in case she needed them.

"Are you sure you can do this, Lieutenant?" Gunny asked as Kara squared herself in front of the comms to the Starlight Lounge.

Kara immediately thought of Lee. Even if he didn't know she was on Cloud Nine, he was still counting on her to fix this mess. She wasn't about to let him down. "I know what I have to do, Gunny."

"All right. We'll be right out here. If there's trouble, you just make your way to the door. We'll throw down cover fire. The fallout will be dealt with later."

Kara gave Gunny a determined look. "It won't come to that." She buzzed the comm and waited for the doors to open.

A burly man ushered her into the room, and an attractive woman with a gun demanded Kara be searched. That pinpointed her as Sesha Abinell. She wasn't what Kara would have imagined. "You might not want to do this right now. You're running out of air in here."

The man finished patting her down. Kara tried to ignore the special attention he paid to her back side. "Do your job," Sesha growled as Kara started walking towards the censors. "Cover her."

Kara was almost to the sensors and had gotten an effective count of all the hostiles when she heard Ellen Tigh gasp. She had been concentrating so hard on not checking to see if Lee was all right that she had forgotten there would be other people in the room who knew her. Kara's eyes met Ellen's for only a fraction of a second before she ducked her head and kept moving.

"Wait a minute," one of the men with guns said. "Turn around slowly, girl." Kara threw her box down on the nearest table. "Someone check that box again."

Kara tried to center herself, taking a few deep breaths, before she flipped the false top of the tool box down and took out her guns. She wished there were another way. The room erupted into gunfire. The Marines were true to her word and were inside the lounge, covering her ass, almost immediately.

She was aiming at Sesha, intending to take out the obvious brains of the operation, when her whole world exploded. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lee rise. She didn't even have time to yell at him to stay down before her shot hit home. Her eyes went wide as she saw Lee's brow furrow. He was looking right at her as he crumpled to the ground.

The sound of gunshots faded out around the two of them as they both stared at each other in shock. Kara could see Lee trying to mouth something to her, but she couldn't focus for long enough to figure out what that was.

The next thing she knew Gunny had his arms around her and was yanking her to her feet. "We need to get out of here , Lieutenant," he yelled in her ear.

She was too disorientated to do anything other than nod. Gunny took a shot to the knee as they were at the door, and her instincts kicked in long enough to pull both of them out of the lounge before the hatch slammed shut.

"Get the Admiral on the phone," Gunny yelled. He turned to look at Kara. "Are you okay, Starbuck?"

Kara looked up at him from the floor, and her eyes finally focused. She had shot Lee. She had shot Lee and then left him behind. Jumping to her feet, she flung her shoulder into the control pad for the hatch and started banging.

"Lieutenant, the hatch is locked from the inside. You can't open it without their consent," Gunny yelled.

Kara turned to look at him, fear wild in her eyes. "I have to get back in there, Gunny. I can't leave him behind."

"Who?"

"The Old Man's son!" Kara yelled, kicking the hatch hard. "He needs medical attention." She turned back and started banging with all her might. The door had to give way eventually. She could feel the metal already beginning to cut her hands.

"Starbuck, you have to stop," Gunny screamed.

"Frak off!" she growled, switching to kicking the solid piece of metal again. "I have to get back in there. I have to save him!"

Gunny grabbed her from behind and forcefully dragged her back. He was rewarded with a violent head bunt, and she was back to pounding on the hatch. His hand came up to push the blood from his split lip, and he decided trying to get in Starbuck's way had been a horrible idea.

Kara kept kicking and punching at the door until the voice of the Admiral rang in her ear. She turned to see one of the Marines holding out the walkie to her. She held it up to her ear.

"What is going on down there, Starbuck?"

Her eyes stayed glued to the hatch as the memory of what she had done played over and over in her head. She had shot Lee. She had shot Lee, and he was going to die without knowing she loved him. She could hear Adama yelling her name, but she couldn't respond.

The walkie clattered to the floor a few seconds before Kara's body crumpled to join it.


	45. Chapter 45

The only sound between the two women was the steady bleeping of the heart monitor. It was also the reason why both of them were there. Lee still hadn't woken up after twelve hours. He had gone through a three hour surgery to remove the bullet without causing damage to the nerves in his shoulder, and Doc Cottle still wasn't sure if it would ever heal enough to get Apollo back into the cockpit.

Kara leaned against the end of the bed and watched as Dee rubbed her thumb across Lee's hand. She had been clutching it since the second Lee got out of surgery. Her hair was pulled back, and all traces of the make-up she had worn for her date were gone. It was the by-product of rushing through the bunkroom to wash off all traces of the hostage situation in order to get back down to the sickbay. Kara had done the exact same thing, although she had no make-up to wash off really. She had never been a make-up kind of girl.

"I don't understand why you're here."

Kara stood up straight. These were the first words Dee had said to her for the whole twelve hours they had been standing watch. "Excuse me?"

Dee turned her body enough to meet Kara's eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Why are _you_ here?" Kara shot back.

"I'm his girlfriend."

"I'm his wingman."

Dee paused to take a breath before narrowing her eyes. "Haven't you hurt him enough, Kara? You're the whole reason he's in this hospital bed."

Kara looked down at the ground as she tried to get her anger in check. Dee was being a total bitch, but she was right. Kara _was_ the one who shot Lee.

Then again, Lee wouldn't have been in the Starlight Lounge if it hadn't been for Dee. Instead, he would have been sitting next to Kara in that seedy bar, keeping the dirty old men from hitting on her, kind of like the first time they met.

Kara knew she should just leave and let Dee be the one in the room when he woke up. It would probably be better for everyone that way. Yet a little voice in the back of her head kept screaming there were things she had to say to Lee now that she had been given the chance and gods damnit, she was going to say them even if it meant taking this verbal abuse.

"I know I've hurt him, Dee," Kara said quietly. "I just want a chance to make that right."

"He's not going to accept your apology."

Hearing the shaky tone in Dee's voice, Kara turned to look at her. "You sound afraid, Petty Officer."

"What do I have to be afraid of?"

Kara couldn't hold back the smile. She was trying to be good here, but not even she could pass this up. "You're afraid if I apologize, he's going to forgive me. You're afraid of what that will do to your relationship. You're afraid that even after all the crap I put him through, he'll still choose me in the end."

"You had me pegged right up until the end there," Dee said calmly. "He's not going to choose you in the end because you are not an option, Starbuck. A real woman would admit she was in love with someone else. She would cut the ties she had and just live her own life."

Kara thought that over for a moment, and the conclusion she came to absolutely floored her. "Is that what Lee thinks?"

"He knows you're in love with Anders. He's heard you talking about it enough."

Kara bit her lip. She wasn't going to let Dee be the first person to which she said she loved Lee.

"It's sad really," Dee said, turning to brush her fingers across Lee's cheek. "He cared for you so much."

"I know that," Kara whispered. "We… were close before going to Caprica."

"You are absolutely blind if you think the way he felt about you ended when you went to Caprica." Dee looked over her shoulder. "It didn't."

"You're wrong. We've been barely civil to each other since that day." Kara's mind went back to that brief, intense encounter in the break room, and she had to fight the urge to blush. They were anything but civil. "Lee doesn't think about me in the same way anymore."

Dee let go of Lee's hands and stood up to stand face to face with Kara. "Do you know what his last words were when the Blackbird got shot?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was on comms when your mission went down. I was the one frantically trying to get a lock on his ejected flight seat all while he refused to respond. I never told anyone this, but his comms were active. I was yelling at him to respond, but he _chose_ not to."

Kara shook her head in disbelief. "No way. If Lee knew you could hear him, he would have said something."

"He did say something." Dee paused to give her point meaning. "He said something to _you_, Kara."

"Me?"

"His last words were to tell you he loved you and that he was sorry. Gods know why he thought that was the most important thing at the time, but he did." Dee sighed. "But you need to understand that now-"

Dee's voice cut off as a soft groan filled the room. Both she and Kara turned in time to see Lee stir out of his slumber. His eyes slowly inched open, and he stared at both of them for a moment before smiling. His eyes began to shut again as he lost consciousness, but not before he had time to whisper, "Kara."

Kara had to dig her nails into the flesh of her palm to keep the tears at bay. She turned to look at Dee and saw the young CIC officer also struggling not to cry. It was for a completely different reason, though. Lee had woken up, took one look at the two women in front of him, and chose Kara. He chose the woman who had shot him and not the woman who had spent hours trying to help him hang on to life. He chose the woman that broke his heart and not the one that wanted to repair it.

Kara was tired of it. She was tired of hurting Lee. She was tired of being the one that ruined his chances at happiness. She was tired of wanting him as much as he wanted her but always having life get in the way.

"I'm going to leave," Kara whispered.

Dee pulled her eyes away from Lee. "What?"

"I'm going to leave. He should wake up to find you here." Kara smiled at her bravely. "You're the one he needs to see, not me."

Kara knew Dee was still gaping at her as she walked out of sickbay, but she wasn't about to turn around. If she turned around, she would never leave Lee's side. That was something he did not need right now. Staying with him would only give her another opportunity to get him killed.

* * *

There was a gentle pressure on his hand when Lee finally woke up. He smiled at the memory of waking up and seeing Kara at his bedside. It was a good thing she was close. He had a lot of things he wanted to say to her.

"Hey," he whispered, turning to look at the woman holding his hand. To his credit, he didn't flinch when he realized it wasn't Kara. Lee knew it was partially due to the pain killers they probably had him on, but he barely even raised an eyebrow to see Dee smiling back at him.

"How are you doing?"

"Good," Lee said. He started to look around the room. He was so fraking confused. He could have sworn Kara was here.

"Lee, you need to settle down," Dee said gently. He was getting frantic. "Tell me what you need and I'll get it for you."

For a brief second, Lee debated telling her he needed Kara. Not even he was that cruel, though. "I want to see my father," he whispered, his voice horse from lack of use. "And Zak. I want to see my father and my brother."

Dee nodded and pushed her chair away from his bed. "I'll go let them know you're awake." She leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead before disappearing behind the curtain partitioning off his bed.

Lee was left staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the frak had gone on. The last thing he remembered was trying to help keep the rest of the hostages out of harm's way. Then there had been a shooting pain in his right shoulder. Lee shifted that part of his body and realized that part of his memory wasn't wrong.

Okay, he had been hit. He felt the pain. He saw the blood. Then he looked up to see the barrel of a gun and…

"Oh gods," Lee whispered.

It had been Kara. Kara was the one who shot him.

Lee reached down to rip the IV out of his arm and tried to get out of the bed. His knees immediately gave out, and he practically knocked everything off the table at his bedside, trying to stay upright.

"Captain, you have to stay in bed!"

Lee looked up to see Layne Ishay, the medic who had supposedly saved his father's life when Adama had been shot by the Cylon amongst them, running toward him. Her hands were around his waist, helping him back onto the bed within seconds. "I have to find her."

"Petty Officer Dualla is coming right back, sir," Ishay reassured him. "She just went to tell your family that you're all right."

Lee didn't bother to correct the medic. Letting her assume he had been talking about Dee was probably better on multiple counts. He knew how it looked. He had been shot on what appeared to be a date with his girlfriend. No one knew that it was as far from a date as one could come. He was just trying to let Dee down gently. Shevon's words had hit home. He wanted Kara, and he was going to start fighting for her.

Lee decided he was just going to have to wait until his body healed enough to stand its own weight. Then he would track Kara down. She needed him to help her realize this wasn't her fault and she shouldn't feel guilty. He knew she was probably driving herself crazy with guilt and regret.

"Rest, Captain. I'll wake you up when Dee and your family get here."

Lee almost asked Ishay to include Kara Thrace on that list, but he was feeling a little too tired to even form words. They must have given him some _really_ good pain killers.


	46. Chapter 46

One week later, Lee was being discharged from sickbay and he still had not seen one inch of Kara. Every morning he woke up thinking this was the day she would find time to see how he was doing. Every night he had to hide his disappointment when she still had not come. He was so fraking frustrated with himself right now.

Then again, it wasn't like there was nothing else to keep him occupied. Dee spent every second of her time off shift at his side. Lee figured she was probably just scared that he would give up his will to live again. Her worries weren't completely unfounded.

Honestly, the only thing really keeping him going right now was the fact that Kara didn't hate him after what he did to her in that break room. He had been too ashamed to even look at her the next day, but she just marched right up to his table in the mess and sat down across from him. She asked him if his hangover was kicking his ass like hers was, and the rest was history. They shifted right back to the way they were before Caprica.

He thought their friendship was repairing itself. She hadn't stopped by sickbay to see him, though, so maybe he was wrong.

His father and Zak were down here almost as much as Dee was, and their conversations helped keep his focus off Kara. William Adama kept him up to speed on how his pilots were faring, and Zak kept him up to speed on who his pilots were fraking. It was a good combination, and Lee didn't feel that out of the loop, being chained to a bed in sickbay.

Layne Ishay walked into his room and smiled. "Happy to be getting out of here, sir?"

Lee smirked and finished buttoning up his pants. She had caught him in the middle of changing out of that ridiculously small hospital gown. "You have no idea. I'm actually looking forward to sleeping in that little hole they call a bunk."

Ishay smiled. "Maybe you have the flu and it's making you delirious."

Lee swatted away her hand as she went to feel his forehead. "You are not keeping me here, you evil woman!"

"Understood, Captain," Ishay said, giving him a mock salute with her free hand.

Lee's eyes immediately fell to the piece of clothing Ishay was clutching in her other hand. "What's that?"

"This was left for you the other day," she said, holding it out for him. "Before you ask, I don't know by whom. I figure it was just one of your pilots. They seem rather charmed by their CAG, and I guess they wanted you to be comfortable, though gods know why they waited until you were leaving to bring this."

Lee unfolded the dark gray material, and his heart froze. This was his sweatshirt from Atlantia. He had lost it over five months earlier. "You said someone brought this?"

Ishay nodded. "It was just waiting on that chair by your bed. I figured someone came to give it to you and just left it when they found you sleeping."

Lee fingered the material and held it up to his face. He couldn't believe someone had found this and actually had the decency to return it to him. His brow furrowed as his nose caught a familiar scent.

"Is something wrong?" Ishay asked, catching the shift in Lee.

He shook his head. "No. I just thought… it's stupid. Never mind."

Ishay gave him a small nod, picking his chart up off the end of his bed. "I'll let you finish changing into the clothes your brother brought you and then someone just needs to come to pick you up and you'll be free to go."

Lee waited to lean back in the bed until the curtain was shut. His hands came up to rub his face. He had to be fraking losing it to think he smelled Kara on this sweatshirt. It had been missing for too fraking long to still hold the memory of her scent.

"Up and at 'em, big brother," Zak said, pushing back the curtain.

Seeing a few of the female sickbay workers turn their way, Lee quickly grabbed his tanks from off the table and pulled them on. He did not feel like being ogled right now. "Don't you fraking knock?"

"It's a curtain. Knocking is a little hard to do."

"What do you want, Zak?"

"I've been assigned the honor of being your official escort back to the bunkroom seeing as how Dee is both on duty and half your weight. If you collapsed, you'd probably crush that poor little girl."

Lee smirked. Zak had a point, even though he made it by identifying one of the qualities Lee liked best about Dee. She was small. She need protection. That was something he hadn't felt in a long time, since before Kara and the end of the world. It was what made him say yes when Dee originally suggested they spend their downtime on Cloud Nine together a few weeks ago. Granted, the downtime quickly shifted to simply be a convenient moment for him to let Dee down gently, but it was still a good suggestion.

The wound on his shoulder started stinging as Lee began to move, reminding him that in the end his presence on Cloud Nine had been anything but a good thing. "So, has anything new been happening on my ship?"

"There's a betting pool going to see how long it will be before Kat and Hot Dog frak. It's up to fifty cubits."

"You people are sick," Lee said, getting to his feet. He did his best not to wince.

"You should have seen the size of the pool for you and Kara By the way, a good older brother would have helped me out with that one."

Lee stared at his brother for a moment before curiosity got the better of him. He had had a feeling there was a pool. There was one for every single thing happening on this ship. He just hadn't know his brother had been in on it. "What day did you pick?"

"I had the fraking day _after_ Colonial Day," Zak growled. "I swear to the gods, couldn't you have kept it in your pants for just a few hours longer?"

"Have you looked at Kara lately?" Lee joked.

"A valid point," Zak agreed. "All right, I'll forgive you for killing my one chance at making my fortune and retiring from the service."

"Anything else happening on Galactica?"

"No. Kara's been doing pretty good. None of your pilots have died."

"Why would she be killing my pilots?"

"Didn't anyone tell you?" When Lee shook his head no, Zak couldn't help but chuckle. This was too good. "Kara's been holding down the position of CAG for Galactica. Seeing as how she was the CAG on Pegasus for those few days, she was the only one even moderately qualified."

"Starbuck's been CAG the whole time I've been in sickbay and no one told me?"

"I guess we were all afraid you'd overreact and then you'd be stuck in this place even longer."

Lee didn't know how to respond to that so he just stayed silent and tried to push it from his mind. The two brothers continued down the corridor in silence. Lee could tell his brother had been dying to ask him something since the second he showed up in sickbay, but true to form, Zak was struggling to find a way to bridge the topic. "You can just ask me," Lee pointed out.

Zak's ears turned red, letting Lee know he was spot on. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your ears say different," Lee laughed.

His hands came up to automatically rub the red tips, and Zak sighed. "Fine, you win. I was just wondering about Dee."

"What about Dee?"

"What are you doing, Lee? Seriously, what the frak are you doing?"

Lee thought about it for a moment. He had been ready to let Dee go a week earlier, but that was before he found out Kara didn't even care enough to come see him in sickbay. For the past day or so, he had been wondering if maybe Shevon was wrong. How can you fight for a woman who so obviously doesn't want you? That was why he made the hardest decision of his life only a few hours earlier.

This thing with Kara had to end.

"I'm trying to be happy with a woman who-"

"-isn't the woman you love?" Zak finished.

"I was going to say with a woman who makes me forget how crappy my life is."

"Yeah, that's a good basis for a relationship," Zak said, rolling his eyes. "She makes me forget that number one on my agenda today was to kill myself. Woo hoo."

"Don't mock me," Lee growled.

"I'm not. I just wanted to figure out when exactly my brother got so fraked up that he stopped fighting for what he wanted. The Lee I know wouldn't rest until he got Kara to admit that she loved him. The Lee I know would lock her in an equipment closet with himself and refuse to let her out until she got her head on straight."

"The Lee _you know_ doesn't exist anymore, Zak. The world ended, and I had to change."

"You didn't change because of what happened to the Colonies," Zak insisted. "So cut the crap."

Lee pushed open the hatch to the senior officers' quarters. "What do you want me to say, Zak? I love her so much it hurts, but it's not going to happen. She would have told me by now if she was going to fight for what we have. I have to move on before the pain causes me to do things I can't take back. I don't want to have to fix another mess."

"That's really fraked up, Lee, even for you," Zak said.

"Well, you need to get on the ball, Zak. I'm pretty damn fraked up these days."

Zak let out a sigh. "Will you do something for me?"

"As long as it doesn't involve breaking colonial law," Lee agreed.

"Just think about what you're doing. Are you going to be happy settling for Dee when you know you'd be with Kara if she gave you even the slimmest glimmer of a chance? Ten years from now, are you going to regret not fighting?" Zak gave his brother one last knowing look before pushing away from the hatchway and walking down the corridor.

Lee sighed and looked down at the sweatshirt in his hand. He really hated how his brother could make his head hurt with only a few words and a knowing look.


	47. Chapter 47

Kara was sitting on the catwalk in the hangar bay, letting her legs dangle as she watched all the activity below. Since she had returned home from the Pegasus, there had been too much quiet for her liking. Lee's words were on continuous replay in her head, and she desperately needed something to drown them out.

She had been stupid like always. It was just… he had been standing there, looking down his nose at her when he really didn't know the situation on Pegasus. She had temporarily taken the flight instructor position there as a favor for the Old Man. She didn't want to be on this ship. She didn't want to be with these people.

Lee had started in on her right away and the next thing she knew she was yelling at him. He went off when she insisted he had a problem. Then, when she was too busy twisting the knife into his chest, he hit her where it hurts. She had been mocking how his life was so hard, and then he looked at her with that intense pain that had made a permanent home in his eyes and asked if she meant since he had been shot.

That made her anger bottom out rather quickly. She hadn't really spoken to him since that moment. He had been promoted to Major, and she didn't even congratulate him. It seemed like the repair of their friendship was only a temporary thing.

The one thing that kept her from completely self-destructing was she still had her constant. Whatever happened between Kara and Lee on the ground, they were still Starbuck and Apollo in the air.

Just as she was latching on to that thought, Pegaus went to condition one.

Lee forgot he was mad at her long enough to take away the confinement to quarters she had been slapped with by Garner. Kara was in the air within minutes, and there was only a little part of her heart that was sad to realize he wouldn't be joining her. Then, when her Vipers engaged the enemy, that sadness turned to fear. She needed Lee by her side.

Kara couldn't describe the feeling that came over her when the unfamiliar voice of the Pegasus Comms Officer came over the wireless to say Major Adama had taken command. If anyone had been watching, they would have seen the whole dynamic of the battle shift. The pilots knew they had a chance if Lee was giving them commands. The Adama name meant a lot to this Fleet.

The second the Pegasus met up with Galactica, there was a summons for both her and Apollo. She didn't even have time to tell him what a great job he did. They were both pulled into debriefings to first write and then verbalize their reports of what happened. Kara knew they would probably differ on all points except for one. Pegasus had been a dying bird up until the point Lee took control.

"I didn't think I'd see you here."

Kara lifted her head off the rail to look at the Chief. "It's quiet."

"I know," the Chief replied. "A lot of the pilots find their way up here after a skirmish."

"Then don't be so surprised," Kara chuckled.

"I just thought you'd be helping Apollo."

"Apollo doesn't need my help," Kara said. If Lee needed her to hold his hand through a simple debriefing, then they were well and truly fraked.

"He might want it. It's hard to leave a place when you've finally started to feel like it's your home."

Kara shot to her feet. "What do you mean leave home?"

"The Old Man's promoting Apollo to be Commander of Pegasus."

Kara's eyes went wide in disbelief. "He can't do that."

"Word in the Fleet says Garner died for his mistakes and the Old Man doesn't think anyone else can handle the pressure. This is the third leader of Pegasus to die in only a few months."

"Lee's leaving?"

"Effective immediately," the Chief said with a nod. "In fact, he might already be gone by now. The Admiral seems really determined to give that ship some sort of reliable order as soon as possible."

Kara gave the Chief a smile. "He's right. The Pegasus needs someone like Apollo. Now if you excuse me, I think there's a few more things I need to add to my debrief before it gets handed to the Admiral."

Chief watched her rush off and had to hold back a laugh. Sometimes it was too easy with those two. If Starbuck actually thought Apollo would leave this ship without seeing her, she really was as screwed up as she always claimed to be.

Kara fought to keep from running. If she missed Lee, it would be weeks before she could get a pass to the Pegasus. They were still trying to settle the Fleet into a routine, and the Old Man was going to need her help on this end. Free time was not an option.

For a second, she thought the bunkroom was empty and she had to fight the urge to start punching everything in sight. Then, she heard a drawn out sigh and realized there was someone sitting on her bunk. It wasn't just anyone, either.

Kara smiled and stepped into the bunkroom. "You realize you're screwed, right? All the pressure, the responsibility, the sleepless nights… the officers are going to give you a hard time and I'm not going to be there to threaten them like last time."

Lee stood up with a smile. His hands came out to unconsciously smooth the wrinkles in his dress blues. "Yeah, I think it could be worse, though. You could be my CAG."

Kara snorted. "Me as your CAG would be the sign of the next apocalypse, I think."

"Yeah," Lee agreed. "You're going to have to ease your way up to that. I think Galactica's a perfect place to start."

"What are you talking about?"

Lee smirked. "Well, it's not official or anything, but with my going to the Pegasus, someone's going to have to take the old CAG job. I seem to remember rumors of a certain hot-headed pilot doing rather well in that position while I was in sickbay."

"You're not serious," Kara said, moving to sit on the table in the middle of the room.

"My father's going to have to keep his eye on you somehow now that he's sending his number one spy to Pegasus." Lee walked over to his bunk and pulled his duffel onto the floor.

"Locker all packed up?"

Lee nodded. "You're going to be fine without me, Kara."

Kara had to bite her lip to keep from tearing up. How Lee knew she was worried about being left alone was beyond her.

"You'll have Colonel Tigh to keep you company," Lee continued. "Take it from me, the XO is a lot of fun at those early morning briefings."

"Great," Kara said, rolling her eye. As Lee picked the bag up and shuffled it from hand to hand, she realized this was it. He was really leaving her. She reached out to take the bag and set it on her bunk. Her hand slipped right into his now empty palm. "Congratulations, Lee. Really, you deserve this."

Lee looked at her a moment, and then his grip tightened on her hand. "I'm sorry I said those things to you on Pegasus."

"You have a right to be mad. I could have…" Kara's voice faded off. She still couldn't say it out loud. "Well, we both know what could have happened."

"It didn't happen. I'm still here."

Kara looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, I noticed that."

"Why I was mad at you had nothing to do with the accident," he confessed. His voice was steady, only wavering for a moment to stress the word accident. "You were doing what you've always done since the day you showed up in my briefing room. Starbuck, the great Caprican Buccaneer, embodying the name in its every meaning. You buck authority and get away with it. It's what you do. I bucked authority once, and I came damn near to losing everything."

Kara wanted to scream at him that he hadn't lost one thing when he chose to go to Caprica with her. If anything, he gained something. She knew that if she had gone back to that place on her own, she would never have made it back alive. He had saved her life.

"You showed up on Pegasus, and suddenly I remembered the way you were when you first came to Galactica. You were doing it all over again, and I don't know. It pissed me off." Lee shook his head. "That doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?"

Kara regarded him a moment before shaking her head. "You should hear the way my brain works sometimes." Lee smiled and went to pull away. Kara tightened her grip on him. She wasn't ready for goodbye yet. "Are we okay?"

"You have a brain?" Kara rolled her eyes and was about to pick up his bag for him when he continued, "Yeah, we're okay. As long as there's a Starbuck and Apollo, we'll be okay."

Kara couldn't resist any longer, and she pulled him into a hug. She had been so scared that he was just going to shove her to the side now that he was moving on to bigger and better things. At this moment, she would take anything he was willing to give her.

"We'll be okay, Kara," Lee whispered into her ear.

She kept a hold of him for well longer than was required, and he didn't seem to fight it. They both knew the reality of this new assignment. They were hardly going to see each other, and when they did, it wouldn't be in the air. Contrary to what Lee said, Starbuck and Apollo were no more. She wasn't sure if Kara and Lee were strong enough to handle that.

There was a page over the intercom for Commander Adama to report to the hangar bay, and it took both of them a moment to realize that Dee's voice was beckoning Lee and not his father. "That's going to take some getting used to, isn't it?" Kara said, pulling away. Her hand came out to rub the small spot on his dress blues that had been dampened by her tears. She straightened his collar and, after taking a moment to commit the way Lee looked in this exact moment to memory, she handed him his bag. "You need to be going before they send out a search team."

Lee gave her a small nod, and for a second, Kara thought he was going to lean in to kiss her. Dee's voice called him to the hangar bay for a second time, and Kara suddenly felt that familiar anger fume up inside of her. She would never be able to hear the Petty Officer's voice without this insane jealousy flaring up.

He took the bag from her hand and gave her one last smile and nod. She watched him pause in the open hatch, bag thrown over his shoulder. "Did you forget something, Commander?" she choked out, hoping the rest of the tears could be held back until he was gone.

Lee turned to face her, and Kara grew uncomfortable as his gaze traveled the length of her body. His eyes eventually settled on her face. "I'm going to make sure that rescue mission to Caprica happens for you, Kara. I know you're losing hope, but things are going to be easier now."

Kara wanted to laugh. Easier and Lee Adama were three words that did not belong in the same thought. "This means a lot to me, Lee," she whispered, knowing he was waiting for her to thank him.

"I know. That's why I'm doing it."

They held each other's gaze until a third page came on over the ship wide comms. This time it was the Old Man's voice.

"I have to go," Lee said.

"I know."

"I left you something." Lee tipped his head towards her bunk.

Kara turned to see a picture sitting on her pillow. Reaching down, she smiled. It was one of the pictures taken of her and Lee on Colonial Day. They looked happy.

Even as Kara turned around to thank him, she knew the hatchway would be empty. It was the only way. A sad smile on her face, she kicked her feet up onto the bunk and relaxed. She was going to sit here and memorize every detail of this photo. She was going to relive every moment of that night until it was her name being yelled over the comms.

Lee had just walked out of her life, and they both knew he wasn't coming back.

Bright, shiny futures weren't for them.


	48. Chapter 48

Lee sat down in one of armchairs in his quarters. These things were so uncomfortable that he could suddenly understand the rumors of how Admiral Cain only stood when she had her meetings in here. The chairs were fraking torture devices. His eyes caught on the bowl of cold noodles on the table, and he suddenly remembered he hadn't eaten the lunch his XO had sent over earlier that day. There was too much to do.

He had been Commander of Pegasus for exactly one month, and he had never been so busy in his life. Cain ran a tight ship, but somehow that was forgotten under Fisk and Garner. There was a lot of damage control to be done, and Lee had absolutely no time to do it in. It didn't help that he was also juggling the organization of this rescue mission to Caprica.

It pissed him off to no extent how easy it was to get this thing together. He simply told his father he was sending his extra Raptors on the mission and should anyone from Galactica care to join up he would give them the time the ships were scheduled for the first jump. It wasn't a surprise when he heard Helo and Racetrack were the first ones to volunteer. Kara had a lot of friends on that ship.

It killed him to stand in front of that briefing room full of Raptor pilots, look into each one of their trusting faces, and lie. He pointed out that they were making history by doing this. He said it was the good of the Fleet. He gave them confidence.

He said all those things when all he really wanted to do was beg each and every one of the pilots to back out. He didn't want them to go to Caprica. If they went to Caprica, they were going to bring back the man Kara loves and then she would never be his again, not even the small piece that had the heart of Starbuck tucked deep inside it.

Before this morning, he hadn't seen Kara in over a month. She had been busy on Galactica, and he barely had time to update his father, let alone the CAG, of his progress on Pegasus. He hadn't even seen Dee. She must hate him considering the last words he said to her contained a promise to not let this reassignment kill their relationship, whatever the frak that was.

Lee's mind wandered back to the briefing earlier. Kara had looked rather pale. He figured she had been running herself ragged, setting up this mission from the Galactica end, but he hadn't actually seen it with his own eyes until now. She really wanted to do this.

Lee could feel his last bits of hope slowly fall out of reach.

A knock on the hatchway pulled him away from his dark thoughts. Lee ran through his schedule quickly and realized he wasn't wrong to think there were no meetings scheduled until at least a few hours later. "Enter," he called, cringing at just how much he sounded like his father. Soon his crew would be calling _him_ Old Man.

Starbuck hesitated a moment before stepping through the hatch she had opened. The metal door slammed shut behind her. She half walked, half stomped over to where he sat, and Lee realized she was suited up to leave. It must be time. He had purposefully ignored the clock since the morning briefing, not wanting to silently count down the seconds until his last bit of happiness slipped away.

"Hey," he said, giving her a smile. He hoped she couldn't read the emotions he was keeping trapped below the surface.

"Hey," Kara said, still staring intently at the ground. She had thought this would be easy. All she had to do was come in here, let him know she was going, and leave. Both of them knew what they were doing and they didn't want to drag it out. Kara was leaving to get Anders, and that was that.

"They told me you were looking for me."

Lee looked confused for a moment before he remembered his XO saying something about the traditional send-off for missions like this. The commanding officer was supposed to remind the mission leader of the support they had waiting back home in order to encourage the mission to run safely. He was going to have to have a talk with Stinger about keeping his Commander informed.

Honestly, Lee was almost happy Stinger had done this. He might have been scared to say goodbye to Kara, but he knew letting her go without one last exchange would weigh heavily on him. "I just wanted to say-" Kara looked up at him, and Lee felt himself losing his train of thought. He went with the safest option. "-good hunting."

Kara looked relived. "Thank you, sir."

"When did you start with the sir stuff?" Lee automatically asked. He could feel himself flinch inside. He wasn't supposed to make this conversation personal. They were just going to say goodbye and good hunting. There would be no admitting to feelings and intentions. There couldn't be.

"About the time you decided to jump up two ranks in under a week," she shot back. "I still can't believe you're a Commander and I'm still a Lieutenant."

"You have to put in your dues before you reap the rewards. Besides if you pull this mission off, I'm sure the Admiral will give you at least a Captain rank." Lee watched Kara's eyes fall to the ground again at the mention of the looming mission. "You know it's a good plan, right? It's a good plan. Sharon should be able to jump you into the atmosphere a couple of clicks above the surface and below the Cylon dradis."

Kara cut him off. "I know the plan, Lee. I wrote it."

"Right," he said, giving her a nod. The silence grew between them until it was too uncomfortable for either one of them to move. "It's a good plan," Lee whispered. He couldn't let it go. He was scared to death that something was going to go wrong.

Kara had to come back to him. Even if it was with another man, he had to have her back. There was no other option.

"I… I have to go," Kara said.

Lee winced for a second. Of course she would be anxious to get this thing going. There was only one more thing left for him to do. Too bad it involved more lies and basically ripping the last piece of his heart in two. "I hope you find him, Kara. I really do."

Kara tried to keep the surprise from registering on her face. Those were the last words she had thought to hear coming from Lee's lips. They were definitely not the ones she wanted to hear. She wanted him to tell her he had been keeping quiet for too long and he couldn't keep quiet anymore. She wanted him to admit that he was as in love with her as she was with him. She wanted him to say it didn't matter if she brought Anders back to the Fleet because she was his and always would be.

Instead, he told her he wanted her to find Anders.

Two could play at that game, she decided. "So do I."

She waited for his anger to bubble over, but when he just sat there staring at her, she realized she had misjudged the situation. He really didn't care at all. "Good hunting, Apollo."

"Good hunting, Starbuck," Lee said, watching her leave his office. Silently he prayed to the gods that this would not be the last time he saw her. She paused at the hatchway and turned to look at him. "Is there something you forgot, Lieutenant?"

She watched him a moment before smirking. "Do me a favor while I'm gone. Try not to die on me, flyboy."

Lee felt his heart rip from his chest at her words, and it took all his strength to keep himself from chasing her down. She hadn't called him flyboy since before Anders. Why she chose this moment to start back up again was beyond him.

All he knew was it made the small flame of hope he had been carrying for months now flare up again. He could remember how blissfully good it had been back then, and it was slowly killing him. He couldn't keep this up if he wanted to maintain his sanity.

Suddenly Lee didn't want to be alone while Kara was out there saving Anders. He knew it was wrong in so many ways, but he needed company right now. Reaching across the table to grab the handset of the phone, he did his best not to over think this. It only took the Pegasus comms officer a few seconds to get him a line to the CIC on Galactica. "Pegasus Actual, this is Galactica. Go ahead."

"Relax, Dee," Lee said, smiling despite the fact that he knew what he was about to do was wrong on multiple levels. "This is a personal call."

He could hear Dee smiling through the phone. "About damn time, sir."

Lee winced. He could be a real bastard sometimes. Still, he felt like he had an irrational right to be selfish on a day like this one. "I was wondering if you had any free time to catch one of the shuttles over to the beast today."

"I switched my shift," Dee replied. "I figured you might not want to be alone after all that's happening today."

"Very wise of you, Petty Officer."

"Your father calls me prolific."

"My father's right." Lee sighed. "So you'll come?"

"As soon as I can," Dee replied. "Now if there isn't anything else you need to say, Pegasus Actual, some of us need to be doing our jobs right now."

Lee chuckled. "Understood, Galactica. Pegasus Actual out."

He laid the phone back down onto his best and leaned back in his chair. Dee deserved someone a lot better than him. She deserved someone who would make love to her without imagining the face of another woman, someone who could love her without wondering if he was just using her for the things he couldn't get elsewhere. Dee deserved to not have to wait idly by the phone until he called for her. She deserved to be the pursued, not the pursuer.

He wished he could be man enough to say that to her face.

Instead, she was going to come over here. They would undress without saying a word, and Lee would try to forget about what Kara was doing out there. Dee understood that was what this was about. She wouldn't fight it.

She really was too good for him.

* * *

Twelve days later, Lee was hunched over the initial recon reports of New Caprica when he looked up to see his brother standing in the doorway of his office.

"She's come home."


	49. Chapter 49

Kara sat in the bunkroom, staring at the man across from her. She still couldn't believe he had been there. He had waited seven months for her. "How's the team doing?" she asked.

A look flashed across Anders' face, and Kara knew exactly what he was thinking. There wasn't much of a team left, just Barclay, Hillard, Ten Point, and Fink. So much of her family hadn't been strong enough.

"They're adjusting," Anders said. "I have to say this place isn't like we imagined it."

"It's not all flowers and puppies," Kara agreed, "but it can be fraking amazing if you give it a chance."

They shifted back into comfortable silence as they both tried to get used to the fact that they were here, at this very point and time, together. Anders reached out to grab her hand and smiled. "We did it, Kara. We're alive."

"Just barely," Kara whispered, remembering the way the Cylons had had them pinned down.

"You scared me," Anders admitted.

Kara tried to ignore the way his thumb was caressing the top of her hand. "What do you mean?"

"When you forced me into that stupid pact, you scared the shit out of me."

"I wasn't going to let them take me again," Kara growled, hoping it sounded convincing. Everything would be better if Anders believed this all had to do with the Cylon farms. She did not want to explain how much of her decision was based on the fact that if the Cylons took her, she would be returning back to the Fleet as less of a woman. The toasters weren't going to hesitate like they did the first time. The damage would be permanent. "I would rather die than let those frakers take that away from me."

Anders stared at her a second before standing up and moving to the other side of the table. He sat down in the chair beside her. "You have changed so much, Kara. It's like you're a different person."

"I've been through a lot," Kara said, knowing that was the understatement of the century.

"I want to know everything, Kara, every little detail about how you've been living."

Kara nodded. She had expected this from him. She started to imagine all the things that had shaped her into the pilot she was today. She had fallen in love with her CAG despite multiple regulations. She had given herself the hope that he might love her back. She had pushed it all to the side to do her job. She had designed a mission that almost killed him and later accidentally shot him point blank.

She couldn't say anything of those things.

"I have a family here in the Fleet."

"You've replaced us?" Anders said, feigning shock and disgust.

"I couldn't replace the Bucks if I tried. There's not enough lousy, drunken brutes in this world." Kara bumped her shoulder up against his. "Seriously, though, I do have a family."

"Tell me about them."

Kara sighed. "You know Lee already."

"Your CAG?"

"He used to be my CAG. Now's he's commanding the other battlestar the Fleet has."

"I thought you said he was just your boss and nothing more."

Kara sighed. This was the part she had dreaded. "I lied to you. I thought it would be easier if you didn't know. Lee's been my best friend and wingman since I joined up with the military. A lot of the times, he was the only good thing I had going for me."

"I bet you were always afraid you'd frak it up," Anders said with a knowing smile. Kara's scowl gave him his answer. "Some things can never change."

Kara ignored his comments. She did not want to be talking about her own shortcomings right now. "The Admiral watches over me like I was his own daughter. I think he understands how much I mean to his son."

"His son?"

"Lee's the Admiral's son," Kara explained. Her face erupted into annoyance almost immediately. "I swear to the gods I told you that when we were on Caprica."

"Maybe you did. I must have forgotten," Anders said with a shrug. "It probably didn't seem important to me."

"Did you forget a lot of what I told you while I was there?"

Anders groaned and reached out to grab her hand again. He liked to have the contact with her. It reminded him of the way they were before the Cylon attacks. He used to be able to read Kara back then. "I'm sorry, Kara. There was just so much. Like I said before, your life has changed a lot more than mine has."

"I know," Kara sighed. "Where was I?"

"You were talking about the Adamas."

"Right. Zak has been my friend and confidante since the moment I stepped off the shuttle for my nugget training."

"Zak?"

"The Admiral's other son."

"Do you have any friends who don't have the last name Adama?"

Kara thought about it for a minute. There was Helo, but Anders already knew about him. She spent some of her downtime in the maintenance bay with Cally and the Chief, but she really didn't talk to them a lot when they were in the other parts of the ship. Hot Dog and Kat entered the Fleet alongside her, but the difference in flying ability always drove a nail between them. She had pilots she played triad with and pilots she drank with. None of those people, besides Helo, were truly her friend. "I guess I like to keep things simple."

The bunkroom fell into silence for a moment before Anders muttered, "I still can't believe you're a pilot."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara hissed.

"Well, you were always a little to cocky and stubborn to play by anyone's rules but your own."

"You would know, wouldn't you?"

"I was your Captain, Kara, and the man you took home with you at the end of the night. I know you better than anyone else."

It took all of Kara's might not to add 'until now'. "Well, I am a pilot. More than that, I'm the CAG here on Galactica."

"You took over Apollo's position?"

The fact that Anders still wouldn't refer to Lee by his first name didn't get past Kara. She figured it was better that way so she didn't correct him. "I told you I was good."

"There's no way they actually put you in command of anything. You're about as bad of a leader as they come."

"Frak you, Sam," Kara said, yanking her hand away from him.

"It's the truth," Anders insisted, leaning in to smile at her.

Kara had to fight the urge to smack that stupid grin right off his face. She hated the fact that Anders seemed to have absolutely no confidence in her abilities. "One of my plans earned the Fleet enough tylium to last us three years. Another one of my plans led to the destruction of a Cylon Resurrection ship, meaning that when the toasters die out here in space, they're dead for good. I have flown a ship made completely from scrap metal and parts. I have trained two generations of new pilots. I led a squadron of twenty Raptors all the way back to Caprica to save your sorry ass. So don't tell me that I'm a bad leader."

Anders kept the smile on his face as he pulled her chair closer to him. "You're right, Kara. I'm being an idiot." He reached out to push a stray hair behind her ear. "Forgive me?"

"No," Kara said defiantly, shrugging out of his grasp. She walked over to lean against the ladder by her bunk.

Anders threw his hands up in the air. "What the frak do I have to do to make you stop acting pissy?"

"Maybe you should actually show some interest in what my life's become. I've been trying to tell you that I'm not the girl you know anymore for over an hour now."

"Your point is hitting home," Anders insisted. "What I don't understand is why this new girl in front of me refuses to let herself be touched for more than a few seconds."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've barely let me touch you since you brought me onboard this ship. Barclay and Fink have been teasing me about how loud you were going to be when we finally got reunited. They remember all the times in the visiting group quarters after our games." Anders smirked. "You were always a screamer, Kara."

Kara could feel the heat traveling to her cheeks. "I don't think it's appropriate for me to say frak you to my duties just to have some reunion sex with you, Sam. I have a job to do."

Anders shook his head in disbelief. "You're right. You are a completely different person, Kara. I'm starting to think if I met you in a bar today, I wouldn't even look twice."

Kara narrowed her eyes. "If that's supposed to make me want to frak you, then you're losing your skill, Anders."

"I'm just saying. You've gotten rather frigid, Kara."

This time Kara didn't bother to say frak you to him. She just leaned over the table and slapped him across the face. He looked stunned for a second before he smiled at her. "There's the Kara I know."

Kara sank down into one of the chairs in front of the table. The realization of what was in front of her finally hit home. "Gods, were we always this fraked up, Sam?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Look at us. We're fighting like children when we should be focusing on the fact that we're both alive and safe."

"We always fought."

"It wasn't healthy," Kara said sadly. "I think I realized that after I thought you were gone. What we had wasn't a healthy relationship. Frak, in the beginning, we based it on whether we won a game or not."

"That was in the beginning, Kara. All relationships start on strange footing."

Kara shook her head. "Not all relationships."

"Are you trying to tell me something, Kara?"

"I wish you could have seen this coming," Kara whispered, mostly to herself. "I wish you could understand where I'm coming from."

Anders went to get up out of his chair, but Kara had him sitting back down with a small shake of her head. "Please don't tell me you're doing this now."

"I made a promise to get you off Caprica. I held to that. I never promised you anything more." Kara shrugged. "Love is a gamble, Sam, and sometimes you have to lose to win."

"Nice little analogy. Now could you tell me what the frak you're doing?"

Kara reached out to take his hand. "You are a part of the reason I'm who I am today. You gave me a lot in the short time we had together, Sam, and I will never stop thanking you for that, but we both know what this really was."

"What was this?" Anders said, pulling his hand away from her.

"A publicity stunt," Kara said. The words hurt as much coming out as she knew they hurt for him to hear. That they were the truth only helped slightly. "You and I had been dating a year and we were losing our advantage in the playoffs. The fans were pissed. We had to give them something to keep the bodies in the stands."

Anders shook his head. "So that's all it was? A captain and the star player putting on a show to sell tickets?"

"The engagement? Yes. The relationship? No. I love you, Sam. You will always be that guy that wouldn't quit pounding away at my defenses until I realized I was worth something, but we both know whatever we had wasn't going to last. One of us was going to get bored." Kara gave him a smile. "We were party people back then, Sam, living for whatever life could give us in the moment. I've changed. So have you. The people we are today have separate paths to take. Even if it hurts, it's the truth."

"You're really doing this?" Anders said. A nervous laugh of disbelief fell off his lips.

"I'm so sorry," Kara whispered. She looked down at her hands. "I just can't do this to you, Sam. I can't pretend anymore."

"It's him. You love him, don't you?"

Kara refused to play dumb. That would just make both her and Anders look like asses. She wasn't going to ask him whomever could he possible be referring to, and she wasn't going to lie. "I can't live without him."

Anders nodded. "You know, I could tell there was something between you from the second we found you on Caprica. I was just too deluded to let myself admit it."

"I'm sorry," Kara repeated.

"You have no reason to apologize, Kara. You can't help what your heart decides." Anders smiled at her. "You've earned the right to happy. If that means ending whatever this was, that's what it means."

"See? This is just another reason why I don't deserve a man like you," Kara said, pushing away the tears with the tips of her fingers. She hated that crying was becoming her gut reaction to every single serious conversation she had. They stared at each other for a moment, simply getting used to the idea that this thing they had between them was going to end for good the second one of them looked away.

Anders broke first. He looked down at her hands and, after a slight hesitation, took her left one into his. "I loved you with all my heart, Kara, and I would have wanted to marry you. You're right, though. The engagement happened too quickly for me to even think of arguing that it wasn't the P.R. managers planting the seeds of marriage into our heads." He slipped the silver ring off her thumb and smiled. "I can't believe you wore it all this time."

"In the beginning, it was a reminder to me that I worth something. Then, after Caprica, it reminded me that I had made a promise. I was coming back to get you the first second I could manage it."

"And you did."

"And I'm going to regret it for the rest of my unnaturally short life," Kara teased.

Anders tossed her ring up into the air and caught it. "We always did find the most unique ways of annoying each other."

"That's not going to stop," Kara said, her voice suddenly full of resolve. "I'm not going to disappear because our engagement is over."

"I would hope not. You're the only person I know in this whole fraking Fleet." Kara let out a laugh, and Anders reached across the table for a bottle of ambrosia. "Drink?"

Kara thought about how much trouble alcohol had gotten her into the past few weeks as she tried to deal with her problems. "I can't."

"Why the frak not?"

"I have responsibilities now. I have flight schedules to write, and then I need to be up in the air for the mid shift today. There's just not enough time."

Anders shook his head. This new, responsible, adult-size Kara was going to take some getting used to. "Well, then will you sit here and watch me drink? There's a lot I still don't know about this place that you love so much."

Kara nodded and leaned back in her chair. The flight schedules could wait. For now, she just missed her friend.


	50. Chapter 50

Admiral Adama was already heading back to his quarters when his son caught up to him.

"Would you slow down for a second, Dad?" Lee called out, half serious. His father could still travel fast for an aging military leader.

Adama turned to look at the Commander of the second most powerful ship in the Fleet. "Aren't you supposed to be on your ship now?"

"I have Stinger watching the boards. If anything happens, he's capable of handling it until I get back."

"You think something's going to happen?" Adama said, raising his eyebrow.

Lee glanced around the corridor quickly. "Can we talk in your office, sir?"

Adama nodded, and together they walked the last few corridors in silence. Even if he knew it was a risk to have Lee off Pegasus for reasons unknown, Adama couldn't help but be glad to see his eldest son. It seemed like they only communicated through the wireless these days. He had been wise to put Lee in charge of Pegasus. His son had been in power almost two months, and there had yet to be a complaint. Lee had been trained well.

Lee let out a long sigh as they stepped into his father's office. It was nice to be in this familiar setting. His father's office was nothing like his. Where his office was cold and hard, his father's was full of memories and warmth. Lee wished he had the time to change that, but it seemed like there had been one hundred and one crises to resolve since he set foot on his ship.

Adama sat down on the couch in his office and gestured for his son to take a seat next to him. "What did you want to speak to me about?"

"It's this mass relocation down to the surface, sir. I don't think it's wise."

"I don't think it's wise, either," Adama agreed, "but I can't forbid my people to move on with their life. President Baltar has made a Fleet-wide offer for any willing person to settle on New Caprica. I can't deny that right to the people who have probably earned it the most."

"I understand that. It's just I don't like how everyone's going along with it. Over half my crew has signed up to be in the first wave of settlers. I would have expected…" Lee paused, not sure of how to say it. "I don't know… _more_ of them."

Adama nodded, and leaning forward, poured them both a drink. "I know what you mean. I have at least a third of my ship requesting military discharge for the next few years."

"The Fleet still needs protection, Dad." Lee took the glass of alcohol from his father and gave him a nod of thanks. "We can't just stop because the Cylons have given us a promise. They're the enemy."

"I know, Lee, but there's not much we can do about it. As hard as it is to accept, the civilian Fleet is behind their president. If the civilians stay, we stay. It is our job to protect them."

"Protect them by giving up our responsibilities to become… what? Farmers?"

"I understand your anger. I feel the same way half the time."

"And the other half?"

"The other half is grateful that so much of our personnel have chosen to settle the planet. With them down there, I know it will be done right. Because if you and I are wrong and the Cylons were telling us the truth, then this is our home. New Caprica is our salvation."

"And if we're right?"

"Then we still have half our crew to show those toasters that we don't take lightly to being toyed with," Adama growled.

Lee set his glass on the table and loosened the color to his dress jacket. "There's another reason I came here in person."

Adama slid his glasses off his face and sighed. "I figured."

"We're going to have to make some personnel shifts with all these people leaving. CAPs are going to be harder, and new commands are going to have to be accepted."

"It's happened before. I'm just happy the reason is due to life and not death for once." Adama let out a deep breath. "But you're right. You and I are going to have to sit down and determine what transfers and reassignments need to be made."

"We'll have plenty of time," Lee said with a laugh. "There's really not that much to do up here."

"We're not landing," Adama insisted, even though he knew his son understood that. "No matter how boring it gets up here, we are not landing."

"We fly until we can't fly anymore," Lee smirked. "I think that's a great new motto for the Fleet."

Adama poured himself another drink and leaned back in the couch. "Galen Tyrol wants to be a part of the first wave down to New Caprica."

Lee nodded. "I've heard about what happened to Cally."

"She'll be all right," Adama said before Lee could ask. "It's the Chief that's taking it hard."

"He deserves a break."

"He'll get it. I had to deny his request to go down with the first wave, but I promised him I wouldn't keep him on board for any longer than I had to. Once a new deck chief is trained, then he'll be free to go." Adama chuckled. "You know what was the interesting thing? Tyrol wants me to discharge Specialist Cally because of the lack of maintenance needed on ships that won't ever fly for more than an uneventful CAP every few days. With everything that's happened to her, he thinks it would be a good idea to give her a chance to live like she did before the attacks."

"So then what's the problem?"

"Cally refuses to leave," Adama said with a chuckle. "She said she won't leave the Chief by himself."

"Smart girl," Lee said, even though they both already knew that. "The Chief needs to be reminded of what he did almost as much as he needs to be reminded that the people on this ship care about him. Cally has always been the one to do that for him."

Adama nodded. "So I'm going to have to come up with someone to take over the job."

Lee rolled his eyes. Both he and his father knew who was going to step up and take the job of deck chief even if they couldn't say it out loud right now. "It shouldn't be hard."

"No, it shouldn't." Adama sighed deeply. "I wish all the decision were that easy."

Lee shifted in his seat. "That's kind of the reason I'm here. I had an interesting discussion with Stinger this morning. He wants to go planetside with the others."

Adama tried to hide his surprise. "That's his right."

Lee groaned at his father's diplomatic response and put his face in his hands. "I know that's his right, but it puts me in a fraking hard spot. I have to find a replacement for the second highest officer on board Pegasus, and half the options are already gone." Lee pulled his head up to look at his father. "You know, sometimes I really envy you for having the Colonel by your side."

"Loyalty is often a good thing to have, but at times it can hurt," Adama replied.

"Finding a new XO is going to shake up a lot of things between our two ships," Lee pointed out. "I don't know the pilots on Pegasus enough, and Stinger seemed to indicate that there really weren't many candidates he would be comfortable leaving his position to."

Adama watched his son. He could tell Lee was struggling with something besides the sudden need for a new XO. His boy had been taxed to his limit in every single way these past few months. Lee was a fighter, though. He wasn't going to let some stupid decision made by a worthless president cause his life to go into a downward spiral. If Adama let Lee think about it for long enough, his son would come up with a solution. Granted it would be the wrong one, but it would be an answer none the less.

Lee was good at coming up with a solution by whatever means were necessary. On the other hand, Adama was good at making sure people didn't make a mistake because they were afraid to roll the hard six. He was particularly good at keeping his sons from fraking up.

"You can have one of my people," Adama said after a moment.

"Who do you have that could possibly handling being XO?"

Adama gave his son a knowing look, and Lee's whole face drained of color. "Kara is the only option, Lee."

"I'm not doing that to her."

"Doing what?" Adama asked, confused as to how a transfer could possibly hurt Kara in any way.

"I'm not going to take away her options."

Adama didn't know what his son was talking about at first, but then he realized that like a lot of things having to do with Kara Thrace, Lee had turned a blind eye to what was in front of him. "There's something you need to know, Commander. Kara asked to meet with me this morning. She wanted to make it clear that she had made her choice. She's staying on Galactica."

Lee shook his head. "That's impossible. She wants to go down to New Caprica."

"No, she doesn't. She's staying with us."

"I don't understand. She has no ties to keep her up here. There's a brand new world down there, somewhere where she can go back to doing what she loves. I can't understand why she would give that up."

Adama waited until Lee had looked back up at him before smiling. "Obviously there's something keeping her in the sky, son."

Lee's face slowly lit up as he realized what his father was trying to tell him. The Old Man had always been too perceptive for his own good, and he had this uncanny knack of pulling the rug out from under his sons' feet.

"Now, why don't you and I bunker down in here and knock out the rest of the reassignments?" Adama suggested before his son could protest. "We'll set the transfer date for a week."

As his father reached for paper, Lee tried to push his racing thoughts down. He didn't have the strength to let himself start hoping like that, no matter what his father said.

Hope would come later when he saw it for his own eyes.


	51. Chapter 51

Kara fought the urge to scream. This whole damn process was infuriating.

She had started her morning by helping load Raptor after Raptor full of people on their way down to the surface of New Caprica before hoping into her Viper to escort the ship. She knew this was the last time she would see these people for at least a few months. Most aspects of her job as CAG turned out to be fairly easy. Some were rather hard. Saying goodbye to the people she cared about was one of those things.

Most people had wished her well now that she had decided to stay on Galactica. With a smile and wave, they were gone. There had been one rather sad goodbye to probably the best triad player in the Fleet besides herself and any one of the Adamas. Out of all the pilots, Racetrack seemed to understand the kind of person Kara was, and she didn't dwell on the fact that Kara had once been an incredibly large figure in the public eye. They had spent many late nights trading insults and stories over the triad table, and Kara was going to miss that. Coming to terms that they were on different paths at the moment was hard to do.

The hardest goodbye by far was Sam. She had insisted she ride with him down to New Caprica. Kara had used the time wisely, begging him to stay with her on Galactica up until the moment the Raptor docked. She told him it was the only truly safe place he could be, but he simply shook his head. He wanted to carve out his own place in this new home, and he figured it would be better if he did that on his own. Kara watched him walk off the shuttle, knowing this was the door to her old life slamming shut.

She took the shuttle back to Galactica and told those waiting for her to land that she was done ushering these people to their death. She was about to get herself lost in the bottom of a bottle of ambrosia when a page from the CIC told her to pack up her things and report to the hangar bay. She was being rounded up just like a few dozen other lucky people for transfers and reassignments.

The Old Man told them that they were all going to experience reassignment which could mean they were going to Pegasus or they just had a different job to do on Galactica. Kara had to concentrate really fraking hard not to get mad. She had just gotten used to being the CAG on Galactica. It was going to hurt a little when the Old Man took that away from her.

"Any idea what the frak is going to happen?"

Kara felt the tension drop away at the sound of Zak's voice. She tightened her grip on the duffel containing all her worldly possessions and turned to smile at him. "No idea. I'm thinking they're really just rounding us up to be thrown into the brig. Your father's clever like that."

Zak chuckled. "Considering you're here, I'd have to agree."

Kara's mouth dropped open as she reached out to slug Zak's shoulder. "Didn't you ever learn that it isn't nice to insult girls?"

"I must have missed that day in second grade," Zak countered.

Kara sighed and turned to rake her eyes across the hangar bay again. "Seriously, Zak, did you have any idea about this?"

"The Old Man and Lee were giving me hints to this all week long. This morning, they came out and said I was being promoted to Deck Chief of Galactica."

"_Deck Chief_?" Kara exclaimed. "That's fraking great, Zak!"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just afraid that President Baltar is going to start accusing my father of starting an army against him or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, his oldest son is the Commander of Pegasus and now his youngest son is going to be the Deck Chief on Galactica. People are going to start whispering."

Kara nodded. "If someone didn't know better, it would seem like the Old Man's putting people he trusts into the only positions of power he has left. Baltar would be a fool not to see it."

"And he sure as hell won't listen to anyone who tries to convince him that there's no one better for the positions." They shifted back into the quiet of the hangar bay before Zak snapped out of it. He shook his head and turned back to face Kara. "I don't know what they intend to do with you, though, Kara. I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal, Zak. I always thought my being the CAG was a temporary thing."

"You honestly think they're demoting you?"

"I don't know," Kara said. She was being honest. She really had no clue as to what the Old Man and Lee had decided to do with her. Nothing could surprise her, though. If they marched her to the nearest airlock and chucked her out, she wouldn't even think twice about whether she deserved it.

A few crewman walked past the two of them, pausing only to avert their eyes. The airlock option was starting to look more and more like reality each second she was left waiting. Kara decided she needed to keep her mind occupied with other things if she was going to stay sane. Sighing, she turned to look at Zak again. "I thought Tyrol was staying on Galactica."

"He is," Zak replied. "The Chief's staying long enough to train me to do the job. Then the Old Man's discharging him to the surface of New Caprica."

"Wow, you get training and everything?" Kara said with a laugh. "I wish I got training."

"You didn't need training," a gruff voice said from behind them. Kara and Zak turned at the same moment to snap salutes at the Admiral. "At ease, you two. Didn't anyone tell you that protocol doesn't exist anymore?"

Kara let out an easy laugh. It was a joke, but she had a feeling pretty soon things might actually get that bad. People were going to get lax, and mistakes were going to be made.

"What brings you down among the peons, Dad?" Zak asked.

"Two things, actually. One, I wanted to congratulate my son officially." Adama clapped his hand on Zak's shoulder. "I'm very proud of you."

"Even if I'll never be the Commander of a battlestar?" Zak teased.

"You know that's never mattered to me, Zak."

Zak gave a small nod before reaching to pick up his pack. He had the presence of mind to know when his father was lying. Adama probably had intended to congratulate him, but that was not the reason he was here at the exact second. Zak knew enough to get out of the way for the next part. "Well, I have to move my stuff into the senior crewman bunkroom. I feel the need to establish my presence before those idiots get it in their head that it's easy sailing now that fun-loving Zak's in charge."

Kara was still shaking her head as Zak threw a wave over his shoulder and walked out of the hangar bay. "He's really happy, sir," she said, turning to smile at the Admiral.

"I know. That was one of the reasons I wanted him for the position."

"What was the other?"

"Lee told me that I would be stupid not to."

Kara nodded. Of course Lee was partially behind this.

The strap of her bag slipped off her shoulder, and Kara quickly pushed it back up. It served to remind Adama that he was in the hangar bay for other reasons besides congratulating Zak. He turned to look at the empty Raptor in front of them. "Would you mind taking me for a ride?"

Kara followed the line of his eyes and smiled. "You miss the sky, sir?"

"Something like that."

They settled into the pilot and co-pilot seats of the Raptor like they had been doing this every day for years. Kara began the pre-flight checks. "Does the Colonel know you're taking this little joy ride?"

Adama laughed. "I cleared it with my XO, if that's what you're asking."

"So this is a planned thing," Kara said, powering up the Raptor.

"Everything I do is planned, Lieutenant."

The conversation broke off as Kara concentrated on taking the ship into the air. It had been awhile since Lee had taught her how to fly one of these ships. She had to focus if she didn't want to kill the most powerful man in the Fleet.

Eventually they made it into the wide open atmosphere, free of all ships and obstacles, and Kara let herself relax. "Where exactly do you feel like heading, Old Man?" she asked.

"I have a project for you on the Pegasus, so head in that direction."

Kara's brow furrowed, but she did as the Admiral asked. Her mind was already racing with the prospect of seeing Lee. If there was one thing left that she could count on now that the Fleet had given up on the dream of finding Earth, it was the fact that Lee would be on the Pegasus. He would never abandon his ship. She could already feel the nerves in her stomach begin to twitch. She hadn't seen Lee since she left to rescue Anders from Caprica. "Is this a permanent or temporary thing?"

"The project is temporary," Adama replied. He watched Kara's face fall slightly out of the corner of his eye and had to fight the urge to smile. Even though the project was probably going to last a few days at most, he had a feeling the assignment to Pegasus was going to stick around a lot longer than that.

The flight from one battlestar to the other never took very long, which could be either a good or a bad thing. Right now, Kara was trying to decide which one it was. She was desperate to see Lee, but she didn't want to just bump into him in the halls. She didn't want to see him for a few days and then say goodbye. She was tired of fraking saying goodbye to him.

Kara was so lost her in thoughts that she didn't even bother to worry about the landing. It was picture perfect, but no one would really have expected otherwise when it came to Kara Thrace flying on instinct. She powered down the ship and was about to hit the switches to open the ramp when Adama rested his hand on top of hers. "Before we go out there, I want to apologize to you."

"For what?"

"I was a little too caught up in the things that were happening to realize I hadn't given you these yet." Adama pulled a small black box out of his pocket and held it out to her. When Kara had opened it, he added, "Congratulations, _Captain_ Thrace."

Kara looked down at the shiny gold rank pins. "I don't understand."

"You've been the CAG of Galactica for far too long without being rewarded. It is the customary promotion." Kara let out a chuckle which quickly snowballed into uncontrollable laughter. "Is there something funny, Starbuck?"

"No, sir, it's just… the idea of me being a Captain in the Colonial Military is kind of ridiculous. Less than a year ago, I was the star player on a pyramid team. I had never even flown a Viper."

Adama took one of the pins out of the box and attached it to her flight suit. Smiling, he gave her an approving nod before pressing the button to lower the ramp. "Life changes quickly. I'm glad you didn't get lost in it."

Kara gave him a small smile and leaned down to slid the box into her bag of belongings. Together, she and Adama walked onto Pegasus. The ship was in the same disarray that Galactica was in. The transition from full staff to half staff was rocky at best. Not to mention most of the crew had spent the morning just like Kara, ushering their friends and family to a place they could never go.

"Feels familiar, doesn't it?" Adama asked as they walked the corridors.

"It's been awhile since I was on this ship," Kara stated. "It's kind of creepy."

"Give Lee time. He's going to have this ship feeling as cozy as Galactica."

Kara snorted. The idea of Galactica being cozy was ludicrous. Yet it _was_ her home. "Losing half his crew isn't going to help the matter."

"You'd be surprised the way you can suddenly wake up to see your whole environment's changed. The people of Pegasus and Galactica are going to adjust to the shift in no time at all, Captain."

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to that," she said, indicating her newly acquired rank. Her eyes fell to the pin on the breast of her flight suit. "I mean, you just said it and immediately I thought you were referring to Anders."

"Your pyramid captain?"

"And ex-fiancé, that's Sam."

Adama nodded. "He went down to the surface this morning, didn't he?"

"I couldn't talk him out of it. He's stubborn, and he wants to live his own life. I told him it wasn't safe, but he didn't listen."

"That's very rational of you."

"You sound surprised," Kara pointed out.

"I am. The way people talked on Galactica, you and Samuel Anders were a match made by the gods. I find it hard to believe you can let him go this easily."

"Sam is someone special to me, sir, but like I said, he wants to live his own life. My life is on your ship. It's who I am now. I can't change that."

"This has something to do with my son, doesn't it?" Adama smiled at the way Kara blushed. "That's what I thought." He pulled to a stop in front of a hatchway. "We're here."

It took Kara a moment to realize where they were, but when she did, she felt her whole body tense up. "Sir?"

"Go inside, Kara. It's not really _my_ project that needs your help." Adama touched her cheek lightly. "You're a good woman, Captain, the kind of woman I would have wanted my child to grow up to be if I had had a daughter. It's been a pleasure having you under my command."

Kara rolled her eyes in an attempt to get the tears to stop pooling. "It sounds like you're saying goodbye, sir."

"No, never goodbye," Adama said. He leaned in to kiss the top of her head before turning on heel and disappearing down the corridor.

Kara stood staring at the closed hatchway door. The last time she had been in this spot was when she was leaving to rescue Anders from Caprica. She had slipped up that day and called him flyboy. Things that were better left forgotten came flooding back, and if there hadn't been a team of twenty Raptors waiting for her in the hangar bay, she would have stayed with Lee right then and there.

Sighing, she reached her hand up to knock on the hatchway. The Old Man would not be happy if she wimped out of this little project. He had taken the time to bring her here, right to this very point.

Her heart leaped a little when she heard Lee's voice telling her to enter. For some strange reason, she was afraid she would hear Dee or something. She stepped in to the room to see not one thing changed. The briefing table was high and had a complete lack of chairs. The walls were still the dull grey metal of the rest of the ship. There was a cool chill in the air that Kara knew would never fully leave.

The only thing different was Lee. He was leaning in the doorway to the personal quarters that were attached to his office, staring at something inside the room. It was a familiar site, seeing him in his double tanks and cargos. He turned and smiled when he saw it was her.

Kara clicked the hatch shut. "Shouldn't you be in your dress blues, sir?" Lee shook his head and just kept staring at her. Kara couldn't help but start to squirm under his watchful eye. "I figured you'd be busy with all the moving and shifting that's been going on today. I was surprised when the Old Man said you were in here with a project for me."

Lee let out a small laugh. "I do have a project for you." He looked her up and down. "You're not particularly attached to those clothes, are you?"

Kara gave him a funny look before shaking her head no.

"Good."

"What's the project, Commander?" she asked.

Lee gestured for her. "Come over here, Kara."

After a slight hesitation, she walked over. He pointed into his quarters, and Kara leaned in to take a look. The bed was in shambles, having obviously been slept in recently. Kara tried to not to think of who had probably been sleeping there with Lee. There was a small desk with mounds of paperwork on it. It looked exactly like the desk Lee had used to do the not-so-exciting half of the CAG job on Galactica. Overall, it was a room like every other room.

"Am I supposed to be seeing something in particular?" she asked, turning to look at him. A small blush came over her as she realized Lee had been staring at her the whole time she was checking out the room. He had always loved looking at her, a tiny voice in the back of her head pointed out.

"People call this place the Room of Death. Did you know that?"

Kara shook her head and turned to look at the room again. She had heard that a few times. It sort of made sense considering most of the people who move into this room end up dying in some brutal way.

"It has this aura about it. It really does feel like a Room of Death," Lee said with a laugh. He grabbed Kara's hand and lead her out into his office. Kara tried to get her heart to stop beating out of control. Lee had not initiated contact between them in months. She had no idea why he was doing it now.

Still holding her hand, Lee gestured down to a pile of supplies sitting below the briefing table. "I really don't want it to stay that way. So I figured you could help."

Kara's eyes went wide as she took in what was probably the only interior paint left in the world. "Is that what I think it is?"

"You want a room painted, you go to a painter," Lee said.

Kara let her bag of possessions drop to the ground and let go of Lee's hand with only a small tinge of regret. She leaned her body down to take a closer look. "So the Old Man and you got me over here to paint your office?"

"And my quarters," Lee added. "I don't want to sleep in the Room of Death, either."

"I still don't understand why you're not in uniform," Kara said. She was already opening the paints and testing the colors on the back of her hand. It was a lot easier to focus on the wonderful supplies in front of her rather than the thoughts in her head. Because if she wasn't trying to control them, they would be racing right about now. It made no sense why she was here with Lee, and she had a feeling he wasn't going to explain.

"I couldn't get paint stains on my dress blues. There aren't that many left."

Kara looked over her shoulder to give him a funny look. "You're painting, too?"

Lee laughed and crouched down on the ground next to her. His body brushed against hers, and Kara had to hold back a moan. "Of course I'm painting, too. I figured it might be a nice way for me to unwind after the complete mess of a day I've had."

Kara nodded. She wasn't sure how to take the fact that Lee had purposefully arranged to spend time alone with her. "I think we should paint your quarters blue," she said, pointing to the can of navy paint. "You seem like a blue kind of guy."

"It's my favorite color," Lee replied.

Kara turned to smile at him, and she could feel her heart fall a little more. More than anything, she had missed being around him. It was odd how quickly she had come to need Lee in her life. They hadn't even known each other for a full year, and she really couldn't imagine her life without him.

Trying to ignore the distracting thoughts floating in her head, Kara grabbed the can of paint and two brushes. She stood up and began walking into Lee's personal quarters. When Lee didn't follow her immediately, she called over her shoulder, "Let's do this, flyboy."

She stumbled in her tracks a little when she realized she had once again casually used that word, but Lee just kept walking behind her. He either wasn't commenting or he didn't pick up on it. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Right now, it probably would be a lot easier if Lee would just tell her what this was really about.

Once Kara had crossed the threshold into Lee's personal quarters, something shifted, and Lee started asking her a million questions about the things she had done that day. It didn't take Kara long to figure out why. "You miss it, don't you?" she said, interrupting his current question.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lee said.

Kara wanted to laugh. He had been painting the same two inches for the past five minutes because he was too busy listening to her describe every detail of the shuttle runs. He knew what she was talking about. "You miss flying. Being the Commander and all, it's probably been weeks since you've seen the inside of a cockpit."

Lee sighed and set down his brush. "Yeah, I miss it. You know, I transferred to the reserves right before I came to Galactica for its decommissioning ceremony. I was supposed to stop flying by the end of the solar year."

"That would have been stupid of you," Kara pointed out.

"Yeah, I know that now. Flying is in my blood, and it always has been. My love for it has nothing to do with what my father wanted. _I'm_ the one that wanted to be a Viper pilot. I was just too stupid to admit it."

Kara listened to Lee, all the time wondering when he had gotten so sad. His shoulders had a wilt to them that wasn't there before. It was almost as if he had this huge weight on his back that he couldn't let go of. She could feel the guilt rising up inside of her. She had been a part of the reason why that weight got to be so large. Looking down at her hands, she played with the ends of her brush until an idea popped into her head. "You know what else was stupid?"

"What?" Lee said, turning to look at her.

"Taking your eyes off of me." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Kara smacked her paintbrush up against his cheek. Lee looked completely shocked, so she couldn't help but smack the other one. "Now you have a matching pair," she said proudly.

Lee narrowed his eyes before pushing her face lightly into the wall. He pulled her back to see her nose was now a light shade of navy.

What came next was an all-out war, full of pushing, shoving, and cheating. Kara tried to ignore the way Lee's hands kept finding a way to rest on her body as they both set themselves up for the next round of attacks. She tried to pay no attention to the way he was smiling at her. It had been months since he had given her this predatory look. It was similar to the way he looked at her while they were on Caprica rather than the way he had looked at her that day in the bunkroom when they were both drinking and he decided it would be a good time to frak the living daylights out of her.

Kara hated the way that having Lee touch her in such a uncomplicated way put her whole body on edge.

If she was thinking rationally, this whole situation should be simple. No other man had ever had this effect on her so therefore she should not be afraid to want him. True to her nature, though, she had fraked it up and now Lee didn't want to bother. He wasn't going to want a broken woman like her when he had Dee and all the perfection that comes along with her.

Her thoughts were pulled away from that unwelcome topic when Lee swooped in to push her against the wall, effectively covering her whole backside with paint. He held her there for a moment too long, and Kara thought for a moment he was actually going to kiss her. Then, whatever was in the air shifted, and they went back to the pushing and shoving.

By the time the fight was over, they were both on the floor, gasping for air between fits of laughter. Their clothes had large navy slash marks across them that extended onto the skin of their arms and neck and face. Kara's hair had so much paint in it that it looked like there were blue highlights.

Lee continued to stare at the odd combination of blue and blonde as he laid his back against the floor. "Blue is your color, Kara."

Kara let out a chuckle and leaned back against the non-painted wall. There was a comfortable silence between them as they both wound down from their little scuffle. "That was fun," Lee sighed. "It's been ages since I've done something as stupid as a paint fight."

Kara nodded, but her smile quickly faded as she realized this was probably coming to an end. "I'm sure you have better things to be doing, what with the relocation and everything."

Lee's hand reached out to grab her ankle before she could set herself to push off the floor. "You don't have to go, Kara. I don't have any meetings to attend until tomorrow. It seems my father thought I needed a break."

"Your father's a smart man," Kara agreed. Her nose wrinkled as her hand ran through her hair and came out blue. "Oh gross."

Lee laughed as he picked himself off the ground. "That's one of the perks of being Commander." He pointed to a small door on the side of his quarters. "Bathroom's right there." Lee looked around the room for a moment before nodding. "I think that's about all we're going to get accomplished today so I'm going to hit the showers."

"I'll just make myself useful around the Beast," Kara said as she stood up.

"No, don't go," Lee insisted. "The least I can do is let you take a shower in the private bathroom as a reward for helping me."

"You don't mind me sticking around your quarters?" Kara said. She was surprised. From what she has been told by the pilots, Lee pretty much kept his life outside his job private. Barely anyone had seen his office, let alone his personal quarters. Granted, Kara wasn't just anyone, but she wasn't sure if she had earned this kind of trust.

"Make yourself at home," Lee called over his shoulder, "but please don't ruin anything. I won't be that long."

Kara waited until she heard the water begin to run and then she started exploring. There weren't many personal items around the room, but Kara figured that was only because Lee had never had many belongings. All the other pilots on Galactica and Pegasus had been on active duty. They had possessions that were acquired over years. Lee had only meant to be on Galactica a weekend at most when the Cylons attacked.

Kara walked over to his desk and picked up the first stack of papers. It looked like Lee was trying to map out a new routine for CAPs. "Not bad," she muttered, flipping through the first pages. She picked a random spot to begin and started penciling in the necessary corrections. CAPs were going to be hard when you barely had enough pilots. Keeping them effective would be even more of a challenge. They couldn't afford to relax for a second. The Cylons were going to attack at some point. Figuring out when that might be was the only uncertainty.

Her eyes caught on a piece of paper and Lee's familiar scrawl. Kara had always loved the complexity in how a man so neat in the way he presented himself could be so messy in his handwriting. She wasn't even going to mention the atrocity that was his desk both here and back on Galactica when he had been CAG. She traced the rhythm of the writing with her finger and smiled. She could practically feel his frantic concern about getting his ideas on the settlement down on paper.

"Something interesting?"

Kara set the paper down on the desk quickly and turned to face Lee. "I wasn't snooping," she insisted. Lee looked at her skeptically as he ran a towel through his hair, and it gave Kara a moment to take in the fact that he was standing in front of her half naked. She was just happy the gods gave her a little break and kept the small towels on the shelf. She couldn't take it if there was another infamous towel slipping incident like when that reporter made the morale boosting video on Galactica.

"You can look at whatever you want," Lee said casually as if it was nothing for the Commander of a colonial battlestar to be offering to a Captain. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a handful of clothes. He held them out for Kara to take. "You can put these on once you get the paint off your body."

Kara could feel herself blush as his eyes dropped down to look at what seemed like every inch of her body. She grabbed the clothes and threw a few words of thanks over her shoulder as she ran away from his gaze. The clothes were thrown to the side of the small bathroom, and Kara braced herself up against the counter. She lifted her head to stare at her reflection in the mirror.

"I can do this," she whispered to herself. She repeated it again and again until it sounded almost convincing.

Peeling off her tanks and pants, she threw them into a pile in the corner on top of Lee's blue-stained clothes. She opened the shower stall and stepped in. The water beat down onto her back, and she couldn't help but moan at the pressure. The pilots' showers were nothing like this. Kara swore softly to herself when she realized she had left her bag out in the middle of Lee's office. It looked like she was just going to have to steal some soap from Lee.

Kara hadn't even realized how much it would hurt until the slight sandalwood smell of the soap assaulted her nose. It smelled so much like Lee, and she knew this was probably as close as she would be getting to him.

"I can be happy with this," she insisted. These little moments and encounters were all she was going to have. She had known that when she told the Old Man that she was staying up in space. Lee had chosen to move on with his life, and that meant he had moved away from her. Kara was determined to claw and fight for any second she could get with him, even if it added up to more pain. It had taken her far to long to understand she needed Lee Adama in her life. There was no way she could make that go away.

Rinsing the soap out of her hair, she tried her best to come up with a way to warrant regular visits to Lee and the Pegasus. There wasn't going to be a lot of time now that half the crew was gone. Too much had to be done, but Kara figured the Old Man might take pity on her. She would just have to start cooking up schemes about why she needed to use her off-shifts to get things done on Pegasus.

Kara pulled on the clothes Lee gave her after drying off. She wasn't stupid enough to go out there in a towel like he did. He might have some self-control, but she most certainly did not. If for one moment he looked at her with half the desire she had just felt for him, her towel would be on the floor and she would be throwing herself into his arms. She wasn't sure if he would catch her.

"Better safe than sorrow," Kara said, smoothing the front of the sweatpants as she took a deep breath.

Lee was at his desk working on something when she stepped back into the bedroom. His legs were kicked up on the edge of the desk, but thankfully, he had taken their time apart to get dressed. "All done?" he said, looking up with a smile.

"That place is fraking amazing." Kara walked over and took a seat on his desk. Her knee brushed against his leg, and she let out a sigh. She really had missed this.

"Thanks for helping with the CAP rotations," Lee said, gesturing to the papers in front of him.

"No problem," Kara said. Taking a deep breath, her fingers ran through her wet hair as she tried her best to not focus on the man sitting before her. "You know, I think the Old Man enjoyed dropping me off at your hatch without letting me in on the reason why I was here. It was like he was getting high off my complete surprise."

"He always did like to surprise people," Lee said. He set down his work to focus on her. "He's been doing it for years to Zak and I."

"I wish for once that I could figure out a way to surprise _him_."

Lee watched Kara for a moment. His father didn't have to tell him that Kara had broken things off with Anders now that the pyramid player had joined the remnants of humanity. Her choosing to stay with the Fleet said it all, though he still couldn't believe she was actually here. "It's not that hard to surprise the Old Man. I mean, only the other day, I left him completely speechless."

Kara's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "No fraking way. How?"

Lee's eyes scanned her face for a moment. If he told her the truth, they would be stepping back over a line he knew they had both sworn to never cross again. Then again, he had done a lot of things he never intended to do since meeting Kara Thrace. "I told him the new XO of my ship was going to be sharing my quarters with me. If that's what she wants, of course."

Kara tensed for a moment as she struggled to maintain control and keep her disappointment to herself. When she realized it was impossible, she turned her eyes away from Lee as her whole face fell.

Lee's feet dropped to the ground as his mind start racing in an effort to figure out what exactly he had done wrong. Kara looked upset. Obviously he had said something he shouldn't have.

Kara looked down at her hands. She really wasn't sure she could meet Lee's eyes for this next part. She had let herself form a little bubble of happiness. Sometimes being with Lee made her forget there were other things going on outside their relationship. At least he had reminded her before she did something stupid like profess her undying love for him. It seemed like that kind of thing was always on the tip of her tongue.

"Right," she said, nodding. She summed up every last bit of courage and looked up at Lee. "So where is Dee, by the way? I would think she'd want input in this painting job we're doing."

"Dee went planetside this morning with the rest of the transfers. She wanted to help President Ros-" Lee caught himself. "-Laura and Billy with the establishment of their school program

"I don't understand. How can Dee be helping out down on New Caprica when she's supposed to be taking on the XO position up here?"

Lee smiled. That was the dense Kara he knew and loved. Of course she would have no idea he was slowly maneuvering her to the exact place she belonged. "You've got it all wrong."

"Do I?" Kara said, giving him an doubtful look.

Lee reached up to brush her hair out of her face, and he couldn't help but let his hand linger on her cheek. This felt right. "You're being transferred, Kara."

"What?"

"Congratulations. You're going to be the XO of the Pegasus."

Kara looked confused at first, but then her eyes went wide as she started putting together the pieces. "You… you were talking about sharing your quarters with me before?"

Lee smirked. "Among other things, yeah, I was hoping you would want to make this place your home. I figured it would make those midnight planning meetings a lot easier." Kara reached her hand up to where he was cradling her face and pinched him hard. "Ow," Lee hissed, jumping back in his chair. "What the frak was that for?"

Kara hopped off the desk. She needed a little distance right now. "I wanted to make sure this was really happening."

"Frak, Kara. You pinch _yourself _when you think you're dreaming, not someone else."

Kara shrugged. "My way hurts less. Besides, it worked, didn't it?"

Lee glared at her before looking down to where his hand was already starting to bruise. "I knew this was a bad decision when the Old Man suggested it. I told him you and I would kill each other, but did he listen? No! He said he had confidence we would work out our issues." He stopped babbling a moment to look over at her. He suddenly realized what his words must sound like to her. "I want you here, Kara. Don't get me wrong. I'm just afraid that we might end up being the death of each other."

"Bright, shiny futures were never for us," Kara said with a smirk.

"I'd like to fight for one if it isn't too much trouble."

Kara's mouth dropped open. Lee had never been that honest with her before. Yet she still couldn't let herself believe he was saying what she wanted him to say. She had to be sure. "I'm… I'm not sure I get what you're saying to me."

Lee chuckled. He was pretty sure he had spelled it out to her, but if she needed more, than he would give it to her. "We're a special kind of fraked-up, you and me. We're going to drive each other mad, but I'm not sure we can be sane with anyone else. Whatever this is between us, it's the only thing that's made sense in my life for a long, long while."

Kara found she couldn't even look at Lee. She was afraid that even acknowledging what he was saying would point out just how big of a mistake he was making. Kara knew she was no good for Lee. She never had been.

Her hands reached down to play with the hem of the sweatshirt he had given her, and for the first time, she realized what she had on. It was no wonder she felt so completely comfortable. Lee had given her the sweatshirt she stole from him and held hostage for five months.

Kara decided it was a good thing she was the type of woman who believed in signs from the gods. Smiling, she moved to sit in Lee's lap. She could feel his arms tighten around her body to pull her into a hug, and she knew they were both holding on for dear life. "How did we get so fraked up?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Lee sighed. "I just know that I want to fix it."

Kara pulled back in order to look into his eyes. It seemed she had been lost from the start. Putting _everything_ on the line wasn't that big of a stretch now. She bit her lip in a rather obvious display of nerves, but not even that could hold it in any longer. "I love you, Lee. You know that right?"

"I do now," he said, grinning up at her. "I love you, too, Kara."

She leaned in to rest her forehead against his. She had been scared to death he wouldn't say it back. That after all they had been through, she still wasn't going to get to love him. "Are you as scared about this as I am?"

"I'm terrified," Lee said with a smile. "It's great, isn't it?"

"Fraking wonderful."

They kept their eyes locked with one another for what felt like an eternity before Lee finally asked, "So have you thought about my proposition?"

"What proposition?"

"The shared quarters," Lee reminded her. "I went to a lot of trouble to win that fight with my father. It would be a shame if you turned me down."

Kara looked over at the bed and then back at Lee. "Just answer me one question. Have you been sleeping in that bed alone this whole time?"

Lee thought about lying to her and telling her he had never had another woman in that bed. Then he remembered what lies and omissions had done to them in the past. He had faith in Kara. She'd understand. "I've been sleeping alone in that bed since I heard you were staying with the Fleet instead of going down to New Caprica."

Kara pushed herself out of his arms and got to her feet. She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. "I don't think I can ask for more than that," she admitted.

Lee sat at his desk and watched as she took her time, sliding the pants he had given her to the floor. She scooted her body back into the middle of the bed. "I could get used to living in this kind of luxury." She let out a happy sigh as she closed her eyes and focused in on the soft sheets.

"Good thing. Because if there's any position you can't back out of on this ship, it's being XO. You're with me for life, Kara."

Her eyes shot open. "Do you really mean that?"

Lee was surprised to realize that he did. He wanted Kara to be his for as long as they were still fighting the good fight. He didn't want to lose her again. "I want you, Kara. I always have, and I always will."

"You love me," she reminded him. "And there are absolutely no take backs."

Lee got to his feet and joined her on the bed. "I wouldn't dream of taking it back."

Kara grabbed the hem of his tanks and pulled them over his head. They landed in a heap by her pants. "Good." Her hands twisted in the chain of his dog tags, and she yanked his body down on top of hers. "Because I love you too much to let you take it back," she whispered.

Lee leaned down to brush a feather light kiss across her lips. The hesitance of the first kiss only lasted a few seconds, and then Kara's nails were clawing at his back in order to pull him closer. Her mouth opened to him, and he felt himself losing control like he always did when she was around.

Lee pulled back to look at her, doing his best to slow this down. He had had the quick, hurried frak, and that wasn't what he wanted anymore.

Still staring at her intently, he slowly pushed up the old cotton material and lowered his mouth to her bare breasts. His tongue teased her nipple as her hands tightened in his hair, drawing his head closer. His lips tightened, sending shivers rolling straight through her body. "I don't think my sweatshirt's looked any better than it does right now," he whispered against her skin.

Kara bit her lip as a wave of guilt passed over her. "I need to confess something, Lee. I took your sweatshirt."

"Actually, I gave it to you," Lee said. He pressed closer to her and let out a small groan. He had missed the feel of her.

"No, I mean I took your sweatshirt when we got back from Caprica and I kept it for months."

Lee let out a small laugh. "Well, I guess it's comforting to know that even if I couldn't touch you, at least my clothing could. I should thank you for returning it." Kara was going to ask what he meant by that, but she didn't have time, seeing as how he was already leaning in to kiss her. She lost herself in the gentle weight laying on top of her.

Lee wrenched his mouth from hers, trailing kisses along her neck, her ear, as his hands explored her firm stomach, the small arch to her waist, the generous curve of her hip. Her skin felt like silk against the calloused hands of a man who had spent years flying a Viper for the colonies.

After a moment, Kara pulled away from his touch. Lee followed the path of her eyes to see she was staring at the small puckering scar from the bullet wound he had sustained a few months earlier. Without a word, Kara traced the pink outline with her fingers and then leaned in to place a tender kiss on the area. Lee knew it was her way of apologizing, and he tilted her chin up so he could kiss her properly. He didn't need nor did he want her apology. There wasn't anything to feel guilty about.

Lee's touch pushed away the pain in her eyes, and a quiet fury came over them as they worked to shed their remaining pieces of clothing. They were both in a hurry and wanting to go slow at the exact same time, which resulted in tanks and undergarments being thrown left and right while they didn't break the connection of their lips.

Lee wished he could take her on a ride like he had the first few times they made love, but he didn't have the strength to hold himself back. As he reached down and found her ready for him, he hoped she'd let him make it up to her later.

"Stop fraking around," Kara hissed against his lips.

Lee wanted to laugh. He should have known she would find a way to yell at him just when he was about to push himself inside of her. She was a special kind of woman.

"Kara," Lee whispered as he pulled away from her eager kisses. He waited until she was looking at him before continuing, "I love you."

He watched her mouth open and knew she was about to say it back, but he couldn't wait. Lifting her knee up, he pushed himself inside of her at just the right angle to make her cry out. "Oh gods," he hissed. He had forgotten what this was like.

Lee heard Kara muttering something softly as he started moving to a gentle rhythm. It took him awhile to realize she was saying I love you. When he did, he lost all semblance of control. Holding her tightly against him, he pulled their bodies up to sit on the mattress, and together they moved towards the point of breaking.

Kara held his lips to hers in a long, searing kiss as her body finally gave in to the pleasure it was feeling. She tightened around Lee, and it wasn't too long before he was releasing himself deep inside of her.

Kara knew this was probably the most happily vulnerable moment of her life, and for the first time, she didn't fight it. Instead she hung on to it, to Lee, as tight as she could while her mind started to catch up with her body.

Lee pulled back a few inches to cradle her face in his hands and whisper a few light kisses across her skin. "Gods, I can't even begin to describe how much I've missed you, Kara."

Kara smiled and moved her mouth the few precious inches it took to be kissing him again. "I missed you, too."

When his pounding heart had finally been calmed by her kisses, Lee withdrew himself from her and pulled her body down to lay against the bed. He still couldn't believe he actually had her in his arms.

"It's a good thing we found New Caprica," Kara muttered, tucking herself into the crook of his arm.

"Why's that?"

"Because otherwise you'd have a lot of work to do and your father would get mad because I would never give you time to do it."

"Is that right?"

"That's right. I mean, gods damn, Lee," she said, chuckling softly. "You and I are never going to leave this fraking bed."

Lee smiled. "There it is then. Bright, shiny future. Mission accomplished."

Kara was about to start arguing with him when she realized he was right. It wasn't the type of thing she fantasized about when she was a little girl, but in its own right, being able to be with Lee here on the Pegasus was her own version of a bright, shiny future. They had really done it. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?" Kara asked.

"We'll make it through," Lee assured her. "The Old Man and I aren't going to rest until we're one hundred percent sure the Fleet is safe on this planet. If the Cylons show up, we'll be ready."

Lee could feel the tension leaving Kara's body as she relaxed against him. "Good. I'm already growing attached to this bright, shiny future. I wouldn't want to see it go to waste."

"Get some sleep," Lee said, brushing a kiss across the top of her head. "You've had a very long day."

Kara was about to agree and let herself drift off to oblivion when something suddenly occurred to her. "We're not done talking about things."

"What's there to say?"

"I want to make something clear about Anders." She felt Lee stiffen at the mention of her ex-fiancé's name, but she wasn't going to chicken out. She had something to say. "I was confused when we were on Caprica, Lee, but when we got back to the Fleet, I knew what my choice was going to be. I was always going to pick you." Her fingers drew lazy circles on his chest as she continued, "I didn't think it was fair to Sam to tell you until I had spoken with him. I had to wait until I got my rescue mission."

"It didn't help that I started seeing Dee."

Kara shook her head. "She was good for you."

"She wasn't you," Lee insisted. "She could never be what I wanted or needed if she wasn't you."

Kara leaned in to kiss him, but it wasn't too long until her lips spread into a large yawn. At that moment, she realized Lee had been right. She had had a long day of doors opening and closing in her life, and it was starting to take a toll. "Do you really think I'm cut out to be your XO?" she asked sleepily.

"No," Lee deadpanned. "It was just the only way I could think of to coax you into my bed."

"I always knew you were a brilliant tactician."

Kara shut her eyes and let out a deep breath. She could feel the heat of Lee's body next to hers. She could hear the soft beating of his heart. She felt the gentle pressure of his arms where he held her tight, and suddenly she could understand it. This was the reason people got up each morning and fought for the right to keep on fighting.

It was so simple that she wondered why she had never realized it before. Smiling, she snuggled in a little closer to the man she loved.

Bright, shiny futures were far from overrated.


End file.
